A
Journey
Deep
By Beth Reason
Copyright 2013 Beth Reason
Smashwords Edition
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
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Table Of Contents:
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
About the author
Chapter1
My life had changed and I was trying to decide how I felt about it.
I'd packed already. I'd
gotten the handful of possessions that had crammed my sleeping
quarters for the past fifteen years shoved into my dad's old
backpack. He said he "dusted it off" for me. I guess that's just
another one of those sayings everyone assumed I understood. I
didn't. What's dust? I could tell you what my HuTA would say.
Probably something like, "Dust is a settled layer of formerly
airborne particles, comprised of dirt, pollen, skin flakes..." I
understood the concept, I'd just never lived with it. And I didn't
understand why you'd actually
Mother's had been going on and on about a million things like that. Sunscreen. Mosquitoes. Humidity. "Wiping your feet, young man," whatever that meant. She'd still be going on, in fact, if I was still with her. I was in the jump seat all geared out and even with her half a ship away, I swear I could hear her. She's just got that kind of voice that carries.
"Don't let her get to you. You'll settle in just fine."
"I don't want to settle in, Dad."
I suppose I did make up my mind after all. Maybe it was when I was packing up. Maybe it was when I was filing my day's work with HuTA for the last time. Maybe that's when it hit me. Maybe it was Mother's nattering that made up my mind about it. Or maybe I hated this all along, whenever Dad would start to talk about Earth and "home". Maybe I've always hated the idea of going there.
"Going back," is how Dad put it.
Back? Home? No way. It
might be
"Do you just want me gone?"
Not only did Dad and Mother jump all over that one, the whole crew did, the geeks and squeaks included. It makes me feel a little better about my time with them all, even though I know that some of them were only saying it to save face in front of the others. Jenna would miss me. Stephan, he should, too, since I'd spent a year and a half doing all his work when Mother wasn't looking. Daniel, of course, since I'm the only one who's ever liked his cooking. Dad said it's only because I didn't know any better. Maybe that's true, but so what? Who was going to tell Daniel he was doing a good job and mean it once I left? I hope someone did.
Xavier was glad I was going. He hated me my whole life. I used to let it bother me, but for the last few years I just accepted it, especially when I got old enough to realize he's really just a jerk. It's not personal. I really think he just doesn't like anyone.
"He's got a difficult job, Jakey. He's got to plot and plan every move this ship makes. It's a big responsibility, and a little kid poking around in his business makes it ten times harder."
Mother always calls me Jakey. I gave up trying to correct her. It's simply not worth it. Besides, as Ashnahta pointed out last year, it's the only time she does not sound like a scientist.
Ashnahta. I never even got to say good-bye to her.
Yes, my mind was most definitely made up. I hated going. I hate everything about it. If they cared about their "home" so much, then shouldn't they have been the ones to jump home? Leave me here, in my home, I wanted to scream. I was almost a man. I've had more training than any of them in every aspect of this space ship. Unlike them, I'd lived and breathed it since birth. They always told me it's unnatural, that it's an unnatural life to live. That's crap! It's my nature. It was then, and it still is now. The wires are my trees. The plasma projections are my scenic views. I used to wake up in my apartment and walk the mile and a half loop around my metal ship road, passing by my neighbors and listening to the chirps of the machinery and feel the warmth of the lamps on my face. How is that different from Earth, really?
"The air you breathe is fake."
No. It's just pure.
"And the water you wash with has been generated by machine, not clouds."
It's the same cycle, just on a smaller scale.
"You've never wiggled your toes in the sand."
Of course not! The thought was utterly disgusting to me.
"Or caught a fish for your dinner."
Like...an animal?
"Or just sat under the night sky and looked up at the stars."
It always came down to that with Dad. The same argument over and over. And always, I would say to him, "Aha! I have you on that. I'm surrounded by stars!"
He always got sad. "It's just not the same, Jake."
He wanted me to find out. Mother wanted me to find out. Everyone on deck wanted me to find out, except Stephan. And not one of them could tell me why. Or, more importantly, why then? Why were they all suddenly hellbent on shoving me out the door all of a sudden?
Ashnahta would be dead when I got back. That thought rolled through my head over and over like a wave of air sickness. She would be dead and gone, just a memory, when I got back. If I got back.
If.
The life cycle of the Qitan is short. She was only about seven, by our human years, but already a full adult. Dad likes to talk about the amazement of the species that can only live about twenty years in our times and yet become so advanced. "I'll live to a hundred, and I won't know half as much by the time I die."
"It is because we have learned what is important, and what is stupid," Ashnahta told me when I asked about it. "You waste time. We have none to waste."
I don't waste time. Everything I do has a purpose, and I got highly offended when she claimed otherwise. She just laughed and laughed. "Of course you do not," she said when she was done laughing at me. "You are a space man, not an Earth man. We have them, too."
The Qitan had been space-faring longer than any other "tribe". Species is the term we use, but Ashnahta and her people got very angry when they learned the definition. I remember her mothers and how they raged at my mother about teaching her young "such vile ideas". It was a horrible day for the adults. I was only twelve at the time and was just fascinated that anyone could yell at Mother and get away with it. Not even Xavier does that.
It wasn't until we were back on board that night that Mother sat me down and explained why they were mad, and why it's important I agree with them. "They have two legs, two arms, one head. They look different on the outside, but they have brains and stomachs and kidneys. They are right, and I was wrong. I almost cost this program all we've worked for. You remember that when you are around any of them. You adopt that philosophy and you'll become more valuable to this mission than anyone else on board. We look different, but we are the same."
"Even the Ehkins?"
I love Mother, but sometimes her way of looking at things is not even on the same planet as mine. She never liked the Ehkin tribes, not at all. The whole year we orbited and contacted, she was restless, annoyed. She constantly told Xavier he should pack and move on, go find "intelligent" life. They were intelligent, the Ehkin. Just not in the ways that interested Mother. They had no space travel, because they did not care to mine the ores in their planet. They had no weapons, because they saw no reason to kill anything. Mother called the whole planet a "technological waste". She would insist up and down that our discovery of them was "scientifically intriguing", then beg Xavier to move on in the same breath. HuTA told me the word I was looking for to describe that mindset was "prejudice", but when I got the direct meaning of that, I disagreed with HuTA and it ended up giving me extra homework. Not prejudice. That seems too...mean. Mother wasn't being mean about it. She was...bored? Hoping for more? I don't know. She didn't wish them harm. In their presence, she always treated them with respect. And she allowed me to play with the one they called "Little Blob". That's the best translation HuTA and I came up with. It was a good name. He really wasn't much more than a little blob.
The Qitan knew about the Ehkin. They shared a sun. They insisted that even though there were many differences, the Ehkin were also one of their tribe. Mother rarely shouted, but I remember one night, not long after the mothers of Ashnahta got angry, that Mother vented on Dad for hours.
"I don't understand what the Qitan see in the Ehkin, Lance. I just don't. They don't even have eyes, for god's sake! They aren't the same species, and I'm not being mean by pointing that out."
"Now, Eunice, calm down. It's just a difference in the way you see the world..."
"A difference? It's science, Lance! Science! And science cannot be ignored! We are not the same as the Qitan. We just aren't. And Morhal's assertion that we're anything at all like the Ehkin is...well, it's downright offensive! They don't even know how to make a spear. We're talking cavemen, Lance. Less than!"
It was one of those nights where I felt very bad for Dad. Mother was both right and wrong, and I could see both sides of it. Maybe it helped that I had Little Blob for a friend. Maybe that made me appreciate them. So he didn't have eyes. So what? He was still the first friend I had off ship. He would lead me around and show me his world. His parents got mad at him when he strayed too far. I could hear the thoughts in mine. Feelings, more like it. They speak with feelings.
Maybe that's it right there, why Mother cannot "hear" them. She's too interested in science and not in feelings. If she'd just put down the com, stop taking data samples, and forget that DNA exists, she might have a better time with them.
Little Blob cried for me when I left. He has no eyes. He eats through osmosis. He can't ever run on two legs because he hasn't got any. But he cried for me when I left. He's my tribe.
And then just about a year later, I made my best friend, Ashnahta. While we were orbiting the Ehkin home planet, we received an invitation from the Qitani. The Qitani satisfied Mother's science side. It's why we've spent so much time here on what Xavier insists is called v-2447 and what the Qitan have really named Laak'sa. All the crew but Xavier calls it Laak'sa. Dad outright ordered Xavier to call it that as well. "I outrank you by a lifetime, Xavier!" Dad reminded him.
"It's on my charts as v-2447 and that's what I'm calling it."
"But it's not ours to name you...you..."
"Watch it, Captain. Your brat's right there."
Laak'sa is a Qitani word that means "Peaceful Center". HuTA said it is almost a mythological reference, that the center has something to do with the soul. Or a god. Something like that. He must be right, because the people themselves are so far from peaceful that it can't be literal. I was allowed to meet Ashnahta only because it was unsafe for me to interact with anyone without knowing their customs. Morhal, a great leader and Ashnahta's primary mother, told my mother that whenever I was on their soil, I must have Ashnahta by my side.
Ashnahta was not shy. Why should she be? She is the daughter of the two leaders of Laak'sa and could pretty much do whatever she wanted. There was nothing to be shy about for her, so she wasn't. Or very nice, for that matter. Not at first, anyway. She did not know my language and it was clear it would be my job to learn hers since it was beneath her to learn mine. I'm the one that had to suffer the embarrassment of trying to get my tongue to make the weird slurring words they use. It was almost a year of torture before she accidentally let it slip that she could communicate like the Ehkin. She was "talking" to a friend of hers in her language, and I was listening, trying hard to translate in my head, when all of a sudden it all clicked and I understood exactly what she was saying. She was telling her friend that my clothing was particularly silly that day, and wondering why it was I did nothing at all to try and make myself look less like a joke. Something to that effect.
"It's not my fault I need a suit here," I said in my defense.
She turned to me quickly. "What?"
"My suit. I know it's stupid, but I have to wear it. I'm sorry it's not as nice as your jewels." That's what I meant, though I doubt that's exactly what I said.
She was frowning. "I wasn't talking about your suit," she said slowly. And then I heard, or felt is more like it, her ask her friend if she thought I could inspeak. Her friend said that "none of them" could. I heard, or felt, it. But her friend wasn't speaking.
It was natural. I could do it without even trying. It was simply how Little Blob and I spoke. I couldn't teach you how to do it. It just...is. I got mad when I realized they could speak the same way. "You mean I've spent this past year making myself look like a moron trying to say your impossible words when we could have just done this all along?" I didn't say it out loud. I didn't have to. And while in spoken language there are things that never translate, in feelings, in thoughts, the brain automatically puts the ideas in terms the other can understand without trying. I was angry because I felt like I had been tricked for the amusement of others. Ashnahta was just astounded that I was smart enough to inspeak. That offended me even more until she explained that her primary had been trying all year to teach Mother or Dad or anyone on the crew to do the same.
We have had many hours of many days in mutual thought on this subject. I think I'm right when I say that the adults can't do it because they learned early on that they could not and accepted it. No one inspeaks on Earth. In fact, I have it on HuTA's authority that those who try are considered ridiculous on Earth. When Mother found out I could inspeak, she believed it was something Little Blob did to me, no matter how much I've tried to convince her otherwise. He did nothing to me. He just talked. And I heard.
Maybe Mother
Morhal learned our language. She had several others learn it as well. Mother and Dad struggled, but got Qitani down to a passable level. And then the adults who could finally understand each other spent their days and sometimes nights exchanging information and we children were left alone.
I was a child, anyway. Ashnahta was quickly becoming a lady. I couldn't understand. I still almost don't, to tell you the truth. I was fifteen, almost sixteen, in human years. I was just starting to get a mustache. I'd finally grown into my space suit and no longer had to hold it on with straps and belts and tape. And I could see out of the entire helmet. And yet, I was no where near being a man. I was not an adult. And Ashnahta, she was half my age, and she was being pressured to wed and have her family. When I actually sat and tried to wrap my head around it, when I tried to compare to what I knew of my own progression, the stories of my parents and the crew members, it was just too great of a difference for my mind to overcome. So, I simply didn't. I did what my parents and the other adults on board could not...I ignored it. I accepted the difference and moved on. There was no need to hyper analyze every single detail. If I did, I'd be in the same rut as the adults. I didn't want to be in a rut. I just wanted to play with my friends.
Everything on Laak'sa is fast. Mother staunchly insisted that it's the same on any planet. Not v-2445, Little Blob's home world that has no native name. Everything is slow and easy there. But Mother says everywhere else is as fast as life on Laak'sa. I don't know if that's true. My world was a small metal ball rolling through the universe. It took time to get anywhere new, even when we'd wormhole. There are moments of hustle on any ship, when an alarm goes off, or if I'd overslept and had to get to the de-con chamber for it's daily cleaning before Dad got around to inspections. But nothing is exactly fast in a tin can. It's not a fast life. Mother always said I was going to grow up lazy if I didn't get "home" and "learn how things really work".
I wanted to live on Laak'sa. "If you want to kick me out so bad, kick me out there."
Mother was horrified. Even Dad shook his head.
"What? What's so wrong with that?"
I was sitting there, ready and waiting to jump. Dad was next to me, trying not to look like he was going to cry. And I couldn't stop thinking about it. Ashnahta. If they wanted me gone, that was fine. But not once did I get a reasonable excuse as to why I couldn't just live with her.
"But she's my only friend."
Mother walked away then. Dad patted my shoulder and started talking about inter-species relationships and I got so mad that he still wouldn't think of them as a tribe that I stormed out and wouldn't listen to the rest.
Little Blob was my tribe. Ashnahta was my tribe. Hell, even grumpy old Xavier was my tribe. I belonged in the tin can. Or on Laak'sa. Or even the Ehkin home world. They could drop me off there.
Ashnahta always told me I was not a human. She didn't say it in a mean way. She just meant I was different. "We have space people who live away from Laak'sa. Born on the rocks, like you." They call their space ships and stations rocks, like meteors. It makes more sense to me than calling ours a "ship". I have seen pictures of ships on Earth. They sail on water and are shaped like bananas. I live in a circle of metal that rolls through space...like a meteor. I never shared that revelation with Mother. I doubt she would have appreciated it.
"What happens when they come home?" I asked Ashnahta. I did not know at the time that I'd be leaving. It puts a whole different spin on the conversation looking back now.
"We think they are odd. They come home to get a wife and to settle a family before they leave again."
"They don't stay?"
"Why would they? They live in rocks."
I lived in a rock. I always had. I always thought I would. Was I going to be treated like the Qitani treat their space travelers?
"When you jump, your body will not like it," Dad said for the hundredth time.
"I know."
"It'll be like our jumps without gas, only worse since you have a ship as a point of reference for your mind. And you're going to feel sick as a dog for about a week. Like you're trying to catch up to yourself."
"I know."
"And then it'll feel kind of like it's all slamming in to you."
"And I'm to lay there and let the doctors take care of me and wait it out and do exactly as I'm told."
Dad gave me a small smile. "I sound like a broken record, don't I?"
I shrugged. Who knows?
He sighed. "Oh, Jake." He patted my leg through my gear. "I can't believe this day has come. I'm really going to miss you, you know."
"You don't have to send me away."
"I'm not. I'm sending you home."
"It's not..."
He held his hand up. "It is. You just don't know it. Your mother and I...we didn't ever mean to put you in this place. What a crappy childhood. If we had only understood what it would mean..."
I did not want to hear anything like that. "I had a good childhood."
He gave a sad laugh. "Playing with wires and robots? That's not a childhood. You should have been making mud pies and catching frogs. You should have had detentions and gotten your hair pulled. You should have skinned your knees and caught fire flies and ridden a bike and learned to swim and..."
"Dad, it's fine." I hate that he felt so bad about it all. I don't feel like I missed out on anything. I honestly don't. I never have. "Who wants to get their knee cut and catch bugs? It sounds horrible."
"And that attitude right there is exactly why you have to go."
I'm not going to lie. I was sure I wasn't really going to miss Mother all that much. I know she loves me. I know she has always wanted the best for me. And I know she was put in an impossible situation having me on the first deep space scientific mission that had any real chance of succeeding. I know these things because I've heard them all my life. But for years, I'd felt that she was ready for me to leave. I never held it against her. I just didn't plan on missing her. Dad, though...
I was determined not to cry for many reasons, the biggest one being that I was almost sixteen and I was convinced that I had past the point in life where crying was okay. But that meant I couldn't look at Dad while we waited. I couldn't think about our card games. I couldn't think about him slipping me some wine the crew made or his terrible jokes or him helping me pretend I ate my veggie mash when it was Mother's turn to cook or... I couldn't think about any of it. So I turned my mind to think about the jump.
The process of jumping relies on human tech that's had significant Qitani adaptations. Every family has a history that they pass down, even Little Blob and his kind. It's important. Mine is that my parents are smart and figured out the wonder of wormholes. Oh, they weren't the ones to find them. They weren't even the ones that figured out how to plot and plan where they came and went. I only made the mistake of pointing that out once. "And what good did that do any of them? Honestly, Jakey, I thought HuTA was teaching you better than that!"
Nothing, that's what good
those other discoveries were. So humans knew what wormholes were
and where they went. That's all fine and dandy. It wasn't until
Mother, Dad, and the rest of the geeks and squeaks in my clan that
humans figured out how to use them. They weren't the first to hop
through. They were more important than that. They were the first to
hop through and
The ship we used was the key. We had the only one in existence. It still seems silly to me that when this ship succeeded, more didn't follow. But Dad says we were laying the foundations, while the ones Earthside were working on the more long term plans. "We are forging ahead here, while they are building bases to take off from there." Luna base was completed before Mother and Dad left, but the Mars base was only started. Mother assured me it was not only completed, but heavily populated. I said something about it being quite an accomplishment in only fifteen years. "Will you never understand deep space travel?" she said back in that disgusted voice she used whenever I said something incredibly stupid.
Will I ever understand? Probably not. I don't get it. I never have. I can't understand why it was only fifteen years for us, and nearly eighty for them back on Earth. "But I'm a teenager. I was conceived on Earth sixteen years ago. The same Earth."
"It's relative," my father would try and explain. Dad was the only one with patience for the question. "Time is relative."
HuTA was no help. It spit out the textbook explanation and I ended up doodling Little Blob with a mustache on my holotab. HuTA has no emotions, but sometimes I would swear he learned to get annoyed. The closest anyone has come was actually Xavier. "Boy, we're flying so fast that time doesn't have a chance to catch up."
"But I thought worm holes made time equal."
"It does. For us. We get here faster. But they're not in a worm hole, see? Now go away. I'm busy."
So Mother and Dad are some kind of geniuses. But no matter how smart they might be, the Qitani are smarter. They've learned more faster. They don't need whole ships to jump. They have jump gates, fah'ti, placed through the wormholes in their galaxy. Mother insists it's the same technology, just in a different format. "The science is the same, Jakey. It proves I'm right, that it really does only work one way."
"Then why do we need the whole ship?"
"Because it's portable! The Qitani need to create a port everywhere they go."
"But that saves time and lets anything through."
"Yes, and that's fine...if there's a fah'ti on the other side. Which means what?"
Always a lesson with Mother. "It means that they have to take a new one with them and activate it just at the right time or else their molecules will be scrambled into their base components."
She sighed. "That's close enough."
I was set to jump with Ralph. He'd go a millisecond before me and deploy the first Qitani fah'ti to our galaxy. I'd been assured that the suit is the key, that Mother combined the Qitani tech with ours, combining the portable with the non-portable. Over and over everyone assured me it was all set and very safe.
"Then why do we need to bring the fah'ti?"
It's small. The first time I heard about a wormhole gate from Dad I pictured something huge, a fantastic door with lights and flashy bits. I was very upset to discover it's about the size of head and not even really a gate at all. It simply guides any and all nearby matter to it's other head-sized ball at the other side of the worm hole. Mother launched into a very excited speech about the brilliance of such a small matter manipulator while I looked out the plasma display at the very tiny, very boring ball of fah'ti. Sitting there, I had one resting on my knee. It was going to activate itself when the gravity of the galaxy at the end of the worm hole could be felt.
"Some of ours seeps into the hole," Daniel had explained. "You went out for a ride with that little Qitani of yours on the Gukki Sea, right?" It was one of the best experiences of my life. I couldn't touch the water, of course. I couldn't even smell the air. But we sat on the back of a great log and let ourselves be carried down the raging river into the sea. We spent most of the day floating around under their two suns until Ashnahta's secondary mother found us and yelled at us good. We were very lucky it was Ta'al who found us and not Morhal. We may not have made it out alive otherwise, and that's not an exaggeration. I have seen Morhal kill her children for less. In her defense, they did know the rules. So did we. It was great luck indeed that Ta'al found us, even if Ashnahta is clearly everyone's favorite.
"Yes, I've been on the sea."
"You rode the river down and then got into the sea, but did you notice you kept going the same direction of the river? It's like that. Imagine the galaxies are oceans, and the worm holes are rivers. Only these worm holes flow either way, depending on how you enter. Does that make sense?"
It did. Almost makes calling our space vehicle a "ship" instead of a "rock" make sense, too. The pull of the Milkyway gravity is supposed to turn on the fah'ti...or something. That's one of those concepts I like to think I understand, but know deep inside there's a good chance I never actually will.
"And if it doesn't, then they'll be along within a month to pick you up, if my guess is correct. Don't worry. StarTech wants you. Bad. Even if they don't know about you. They'll detect an object with life signs and get to you before you know it. They aren't going to let you bob around space for long." Daniel was sure. Stephan was sure. Jenna, Phil, Colleen, Mother, Dad...they were all so sure.
"I'll be a tiny little dot. What if they miss me?"
Dad had laughed and laughed over that one. "Jake, I don't think you fully understand the way things work. And you shouldn't. You're just a kid. Trust me. Trust StarTech."
Trust the organization that hated my very existence. Because that's what it came down to. Mother had no idea she was pregnant with me when they left. Dad has unfortunately told me more than once that's because they had a few quick moments right before take off and that's how I came about. They sent their confessions to StarTech, and before they left the galaxy had received a reply asking for clarification and potential consequences if they were transmitting the truth. Though Mother and Dad sent more information, they never heard back. They knew the policy, though. The law. They broke it to have me. By the tone of the transmission, Mother and Dad were sure StarTech was furious I existed. They also knew StarTech believed my birth was intentional, though whether they actually had proof of that or just worked for them long enough to know what was meant but not really said, I'm not sure. Mother has pointed out several flaws in their assumptions, the main one being how the whole crew had to scramble to make accommodations for a child. "I may not be the best mother, but I certainly am good at planning! Don't you think I would have requested the basics for child rearing? You didn't learn to use the toilet until you were three. That was three years of no diapers. Think about it. It simply does not make any sense."
So they didn't want me then. I was an illegal problem at best, if I actually existed to them. As I said, we had no way of knowing how many of our transmissions were received over the years since we jumped galaxies. They didn't want me then. Why think that they suddenly wanted me after sixteen years? Mother said the knowledge I have is invaluable. She told me to think of how much I can teach them all. Dad, he wanted me to know what it's like to walk on a surface and breathe real air. I've only had one day to prepare, and that's been spent listening to them both go on at length about what they think. It was only after they both got quiet that I could begin to address what I thought.
"When am I coming back?"
Dad did not answer. Have I mentioned how uncomfortable that suit was? Qitani are the same basic shape as us, but their torsos tend to be thinner and their legs are longer. Because of this, my feet didn't quite reach the hard base, and my life support apparatus dug into my ribs. The longer the silence got, the more uncomfortable the suit became.
Finally Dad gave my leg another pat. "I'm going to miss you, kiddo. You have no idea how happy I was when we found out you were going to be born."
I couldn't look at him. Think about the suit, I ordered myself. Concentrate on the suit.
"It was the happiest day of my life. And I always hoped that some day we could find a way for you to get home."
"It's not my home," I said again. That was the one thing I could say because it filled me with so much anger that there was no way I'd break down and cry. "My home is here. With you. With Mother. With Ashnahta."
"Ashnahta will die when you are a young man, and then what will be left for you?"
I turned to him in surprise. "Then a whole world! And you don't know that she'll die. They've got our science now, too! They're working on ways to increase longevity and...and..." I stopped because of the look in Dad's eyes. He was far smarter than I've ever given him credit for.
"And you will be left a young man with nothing and nowhere to go and nothing to do. And you will be an outcast, both here, and there, and on Earth. You are my son. You are the best thing I have ever done in my life. And some day, I hope you have a child and know what I'm feeling right now."
"So you're sending me away to get me away from Ashnahta?" I couldn't help feeling bitter. I can still taste the bile that rose in my throat after that revelation. "I expect stuff like that from Mother, but never from you."
"Why? Why never from me, hm?" Dad sat up and crossed his arms over his chest. "You think your mother is the only one that makes sense of inane situations? Hm? Tell me, Jake. Where are you and Ashnahta going? What are you going to do? You can't even breathe her air."
"She can breathe ours," I grumbled.
"For short bursts. A fish can't live in the air, and a bird can't live in the sea."
Ha! I had him on that. "Wrong. Mud skippers and penguins."
"What?"
"A fish that can live on land and a bird that can live at sea." I felt very smug for that.
"That's what HuTA's been wasting time teaching you?" He shook his head. "And like usual, you didn't pay attention. A mud skipper can live on land for short bursts, and a penguin still has to return to land to lay eggs."
"But they adapted."
"On the same planet."
I give him my best glare, the one I reserve for Mother when she's said something particularly offensive about Little Blob or Ashnahta. But Dad would not back down.
"Your mother may be wrong about the morality of classifications of people. You are a person. The Qitani are people. Ehkins are people...we're all people. That's what the Qitani consider important. It's a spiritual definition. Your mother is right, however, about the scientific classification. There are differences in these species. Great, huge differences. And if you're blind to that science, on the one hand I commend you. But on the other, you're a fool."
Dad had never spoken to me like that before. I had a niggling thought that I should be mad, but really I was just confused. Was I wrong about him the whole time? Was he really just like Mother and I never caught on? "But she's my friend, Dad. And you aren't even letting me say good bye." I hate that it came out sounding like something a little kid would say.
"You have to trust that it's better this way." Ralph waddled into the jump seat next to me, and I didn't have a chance to talk to Dad alone again. Dad clipped a link from my suit to Ralph's.
It was almost time. I swallowed hard at the sudden weight that filled me.
Ralph's like an uncle to me. That's how Dad put it. They were close in school on Earth and when the mission came about, Ralph was right there with them. He used to help take care of me when I was a baby. I like Ralph. But sitting there, I was suddenly wishing it was Dad making the jump with me, no matter how angry I was at him for some things.
"You miss Earth. Come with me."
Dad turned around and motioned for me to stand. "I can't. You know that. I'll never leave Eunice. We're a pair, the two of us."
"And I'm just in the way." It was unfair for me to say it, and I regret it now. In the moment, I was beyond mad. I was scared, if you want to know the truth. And in the blink of an eye was going to lose everything I'd ever had for family, friends, a world. And for what? Oh I was angry then. Angry and hurt.
"Please don't be angry, Jake."
Xavier's voice came through my suit. "Sleepy sleepy little one. Bon voyage." There was a hiss and Dad's face got very dark in front of me.
Chapter2
I hated to admit Dad was right, but I felt like hell. I felt like I was broken up in pieces and not all here. It's a pain I've never felt before, stretching, pulling, feeling like I'm breaking, and yet knowing full well I'm not.
"It's just the psychological effects, Kiddo," Ralph kept telling me. "It's not real. The trick is to make your mind up that it's not real." He didn't seem to be suffering at all.
We were on the Mars base with the idiotic name of Utopia. I was in agony. It couldn't possibly be "Utopia".
"It's also the gravity."
"I've been in gravity before," I snapped at Ralph. He was so damn calm. Sitting there, on the edge of the bed, munching a snack while I writhed in pain. I wished Dad jumped with me.
"You've been in some gravity. All the world's you've been on have less than Earth."
"So?"
"So, it's going to take awhile. Even here's less. We'll be here a few weeks. Get you up and walking around and used to a more normal weight. As soon as you stop snapping my head off, we can start the conditioning training in the gym."
"Sorry," I muttered through the pain. I didn't mean to snap at Ralph. I like Ralph a lot. It's not his fault he's used to this.
He waved a hand like it was nothing. "Just start thinking of it like this. Your brain only thinks you're spread all out, because in your mind, you should be. In your mind, you got yanked from one place and stretched out instantly to the other...snap! Just like a piece of gum."
"What's gum?"
"A rubber band, then."
I still didn't know what he's talking about, but I didn't bother to ask. The pain was much worse when he made me focus on it.
"But your brain only thinks that's what happened because it's not designed to comprehend its own molecular make up."
"Ralph," I warned him.
"Fine. No science lectures. I'll nutshell it for you. We've been traveling. We went a meter, our brains went the meter, our bodies went the meter, and then we did it again and again. We made it in one piece. We were never stretched or broken apart. There is no particle of Jake left in another galaxy. It just didn't happen that way, no matter what the brain thinks."
It was helping. His calm, reasonable voice was doing far more than any of the nurses or doctors who seemed genuinely baffled could do. I can't blame them for their confusion. We were the first jumpers they've tried to treat and while Ralph insisted StarTech filled them in on the protocol Mother had forwarded in advance of our arrival, I guess it's different when you're actually in the middle of things trying to figure out why some kid is screaming.
"How long did it take?"
"For us? Or for them? That's the question your brain is having trouble with."
"Why isn't yours?"
"Because I'm far better at science than you, Jake. I get it. I understand. Heck, I've spent my whole thinking life working through these quantum problems! And I know from HuTA that you fast forward many of your lessons." He gave a little laugh. "Can't hide anything from a 'bot, kid. I've given so much thought to this kind of travel that it just makes sense. My brain isn't confused."
"Helps you did it before," I said, trying to shift the way I was thinking and make my own brain convinced I was all there.
"True. But even the first time it wasn't much for me. Your mother, now...that's a different story. Of course, she was pregnant with you. That probably made it worse."
"I never felt this way on the ship," I protested, putting his theory to the test.
"Of course not! Why would you? See, to you, the ship was your world. You never really traveled, because your world, the one you knew, always went with you." He crumpled the bag he had been eating out of and tossed it on a table near the bed. Almost instantly a small bot appeared and cleared the wrapper, then cleaned the spot it had been on and disappeared. "You see that? We didn't have those on the ship. Not our world, and your brain knows it."
"I've been to surfaces of planets..."
"And to you it was like making a day trip. An hour hop, a nice little tour, and back home. This is the first time you've completely jumped, the first time you've left your home and gone bazillions of miles away."
I had to smile. "I don't remember HuTA saying anything about bazillions."
He grinned at me. "It's a scientific term. You wouldn't understand."
I was starting to feel a little better. His explanation actually made sense. I doubt I can ever really explain it to someone else. But something in my brain latched on to the idea, nodded, and started to get on with life. "Have you talked to Dad?"
"Yep. He knows we made it. Was very relieved." I made a noise. "None of that, you hear me? Your father was right to send you home and I won't have any attitude about it. It's done. And you've got a whole lot to learn about being a human if you're going to be good for anyone." He was angry. I think it was the first time Ralph's ever been angry at me. He got up and walked across the room. "I'm taking a shower. When I'm done, you're getting up off that bed and taking one, too." He slammed the door.
A nurse came running. "Can I get you anything, Mr. Cosworth?"
Two things of importance here. First, most people are weird. Even in my pain I felt uncomfortable around them. Ralph told me I'd get used to it. "Didn't you feel weird around Ashnahta when you first met her?" No. No, I didn't. But those nurses and doctors, they all put me on edge. "All docs do that." I don't know. Maybe. Maybe that's it, the fact that they are always...hovering. Watching. There at every second of every day. Only a few days around them and I was already sure I was the alien.
The other thing was the "Mr. Cosworth" business. It took two full days for me to realize they were talking to me when they said it. I'm not a moron, but last names had always been completely unnecessary. Of course I knew my last name was Cosworth. Somewhere. I knew it in the back of my head. But I'd never used it. I'd never been called it. No matter who I was introduced to, whatever tribe, I'd always been Jake. Or Jakey. Like Ralph has always been Ralph, not Mr. Buttrick. I actually did not know that was his last name. It might seem like a silly little thing, but the whole concept of last names felt daunting. Why are there last names? Because there are so many people that it's necessary, that's why. It's not a community of twenty seven, like the ship. It's a population of billions.
I was now one of billions.
I told the nurse I was fine. I could feel my cheeks turn red. She gave me a smile and ignored me, fluffed my pillows and summoned a glass of water for me anyway. "I must say you're starting to look a little better." She had the StarTech patch on her uniform. I hadn't noticed before. I wondered if this is a StarTech facility, or if they just flew these docs and nurses in for us.
"I'm feeling better," I said, hoping she'd stop fiddling with the blankets. "It's okay. I'm fine..."
"Lena," she said. "I've been your nurse for five weeks, but I'm not surprised you don't remember me."
I bolted up in bed, and was instantly sorry. My head started swimming and I got that disconnected feeling again. I told my brain to shut up...it was only a pillow and a few feet of travel. Remarkably, that worked. My brain almost grumbled, but the pain and longing feeling for where I just was stopped. "I've been here for five weeks?"
"Yes. You were out for the first few, but then when you started to come around, you were in so much pain." She lowered her voice and looked to the door, as if she was afraid of getting caught. "We were really worried for awhile."
Five weeks. I was laying here for five weeks. No wonder Ralph was on me to get up and shake it off!
Lena plumped my pillow again and asked if I wanted to lie back down. I shook my head and made to stand. She put her hand on my chest. She was just a short young woman, but I was surprised at her strength. "Oh no, not yet. You've got atrophy. I'll call a walker."
My face burned. A walker? Like I was a baby? She called for the walker, and as soon as she slacked her hand, I pushed off the bed.
...and landed on the floor.
Lena giggled. She had the good sense to look serious when I rolled over to look at her. But she did giggle, and I'll never forget that gut-wrenching embarrassment. "I told you to wait." A bot came in. It was a peculiar contraption with legs and a curved bar at the top. Lena held her hand down to me. "Grab my forearm and hold on." I tried to pull myself up. "No! Let me do the work. Trust me, I'm an expert. Grab and hold and allow me to do the rest." I did and with dizzying speed, I was propped into the walker bot, feeling soft clamps close over my ankles and wrists. "Don't fight it. Just lean back a little and then take steps. It's intuitive."
I didn't understand what she meant by that until I gave it a try. I lifted my leg and moved it forward as if to step, and felt the machine adjust to me. I took one step, then another. "It's like the Trekmen!"
"Trekmen?"
I couldn't explain how happy I felt. It might sound ridiculous, but this was something I knew. This was my first familiar item. "Yes, the Trekmen."
"I don't know what that is."
I was floored. I mean, floored! Was she being serious? Yes, the look on her face said she was. "Wow, really? Uh, okay. Well, see, they are these support bots, a lot like this...well, not at all like this, really, but they feel the same. You use them to explore new terrain."
"New terrain?"
"Yeah. You know, uncharted planets and moons. Asteroids. Places where you don't really know what you're getting into."
Lena's eyes were wide. "Holy...you mean...you really are from the stars, aren't you?"
I frowned. "Of course I'm not. No one can be from a star. They'd burn up before they were born!"
Lena laughed and ran a hand through her hair. "Cosworth. Oh wow. Oh boy. Oh my..."
I heard the bathroom door open and moved as if I was in a Trekman. To my glee, the walker followed and turned almost effortlessly to Ralph.
"Buttrick," Lena whispered. "Oh....my...."
Ralph sighed. "Here we go."
I didn't know what was going on. I turned back to Lena. "What?"
"But it's been...it's...a hundred years?"
"Maybe. I haven't really done the math."
"But you look so young!"
Ralph laughed. "Wormholes, the fountain of youth."
"The girls aren't going to..."
"Hear about this at all," Ralph cut in quickly.
I looked to Ralph, I looked to Lena, I looked to Ralph. It was as if a whole conversation was happening. It was as if they were inspeaking. I opened myself and searched, but they weren't, at least not in any way I could understand.
"Okay," Lena said slowly. "I get it."
"You better," said Ralph, tapping the StarTech badge he wore.
Lena bit her lip and looked quickly to the door. "Can I...can I get either of you anything?"
"My young friend here is going to take a shower. I'd like an official uniform for him."
"Yes, sir."
"And if you could schedule us a little conditioning time in the gym, I'd appreciate it. The sooner he gets out of that Trekmen, the better."
"Walker, sir. We call them walkers."
Ralph winked and gave her a nod. "Very good. Thank you. I appreciate the heads' up. I believe the idea is to, uh, blend."
Lena gave a silly little laugh. "Holy...I mean... Wow. It's really you, isn't it?" She shook her head. "Well, I'll do my best to help with that goal."
"Thank you, Lena." She gave another little nod, then left.
"What was that..."
"Not now." His voice was firm, and I listened. I might not be the best at reading people, but I do know how to tell when someone "means it". He meant it. "Get in the shower. Use the railings."
I showered. I did as I had always done. I got in, held the railings, and spent less than sixty seconds under the water. I was soaped and rinsed and waiting for the water to shut off as it did on the ship. But, it didn't shut off. It was also hot, not lukewarm. And there was loads of it. It poured out of the head in buckets. I stood there for the five luxurious whole minutes, the longest shower of my life, and then a little buzzer went off followed by an automated voice that announced I had only one more minute of water. Six minutes! I stood there and used enough water to account for two months of showers on the ship, all in the span of six minutes.
I waited until the water ended, then got out. A bot was standing ready with a full uniform. I dried off sitting on a toilet, almost completely spent, and got into the uniform. I was very happy to get back into the walker. I left the bathroom in a cloud of steam and started to head back for the bed.
Ralph put down the holocom he was reading and stood up. "This way."
"But I'm drained."
"And you'll stay drained if you get back in that bed."
I would have stomped my foot if it wasn't clamped into the walker. I started to protest, but the look on Ralph's face told me that would not be allowed. I followed him out the door, letting the walker take even more of my weight with every step.
Gravity sucks.
Okay, I suppose it's not all bad. Without it things would be flying all over the place. Even our ship had gravity. I should say, the amount of gravity on Utopia sucked. It seemed very excessive to me. Every step took ten times the amount of effort as it ever had for me. Every push on the weight bar was like trying to move a mountain. There is no logical reason to exist with that much gravity. Ralph can't even explain it. He laughed every time I asked and just told me "that's just how it is". And I was supposed to get ready to handle even more. "Don't worry, kid. We'll get you conditioned here and then when you hit home you'll be able to adjust just fine. It's this first step that's the hardest."
I rolled into bed sometime later. It felt like hours and hours. It may have just been a few minutes. I was so exhausted I slept right through dinner and would have slept through breakfast the next morning if Ralph didn't team up with Lena and force me to wake up, sit up, and eat.
"Why am I so tired?"
"Gravity. Even when you're not walking, it's working on every part of you. Every muscle, every breath, every heart beat is working double time to adjust. It's why no one is allowed to be born in a low gravity situation..." He shoved the plate at me. "And why you've got to work twice as hard to prove them wrong."
Now, I had never heard anyone bash StarTech. I'd never heard any of the crew or my folks speak badly about them. Why should they? They funded the mission, made my parents' dream a reality. But sometimes I got the feeling that there was an anger there, something none of them dared to say out loud. When Ralph urged me on, it was like that. There was something there. So I ate. And then I walked. And then I worked until I thought I would break and spent an hour having all of my vitals checked before I was blessedly allowed to collapse back into bed and do it all again after a rest.
Time passed in a blur. It was like that for weeks on end. Slowly, I began to walk more and use the walker less. Slowly I began to lift heavier bars for longer. Slowly I began to breathe without noticing the effort it took. It was working. It was paying off. And the stronger I got, the clearer things became for me. I could have a thought without falling asleep in the middle of it. I could talk with Lena while I walked down the hall, instead of huffing and puffing the whole way. And I could miss people.
That's the thing about "feeling better". Once you start, everything else that took a back seat in your mind comes rushing forward. As I worked out, I started wondering what Dad was up to. As I ate, I thought of Daniel's cooking and how Dad was right and it really was terrible. As I showered I thought about Stephan going on and on about his life support systems and how inadequate they were. I even missed Mother, even if she called me Jakey.
But it was at night that was the worst. In the dark with Ralph snoring and the nurses station closed, it was safe to miss my friends. Little Blob. I tried to inspeak. He had told me once that no amount of miles could really get in the way of inspeaking, and, true to his word, I had kept in touch the entire time we were around Laak'sa. Try as I might, I couldn't find him. Maybe it wasn't something that could happen across galaxies. Maybe the wormhole blocked it. I wished I could find someone here who knew about inspeaking. If only someone could have told me how, I wouldn't have been so lonely.
And then, of course, I'd think of Ashnahta.
Late one night a bot alerted Lena that I was out of my bed. I didn't know she was "on call". If I had, I wouldn't have bothered her. Apparently the bots were set to notify the nurse on call if a patient was out of bed for more than half an hour. Lena explained it's a safety measure. She scared the crap out of me when she came bursting in. The light from the hallway flooded in and she scanned the room. I was sitting by the window. No plasma displays here, not on Utopia. Foot thick glass that distorted the night sky, made it slightly wavy. I was looking off to where Ralph said the wormhole was. As silly as it sounds, I had a thought that maybe if I could see the connection...
I said it was a silly thought. I know darn well you can't actually see a wormhole. I was tired and lonely. Cut me some slack.
"Jake," she whispered. I had long since insisted she stop calling me Mr. Cosworth. "Is something wrong? Are you feeling ill?"
She crossed the room and sat on the bench next to me.
"No. I'm fine. I thought you were all gone home."
"I'm on call." She took out a thermometer and stuck it in my ear anyway.
"I'm fine," I said, pulling it out.
"I've been called and this is for the record." I sighed and let her use it. I pulled up my shirt and let her place the vital check on my chest. In a few seconds it beeped and she pressed the enter button to solidify my vitals into the records forever. "You're just fine."
"I told you."
"Can't sleep?"
I shook my head.
"Thinking about home?"
I nodded, feeling a lump in my throat.
"I miss home too, sometimes." I didn't know how old she was. An adult. Maybe thirty, if that.
"Where's your home?"
She gave a small laugh. "Where everyone's is, silly. Earth." She looked at me then, and quirked an eyebrow. "Okay, Mr. Spaceman. Everyone but you."
"How long does it take to get to Earth from here?"
"Three weeks, if you're Class B."
"Class B?"
She nodded. "Yes. Working class. It's a commuter system. I'm Class B."
"How many classes are there?"
"Seven. A through G."
"Is A the highest?"
"No, silly! I'm not that close to the top. G, that's the highest."
"How long does a transport take for them?"
"Less than a day."
My eyes went wide. "Why can't you do it in that time then?"
"I'm not allowed."
I couldn't wrap my head around it. "But if it's possible for some, why can't everyone?"
"Well, first, there's no reason I need to be back on Earth that quickly. Then there's the cost."
"Cost?"
"Yes. It's very expensive to travel that quickly."
I had to laugh. I just couldn't help it. "But a fah'ti is free!"
Lena frowned. "What's a fah'ti?"
I could only sit there in disbelief. I may not get the specifics of space and time, but I do know that as soon as Mother decoded the information, she sent fah'ti plans back to Earth. Of course they didn't have the materials yet, those would be sent later after the deal with the Qitan. But Mother had been saying for years that StarTech was teaching about all of her findings, getting ready to advance the race, preparing for wide scale space travel. Maybe Lena didn't know about them because she was just a nurse. Maybe it was simply outside her scope of learning.
"Fah'ti's are Qitan technology that allows for independent wormhole jumping." It felt like a wall fell between us, her confusion was so complete. "You know. Qitani." She shook her head, and I frowned. "You've never heard of the Qitani of Laak'sa?"
"Of where?" She turned slightly, and even though she was confused, she seemed very interested.
"But...it's been years. Decades and decades here." Surely they would at least be teaching about the tribes we found. "You didn't learn about them in school?"
Lena glanced to the door, then to snoring Ralph. "Look, Jake. It's clear that there are things you don't yet understand about your new world."
"It's not my world."
She waved it off completely as if it was a trivial matter. "We've colonized Luna. We've colonized Mars, here in Utopia. StarTech just announced last year that they've set their sights on travel outside the solar system, and it's really caused a stir."
"But my folks and the team..."
"Are legends," she said quickly in a soothing voice. "They are absolute legends of hope, and that's it. I see you here. I see Mr. Buttrick, even though I can hardly believe it."
"It's the truth," I said firmly.
"I know. I get it. I've see the both of you...that kind of muscle atrophy can only be a symptom of years and years in low gravity, and since you're only a kid, that can really only mean one thing. The rumors, the whispers...they're correct." She held her hands up. "I'm trying here, kid. I'm really trying to put myself in your shoes and help you understand some things because I highly doubt anyone at S.T. is going to take that kind of time. But you have to understand a few key things. I might lose my job for this, but I like you. I think you should know.
"First, no one knows you exist. You're a rumor, one that gets resurrected every few dozen years by conspiracy theorists, but one no one really thinks is true. Giving birth off world is strictly forbidden."
"Why?"
"Because not enough is known about it yet. Because the population must be strictly monitored. Because what happens if space germs get in and taint a newborn's undeveloped system and he mutates and..." She must have seen the look of horror in my face. "Calm down. I didn't say that's actually what happens. I said we don't know. And until we're sure, it's illegal."
"So I'm...an outlaw?"
She gave me a half smile. "Don't let it go to your head. You had nothing to do with it. But why do you think Mr. Buttrick is so hell bent on having you at peak, nice and strong?"
"I'm getting there," I said defensively.
"You are. And you're doing great. But for your own sake, keep it up."
"Got it."
"Good. Next thing you need to know is that no one knows about what your parents have discovered."
"But they've been sending communications for years!"
"Maybe. And maybe S.T.'s been getting them. If they are, they aren't sharing it with us."
"Why?"
"Kid, I already told you I'm low on the totem pole." I had no idea what she was talking about, but she didn't bother to explain. "I can't possibly know why. I'd have to at least be an E or an F for that. Who knows? Maybe the geeks are busy working on things. Maybe they think we can't handle it. My point is, no one knows what you know. I've never heard of that Kitten place."
"Laak'sa is the place, Qitan are the people."
"Whatever," she said, which annoyed me. "I've never heard of them. My point to you is that you can't be offended by that. Have you ever been to Toledo?" I shook my head. "Do you even know where Toledo is?" I shook my head again, slowly, getting her point. "Oh, you don't know about Toledo? Well everyone who's anyone does! How could you possibly not know that?"
She was giving me a wry smile. I got her point loud and clear.
"Laak'sa is a planet, on our star charts v-2447 in the unnamed galaxy simply marked V through wormhole vector 417." It all went over her head since she was not a scientist or navigator. It didn't matter. She was taking the information because she knew I had to talk about it.
"Laak'sa?"
"Yes."
"And you've been there?"
"Yes."
"And you miss it."
It wasn't a question. I nodded.
"Then tell me about Laak'sa and I'll tell you about Earth and then maybe we won't miss them so much." It sounded like a good plan to me. "What's Laak'sa like?"
"Green. Very, very green. Not like Mars. Not even like Earth. They call Earth the blue planet. Dad called Laak'sa the emerald planet."
"Are there oceans?"
"Yes, but small ones. There's far more land than sea, with great networks of spider web rivers instead. Maybe there's about the same amount of water, now that I think about it. It's just all broken up. My HuTA showed me pictures of Earth from space."
She gave me a smile. "You have a HuTA?"
"Of course. How else would I learn?" She laughed again, which I didn't understand, but she told me to keep talking. "Anyway, you know how Earth looks blue from space? Laak'sa is the deepest green you could imagine. We didn't think it was hospitable at first, since we didn't see the water. We actually landed on v-2445 first and met our first real intelligent life, the Ehkin."
"What were they like?"
I got up and crossed to my bunk. I took out my holocom and called up some pictures. I found a silly one of Little Blob playing a prank on his sister and handed it over. "That's Little Blob."
Her eyes went wide. "Uh...apt name."
"Yeah. It's just a rough translation, but it works."
"And it's...he's your...friend?"
"Yes. First one off ship." I took the holo back and smiled at the face looking back at me. "See how it's sandy there? Lots of oceans on v-2445, but not a ton of plant life. They are an algae based society. They eat it through osmosis."
"I...see..." she said, though clearly she didn't.
I smiled at the pic, then scrolled ahead to a file on Laak'sa. "Oh, here. Forgot I had this. It's a download screen grab from the plasma display as we approached Laak'sa." The familiar green orb, like a stab to the chest.
Lena looked at it and gasped. "Oh, it's beautiful! Are there two suns?"
"Yes, though one's very small and offers very little heat." I took the holo back and flipped through, to the ones in orbit. "Here you can see the rivers. Lots and lots of rivers. And one large ocean. Almost all their civilization lives around the ocean's edge, because once you get into those rivers, things get pretty wild."
Lena studied the picture with deep concentration. "The cities...is that what I'm seeing around here?" She pointed around the ocean.
"Yes."
"They look enormous."
"The Qitan have a population of around seven trillion."
Her eyes went wide. "Trillion?"
"Yes. But they don't live long. About twenty years in our life."
"Oh," she said. "That's awful."
It was. I always thought so. I flipped ahead. "Here's the first look at their main city where we spent most of our time."
"The buildings look like ours!"
I don't know why she was surprised. Why shouldn't they? A building is a building is a building. The most sensible ones are boxes with different rooms. Why should we be the only tribe to have that basic idea? "They're buildings." I scrolled ahead. "Ah. Here's one of their transports. Their metal all has this opal shine to it. I think it makes their ships absolutely beautiful. You should see it when the suns both hit. I've seen all kinds of ore, and I think theirs is the best."
She looked at it and nodded slowly. "Yes, I see what you mean. I wonder what makes it that color?"
"Minerals. They have different ones than we do."
"But they have trees and water. They have to have some of the same."
"Some. But the base is something completely new that Stephan calls Laaksonium. I don't think he's got the right to name it, but it didn't seem to matter much when Mother presented the idea to Morhal."
"Morhal?"
"Yes. Primary leader of the Qitani."
"You met their leader?"
I frowned. "Of course we did. She invited us when we were on v-2445. Besides, Dad would have sought her out for permission anyway. It's only polite."
"I guess," Lena said. I didn't like the tone of her voice.
"Do you just go into other peoples' houses without asking first?"
She gave a laugh. "Well I guess not."
"Neither do we." I took the holocom and scrolled through until I found the pictures I took at the welcoming ceremony. I felt a longing, even for Morhal. "Here she is. Morhal. Next to her is Ta'al, the secondary, and their children."
She gasped. "They're green!"
I frowned. "I told you it was a green planet."
"But...they're green."
I shrugged. "And you're pink. And other people are brown. And some are kind of blue. So what? They have a vegetation diet for the most part. If all you ate was green food, you'd be green too!"
I suppose I sounded angry. I suppose I was angry. I felt like she was offending my tribe. "I'm sorry, Jake. I didn't mean anything. I've just...I've never seen an alien before."
"They are not aliens," I said through clenched teeth. I hated the word. I hated the word since HuTA taught it to me. "I was the alien. And they accepted me." I flipped to Ashnahta. "She accepted me, the royal daughter, the next in line to rule the empire as Primary."
It was a particularly beautiful picture of her in her official regalia. Gemstones were inset across her collarbone, her deep blue hair twisted around the golden symbol of the tree that was the royal seal. She wore the silken cloth they spun from the ma'ktu flowers that was as thin as flowing as the river water itself. And she had that look in her violet eyes that gets to me every time. I remember what she was thinking. I'd know it by the look even if I didn't clearly remember. She was thinking "Who are you, you pink little blob in a funny suit? Who are you to look upon me like that?"
"What's her name?" Lena asked after a moment.
"Ashnahta."
"That's a beautiful name. Does it mean anything?"
I had to grin. "All of their names mean something. Hers roughly means 'blessed assassin'." Lena gasped, which made me laugh. "It's the highest compliment."
"Are they mean then?"
"Mean? No. They just don't have time to screw around. If you are there to make trouble, you die."
"What do you mean?"
I didn't understand what was confusing. "I mean just that. If you don't work, you die. If you hurt someone else, you die. If you take what isn't yours, you die. If you break the rules, you die."
"Just like that?"
"Yes just like that. What other way could there be?"
"No trials? No chance to defend themselves?"
She was getting angry, but I had no idea why. "Lena, it's not as if they don't know the rules. If they break them, they do it knowing they are breaking them."
"And that goes for everyone? What about women?"
"Women rule the place."
"Fine! What about men?" She was on the verge of tears.
"Of course the rules apply to them."
"Children, too?"
"Yes."
"That's awful!" She handed the holocom back to me. "What an unforgiving, cold society that must be. You mess up and die? Thanks, but you can keep your Laak'sa."
Now I was getting angry. "There you go, classic human thinking your way is the only way. These people..."
"Aliens."
"
"I always figured an advanced race would be above violence."
I gave a bitter laugh. "Now why would you think that? The only peaceable people we ever met were the Ehkin and I doubt they'd be so peaceable if they had hands. If you can think, then someone can think better than you. If you can hit, then someone can hit harder. And if you have something, build something, make something, some crazy person will want to take the easy road and take it from you instead of working to make it for themselves."
She looked at me in silence for a few seconds. "You know a lot for a kid."
"No. I just know people. Look at the Qitani. You cringed because they are a different color. But look again. Really look. They are a little taller. They are skinner in the chest because of the type of air they breathe. They have adapted to needing far less oxygen than we do. But that's about where the differences end. They have two eyes, two hands, two legs. They have stomachs and brains and thoughts and feelings." I gave her my version of Mother's speech. "And they love and hate and cry and laugh and fight and win, just like us. We have over a hundred years now. Each one of us can live five times as long as the luckiest of the Qitani. If you had only twenty years to build something better for your children, you'd be hard, too. There just isn't time to let someone take anything. There isn't time for second chances. What tribe you are has nothing to do with it. Some things will always be the same."
I turned away from her. I was angry, but not really at her. I was angry because I remembered this same conversation with the members of my ship, my crew, my family. They had said similar things, only louder and longer. Every difference was harped on once we were in the safety of our own ship at the end of the day. Every nuance of "racial individuality", as Mother called it, was poured over, analyzed. Dad was the only one who agreed with me. "That's just how they've developed here. And we'd have done the same." He's an anthropologist by nature, astrophysicist by degree. Maybe I just got his anthropology bug. Maybe that's why I saw only similarities while others saw nothing but differences.
We sat in silence for awhile. "It must have been hard having no other kids on board," Lena said, still looking at the picture of Ashnahta.
"I don't know. It wasn't hard for me. And I had friends. The last four years, I had great, fun friends. I played jokes on Little Blob's family with him, and sat inspeaking with Ashnahta for hours, even when I was in orbit and she was on world."
She handed me back the holocom. "It sounds like you were lucky to have such good friends." I felt like she was just saying it to make amends, but it was still nice to hear.
"I was."
"You'll see them again."
I looked at Lena then, really looked at her. For the first time, the differences jumped out more than the similarities...and not hers. Would everyone be like her? How could they not? How could any of them understand? I can't explain everything to everyone, and in that moment it really felt like that's what I was going to have to do. Maybe I could blend. She didn't know about me, not really, until I opened my big mouth. Maybe if I just kept it shut, I wouldn't have to try. If she didn't know, maybe no one else would know.
Blend. That's what I'd try and do.
"What do you miss about Earth?"
She seemed happy that I changed the subject. I tried to calm my annoyance, but as she talked about all the things I didn't understand, annoyance turned to frustration. Perhaps that's what it was like for her when I talked about Laak'sa.
Blue sky. Water. Going to the beach with her friends and swimming in the breakers, whatever those are. She missed hot dogs, even though she admits they are "totally bad news" and "not at all healthy". She missed "park riding" when she was "skipping class", and a guy named Frank she always meant to date before she got her assignment on Utopia. She talked a mile a minute and I soon found it very impossible to keep up. I don't know how long she went on. I tuned out. I tried, really. But her words just bounced right off.
"And then, of course, I miss my family. But only a year and a half more and my term will be up."
She was waiting for me to say something. "Oh. Yeah."
"And who knows," she continued. "Maybe you'll be heading back through the fathead thing..."
"Fah'ti."
"And on your way to see your own family then." She glanced at her watch. "Shoot. My shift starts in a couple hours. Guess I'll bunk down at the station. You okay if I head out?"
"Yeah."
She got up and clipped her equipment back on her belt. "Get back in bed. Things always look better in the morning."
I gave her a nod. "Thanks." I know I didn't sound thankful. In truth, I didn't feel thankful. Looking back, I'd have been much happier if she just let me sit and look at the planets in the dark.
Now that's not very nice. I should be thankful. She highlighted a few things for me, namely how wrong I am on this planet...and this one isn't even the end goal. If I couldn't even relate to other people who were also strangers in a strange land, as Dad always says, what hope did I have on Earth?
I picked up the holo and looked at the picture of Ashnahta. I tried to look at her like Lena had. She tried, I'll give her credit for that, but there had been no way to hide the look of disgust when she saw Little Blob. I admit he's a bit hard on the eyes at first. But Ashnahta? The same look was in her eyes when she looked on Ashnahta. I couldn't see it. I still can't. I don't understand what is so horrifying.
"I miss you," I whispered to the holo. "Why can't you talk to me anymore?" I inspoke. I waited. And waited. And waited. But the answer did not come. I put my head on the glass and looked out. Would everyone be like Lena? Would they all be so quick to be horrified at my life, the ones I love and miss? I want to go home.
Lena did not make me feel better. Not at all.
Chapter3
Thirty five reps. Not too shabby. I could probably push it to forty, but since I still had 5k to run on the treadmill, I decided to stick at the thirty five mark every day for a week. I got up and wiped my brow on a towel. Ralph was cycling. He said he could get away with only cycling because his body remembered gravity where mine was really just learning. He was eating snacks while doing it, so I wonder just how much good it did him. He was also watching programs from Earth on his holocom. Yeah, he was very serious about the exercise.
I got on the treadmill and punched in the setting the doctors want me on. Ralph laughed at something on the holo and caught me rolling my eyes at him.
"You know, you'd do good to watch some of this."
"Thanks. Pass."
"No better way to get the feel of a society than to watch what they consider entertainment."
I had tried, several times in fact. I just didn't understand the hype. All these television programs, as they call them even though "televisions" have been outdated for years upon years now, are pointless. They are filled with things I don't understand and don't care to figure out. I told it to Ralph weeks ago and he brushed it off.
"Trust me. Watch and you'll get hooked."
I didn't want to get hooked. The more I found out about Earth life, the less I wanted to know. Take television programs. Why? I understand that there are many kinds. I can see the value in the ones that teach. I understand that the government happenings are broadcast for everyone to watch, and I think that's good. Lets people know what's happening. But what about all the others? Why do cartoons exist?
"To keep kids busy," said Ralph.
"But why?"
"You're trying to read too much into it, kid. It's entertainment. A diversion from real life."
"But
He had waved his hand at me in annoyance. "Bah. You're too Qitan."
He meant it as an insult. He said it before when I asked questions he didn't have the answers to. I never took it as an insult.
I plodded on my treadmill. At this point, it had been seven weeks since I'd started the daily grind on these conditioning machines and I thought I was doing pretty well. I hadn't used the walker for a month, even on the days when my muscles were beat and threatened to quit. The doctors said that had more to do with my lungs than anything else, that they were finally working "under load".
Lena started bringing me things from Earth to study. Ralph made it clear one day when we were in the showers after a work out that she is the only one I'm to speak to about, well, anything. Me. My life. Our travels. He always has talks like that in the showers. He said I'll understand later, and just to follow his lead and trust him. So we talk in the showers.
Anyway, Lena brought me all kinds of things to look at. I liked the books and papers she tapped into my holocom a lot better than the television programs. I got into an argument with her one day over one of the fashion "zines" she uploaded. I looked through and found a picture that got me worked up, then ended up having to wait all through the night before I could grill her about it.
"So Ashnahta being green is a problem, but this guy here who's blue is normal? Hm?"
She was following the bot in who was brining in our breakfast and had her vital check halfway off her belt. The question caught her off guard. "What?"
"Here." I jumped off my bed and thrust the holocom at her. "Explain that!"
She glanced at the picture. "That's Honree DuPree," she said, as if that explained anything.
"And he's blue."
"So?" She waved a hand. "He's a designer, Jake. He's supposed to be eccentric."
"But you laugh at Asnahta for being green."
Ralph laughed around the breakfast he was already shoving into his mouth. "He's got you there, Lena."
Lena put her hand on my arm and actually looked sorry. "Jake. I didn't mean to offend your friend. You know what? You're right. I guess I never thought about it before."
I accepted her apology. Sort of. She was trying to help me after all, which was more than anyone else in Utopia.
Actually, once I thought about it, aside from the never ending revolving doctors who didn't even give so much as a name before they leave and never return, Lena was the only one we had any contact with. I saw people. Not on our ward, but outside. Out the windows. Through the foot of our glass looking into the foot thick of their glass in different hallways, different buildings. I saw "cars", as Lena called them even though they were clearly personal transports. "They've always been called that," she said when I pointed it out. I saw people all over. Hundreds. The place was big enough for thousands. But we never saw any of them.
"Ralph?"
He was still engrossed in his snacks and shows. His feet barely moved on the pedals of his cycle and he only grunted in response.
"Why can't we talk to anyone?"
"Uhn." Crunch of snacks, giggle at the show.
"I mean it. Why doesn't anyone ever come in here?"
"What?" He pushed the stop button on his holo. "What are you going on about?"
"No one ever sees us. Why not?" I was starting to get out of breath.
"They will. When you're ready." He clicked the holo back on and made a show of pretending to exercise again.
Oh. When I was ready. "What does that mean?"
"It means when you're ready. More work out, less chit chat."
I kicked it up a gear and thought about that. When I'm ready. When will I be ready? How many more kilometers did I have to run on machines? Or weights did I have to lift? Why wasn't it enough already? "When will I be ready?"
"For god's sake, I don't know. I don't make the rules. Now do your run and let me be."
After my shower, I went back into my room and sat by the window, just as I had done for seven weeks straight. I'm not prone to being bored. Maybe it was all the time on the small ship. Maybe it taught me early on to entertain myself. I usually spent the time between showering and eating looking at the holocom info from Lena for the day. Or looking out the window and mentally mapping the visible planets and stars, as Stephan had taught me. Or looking at the structures of the buildings I could see in the red rocks of outside Mars, seeing what I could figure out about the tribe from the external clues, as Dad taught me. Or just letting my mind wander like I taught myself.
But this time, I got bored. I couldn't focus on anything. For the first time in my life, a room seemed too small. I got up and walked to the door and placed my hand on the reader lock as Lena did every day, as Ralph did when we went to exercise. It blinked the red "denied" sign.
"Ralph." He was laying with his eyes closed and his arm over his face, quietly humming a little song. "Ralph, come put your hand on this lock."
"Hm?"
"This lock won't open for me. Come put your hand on it."
"Why?"
"Because I want to go for a walk."
He gave a little laugh. "Sorry. No can do, kiddo."
"Why not?"
"Because it's not in our schedule."
That got me angry. "So what? I want to walk around."
"Can't."
"But..."
He sighed heavily and looked out from under his arm. "Let it go, kid. Lena will be in soon and you can talk to her for awhile."
"I don't want to talk to Lena. I want to go for a walk." It was an idle thought before, but once I had been told I couldn't, getting out of the room became a mission.
Ralph pushed himself up. "Look, Jake. I know it's not fun. But right now, we've got to play along, okay?"
Well that went and pushed me over the edge. "Play along?" I screamed. "Like I haven't been playing along! I got in that suit and I made that jump, didn't I? I went through the pain and agony of catching back up and leaving everything in my life behind. I've spent the last two months working myself to the bone, and all of it to 'play along'! I think I earned a damn walk!"
I never exploded like that. Something in me just snapped. Ralph was stunned. He sat there blinking at me.
I stepped back and looked up at the screen above the door. It was a recorder. I knew it because we had them all over our ship for safety. "What more do you want?" I yelled right into it.
The door opened suddenly. Lena peeked her head around it and before she knew what was happening, I grabbed the door, pulled it from her hand, and pushed by her.
"Jake!"
I turned left. We never turned left. We always went right, straight to the conditioning room. I turned left this time. I could hear Lena's steps behind me, and started running. I could do 5k in my sleep by then. Could she?
The hall was long. Long and empty. There were no doors, either. Just a long, straight hallway leading to a door at the very end. I ran until I was at the door, then put my hand on the panel. Again, I was "denied". Frustration bottled up inside, and I slammed my body against the door trying to get out.
You have to believe me that this was not normal for me. Not at all. I've never been violent. I've never punched or hit anything. I've never had an outburst. And frankly, it was all as scary to me as it must have been to the others.
"Jake," came Lena's voice behind me. "Calm down. You're going to hurt yourself."
I stood with my head pressed against the door. "I want to leave."
"You can't right now. You've got your reconditioning."
"I want to leave. Now."
"Calm down." It was Ralph's voice.
"No." Unreasonable? Sure. And I'm not sorry.
"Maybe we should head back to the conditioning equipment. Let you work off some of this angst."
I turned around. "I demand to see my doctor."
Lena looked to Ralph. "I..."
"No. I demand to see my doctor." I sat on the floor then. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know if it would do any good at all. But I did it. I just sat there, against the door. "I'm not moving until I do."
Ralph sighed and threw his hands up. "You're on your own, kid."
"Wait! Don't let him do this," Lena said to Ralph quickly.
"What do you want me to do? Pick him up and drag him back? Kid's got a point. Let him see the doc and let the doc start answering his questions. My excuses aren't working anymore. Neither are yours."
"You don't want him to defy them," she hissed. I wasn't supposed to hear her. But she was panicked, and panicked people cannot whisper to save their lives.
I saw an opportunity. "I'm not defying anyone. I just want answers."
She turned to me and crouched down. I felt like a little kid again, getting a lecture from Daniel on stealing sweets or from Mother about why I shouldn't put my fingers in the power ports. "Jake. Come to your room. Come eat your dinner and..."
"No."
She pursed her lips. "I'm telling you, you don't want to do this. Eat dinner, and while you're doing that I'll get on the com and put in a request for a visit and..."
"I'm not moving."
She stood and crossed her arms over her chest. "You do realize this will accomplish nothing, don't you? This is StarTech you're dealing with. They don't cave. You can't have a battle of wills with them because they will simply refuse to get involved."
I thought I had her. I'm sure of it now. "Oh, yeah? You work for them. But I don't. I'm the first person born off world." As I spoke, I felt the truth of it. It was finally something I could hold on to, hold over them. I stood up, but didn't leave the spot by the door. "You think I don't know how much they're looking at me to prove it's fine? I'm a kid, but I'm not a moron. You don't think I get that I am the experiment?"
Lena did not know what to say. Ralph looked as if he was biting back a smile. I hit the nail on the head and ran with it.
"That's right. I know. I know I'm being watched, that everything I do is being recorded. I'm the lab rat. I'm the alien. Don't you think I get that?"
"Jake," she said, trying to regain her composure. "Even if you are..."
"There's no 'if' about it."
Lena pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath. "I understand your frustration..."
"You don't understand anything!" I screamed. To my humiliation, my voice cracked and I felt tears building. "I want to go home. I'm done being an experiment. Can a space kid adapt to human life? Nope. Sorry. There's your answer." I turned and yelled into the recorder above the locked door. "Experiment failed! Now send me home!"
The door opened. It simply turned green and swung open. Lena gasped. I turned to Ralph, looking for approval. He shrugged. I put my hand on the door and pushed it the rest of the way open, half expecting...something. Someone to stop me. Some alarm to sound. Someone to come running. But none of that happened. The door opened to reveal a small room with a keypad. I stepped in and Ralph came with me.
"It's an elevator," he said.
"Oh."
On the keypad, two numbers were lit, one green, one red. "Hit the green one," Ralph said. So I did, then the other lit up. "Now that one." I hit the second and the door shut behind us and it started moving. "It's like the garbage chute," he told me, then laughed at the look of horror I knew I was making. "No, no. Just goes up and down to another section. We're not going to be incinerated."
We stood in silence while the room moved us. "I'm not sorry," I said after a minute.
"I know. I'm not either." He gave me a grin to let me know he meant it and I felt tremendously better. I didn't want Ralph mad at me. He was all I had.
The room stopped and the door opened. We both stood looking down another hallway, this one completely of thick glass. It lead to another building. "Please exit the elevator," came an electronic voice that made me jump. We stepped out. Even the floor of the hall was glass and we could see we were very high up, the red rocks of Mars impossibly far below us. I froze, for a terrifying second feeling as if there really was no floor under us.
Ralph whistled. "Well, StarTech still knows how to make an impression." He thumped my back and urged me forward. "Eyes up and you'll be fine. Hell, you were walking in space before you could read. Just pretend."
The thing with that is that in space, you really aren't going to fall. The worst that could happen is that you'd float off the wrong way and someone would have to go and grab you. And the very worst would be that nobody did grab you, but even that would be a gentle death. You'd simply float around until you went to sleep. My point is that there was never a threat of splattering on jagged rocks when you walked in space. It was not at all the same.
We made it to the other side. A door opened for us when we were still a few steps away and a man in a nicer suit than ours stood waiting. As soon as we got near, he stuck his hand out to Ralph. "Mr. Buttrick, let me welcome you home." He sounded friendly enough, but his expression did not change.
Ralph shook the hand, then gave a small laugh. "Not home yet, but thanks."
The man turned to me and stuck his hand out. "Young Master Cosworth, welcome."
I shook the hand and was startled to realize it was not a man, but a bot. I shot a look to Ralph who gave me a little nod. "Uh, thanks," I said.
"This way, gentlemen." He turned and walked down a hallway. Unlike the one in our quarters or the glass one we just crossed, this hallway was something entirely different. It was wood, for one thing. Ralph told me later that it must have cost a fortune to get Earth wood up there just to make the office pretty. It did, though. I'd never seen wood like it. The wood on Laak'sa is always shades of green and very smooth, more like a stalk of broccoli. On v-2445, the "wood" they had was pulpy, too smooshy to use as a building material. And though Ralph tried to jog my memory about another planet we orbited when I was young that was very similar to Earth, only without sentient life, I don't remember anything like it. This wood was brown, with almost swirly patterns. And it almost gleamed in the soft lights that lined the walls. It felt very calm. And I could smell it. I could really smell the wood. I like the hallway. If I ever get my own ship, I don't care how much it costs. I will line my entire cabin with wood.
The other big difference was that this hallway had many doors and many people. Or bots. I soon found out it was very difficult to tell without touching them if they were human or bots at a glance. Sure, talking to them you could pick out little differences. Some bots don't even try to mimic facial expressions. But some do. Others have little mechanical hiccups, little ticks that repeat in ways no human would. And others blended so well that there was no way to tell at all.
No one spoke to us as we passed, but many gave smiles or nods. They all had StarTech uniforms of different designs. We twisted and turned down hallway after hallway past room after room. Some were on coms. Some were at desks working. Some were talking to each other. I was trained from birth to study, to look for similarities and differences. It's something I never really gave thought to before. As we walked the hallways, I began to notice that those behind desks had one uniform, while those talking to each other had different ones. Several people pushing carts had basic uniforms, while one woman who walked past us like she owned the place had a very nice looking one covered in patches. What job you have determines what uniform you get. I wondered if the people pushing the carts were in Lena's class.
And none of them had our uniforms.
We entered another elevator and the bot pressed the lit number on the keypad. It only took seconds, and then the door opened into a large room. I thought the wood panels were something. They were nothing compared to the obvious richness of this room. I know I don't know people. I have no idea what passes for luxury on Earth. But sometimes you don't have to know to be able to tell. Wealth is the same, no matter the planet. You can look into a room on Laak'sa or v-2445 or, apparently, Utopia and just be able to know the ones you are about to deal with are at the top. There is a feeling you get, some subtle clue that tells you to stand still and not touch anything. So I did.
A man behind a large desk across the room glanced up, saw us, and said something quickly to his com. He stood and walked over, his hand out to Ralph.
"Sergeant Buttrick. I cannot tell you how excited I've been waiting to finally meet you!"
Ralph shook the man's hand. "And you are?"
"Reginald Luckston."
A smile spread over Ralph's face. "Johnny's son?"
Reginald smiled as well. "Grandson." He waved a finger at Ralph. "You've been gone longer than you think, sir."
Sir? Sergeant? Interesting. I never thought of Ralph having a rank. Or being treated with that much respect, actually. To me we were all equal on the ship. Well, not Mother. She outranked us all. But everyone else was just the same. Interesting, indeed.
Reginald stuck his hand out to me and when I shook it, he grabbed it with both hands and pumped it very excitedly. "And this is Jake. My god! You can't believe how thrilling this is. I'm positively tingling!" He was grinning and shaking and all in all I was completely uncomfortable. He pulled his hand back and held it up. "Look! Shaking with excitement!" He motioned towards two seats near his desk. "Sit. Sit. Charles!"
The bot came up. "Yes, sir?"
"Get these men a drink. And call for Bradley and the team."
"Yes, sir."
Ralph sat, motioning for me to do the same. The seats were fluffy and felt like they were sucking me in. I struggled, then found if I sat forward I could perch on the edge and be safe. "Bradley? As in Colonel Justin Bradley?" Ralph asked.
"
"Uh huh," said Ralph. "And what would a doppel-bot be?"
Reginald frowned and looked at Ralph for a minute before shaking his head. "Wow. I mean, I understand you've missed a lot, but I suppose I've never thought how much. Boy. Um...a doppel bot. Okay, well our thoughts and memories are recorded in the implants, then when our bodies die, a double is made in the form of a bot. Doppelganger, doppel-bot..."
"I see."
"It's Bradley, or at least what he knows. Just in a bot form." Reginald flashed another grin and ran a hand through his hair. "Wow. It's really you. And you haven't aged. It's amazing."
Ralph gave an uncomfortable laugh. "I have aged."
"Not nearly like you should. You should be dead like the rest of your contemporaries."
Ralph looked at him and said slowly, "Yes. Well. I'm not."
"I'm sorry," he said quickly, and I got the feeling he meant it. "I didn't mean to put it that way." Reginald sat back and put his fingertips together. I'd learn he always does this when he's thinking. "You're the first. Well, both of you. You are a pair of firsts. We've never had anyone come back before. To us it's been so very long. You were put in a ship...what? Eighty six years ago."
"Has it been that long?"
"Here, yes." He sat forward, gesturing on his desk while he spoke. He's a very expressive man. "Think of it. My grandfather, one of your best friends as I understand..."
"One of the very best."
"He waved goodbye and eighty six years here passed, while for you, it's only been...what?"
"Sixteen or so," I offered.
Reginald turned to me. "And you! Look at you! Not even a twinkle in anyone's eye back then and look at you. A teenager, when you yourself should be getting near death!" He sat back and ran his hand through his hair again, messing up the whole "rich man" look and not even caring. I started to like him. "It's always just been theory. No one else has returned."
"None from the early missions?"
Reginald frowned. "Mr. Buttrick..."
"Ralph."
He flashed a grin. "Okay, Ralph it is! Ralph, no one from any mission before you or after has returned."
"There were ones after?"
Reginald almost exploded in his excitement. "Dozens! One a year for about a decade after, then our tech got better and we could pump out the ships faster, two a year since. We gave up for a few years when it looked hopeless and concentrated on solar travel only when we finally started getting communications from Eunice Cosworth herself. Well, not me," he said, turning to me to explain. "My father."
"Little Petie," said Ralph.
"Yes. Peter. StarTech had almost lost any hope at all when we received a communique saying that the jump was a success and that they, or you, landed on an asteroid. So we sent a transmission back, and waited and waited and about once a year, we'd get another message. Frustratingly slow, but hopeful. It made us redouble efforts, made Utopia viable." He pointed at me. "And you." He shook his finger. "You are an impossibility. And your mother kept you a secret for a long, long time."
I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if I should say anything at all. Ralph handled it for me. "We all did, Reginald. We thought it best."
Reginald shrugged. "Probably. Dad was a hard man in some ways. But really, what could we have done, hm? Sure, it's illegal. But who's going to stop you?" I grinned at him. I made up my mind to really like him then. "However, I'm not going to lie. You do present us with a problem." The bot entered again and put drinks down in front of us.
"Bradley and the team have assembled outside, sir."
"Thank you, Charles. Tell them to wait."
"Yes, sir." He gave a little bow then turned and left again.
"We'll face the lions when we have a plan." He sat back and tented his fingers again. I sat waiting to hear why I was such a problem. "No one knows you exist," he said after a few minutes.
"Oh."
"Yes, 'oh'. There are conspiracy nuts, of course. Fueled by old men spilling their guts on their death beds and blabby techs that don't know how to keep their mouths shut."
"Why such a secret?" Ralph asked what I was thinking.
"Because we didn't know how it would turn out. Simply put, Dad thought it best. And we built everything around that. We have no idea how someone develops in deep space. So what are we going to say, hm? Are we supposed to say that we allowed the world's top scientists to conduct human experimentation in another galaxy?" He shook his head. "Now don't get me wrong, Jake. I'm not sorry at all that you were born. That's not what this is about. It has always been a requirement of StarTech to forbid procreation off world."
"But why?"
"Why? Because the governments of the world demand it."
"Aren't they having kids on Luna yet?" asked Ralph.
"Just within the last five years, and only after we could prove that every other species on the planet could successfully carry offspring. You have no idea how much money it's taken to prove to the governments that off world population is viable. First we started with rats. Piles and piles of rats. And then we waited until they approved rabbits. And then it was mounds and mounds of rabbits. And then once we proved that they were born without twenty seven eyes and alien tentacles, then they allowed us to try with cats. And dogs. And pigs. And finally monkeys until they could no longer deny we could try with people. Ah, but only a few people, only volunteers, and on top of that, they had to be terminally ill volunteers."
Ralph scoffed in disgust. "Oh, for god's sake."
"I know. But the governments have never been men of science. They have their people too answer to. I get it, more than my father or grandfather. You have to work in the system, take the time to give them the proofs they need, even if you already know these things for fact. It's tiresome, but that's what has to happen. We've got a lot of pull. And if push ever came to shove..." he gave a little shrug. "Let's just say that the governments are becoming antiquated. I don't want that, though. I have no intentions of ever having any control of Earth. I think that's something they just never understood. Let them have Earth. I want them to have it. I've got my sights elsewhere."
"But..." Ralph supplied.
Reginald gave a rueful smile. "But...I need them. I need people. And they have made it so that I cannot get people, not long term, anyway, without their say-so. We aren't allowed procreation rights here yet, even though we've already proven it's safe on Luna." Ralph scoffed again. "I know! They think it's different just because Luna's closer to Earth."
"They can't be that stupid in this day and age."
Reginald shrugged. "Try telling them that! So we've begun here with the rats and the bunnies." He rolled his hand. "We're all the way up to pigs, though, so it won't be much longer."
"What does that have to do with me?" I asked.
"Everything. Like I said, they never believed we don't want Earth. They think that because we have technology that they don't understand that we'll turn it around and use it on them."
"Why?"
He shrugged. "Why not? I'd probably be worried about the same in their shoes. Only two things keep us going. First, they need us. They need the minerals we're harvesting on Mars, Luna, and the asteroids. And second, we keep nothing secret. Everything is open, and they are allowed to track our every move."
Ralph smiled slowly. "Almost everything."
Reginald pointed at Ralph. "Bingo." He turned his finger to me. "You are our one secret. As soon as it comes out..."
"They'll question everything you do," I finished for him. I could see it all clearly then.
"Yep."
I shrugged. "That settles it. I guess I just have to go back..."
Reginald sat up straight. "Go back? Dear god no! You can't!"
"But you just said..."
"Jake," he said, leaning forward and gesturing with his hands again. "You are our key. You were born not only off world, but in space. Deep space. Space so far away we really didn't even know for sure it existed. You are the proof we need to show the governments that humans are still human no matter where they are born."
It all sunk in. "So that's why you've been building me up."
"Conditioning you. It's necessary. If you had stayed in space, maybe not. But if you're going to Earth to walk around and prove you're normal, then you kind of have to be normal. At least, physically. Besides," he said in a kinder tone. "If you didn't condition, it would be even more hell for you. Trust me. It's much easier in this low gravity situation than it would be if you went right to it. When you walk on Earth for the first time, you're going to walk and talk just like them."
"But you just said I'm supposed to be secret."
He spread his hands. "And now you see my problem. Now you see why I've kept you in your rooms. I wasn't keeping you prisoner," he said sincerely. "I'm sorry it felt like that. I just...well frankly I didn't know what to do."
Ralph sipped his drink. I went to pick up mine, but caught his look, and left it alone. Later he told me it was disgusting and he was saving me embarrassment. He was right. I sampled the same kind of beverage later and had to put up with his "I told you so."
"And do you know what to do now?"
"I know what we're going to do. I don't know if it'll work."
"And that is...?"
Reginald stood and started pacing behind his desk. "We had no idea anyone was returning. That one's easy because it's the truth."
"But I'm sure Eunice..."
"Did what? Told us? When? A few months ago to you, a few years from now for us. On that, I can legit plead innocence, and that's exactly what I am planning on doing. We had no idea you were coming back. As to Jake, I think we cry miracle."
Ralph quirked an eyebrow. "How do you figure?"
"Back then it wasn't a matter of impotence injections before a mission. We flat out sterilized."
"Yes," said Ralph with an anger in his voice I'd rarely heard. "I was there."
Reginald looked sorry, he really did. He looked away uncomfortably and gave a little cough. "Yes. Well we're going with human error. The process was...botched."
Ralph gave a little grunt. "For both of them? Yeah. That's believable."
Reginald sighed. "The only other option is the truth, that the great Cosworths went rogue."
"What's wrong with the truth?"
"Because I'm trying to keep us moving forward!" Reginald threw his hands in the air. "I can't be a renegade here. I can't let them think we have renegades on our team. Not now. Not when we're so close. Those suits you wore...brilliance. Absolute brilliance. Your holocoms that are filled with Gitar tech..."
"Qitan," I corrected.
"Sorry. Qitan. You can't even begin to understand how this moves things forward. And we're already this close," he pinched his fingers almost together, "to formatting the...fah'ti?" I nodded, glad he was making an effort to get it right. "We're almost to where we can use that for instant communication with Condor One."
I looked to Ralph. "Our ship," he said, as if I should know that. And I did, I suppose, somewhere deep inside. Condor One. Stupid name for a ship. But then again, ship was a stupid thing to call it, too.
"Instant communication?"
"Our techs are on it non stop. I think by the end of the week, we'll be able to patch you instantly in to give your mom and dad a hi." He grinned at me.
I should have been happy. I gave him a little smile, suddenly feeling dread, and not really understanding why. It was what I wanted, what I wanted since I left, right? I noticed Ralph giving me a funny look. "Uh, yeah. Thanks," I said lamely.
"And if we can get that one working with our equipment...if we can make more...then we can do what the Qitans do and travel the universe." He leaned across his desk. "This must happen. We cannot lose, not when we're so very, very close."
"Then sit on it. Leave us up here until it's all in place. Let us have a bit of fun on Utopia until you're ready."
"You've been gone awhile, but some things haven't changed. I already have the press asking about the 'prisoners'." Ralph quirked an eyebrow. "Yes, Ralph. We even have press all the way out here. It's one of the government's ways of keeping tabs, real tabs. I'm sure you've seen them outside. Maybe you didn't even notice."
"Make something up."
"And I have been, without actually lying. I've been holding them off. I've had that poor nurse sequestered for weeks and the pool of doctors are only our top scientists. They won't talk. But push is coming to shove. Even if Jake here hadn't popped a gasket, this conversation would be happening, the plans would be set into motion. You can only keep people in the dark so long before they light a candle."
Ralph grinned. "Your grandfather used to say that all the time."
"He knew far better than Dad how to handle the governments, how to work with them. Dad was more of a loose cannon. Maybe it was because his childhood was so restrictive. But Grandad was right. You have to walk the fine line." He tapped his desk for a minute. "Outside that door I have a team of the brightest minds. Not all scientists, of course. Some are more of public relations types." Ralph groaned. "I hear you. But we need them. They are waiting just outside that door to take whatever story I tell them and run with it."
"I take it by your tone you pretty much have it pat."
Reginald smiled and gave a small shrug. "I don't sit in this chair because I look good."
Ralph gave a nod and sat back. "So what's the story?"
He turned to me. "My father made no secret of the fact that he thought we'd been duped by your folks. And I tend to agree."
I felt the anger flare up. "Now wait a minute..."
"Calm down, kid. You're going to hear that from every nut on the block. I'm just letting you know what you're in for. And personally, I'm happy that they did it."
I suddenly had to defend them. I had to. I might not know many human people, but some things translate. There was no mistaking the accusation in his tone. "But Mother didn't even know."
"No, of course she didn't know," he said strangely, giving me some kind of wink as if we shared some joke.
"She didn't!" I said again, clutching the arms of my chair.
"And it's great to hear you say that so vehemently. Honestly, I had been worried that a kid raised in a tin can by scientists would be..." he flicked his hand, as if that motion explained everything, or even anything.
I crossed my arms over my chest, felt my fists flexing. It was happening again. The temper tantrums, as Mother called them. The "normal part of puberty" as Dad said. Reginald was pushing that button and I was having a hard time keeping my calm. "Would be what?" I asked through clenched teeth.
"You know. Like a robot or something." Reginald shook his head. "Jake, don't take it so personally. You're the first, remember? It's not like we've had anything to base our assumptions on."
"Then maybe you shouldn't assume," I said, sounding uncomfortably like Mother.
He put his hands up. "I can't help it. We've had to assume certain things. I'll admit we're wrong on some things and I'm sure you'll quickly set us straight. But you're a man of science, or at least you will be. You've been raised in an environment that breeds educated assumptions. It's part of the equation. We've had to make certain assumptions. Just like your own parents, in some ways we'll be wrong. But in others, we're right. And that's very fortunate for you." He leaned back and looked at me. I got the feeling he was examining his test subject, seeing if his slick words calmed me.
I hate to admit that they did. He was right. That's just science. How many days and weeks did Mother and Dad spend throwing out ideas about a new world, moon, or asteroid?
"It's got to have minerals, at least. Something we can harvest for the thrusters."
"There's no way they think. Look at them...they don't even have structured communities!"
"I believe that when they shake like that, they are mating. The pattern is very intricate. It's the only thing I can think of."
Sometimes my parents and the squeaks were right. Sometimes they were wrong. Sometimes the asteroid had tons of useful minerals, and sometimes the shaking, no matter how intricate, was just a sneeze. Could I really get mad at Reginald for wondering about me?
I sat back. Though I kept my arms crossed, they weren't tense. Reginald sensed that. He has a way of reading people, of assessing the situation in a millisecond that I wish I had. I wonder if Reginald ever gave any thought to exploration himself? I bet he'd be great with a new tribe.
"Now, the story we're telling is the one you actually believe...with a twist. Your mother and father knew she was pregnant. They were so in love that the rest of the crew got behind them because the thought of terminating the baby was too much of a cross for any of them to bear."
I gave a snort. I couldn't help it. I loved Mother, but I could not imagine her caring that much for anything if it put a mission, or her science, at risk.
Reginald tapped his tented fingers and thought for a few moments. "You really are an interesting kid, Jake. One second you're defending your mother, the next..."
I felt my face redden again. I looked to Ralph, but it was clear he was not going to support me in this. "You just...you don't know her. Science. That's what's important." Reginald's eyebrow went up a bit. Just for a second. But he said nothing more on that. I wonder what the eyebrow twitch was about?
"I think it's a story we can really work with. Yes, it admits fallibility on our part. But a human fallibility, and that's something we can use right about now. Plus, it'll take you from freak to folk hero," he snapped, "like that. The boy who was loved so much his parents defied both StarTech and every government of the time." He grinned. "It's fantastic."
Ralph shook his head. "Yeah, for him. What's it going to do to me?"
"I believe the statute of limitations has run out on those charges. Leave the rest to me. You're the doting uncle type. You've braved the vast reaches of space to help keep the boy safe, to bring him home to know his own people. He's a hero. You're a hero. And hopefully if you two play it right, we'll all be heroes."
"And if we don't?"
It was a very good question. "Yeah. What happens if we don't?" I mimicked.
"If you don't, then we are done." Reginald sat forward and folded his hands. "Gentlemen. Let's forget for a minute that you're employees of StarTech and that I'm your boss."
Since when? "I'm not..." Ralph shot me a look, the kind you can't ignore. I held my tongue.
"Let's just look at this whole thing in terms of the big picture. We are on the cusp of what generations have worked and died to accomplish. By coming back, you're the last piece of the frustrating puzzle. For nearly two centuries, true space travel has eluded us. We've sent hundreds out, never to hear from them again. And yet we've known, somehow, that it was possible to go and come back. We just knew it. And now, you're here. Proof.
"But the proof has come at the expense of the governments. Your parents flagrantly broke the law. Fine, it doesn't matter...as long as you're floating around in a tin can galaxies away. I said it before, what the hell could they possibly do to you all the way out there? Nothing. In fact, to them, your life up until now, the barbaric existence you must have endured in a cramped, lonely vessel untold millions of miles away from any other human life will be adequate punishment." He held up a hand. Reginald does not like being interrupted. "And that's not an assumption, that's a fact. I didn't say it's true, not to you. But it is a fact that's how they'll see it and that's exactly how I'll spin it if I need to.
"You have lived your life so far out of the realms of their world that they cannot wrap their minds around it. They simply can't. There's no room in government for creativity. There's no room in the board meetings and legal sessions for imagination. To them, deep space travel is...well, no more than a movie. And they've had plenty of proof. Two hundred years, in fact."
On that, I really did have to object. I didn't know much about the history of human space travel. I'll be the first to admit I ignored HuTA too much. But I did know about Luna. I was walking around Utopia. They were real, they were there. Even if the governments knew nothing about our survival, they knew that living in space is possible. I said as much. Reginald listened.
"I like how passionate you are about deep space travel. We need that." He gave me a patronizing smile. "You're young and naive. I wish I could remember how to be like that. I've been born into this half world, raised in it. I watched first my grandfather, then my father get beaten down by people who appeared to intentionally misunderstand what was plainly in front of their faces. What we know, they will never understand. But on the flip, I can see their point of view."
Ralph scoffed. "Don't tell me StarTech's now in the pockets of the government."
"Sergeant Buttrick, I can
assure you we most certainly are not!" He was truly angry. "But my
father turned a lot of suspicious people into flat out enemies and
I've had to work within the system, within
"But people want it. People want the travel. People feel the need to expand, to see what else is out there. We've got Earth down. We've got Luna's number. We've got an incredible hold on Mars, and now we're getting bored. I have the support of people. Hell, I'll have to turn volunteers away at the door when news of you two gets out!"
"Then what do you need the damned governments for?"
"Food, for one. Water that we don't have to waste resources creating. We've had limited success with farming on smaller scales. It's getting better every year, but not good enough. Not fast enough. Money...or I should say, ignoring money. As long as we're getting them ores, as long as our scientists are making their lives easier and easier with the stupid byproduct inventions, they're willing to use their comps to erase zeroes. And even though Dad didn't see the value, I know how much easier life for me and all those in StarTech employ will be with governmental support. Do we need them? In the strictest meaning of the word, no. We might be able to make it without them. But think about what that would mean. It would mean choices I don't want on my conscience.
"I can't send humanity out into the galaxies without knowing we have a plan B. I'm not running away. I'm trying to take everyone to the next step, to grow and spread as a race, as a family. I don't want to leave them behind. I want to take us forward, all of us."
"Noble," said Ralph. I can't be sure, because he looked sincere, but something says there was more than a little sarcasm implied.
"Not noble. It's just the mission. StarTech took over where NASA failed. But the ideals are the same. Greater humanity, not a bigger corporation."
"And Petie didn't see it that way?"
"Petie watched Grandad age under a mountain of bureaucratic red tape." He gave a laugh. "If I ever have kids, they might turn out like Dad, now that you mention it. Maybe that's just the natural cycle."
Ralph picked up his glass and took a long sip. I could tell by the look on his face that he was thinking everything over. What was there to think about? He worked for StarTech, he had to do what they said. Isn't that how employment works? He put his drink down and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
"So what is it you're not saying?" When Reginald gave a small smirk, Ralph crossed his arms. "I'm all ears."
Reginald waved a finger at Ralph. "Grandad always said you were the smart one in the bunch." I didn't think of Ralph as the smart one. He was...Ralph. He was always just there. An uncle, almost. Someone who gave an opinion only once in awhile. Someone in the background. Reginald was sizing up Ralph, and I found that I was, too. Maybe it's part of growing up, looking at the adults around you in a different way.
"Our scientists have discovered an Earth-like planet in one of the far arms of our own galaxy. Years ago, we sent a satellite to orbit, followed by a probe to sample. Do you know what we found there?" He didn't wait for a reply. "A civilization remarkably like our own. We've been in deep communications with them, but they are less advanced in terms of technology. Think human history, about the turn of the twentieth century. The correlations are staggering, but for one detail. They have been unable to mount a global population. We believe virus is the reason. And yet, they plod along."
"Like the Qitani," I blurted out.
"Possibly."
"So what does this have to do with us?"
"We need governmental permission to send manned missions."
Ralph seemed surprised. "You haven't already?"
Reginald gave a sly grin. "We need official permission."
"Which means you have, your people are there, and you're to the point where you have to admit it to the governments."
I looked back to Reginald, totally wrapped up. It was like one of Dad's spy novels, all these levels of lying and trickery.
"As I said, we need official governmental permission. Quickly, too, because they have their own nerds and there's only so long we can feed...altered info."
Ralph's grin spread. "Oh this is good. I thought you said he's the only secret?"
"I wasn't going to level with you," Reginald said honestly.
"But?"
"But I think I rightly summed up the necessity."
Ralph looked cocky. I had never seen him look cocky before, but that was definitely what he was doing. He put his arms behind his head and beamed. "So what do you want from us?"
"First, I need you to prove that humans can live in deep space. I need you to appear like any other person, at least in scientific terms. No doubt you'll be put through a few days of testing, but I promise it'll be no worse than you've already had."
Ralph turned to me, then. "Remember what Eunice put you through after you and Little Blob got stuck in the bogs and you had to cut your way out of your suit to escape?" I shuddered. I always shudder at the memory. It was awful. Quarantine for weeks. Hourly blood tests. Lungs examined on and on and on. Memory testing, coordination drills. She was convinced the exposure would leave me damaged and it took weeks to prove I was just muddy and nothing else. "You lived through that."
Good point. And Mother the sadist was billion of stars away. I relaxed.
"They'll do physical tests, and no doubt psychological. I've got nothing yet to indicate any issues there, but we'll still spend a few more weeks getting you ready. And then you'll act as a spokesman for StarTech."
"What's that?"
"It's easy. You'll just go around telling people about your life. You'll tell them about the places you've been, the things you've seen."
I thought of Lena's reaction to the pictures of my friends, the look on her face when she saw the different worlds, my worlds, my life. A queasy feeling flipped in my stomach.
I couldn't tell people about the things I loved, my people, my tribes. I couldn't stand the thought of seeing that look on their faces over and over. Ralph was on board. I could see it in his look. I had to be on board, too. I could see that in his look as well. This was what we had to do. I had to suck it up. I wouldn't tell them about Little Blob. I wouldn't tell them about Ashnahta. I would tell them about asteroids and breathing the muddy air of v-2445. I would tell them about the dead moons and what it was like to Trekman across the various tundras. I would tell them about living in a ship hurtling through the spaces no human had been in. I would keep my friends to myself. I would keep my life to myself.
"And what do we get in return?" asked Ralph.
"For one, you get reinstated as being alive," Reginald said with a laugh. "Full credits returned, with interest. Should be quite an account. You'll get the Cosworth estate back from the museum, of course." He was speaking to me. What estate? Museum?
"After, I mean. I don't care about the money. After we dance and sing and get your approval, what then?"
Reginald shrugged. "What do you want?"
"You've sent a human team to the new planet," Ralph said.
"Cogen. That's what the natives call it."
"I want to lead the first official mission. The first one that comes back."
I turned to Ralph. He never lead missions. Ever. And then it hit me. If Ralph went, I would go, too. "What about Laak'sa?"
"Laak'sa's been done. I want a new one. Or worlds around it. I want my own mission, Reginald. I want my own team on my own terms."
I felt the anger rising again, a betrayal. "Ralph, we have to go home." Ralph ignored me. Reginald ignored me. I felt like a little kid again. The grown-ups were talking, dear, time to be quiet. But I didn't want to be quiet. "I have to go back," I said again to Reginald.
"Jake." Ralph's tone said it all. Not now, dear, time to be quiet. Pat pat go play. I sat there and fumed.
"I think that can easily be arranged," Reginald was saying, but not to me. He wouldn't look at me. Not the rest of the time we were in there. He couldn't look at me, the wuss. He wouldn't just tell me no. He was going to string me along and let me think there was hope when there was not. And Ralph. I'd have so much to say to him once it stopped hurting. Did he know all along? Why hadn't he said anything?
"And I want transport back to Laak'sa."
I was ignored.
"I mean it. You don't want to be around me anymore, Ralph? That's fine. I'm almost an adult. I'll dress up and talk nice about StarTech and get you your approval and then I want a ticket back to Laak'sa."
"We'll talk about this later, Jake." He was looking at me as if I just embarrassed him in front of the primary during a ceremonial feast. He was trying to make me feel like that little kid. I wasn't going to let him get away with it. I am not a kid. Not really. Not after all I've seen and done.
I struggled in the poofy chair, but managed to stand up. I wanted my answer and had no plans to do anything else until I got it. "Why? Why do you get what you want but I don't?"
"You're a kid. You don't know what's best. Now sit down and stop it with the tantrums."
"What's best? Seriously?" I had to laugh, but it came out sounding bitter and mean. "You're joking, right? Was it best to send me hurtling through space with no idea if I'd live or die? Hm? Or was it best to take me away from everyone I know? Was it best to send me from the only friends I've ever had? Or the people I love? And all for what? So that Dad can say his kid went to Earth, that's why. So I can be a damned spokesman for a company I don't actually work for, by the way." I said the last part to Reginald. I just wanted to make that fact clear. "That's really what's best for me? I'll do your bit. And then I want to go home. Period."
Reginald looked at Ralph. Ralph looked at Reginald. Ralph looked at me and clenched his teeth. But I would not back down. Finally he threw his hands in the air. "You don't even know you'll want to go back! Maybe you'll find some hot little human and want to stick around. You're so hell bent on hating Earth. Has it ever occurred to you that you might like it? No. It hasn't. Because you're too busy moping and sulking. I thought more of you than this, Jake. I really did. You didn't have a problem moving to new worlds out there. Why do you have such an aversion to it here? No," he said quickly. "Don't answer. I don't want an answer because it won't be real. Just think about it. I will not make Reginald agree to your terms because you are a child and your parents put your welfare in my hands. So until you turn eighteen, you're stuck with my decisions. My decision is that you'll stop acting like a baby, suck it up, and deal with it. And you'll do it because this is something your parents spent their entire lives working for. I don't care if it means nothing to you. It means everything to me."
And with that, the case was closed. He put me in my place good. I'm not saying I was acting like a baby, like he said. Didn't I get up every day and jump through their ridiculous hoops? The evidence was clear in my arms and legs. I had the muscles of the Qitani athletes that compete for their community standings! I was reading the crap Lena kept giving me, which I now realize was ordered by StarTech. I was doing the research, I was putting in the work. And I hadn't complained about it, not much anyway. I was not being babyish, and that was a low blow.
But he was right about it being my parents' life work. Their number one goal was human interaction with every sentient species across the universe. And after I cooled down in my room by staring out the starlit window while Ralph pretended not to be angry with me, I thought about Reginald's position, StarTech's position in the world and beyond. They are right on the threshold of Mother and Dad's best dream, and I could help them get there. I could help realize the goals of every member of our crew. I could stop being the accidental kid underfoot and start being a true Cosworth in my own right.
And after I did, I would approach Reginald and request my payment. It was a fair payment. It was not like I was asking for the same as Ralph, to take over anything at StarTech. I didn't think I was demanding anything unreasonable at all. I was simply asking to go home. Older, wiser. Maybe bring new tech of ours, maybe be able to send back further advances from the Qitani. I thought it was a fair price. Reginald just had to see that I earned it. With new resolve and a "big plan" firmly settled in my head, I felt secure. If I was good enough, I thought there was no way he could turn me down.
Chapter4
We moved in the morning. I grabbed my holocom, the only "possession" I had, and followed the bot Charles down the glass hallway again, and then down, down, down, instead of up, up, up. After a few minutes, the doors of the elevator opened into a "suite", as Ralph called it, that Charles insisted up and down was no more than "standard human accommodations on Earth". The rooms were like nothing I'd ever seen. There were five large rooms, for starts, and each single room was larger than any three combined on Condor One. They reminded me of the palace on Laak'sa in size, but not in style. On Laak'sa, everything was the smooth, pearly metal mined there. Smooth and cool to the touch, which was always refreshing even through the mesh of my suits, in the humid climate. Our suite was...fluffy. Like the chair in Reginald's office. The couches could eat you. They kept pulling and pulling until I had to struggle and beg for help. The chairs around the big table in the dining area were the same. How was I going to eat my dinner if I spent the whole time trying to pull myself out of the chairs?
The bedrooms were even worse. The floors were covered in thick, poofy carpet. I told Ralph it felt like walking in the bogs of v-2445, and he laughed. He wasn't mad at me anymore, not exactly. But there was still something between us. Maybe it was just part of growing up. I said my good byes to Mother and Dad. Would Ralph be next?
I hated the bed the worst. It was enormous. I was used to sleeping in my cubby on the ship, a firm mattress just big enough for sleep with the lock-in straps cocooning me in a safe net. The bed in our first set of rooms on Utopia was larger, but it was still firm. Ralph called it a hospital bed, and said, "Well at least some things didn't change." The beds in the new place were too soft to sleep on. I climbed in the middle and it felt like I was being consumed by a Nha-ne, only this time, Little Blob wouldn't be there to save me. I had to roll for what felt like hours, but eventually I plunked off the edge and landed on the fluffy floor. I'd sleep there. It was still soft, but at least I knew I wouldn't drown in it.
We had to wait for "the team". We didn't meet them the night before after all. Reginald wisely decided enough was enough for one day and let us go back. It meant crossing the terrifying glass bridge of doom again, but I was just glad to get away.
"It's a lot to absorb. Sleep on it. We'll get a fresh start in the morning."
I didn't do much sleeping. But my resolution to be so good that he could not deny my little payment did make me feel refreshed. At least I knew. At least I had a plan.
The other rooms in the suite were just as different. I had a bedroom, as did Ralph. There was a living/dining/kitchen area. Daniel would be beside himself if he saw the kitchen and all the room to work. I took a few pics on my holocom to show him and make him green with envy next time I saw him. There was an enormous bathroom. I didn't understand why it was so big. The toilet sat at one end, in the middle of a tiled wall, all by itself. There was a sink on the far wall with a mirror, and on the opposite wall there was a shower. I could probably fit two rooms from Condor One in the empty space in that bathroom.
"People like space," Ralph told me, laughing.
To me it just felt like I was hanging out in space itself when I was doing my business. It echoed in there. Echoed. It was big enough to echo. You could easily fit twenty people inside. Was that why it was so big? Did people want to fit twenty people in the bathroom at a time? It was creepy.
And then we had another conditioning room. "Home gym," corrected the Charles bot. It had all the equipment the conditioning room had, it was just more...homey, I suppose. Instead of looking like an extension of a hospital ward, it was all different colors, with fancy panels instead of the clinical equipment we'd been using. Home versions. And in the center where all the machines pointed was a large plasma monitor.
"TV," corrected Ralph. "Like I've been saying."
"But it's not a television."
Ralph sighed. "Technically no. But I call bandages band-aids even though they aren't. People are used to televisions. Had them for three hundred years. It doesn't matter that it's actually a plasma display monitor that works on completely different tech. They know it as a tv, they call it a tv, and they always will."
"But tvs couldn't do holo displays."
Ralph gave me that look. I shut up. He flicked on a show and I spent the time waiting for the team watching...something. I don't even know what. There was artificial laughter, so it was one of the comedies Ralph likes. He laughed. But I didn't get the jokes.
"He's pink," I pointed out.
"Tats."
"What?"
"Tattoos. It's all the rage. Didn't you notice in those zines Lena had you look at?"
I had. But pink? "He looks ridiculous."
"To you. To me. Sure. But that's because we're not used to it. All of them have something like that, though."
Horror! "No way are they doing that to me!"
Ralph laughed. "Calm down. I'm sure they wouldn't dream of it. I do kind of like that blue streaky look he's got, though..." Ralph rubbed his chin. I can't picture Ralph with blue streaks across his eyes and forehead.
"Why do they even do that?"
"Same reason Qitanis implant jewels across their collar bones and cheeks. They think it's beautiful."
Something to think about.
"The knock at the door", as Ralph said, even though it's a chime and not any kind of knock, made us get up. I suddenly felt nervous and didn't know why. The bot Charles strode in, followed by five people. Or bots. I'm still on the fence about a couple of them. We were introduced quickly and they started their jabbering even quicker. We'll start with what I caught and then try and catch up from there.
Christophe Venderi almost pushed Charles out of the way, so obviously he grabbed my attention first. We were told that he's the official press secretary to Reginald. I took that to mean that he's in charge of everything that they say to every other body outside StarTech. The most important thing to know about Christophe Venderi is that he's perfect. There is never a wrinkle on his clothes, a wave in his hair, a freckle on his cheeks. He looked so perfect, in fact, that I was sure he was a bot until he shook my hand. They can make some convincing bots, but no one has been able to simulate the feeling of a real hand. He's real. I don't know where they found him, but he's real. He speaks perfectly, too. He sounds like a human HuTA. And he stands out in my mind for this, for being so perfect, and for the first thing he said to me. About me, actually. I don't think he spoke to me directly the whole time. He said to Ralph, "I've never questioned Reginald's lead before, but putting so much on the shoulders of a recluse kid? Oh well. We shall just have to make the best of it, won't we?"
Yeah. Nice guy, this Mr. Perfect.
Jillian was much more interested in me. She hovered like the caa flies of Laak'sa. "Look at him! Thank God he got his mother's cheek bones. He's pale...maybe purple? Whatsa matta, kid? Don't like the tats? Fine. Wholesome's a better sell anyway. Dear god, Chris, we've got to get him a better wardrobe. I'll get on the com to Honree himself and special order..."
"No, not Honree," Christophe butt in. "Keep him humble. StarTech."
Jillian looked at Christophe and for a minute I thought there would be a fight. But it was clear who ran the show. "You're right. Something new, though. New designation."
"Quite," concurred Christophe, before ignoring me again and talking with Ralph.
Jillian measured and poked and said stupid things until I wished she'd go away. And then she did, and I was sorry I wished it because Karl Dresche took her place. And his pokes and prods were not silly or friendly. He was a bot. I was almost sure of it. I would have been positive, in fact, if I didn't know Mother. That's it! He's the male version of Mother!
"You have been working, but not enough. I read your medicals. Children in space." He shook his head, and I felt very defensive.
"What's wrong with children in space?"
He launched into a rant
like Mother, about my heart rhythms and brain waves and oxygenation
and hydrolization and calcification and transmogrification and on
and on until my head spun. He worked himself up good, too. By the
time he had my chart open on his VitalCheck he was gesturing wildly
and almost frothing at the mouth. I knew what to do. I was raised
by Mother, after all. He needed to vent it out. I waited. I wiped
off the spittle from my cheek. And when he was blue and had
to,
He fixed his hair. "Yes. Yes, you are right. I can't blame the hapless result of the folly of others, can I?" I couldn't really be offended, since I pretty much expected that result. He straightened himself and tapped his VitalCheck. "New regimen, starting tomorrow. We'll begin each day with a stat check, a series of mental exercises, and then a physical run down of all the vital organs." I groaned, and he gave a laugh. I think it was a laugh. It was a small noise that was not filled with contempt, so I assume laugh. "You groan now, but you will realize I'm on your side. You think this is bad? If I don't do all of this and appease the governments, they will put their own people on the task. And they aren't nearly as friendly as I am."
Fortunately he turned his attentions to Ralph. The next was the doppel-bot of Justin Bradley. We went into it knowing he was a bot, but I'll admit he's a very good one. His voice was smooth with no hitches. He introduced himself to me with a slight bow, something Ralph told me later was creepy because it was so exactly Justin that it gave him the willies.
"Young man, it is a pleasure to meet you. A pleasure indeed! Eunice's son, in the flesh. We had wondered, hoped at times. And didn't she just find a way? Yes. Yes." He smiled and nodded. His eyes. If you look close enough you can see the mechanics in his eyes. Ralph's right. It's unnerving, and I never knew the actual Justin Bradley.
"To a tee!" Ralph said later, drinking something he called "hooch" and almost shaking on the couch. "Lance is never going to believe this."
"I wanted to meet you," the Bradley bot said. "I hope we shall interact later. I'd love to interview you on the validation some latest theories."
I told him I wasn't up on theoretical physics. He refused to believe me. I am, after all, Eunice's son. He left, and I can't say I missed him at all.
That left two people I hadn't met yet, one girl, one boy, and neither seemed inclined to step forward.
"Hi." I tried to break the ice.
"Look, kid, let's not beat around the bush." It was the boy. "I don't want to be here."
I frowned at him my best frown. "Then don't. I didn't ask you to come."
"I have to. It's my ticket back Earthside." He pointed at me. "So this is how we're doing it. You're going to listen, do what I say, and play nice. Then I'll get my ticket and blow this..."
"Marlon," said the girl quickly. Marlon shut up but kept glaring at me. "I'm Lynette. I'll be your cultural liaison."
I knew what that meant. That's basically what Dad did. It suddenly struck me as funny, and I couldn't help but laugh. Lynette quirked her eyebrow and Marlon rolled his eyes. "Sorry," I said. "I've just never been on this side of it before."
Lynette's eyes went wide and Marlon said something rude and sat in one of the poofy chairs. Lynette clucked her tongue and waved a hand at him. "Forget him. He's just mad that he had to leave the banks."
"Banks?"
"Yeah, computer banks. It's why he's up here, a techie. Do you mean it?" She switched gears a lot and without warning. Sometimes it was hard to keep up with her. It was almost like inspeaking. Almost.
"Do I mean what?"
"What you said. That you've never been on this side of it before. Have you really...I mean...they said you had but I thought they were blowing smoke. Have you really met...aliens?"
Here we go again. I tried not to get angry, but by the look on her face I knew I failed. "They are not aliens. They are people. Alien implies that they are strange, or weird, or less than humans. They are not. They are people, just from a different place."
"I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I didn't mean anything by it. It's just the word we use."
"It's not the word I use."
She gave me a wry smile. "And that's exactly why I'm here. You have to learn how to be one of us."
"What if I don't want to be one of you?"
She flicked her hand, completely dismissing that idea. "It's not up to you. StarTech says and I does. And that's the first thing you should learn. You wear the uniform, you walk the walk. Now, back to the aliens."
I ground my teeth together. "I said they are not aliens."
"And like I said, it's just the words we use, it's what people know. Jeez, Jake. You can't get so worked up over a word."
"But it's not just a word," I protested. "It brings up a whole image, a whole package."
"So? What's wrong with that?"
"It's wrong thinking, that's what!"
She held her hands up. "Oh boy. Calm down. I didn't mean to tick you off, not so early into things anyway. Fine. You're hung up on this alien thing. What word do you want me to use?"
"They prefer the word 'shuntah'."
"Shoetie?"
She wasn't trying very hard, but something about it made me want to laugh. Who was the alien now, hm? "Close. Shuntah. It means tribe or sect, roughly. Most Qitani words don't directly translate."
She just stood and looked at me for awhile without speaking, long enough to start making me self conscious. Finally she did speak. "All right. Tribe. I'll give on this one. Seems important to you."
"It'll sell the package," said Marlon. I hadn't realized he'd been listening.
"That's what I'm thinking," Lynette agreed.
"Add a couple of 'golly gees' and 'yes'm's' and I think we got ourselves a wholesome farm boy."
I didn't like the tone of his voice. Hostile. Pitying. Debasing. I turned and was about to ask him just what his problem was when Lynette shocked me by agreeing with him. I had no friends there. None. The rest of the day proved that. Not even Ralph, since all he'd tell me was to "play nice" and do as they said.
I was taken to our home gym and put through Dr. Karl's medical paces. The testing was annoying, some of it was painful, but overall I could handle it. Not that different actually than anything I'd done for most of my life. It never occurred to me before just how carefully Mother did watch over me. I always thought she was studying for her own science. But as Dr. Karl administered the tests, I began to ask what they were for.
"Have to watch that heart. We want to build it up, not make it quit."
"Your oxygen levels fluctuate more than they should. I'm not worried yet, but we'll watch."
"Stop moving. I can't read the blood if you wiggle."
Everything he did was recorded. Sometimes he frowned. Sometimes he didn't, which I later learned was as close as he gets to smiling. And sometimes he'd explain why I should be doing something different or better or not at all. It took hours that first day, but he said the more routine it became, the faster we'd get through it.
"And you are not the doctor. It would speed things up significantly if you stopped hammering me with questions." He didn't really want me to stop asking, though. None of those science types ever really want that. They pretend to be annoyed and burdened by them, but they're secretly thrilled someone else shows some kind of interest.
I should have done that more with Mother. I think she probably wanted me to.
After Dr. Karl was done, I was shuffled to Jillian. Christophe was gone, and the whole suite felt lighter. I said as much to Jillian as she measured me.
"Are you always rude?"
That brought me up. I didn't think it was rude. It was never seen as rude by my parents, or the other crew members, when I made an observation. "I was just making an observation on the change of atmosphere..."
She sighed. "Yes. I know. But don't. First off, he's so far above your rank it's not even funny. If you didn't just come from a tin can in space you wouldn't ever be in the same room as him. He worked his way up, kid, and he's earned respect. Hold still." She measured uncomfortable areas, typed it into her holo, then stood and looked at me. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap." She straightened the collar of my suit. "You sounded just like my own kid when he starts mouthing off."
I felt my face turn hot. "I wasn't trying to mouth off."
"Well, you did."
"Honestly, I was just making an observation."
She gave a small laugh. "Oh boy you really were raised by scientists, weren't you? Kid, lesson one. You can't always say what's on your mind. It's not an observation, it's a jab at Chris." She put her hand up. "No, no arguing. I've been around enough of these sciency types to know what you're trying to say. But I've also been around the majority of humanity, and they aren't scientists. Let me give you an example. If I was wearing an ugly sweater, I mean, god awful makes you gag to look at...would you walk in here and say 'Why Jillian, that is the most unflattering, horrid, puke colored piece of clothing I've ever seen?' No. You wouldn't. And why? Because it would hurt my feelings."
Of course I wouldn't call her sweater ugly. I learned that lesson years ago when Little Blob's mother was trying something new with her hair. It hurt her feelings, and when you inspeak, that's a pain you feel echo through you until you feel small as dirt. But I didn't see the connection. I walked into the room, the atmosphere felt different. The only thing that changed was the removal of Christophe, ergo, Christophe is oppressive. He wasn't even in the room to hear, at any rate.
"Trust me, okay? At the very least, it's a crappy way to try and make friends."
"I have friends." I sounded
defensive. I
She sighed again, and gave my cheek a pat. "No one can have too many. And right now, you could use some by your side. Now scoot. Go play a game with Lynette."
I never felt so much like a child before. There was absolutely no room in her tone for argument. As much as I would have loved to defy her, I knew she wouldn't have it. My face was still crimson when I went to my room to find Lynette and Marlon flipping through my holocom. My own mother didn't even cross that line! I snatched it from them before they even realized I was in there. They were looking at Little Blob. The pic on the screen was one Dad took of me and Little Blob before we shoved off for Laak'sa. They were in my personal room looking through my personal files. The holocom was the only thing I ever owned that was truly mine, and they flipped through it like it was nothing.
"Hey, Jake. So, what do you want to do?" Lynette acted like nothing happened.
"Look out, Lynnie. Space boy's mad."
"Get. Out." I was so angry that's all that would come out. I pointed to the door. I'd had enough for the day. Hell, I had enough for a lifetime. Poked and prodded picked at, picked on, picked apart by strangers all day long, people who already made their minds up. People who didn't really care beyond their "job". People who wouldn't listen, or assumed, or had their own agendas for me. I was tired. I was humiliated. And now, now I was over the edge.
Marlon jumped up. "Come on, Lynnie. You heard him. Time to leave."
"You mad at something, Jake?"
The anger built and built. "You had no right to look through my things."
Marlon sighed heavily. "Oh hell. Is this going to take long? Because I've got some heavy programming to get back to. You know, real work."
I opened the door. "Get out!"
Ralph was at the door in seconds. "What's going on, kiddo?"
"All day I've done what I was told. All day I put up with their garbage. And then I come in here and find these two grundhi going through my holocom!" I was on the verge of tears, and didn't even care that my voice cracked. I was so mad it felt like my hair was sizzling.
Marlon rolled his eyes again and pushed past Ralph. "Later, bots. I'm out."
"Jake, you need to calm down and..."
"Calm down? Calm down?! Did they pry into your personal files, Ralph?"
"Of course they did. Years ago. That's what StarTech does. You sign up for ST life, you sign away your own. That's just the way it goes."
"But I didn't sign up for anything!" I bellowed. I saw Jillian look up from her terminal in the living area. Dr. Karl stepped out from the gym where he'd been calibrating the machines for my new training. Lynette gave a little gasp behind me and I heard her get up from my bed. I wanted them out. I wanted them all out. All of them. I wanted to run and hide. I wanted to be back in my own bunk in my own quarters and reach out and get comfort from Ashnahta.
"Jake," Ralph said in his "calm the kid down" voice.
"No," I said, getting myself under control. "I don't want to be calmed down, I want you to listen. I didn't sign up for this, did I?"
"Jake..."
"No! I have spent the day answering their questions. Now they can answer mine!" I pushed by Ralph and walked up to Dr. Karl. "You know everything about me. Every single detail. Did I ever ask to be any part of this StarTech?"
"Young man, you'll get your heart too worked up. I can give you a dose of..."
Forget him. I turned to Jillian. "Am I? Am I an employee? Can StarTech really hire people who don't want to work for them? Is that what kind of society you have here?" She made no answer. "It is, isn't it? I've got no choice. I've never had a damn choice in anything!"
I turned back to Ralph. "I'm playing along. Don't you try and tell me I'm not. I've done every stupid thing they've wanted me to for two months now. I have run their miles and lifted their weights and eaten their horrible food and read their stupid magazines about things that are inane and pointless and don't matter at all!" I whirled to Jillian again. "Blue paint on faces? Is that seriously what concerns your human race?" I didn't let her answer. I also didn't miss her squirm. I hit a nerve, with all of them then, even Ralph. I could feel it. "I just want to go home. I want to go back to a place where all people are just people and they can say what they think and not be called brats for it and where they are working for a future, not worried about suits and paints and stupid, trifling garbage." I was calmer now that it was out. I felt better at giving my honest opinion.
I turned to Lynette. "This is the one thing of mine. This is the only thing I've ever owned. It's my one link to my home and to my family. Not 'aliens'. My family. My friends. My life." I turned back to the stunned adults. "I'll play your games. I'll get StarTech their funding. I'll do what you say, Dr. Karl. I'll be the fittest little astronaut off planet. I'll wear whatever you put me in, Jillian. I'll stand tall and smile nice and say whatever Christophe wants me to. I'll do it because apparently that's what I am supposed to do. But you get this straight. I didn't ask for any of this, and I'm doing the best I can."
Have you ever gotten angry, really, truly angry, where you feel electrified? And then that energy gushes out in a tirade and you feel spent. That's how I felt. I felt truly tired. Not "I need a nap" tired. I mean, exhausted. "I'm going to bed." Dr. Karl made as if he was going to say something, but Ralph shook his head. I walked into my room and stood at the door. "Please leave." Lynette darted out and I closed my door. And then I let the poofy bed suck me in and I wished it would go ahead and swallow me whole.
Ralph came in during the night. He sat on the edge of my bed. I didn't turn to look at him. What more was there to say? So I let him talk. And I listened, even though at the time I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of acknowledging him.
"We knew she was pregnant. We all planned it, all of us."
If I hadn't already resolved to ignore him, and if I wasn't too stubborn to stick with a plan once it's made, I would have been all over that. But I laid there, almost unable to breathe, as he spelled it out for me.
"She wanted to have a child in space. So we helped fudge the sterilization process. Oh, she got an injection, alright. But it was just harmless saline. Your father, too. And two others, in case..." In case what!? He didn't say, and I couldn't ask. "Well, that doesn't matter. It worked out."
So Reginald was right. They lied to me my whole life. I'm just an experiment. I silently begged the bed to finish it's job and drag me under.
"You were right. You didn't ask for any of this. But hell, kid. No one asks for what they get. I didn't ask my folks to be born. That's not how it happens." He sighed. "Maybe we did the wrong thing. Or maybe we did the right thing for the wrong reasons. Whatever. It made all those years in the tiny can bearable, having a little munchkin running around. I'm not sorry. And your Mother, she cried when you were born. I get that Eunice comes off as clinical, but she does care. And if I thought for a second you were thinking poorly of your father, I'd whoop you. You know he was thrilled to have you.
"So you're not where you asked to be right now. So what? I didn't ask to have that troll of a teacher Mrs. Plinket in sixth grade. I didn't ask her to hate children and whip my fingers with her ruler when she was having a bad day. I didn't ask for it, but that's what I got.
"I admit there are differences. But the overall's the same. This is what you have to do because this is what your folks need you to do. You're not an employee. You're absolutely right about that. And I agree that Lynette and Marlon had no right getting into your holo, and I've already bitched them out good for it. I should have put my foot down about some things earlier, I guess." He gave a small laugh. "But I am an employee of StarTech. I have been since I was little older than you. I guess I forgot what civilians should expect. You should have privacy. I've made it clear to all of them, and Reginald agrees." Wow. He went to Reginald? He must mean it.
"In return, though... These people know what they're doing. Even Marlon, though I admit he's a jerk. They are here to help you. They may have started things off wrong, but they really are here for you. If you can't get along with these people, you're screwed on Earth. And if you're screwed, we all are." He waited. I know he wanted me to answer, but I just couldn't. Or wouldn't. If I went back in time, I'd probably say something.
Ralph sighed and stood. He walked to my door. "I've known you long enough to know when you're awake. I hope some of what I said makes sense to you, at least. Just one more thing to think over while you lay here sulking. Your mother and father risked everything to have you, and sacrificed more than you'll ever understand to raise you. So did the entire crew. Is it really too much to ask that you return the favor before you set out to live your own life?"
It wasn't too much to ask, but that wasn't really what I was saying. At least, that's not how I meant it to come out. My life had been taken away and there was nothing any of these people were letting me do to keep it. I felt so...helpless. I was the "alien", as much as I hated that word. To those people, I was completely alien. And if I was alien to people who lived on Mars and intentionally searched for oddballs like me, then how were the people on Earth going to take me?
Fear. I could never admit it out loud, not to Jillian, who would probably pat my head and say "yes dear." I could never say that to Dr. Karl, because fear is not a word in the vocabulary of science. Christophe, he wouldn't care if I said it to him or not as long as it was in the script he wrote. Lynette? I was so mad that she went through my things, but still, there was something in me that didn't want her to think I was weak. There was no way in hell I'd admit anything like that to Marlon. In fact, I was very glad he left before the bulk of my tirade. I almost could talk to Ralph about it. Almost. He'd made it clear he was StarTech, though. There's a difference between us that never existed before. Just one more thing taken away from me.
I was afraid. Ridiculous for someone who's "tripped" on a spacewalk and had to wait four painful hours before someone could catch up to me. Insane for someone who wallowed in the mud outside of a suit on v-2445 just to feel what Little Blob was talking about. Hadn't I stood up to Morhal when she was in a rage over Ashnahta missing one of the most important ceremonies? Morhal, who sliced the heads off her own children. I stood up to her. I felt no fear then.
"You cannot be held responsible for your cultural differences." It was Morhal's own edict after she deliberated with the secondary. "Besides, you have a calming influence on Ashnahta her secondary feels she lacks. You shall live. Do not let her miss another ceremony, or I shall be displeased with my own decision."
That's the key right there. I could not be held accountable for my cultural differences. We didn't hold the Ehkin or the Qitani responsible when they offended us, and they didn't fault us for the same.
But I wasn't around the Ehkin. Or the Qitani. Or any number of other tribes we either studied from afar or heard about through our interactions with the others. There are not supposed to be cultural differences. I was human. I was supposed to be one of them, supposed to start acting and thinking liike one of them. And that was terrifying.
Rely on the people trying to help me.
One time I hurt Little Blob's feelings. I didn't mean to. I hopped from rock to rock across the sulfur river he was not allowed to try and cross. I laughed and had fun and easily got to the other side. And I felt it then, his longing, his jealousy. I crossed back, apologized, and still I felt that tug. When we returned to our ship that night, Dad came to my cabin. I was only eleven then, a little kid, really. He sat down on my bunk.
"I saw you jumping around in front of Little Blob."
"He said we can't cross the sulfur stream, and I said that I could."
"And then what?"
"Then he felt really, really bad."
"Do you know why?" I shook my head. "He probably thought you were showing off."
"I didn't mean to."
He put his arm around me. "Of course you didn't mean to. I'm not raising a meanie for a kid! But it doesn't matter, does it? It hurt his feelings. You could see it in his coloring." I nodded, miserable. "So now you have learned a big lesson. Little Blob can't hop across the rocks. And just because you can, doesn't mean you should in front of him."
"But he can do all kinds of things I can't!"
"He can do all kinds of things you don't know how to yet. There's a big difference. He will never, ever be able to hop across the rocks. And you doing it and laughing...I bet he felt like you were doing it to rub it in and you were laughing to laugh at him."
"I didn't mean to." I felt like a worm.
"I know. And he is your friend. He'll know that, too. But you need to say you're sorry. Even if you didn't mean to, you hurt him. And you need to tell him you're sorry."
That's how I felt the next morning when I sat at the breakfast table with the whole team, none of us able to eat because of what was still unsaid. Well, Christophe ate. He ate in silence and sized us all up, one by one. I could feel when his eyes were on me. And Marlon ate, but he would have even if he'd been in the room still when I went off. That's just the kind of guy he was.
"I don't like this tension," Christophe announced after awhile. "Jake, I am told there is some question of your employment status and benefits. Let's clear this up right now. You are henceforth considered a freelance spokesman with level G status." Ralph dropped his fork, and looked at Christophe in surprise.
"What?" Marlon sputtered. "This little space monkey get G? For what? I've been with the company for years now and I'm only a D!"
"Perhaps that says less about Mr. Cosworth and more about your own performance, Mr. Donnely. If I were you, I might spend more time working on the job you're assigned and less time worrying about other people." Marlon's face burned purple and he snatched up his fork and ate in angered silence.
"As such," Christophe continued. "You shall enjoy the privileges of all with level G status. Is that clear to all in this room?" Odd, there was a threat there. He didn't say it, but it was there as clear as if he had. They were being yelled out. Calmly. Professionally. Almost nicely, on the surface. But they were getting the reprimand. Not me.
I felt I had to say something. "I...thank you." I looked to Christophe, who simply raised an eyebrow. I was supposed to apologize. I don't know how I knew it, but I did. I cleared my throat. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at everyone yesterday. I know you're just doing your jobs. It's just all very different and happening fast and..." I gave a shrug. I didn't know what else to say, but Christophe gave a little nod and I knew it was enough.
"I'm sorry I read through your holo," said Lynette sincerely.
"I'm not," said Marlon, shoveling another bite into his food. He looked to Lynette. "What? I've got a job to get back to. The sooner we figure the space monkey out, the sooner I can get back to real work."
"And that, Mr. Donnely, is exactly what a level D would say."
Ralph gave a chuckle. Still chuckled when Marlon glared. He wasn't intimidated by the brute. No one actually seemed to be. Ralph gave me a small wink and flicked his fork towards my plate. I was supposed to eat. I picked up my own fork and found that a huge weight had been lifted and I was starving. I began to eat, and then the rest of the people did, too.
Dr. Karl started talking to Ralph about his own physical situation. Jillian and Christophe began chatting about the plans for the next week. Marlon ate in his purple silence. When I risked a glance at Lynette, she took that as a sign I'd forgiven her.
"What's a gundy?"
I frowned. "What?"
"You called us that yesterday. When you were yelling."
I felt the pang of guilt. Did I really say that? "Grundhi. It's a Qitani word."
"They have a language?"
Don't get mad. She's not being mean. The look on her face meant she was honestly curious. How's she to know if no one tells her? These people are here to help. I just need to keep remembering that. "Yes. They're actually far more advanced in some ways than we are."
"Are they those...uh...blob people?"
She was highly uncomfortable, and for some reason that meant a lot to me. She wasn't trying to be disrespectful. She just didn't know how to ask. "No, those are the Ehkin."
Marlon snorted. "Sounds made up to me."
Lynette rolled her eyes. "So what does that word mean?"
"Grundhi means...uh...well, it doesn't exactly translate, but I guess the closest would be...uh...excrement."
Marlon snorted. He stifled the smile quickly, but it was there for a minute. Perhaps he wasn't completely unreachable.
Lynette bit back a smile. "Ah. I figured it was something like that."
"Sorry," I said with a small smile.
She took a bit and waved a hand. "No, I get it. I deserved it. I don't suppose I want you reading my entries. How many species are out there?"
"Tribes," I corrected. "Please. If you don't mind."
"Tribes."
"And as to how many..." I shrugged. "How should I know? I personally interacted with several. And they told us about more. And I bet those could lead us to even more and more and on and on."
"I knew it," Marlon butt in. "I always knew it."
Lynette shot Marlon a look. "Of course you knew it, moron. You work for StarTech. We all know it. You want a cookie or something?" She shook her head and turned back to me. "Jake, since I'm supposed to teach you about people...humans," she corrected quickly. I appreciated that correction. "The first thing you should know is that the average person has no idea other life forms exist. Some people, like us, think they might. We think that other...tribes might be out there. We've been taught it and we believe it, but we've still had no hard proof. So you sitting here, talking these other languages, talking about having these people as your friends, your family..." she shook her head.
"It's crap, that's what she means." Marlon pointed with his fork. "It's crap. A whole load of BS, as we say."
"But it's not crap. It's real. It's out there. They're out there and..."
Marlon snorted. "Good luck getting the average Joe to listen. I believe in it, but I'm a weirdo."
Lynette nodded. "He's right, he's a weirdo. Even by our standards."
"Thanks, sis."
"Anytime."
So they're siblings. That explains a lot.
"But they're real," I insisted again. "And we have proof."
"And it's all science and technical stuff. My job is to teach you how to talk about them to regular people. And let me tell you, regular people panic at the idea of other life forms."
I frowned. "Why?"
"Bad sci-fi," said Marlon.
Lynette nodded. "Stories. Fear. I think people worry that if there is another form of life it'll come take over Earth and eat people or something."
I had to laugh. "I can't imagine a Qitani take over. They don't even eat meat unless they're absolutely desperate, never mind humans. Besides, Laak'sa is superior to Earth in every way."
Lynette was smiling, Marlon was listening. "How so?"
"Two suns, for a start. More daylight, tropical climate, rainbows across the orange sky every morning when the primary sun rises and every night when it sets. Earth is blue, but Laak'sa is green, everywhere you look, everything you see. There are vast rivers that rush through dense forests that provide more food and resources than the Qitani could ever use, and everything has that rainbow effect to it. Their jewels, their wood, even their ores are washed in the colors Earth can only dream about."
"Tell me more," said Christophe. "Tell me of these Qitani."
"They are so close to humans that Mother believes a universal truth of the top of evolution might just be two legs, two hands, two thumbs, though we'll have to study far more than just one other culture for that to be true. They're taller than we are, but only slightly, and their rib cages are different. The oxygen level of Laak'sa is less because of a thinner atmosphere, so they've developed longer lungs. They only live about twenty years, and they spend those years moving their people further as a generation than we can in the hundred we have."
"What was your first meeting like?"
"Me? I was a kid. Ralph could probably answer better." Ralph made a motion to urge me on. "You have to remember I was only what? Twelve? And I'd just left my only friend back on v-2445, Little Blob."
"That's quite a name."
"That's the rough translation. I had just left him. He was my first friend off ship. But we were invited by Morhal, the primary leader of the Qitani. We set the coordinates she sent us into our small transport pod. Mother and Dad took me along, I think to show them our familial structure. At the time I thought it was just to have fun on a new world. Maybe it was both.
"We let the pod take us in. I heard Dad talking to our controller Daniel about it later, and they had a lock on us. We couldn't have veered off course if we wanted to. The pod got closer. Their major city surrounds their one large ocean, though it's smaller than the oceans on Earth. Mostly the water is in rivers on Laak'sa. The buildings are huge, and made of their metal that shines like rainbows. Dad calls it the City of Jewels, and that's what it looks like.
"The people were waiting around the square of their palace. Millions of them, just standing there, silent. I had never thought so many people could be in one place at a time. The pod landed in front of the crystal steps of the palace. At the top were Morhal and Ta'al, the primary and secondary leaders of the Qitani, and their children. They're tinted green because of their diets, and their hair and eyes tend to be shades of blue. They wear flowing gowns of woven metal that's so fine it looks like it's almost not even there, and all of the people of importance have jewels inset at birth that follow the lines of the collarbone and cheek bones."
Everyone was paying attention, even Marlon. "Go on," urged Christophe.
"We got out of the pod. I think they planned the perfect timing of our arrival, because as we were motioned up the crystal staircase, the second sun was directly behind the great palace archway and the evening rainbow shone overhead. Morhal and Ta'al stepped forward and began speaking. I had no idea what they were saying, none of us did. But Mother and Dad did their best. They were all motioning and trying to come up with some kind of instant sign language and I found it boring." I laughed. "Sorry. I said I was a kid. You should really ask Ralph if you want more details."
"What did you do while they tried to talk?"
"Looked around. Looked as Ashnahta, even though I didn't know that was her name at the time. She was glaring at me. She was a child, too, their primary in training. She had her arms crossed and I waved like an idiot." I had to smile at the memory. She looked so angry when I did that. "And then she looked away and I spent the rest of the time making silly faces at her brothers and sisters, and they back at me. We ate some food that Mother tested first, and gave them some of ours, that Morhal had someone test as well. And we took our masks off in short bursts, so that Morhal and Ta'al could study us.
"And after a few days of this, we started to really pick up words of their language. I was assigned to be by Ashnatha's side, and I can't tell you how resentful she was of that at first. But I decided to show her she was wrong. We spent the next year doing the same things day after day. We arrived there, and I was sent off with Ashnatha and her tutor to try and learn her language. There's just so much that doesn't translate, though. I struggled and struggled until I figured out how to inspeak."
Christophe raised an eyebrow. "Inspeak?"
"Ah, maybe that's enough for now," said Ralph quickly.
"Yes. It's how they communicate in that solar system. Really communicate, I mean."
"How does one inspeak?"
I shrugged. "I don't know how it's done. You just...do it. You open up and let someone send their thoughts and feelings to you."
"ESP?" He was asking Ralph.
"In a way. But really, he's the only one who's claimed to be able to do it and we've got no data..."
Christophe held up a hand, then turned back to me. "Tell me, is this something they did to you?"
"No." At his look, I repeated it. "I'm telling you, no. Mother always wondered that, too. Morhal believes it is because I was a child, that my mind was open. We use a different part of our brains than they do." He looked back to Ralph.
"That's true. That we do have data to support. Similarly structured, but different regions light up under load."
"Interesting," said Christophe. "So right now, if I was to think something to you, you'd understand?"
I shrugged. "I have no idea." He sat there and stared at me. I think he was trying, I really do. I didn't feel anything.
Or maybe he was just thinking. "Very well then. Your stories of Laak'sa are interesting, but need a little polish. I believe you when you say them, and that's something that cannot be taught."
"It's the truth. You should believe them."
He gave a quick smile. "Yes, but not everyone who says the truth is believable. You are, and that makes my job easier. I have a full schedule today, as do you." He put his napkin on the table and stood. Everyone rushed to do the same and a bot came scurrying to clear the table. He pointed at me and Ralph. "A word in the hall, gentlemen?"
We followed and once outside in the hall with the door shut, Christophe got right to the point. "Not another word about this inspeaking."
"But..."
"I believe you. That's the problem. Lynette was right when she was telling you that most people do not believe in other life forms." He quirked an eyebrow at my expression. "I am never too involved in one conversation to not pay attention to the others, Jake. Of course I heard that exchange. And she's correct. People will be beside themselves to hear about other life forms as it is. Put mind control on top of that and it'll be mass chaos."
"It's not mind control!"
"It doesn't matter what it is or is not. The public will believe it is. They will believe you have been sent by these aliens to take over their population and eat their babies and turn them into zombies and any other number of idiotic mass hysterias that take control when people are faced with the unknown." His look changed then, to one of almost kindness. "Jake, don't misunderstand me. I am personally very interested in this inspeaking and perhaps we shall have some time to discuss it further. But I am a man of studied intelligence. I am not a scared public. You will never again speak of it to anyone less than a G level ranking, and that includes those yokels in there. Ralph, you will explain to them in an aside that he was simply a child playing make believe with friends."
Ralph nodded. I felt a quick flash of anger, but remembered that they were trying to help me. Indeed, that's exactly what Christophe was doing. I had seen the reactions of these people, these who worked for StarTech, of all companies. I had seen how shocked they were to find out their company had been right all these years and that humans are not alone in the universe. He was right. There were things to keep to myself. "I think that's wise," Ralph said.
"Good man. Now, I've worked our your schedule for the next week. I'll be back at the end of it to get you ready for cameras."
"Cameras?"
He grinned then, a real smile for the first time. "Of course! You can't be a star without them! Now do as you're told. And no more calling them excrement. I understand the feeling, but it doesn't help make friends." He gave a nod and entered the elevator.
"Are people really that freaked out about tribes?"
"More than you can imagine," said Ralph. "Look, Jake. You've lived a life that would terrify them. You have to listen when someone says to zip your lip about this or that, okay? For your good, more than theirs, at least from where I stand. The squeaks on Earth catch wind that you can send messages with your mind, and you'll be locked up as a lab rat faster than an Ehkin can change shape. They'll get you and keep you. Please, kid. Please keep it to yourself."
He meant it. I nodded. I'd do my best. But I still planned to keep trying. I hadn't given up hope on finding someone who could inspeak as well.
We went back in the room and Dr. Karl announced it was time for my testing. We went into the gym. Ralph got on his cycle and turned on what he stubbornly calls a tv and called for Lynette and Marlon to join us. Lynette came in and looked around, uncertain.
"In here?"
"You're his human liaison, right? Well let's start killing a couple birds with one stone. He's going to have to do this every day, might as well do it while the tv's on and while you answer questions about the culture." I groaned, Marlon groaned. Finally, something we had in common.
Lynette thought it was a great idea. She took a seat on a cycle, but just a seat. Obviously she wasn't on a conditioning regimen. "I don't know where to start. Have you watched any shows?"
"He refuses. Start at the beginning." I was breathing in to the machine like Dr. Karl wanted, so I couldn't look, but I knew by his tone that Ralph would have a smirk on his face.
"Yeah, Lynnie. Fill him in on your little soaps. Meanwhile, what the hell am I supposed to do?"
I heard a wrapper. Ralph was snacking again. Must be nice to relax, I thought bitterly as I puffed in and out of the machine.
"Oh go grab a terminal. You'll just get in the way," Lynette ordered. Marlon was out before she even finished.
The doc thumped me on the back and told me to get to my workout. I got up and turned on the treadmill.
"Okay, so you don't know tv at all. Well this is one of the most popular programs. The actors get a script and..." Hours. Hours of the same. I worked out, and she assaulted me with information. Who that actor was, how many divorces she had, who she starred with and what they starred in. Ads. The ads were probably the worst. Every commercial brought a wave of information.
"That's the very best paper towel. Hands down."
"Oh boy did they just lie. I'm sorry, but that will not make your hair shiny...unless by shiny you mean a fat blob of grease!"
"That's an okay band, but they tend to be more for the trancers. If you really want to dance, you should start listening to EMOverload. They're great in concert. Oh wait. Do you know what a concert is?"
It was like all the zines Lena had uploaded for me all smashed into one person. Her ability to talk is endless. She rattled on and on and on until my head was as sore as my muscles. I was never so happy for lunch break. I wiped off my sweaty brow and went back to the dining area where Marlon gave me a sympathetic smile. "Tired yet?"
"You have no idea," I whispered quickly before Lynette joined us.
"Try growing up with that twenty-four seven!"
He tapped away on his keyboard and our camaraderie ended as quickly as it began.
Lynette sat and smiled. "Well that's a great way to earn a buck! Are you getting the hang of things yet?"
"Sure," I said, even though I wasn't. How could I possibly absorb anything when it was being machine-gunned at me a mile a minute?
Lynette laughed. "You'll see. It'll all make sense once you're in it. Trust me. The day will come when someone asks you some pop trivia and won't you look like the hero for getting it right? It'll shove it right back in their faces. All of them!"
It was a surprisingly heated sentiment, and I still haven't figured it out. She was mad at people in general. That wasn't the only time she let something like that slip.
We ate lunch. I was informed that after lunch, my sessions with Marlon would begin. I had no idea what that could mean. Was I going to learn how to offend and irritate people? Or maybe I was supposed to learn how to intentionally be an outsider, or throw in cutting remarks. I finished my lunch giggling in my head to my own little jokes.
Marlon is a tech guru. I know he is, because he told me so.
"I'm a tech guru. You will consider me your master."
"Yes, master," I said blandly. "Teach me your ways, oh great guru." I have not had much opportunity to use sarcasm. It's wasted on most scientists. But Ralph snickered, so I figured I was using it right.
"Har har," Marlon said. "I didn't know I was getting a comedian. My job here is to catch you up. In case you hadn't noticed, things have changed just a bit in the last hundred years." He looked at Ralph. "Wouldn't kill you to pay attention, either."
"Kid, I've been programming bots since before your grandfather was born."
Marlon shrugged. "Suit yourself. Oh, wait. Real quick. What's a LCP drive?"
Ralph crossed his arms over his chest.
"Oh, don't know that one. A little past your time. Okay, we'll go easy. What about a C-Cap?" Marlon's eyebrow went up. "No on that, too? I got it. Here's one every grade school kid knows. What generation of HuTA is institutional standard?"
"I get it," growled Ralph. He grabbed a chair and sat next to me. "I could do without the attitude."
"Same here, pal." Marlon sat back and studied us for a second. "Do you understand, yet? You've been gone for over eighty years. In tech terms, that's...hundreds of generations. Grandpa, when you left, HuTA's had just been adopted by public schools as secondary educators, correct?"
"I'm not your grandpa." Oh, I knew that voice. It's Ralph's voice that meant "all hell is about to break loose". Marlon must have sensed it, too. When he spoke again, his tone was less caustic. Still smug, but less. It was something.
"Since then, every public educator, and most private, have been replaced with the HuTA system. We're currently on the 27th generation and they're now in full bots. Like Charles and Bradley." He moved the screen on the terminal in front of him and typed in something. In a few seconds, a picture of the HuTA I knew was next to a picture of what I thought was a person. My HuTA was little more than a talking can. "That's what you've missed. Right there. I can't highlight it any better. That's what you knew as cutting edge tech, and that's where we're at now."
Ralph understood. I could tell by the way his jaw twitched. He understood but he still hated the fact that some punk with an attitude was more advanced than him. Marlon tapped on the keys again, and screens flashed by at lightning speed. In a second there was a picture of a holo of a HuTA. "And that's about to hit the market. That's all holo, all projection. Minimal cost, minimal upkeep, no physical presence. Tell me anything like that was possible when you were Earthside. You can't, because it wasn't."
He turned the screen again, tapped wildly on the keys. "This is a LCP drive. It stands for Laser Crystalline Propulsion. This is how modern space ships work. Takes one one hundredth of the energy of the system you know. The crystalline compound conducts the laser through these coils, amplifying the energy output exponentially."
"So the larger the coil..."
"The bigger the drive."
Ralph was hooked. He rubbed his chin quickly and leaned forward, two geeks speaking the same language. "But you still need to get out of the atmosphere."
"For that we still use the same tech as your jump pods." He tapped the keys and a familiar looking engine schematic showed on the screen. Something I understood! "See here?" He pointed to the core. "Modified. Fits in your hand now."
"Holy..." Ralph's voice trailed off.
"And once you're outside atmosphere, you fire up one of these LCP puppies, that's self refueling, by the way, and your travel is...well...infinite. Fast and infinite."
Ralph whistled.
Marlon gave a smug smile. "Told ya you missed a lot."
Ralph sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Well then. Let's get to it." He pulled out his holo to take notes. He nudged me to do the same.
Two geeks, not three. I've never had any desire to learn more than I absolutely need to know about the technical aspects of keeping us in space. And, you know, alive. I can sub in a pinch, and follow directions when I need to. But that's where it ends. I don't want to make it my career. Let someone else worry about the PQD drives. Or whatever. "Why do I have to know this stuff?"
"You're a space monkey, kid. Everyone will expect you to know this."
I laughed, but stopped when I noticed that neither Ralph nor Marlon laughed with me. "Are you serious?" They waited. I sighed and took out my holo.
"Think of him as your new HuTA."
Marlon snorted. "I like it, Buttrick. Yes. HuTA version Marlon. So where should we start?" He looked to Ralph for guidance.
"The kid's been raised by squeaks. He's good with the relay drives, and he seem to understand the Qitani tech. Enough to fly their transports, anyway."
"Well that's one up on me then. Can't crack into that fart thing you brought."
"Fah'ti," I corrected.
"We'll get there. Maybe after you learn the ABC's, you'll actually prove useful. I doubt it, but there's always the chance." Marlon thumped my back. "Okay then. Since we have to start at the beginning, let's do it right. About two hundred and fifty years ago, there was a little invention that changed the world. They called it the micro chip." I sighed. He really was starting at the beginning. Ralph kicked my foot under the table and nodded toward my holo. Oh boy. What a long week it would be.
Chapter5
"Follow me," Lynette had said. So I did. I was fried and wanted any kind of distraction I could find.
We walked down hallways, moved up elevators, went down more hallways and more and another elevator. If I lost sight of Lynette, I couldn't find my way back. For some reason, that lightened my mood and by the time we got to the deck, I was almost giggling.
"Are we supposed to be here?"
Lynette shrugged, then put her hand to the lock. It turned green and opened. "Apparently we are. Come on."
"I'm supposed to be hitting the holo with Marlon."
"Want to go back?"
I grinned at her. "No way."
She nodded. "Then let's go."
We walked into the large room and I caught my breath. It was an observation deck, a bubble, really, of that foot thick glass that covered everything else on this lone human outpost. There was a semi circle of about fifty seats in the center of the room, allowing those who sat a view of the outside world. I didn't see any lights on the roof, or even supports, for that matter. It was as if we were under a large, smooth bowl. And the sky was mine.
"Got your badge ready?"
"Huh?"
She rolled her eyes. "Follow me." We walked to two people enjoying the view. Lynette pulled me forward and tapped the badge on my chest. "Level G. We need this deck."
The two men quickly nodded. I noticed they were sitting there to eat their dinners, and they scrambled to pick up their supplies.
"Oh, no, now you don't have to leave," I began. Lynette elbowed me in my side to keep me quiet and stood with her arms crossed, friendly but serious. When the men nodded, I gave them a small shrug. After they left, Lynette went to the door and tapped a code into the lock. "What are you doing?"
"Keeping everyone else out for a while."
"You can do that?"
She flashed me a grin. "There are one or two perks to having Marlon as a brother." She flopped down on one of the seats in the middle and pressed a button on the arm. The chair reclined, and Lynette told me to join her.
"You didn't have to kick them out," I said.
"Oh just hush up and relax for awhile."
I sat back like her and looked up. My sky.
From the deck, you couldn't really see any of the huge buildings. They were positioned behind us when we sat on the chairs. It was nothing but wide open space. I felt a stab of homesickness, especially when a ship crossed overhead. For a split second I could swear I heard Ashnahta asking me where I thought that ship was going.
"Home," I whispered.
"What?"
I felt embarrassed, but...not. Not really. I guess I felt vulnerable. I wasn't exactly sorry I said it out loud. "I had this game with a friend. We'd watch the ships orbiting Laak'sa and when one would fire the drive to change course, we'd bet on where they were going."
"How did you know who was right?"
I am not supposed to talk about inspeaking. Ralph made that clear. Christophe made that clear. "Trackers, of course," I said. What did she know about deep space life? It was a good cover.
"And who was better at it?"
I laughed, thinking of my miserable record. "Ashnahta. Hands down. Which isn't surprising since she knows every nook and cranny of that place."
We were quiet for awhile. The sun was setting and before I knew it, the sky darkened and I could see the planets and stars. It was the same, but different, familiar but completely new. This was not my galaxy. And while I had a decent look at a bit of sky from my first room in the Utopia complex, this was the first time I truly got to see it all.
Except for when I was bobbing around out there after the jump, of course. There's no way I'll ever remember that.
A satellite crossed overhead, small but perfectly clear. It flashed its way across the deep sky. I watched it until it was over the horizon. Another ship came into view, it's thrusters glowing purpley blue in the night. I craned my head to follow its path up and over and behind us, and saw the reflection of the plasma thrusters mirror off the thick glass of one of the upper walkways of the compound. I turned back to the stars and planets. I looked for familiar clusters automatically. Of course I didn't find them. Instead, I found others. I looked at their structures, theorized about their potentialities, idly calculated the next move, should we have to.
I couldn't help it, you see. I am a product of my life. I'd spent sixteen years absorbing it all. My first memory is of Mother, Dad, Ralph, and Stephan over the projection map in the command room. I must have been laying down on the benches in front of the observation ports, because in my memory they are sideways. I'd consider a zero-g scenario, but they weren't floating. A nap, maybe. I must have been two, at the oldest, for Mother's hair was still long. I remember their faces, lit by the eerie green glow of the projection table, all frowning. Not angry, though, just heated. They were discussing the next move, trying to figure out which system was most likely to have life forms.
Like I said, I'd been doing it since birth. I'd been part of it, in it, around it, even if I couldn't participate. Later I did. Later it became a teaching exercise. They didn't just rely on my HuTA. There were plenty of lessons taught by Mother, Dad, and the rest of the crew. They loved to bring up the projection map and test me.
"Which one of these solar systems is most likely to have life?"
I'd look. I'd pretend to think, at first, but later really use my reasoning skills. There are many things needed for a planet to hold life. The first would, of course, depend on the star in the system. Too big, and nothing could live. Too small, and anything that was alive would long be frozen. Just right, and it was a start. But not the be all and end all. We saw many prime candidate stars reign over lifeless rocks. Dad always takes that personally.
"A waste of a perfectly good star."
There are billions upon billions of more, Dad. They can spare some.
What makes life spring up some places and not others? I suppose that's the huge question, isn't it? The one Mother wants to answer. Sometimes I think Dad's just along for the party. A good star is a start. Then there's the planets in the system. Too many, and the gravities seem to prevent anything real from forming. Or perhaps we just got there a few billion years too early. We never found any real life, anything more than the odd plant or slightly advanced algae, on a system with more than twelve orbiting planets.
To be fair, though, we've only been to a handful. That statement was just bad science on my part. Mother wouldn't be happy.
All of these things float through my head whenever I look out, really look out, into the sky. I can't help them. They're automatic. And as it turns out, it doesn't matter which galaxy I'm in. I'm going to do the same. My eyes are going to flick to clusters, picture the stars, guess at the planet count. I'll dismiss that cluster all together, because there are too many tiny stars and it's too new to have anything of value. That one over there has potential, even though it's got the signs of an impending nova since the star itself looks a little orange. That band there, now that has some real possibilities.
Yes, it was all different, but the same.
"Where's Earth?" My voice echoed loudly in the large, empty dome.
Lynette was lost in her own thoughts and took a second to answer. "Hm?"
"Earth. Which one is Earth?"
"Oh. Um...hang on." She pulled her holo from the clip on her waist and turned it on. The light from the little holo filled the dark deck and glowed on her face. "Let me just input our coordinates and we'll see."
"You have to look it up?"
She shot me a quick look. "We're not all astronomers, Jake."
"But you come from there."
"Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean I can point it out in the middle of all that," she said, waving a hand toward the sky. "Can you point out your Laksa?"
"Laak'sa," I corrected. "And no. I can't." She quirked her eyebrow and gave me a smug look. She thought she made a point. "It's in a different galaxy, remember?"
Lynette looked back on her holo. "Oh." Oh is right. I bit back my own smug smile. She tapped on the screen, then looked up, then back, then up again and finally said, "Oh hell. I don't know."
I held my hand out and she put the holo into it. I glanced at the astro-chart, then looked up. "There." Clear as day right over the horizon. I should have noticed it on my own with it's odd blue tint. If I had been around Ralph, I would have been embarrassed that I needed the astro-chart. Since Lynette still couldn't find it even using the chart, I had no shame. I even rubbed it in a bit. "Not bad for someone new to the galaxy, hm?"
"So I'm not an astronomer. Big deal. Name me ten of the top actors on Earth. No? How about the two top presidents? Hot bands? Fashion trends?"
"Okay, okay. I get your point."
"And I'd like to point out that if you'd been paying better attention to me this week, you would be able to name those things."
I could have defended myself. I could have easily pointed out a list of excuses a mile long, not the least of which being that I was from a different galaxy entirely and she was expecting me to absorb a lifetime of pop culture in one little week. I didn't defend myself. "I'm trying. President Joshua Norton, representative of the United States, and President Nari Gundani, from...uh...Germany?"
"Oh hell no! That's one you can't mess up on. India. Grundani, India. Jeez, you could start a war otherwise!"
"I am trying," I said quietly. "It's just...so much."
"I know. I'm sorry. I just...I can't afford to fail at this job."
"Why?"
She gave a snort. "It won't make any sense to you." When I shrugged, she returned the gesture. "Okay. If you can't keep up, don't say I didn't warn you."
Lynette leaned back in her seat and stared at the horizon. "I've been with StarTech since I was seven years old. Sold, by my folks, to pay a huge and stupid debt. Me and Marlon both."
Slavery. I had thought it was illegal on Earth. That's what my HuTA taught me.
"We were enrolled into StarTech's main academy in the states and then shipped up here as soon as we turned twelve, as soon as it was legal. I've got one more year, if I do this right. I've worked my way to level E, one above Marlon. He won't get beyond D, by the way."
That surprised me. He's smart, once you get past the attitude. "Why?"
"The chip on his shoulder. He considers us slaves."
"Aren't you?"
She frowned. "No. Not really. No more than any other kid, when you think about it."
"But you were sent up here. You said yourself it was taking care of a debt."
"Right. I told you it's complicated. See, my folks, they owed StarTech for a loan."
"A loan?"
"Yes. StarTech's not just a bunch of space nerds, you know. They're the world's biggest financial institute. They run everything. You need money, you go to them."
"And your parents needed money."
"Yes. For stupid reasons. And when they couldn't pay up, StarTech gave them the standard out. They could indenture themselves, and work until the debt was paid off, or they could have members of their family stand in and be indentured on their behalf."
My stomach knotted. It was clear which option her parents chose. "So you and Marlon are working off their debt."
"Sort of. I said it's complicated and I meant it. We're kids. We can't do a straight payout, or else that really would be slavery."
"Sorry, but I don't see any differences."
She rolled in her reclined seat to her side to face me. "That's what Marlon says. There are differences, though. First, we don't really have work. We are put through school, just like other kids. I have chores, sure, but no more than other kids in their own homes. Once a week it's my turn to sanitize the bathrooms. I have to take the incineration cube to the trash once a month. We need to keep our rooms clean and tidy. And if I do my work late or slack off, I have to help with HuTA maintenance. No more than any other kid. Hell, you probably had more chores than I do." It's true. I did. "The only difference is that I do these things for StarTech, not my parents. Which is fine by me. They aren't much for parents."
It made sense, I suppose. "Okay, so you aren't a slave. But how does that pay off the debt?"
"It doesn't, not in itself. But every year, a few thousand kids are signed over to the program. And every year, a few thousand reach their maturity. Of those, ninety five percent sign on for StarTech contracts. Think about it. Yes, they invest in us as kids. But then we're tailor made. Take me. I'm going to be an anthropologist. Every single class of mine has been centered around that profession. Everything, even the maths and sciences. If you're a huge company that needs certain specialists, which is better for you? The kid who learned a bit of anthropology here and there and then didn't major in it until university, or the kid who was literally surrounded by it twenty four seven for nearly all their lives?" She shook her head. "Marlon sees it as devious. I see it as brilliant. Besides, we had a much better life with StarTech than we ever would have back home with dear old Dad."
I turned my head then, because looking at her was beginning to hurt. It wasn't inspeaking. It couldn't be inspeaking. But I did feel her pain. It was all over her face. I wanted to ask about her father, about the bitter look in her eyes when she talked about him. I wanted to know what and why and how. And...I didn't. I looked instead at the stars above us. Moments, minutes ticked by. She wanted me to talk about it. I don't know why, or how I knew. It was an overwhelming feeling coming from her. She wanted me to ask, so she could say. She wanted this understood, wanted me to know these things about her. Maybe it's a kind of inspeaking. It was almost as clear.
But what could I say? What could I ask? What was safe, what wouldn't hurt? If I was Dad, what would I ask this new tribe member?
"Will you work for them when you're done school?"
"Yes. After graduation I plan on signing up for a ten year term. Four more of education, then six of employment."
"For pay?"
"Of course for pay. I told you, Jake. We're not slaves."
I shook my head. "I don't understand this money thing." I thought I did. I thought it was just like the trading on Laak'sa, or the barter on v-2445. "How is the debt paid if you get paid? Isn't that just the company spending more money?"
"And what's money? I'm paying with my experience, my expertise."
I had to smile. "Humble."
She laughed. "I can't help it if it's the truth. I'm very good at what I'm doing. Top in my classes."
I heard the pride, almost felt it. "And Marlon?"
She rolled over quickly and looked up at the sky. "Marlon's an idiot."
I gave a laugh. "So you got all the brains, eh?"
"No. Actually I didn't. He's brilliant, technically. A genius in fact. His IQ is disgusting it's so big. He just behaves like an idiot."
"Because he feels like you're slaves."
"Yes."
"Maybe he's right?" I felt her turn to look at me. "If he's such a genius, like you say, maybe he's right about it. What kind of company buys kids?"
Her voice let me know she was on the edge of angry tears. "What kind of parents sell them?" She stared at me. I could feel the stare like a sharp force coming from her recliner. "Tell me that, Jake. What kind of parents write a kid off? Can you imagine what life was like with people who can do that? Not just for me and Marlon, but for all the kids that get written off. Sure. If my life with my folks was sunshine and roses, I'd probably look at things differently. But it wasn't. They sent us packing to StarTech and I finally got good meals. I was able to sleep, not just here and there, but all night straight without drunk and stoned strangers wandering into my room looking for a..." She stopped suddenly and sat up. I glanced over and her back was to me, her shoulders hitching. She was crying. I made her cry.
"Lynette..."
"No. Don't. It's not your fault." She made a little hiccup noise and turned around. She was crying, and I felt like a crumb. "I get that to someone outside it might seem like StarTech is the monster here. But I'm telling you, there was a need for them in our society. It's awful that's what it comes down to, but being awful doesn't change things. There have always been, and always will be, horrible excuses for human beings who should never have children, but do anyway. And there has always been and always will need to be a place where these kids can go. At least we live in an age where that doesn't mean slave labor in a governmental orphanage." I had no idea what that was, but I didn't think it was important enough to interrupt what she was saying with stupid questions.
"Marlon, he'd like to change the past. He's so smart that he actually thinks he can." She tapped her head. "He's got himself convinced that our memories lied, that Dad was actually just a poor unfortunate, down on his luck, and in a moment of weakness caved to the big bad monster corporation. Sometimes it happened just how you remember, even if that memory sucks. There's a reason we both wake up crying sometimes. There's a reason neither of us can find that damned planet in the night sky. You want to go home because your home is worth going back to. Mine? It's an intellectual study. It's fascinating only because I have the luxury of not having to be a part of it anymore."
She wasn't crying by the end. She was back to explaining. I sat up. I sat on the edge of my recliner, my knees almost touching hers. I wanted to reach out and...what? I didn't know what to do. Ashnahta would die before actually crying in front of a male. And Little Blob...he was just a pal. It wasn't really the same thing. So I sat there in my confusion and did nothing.
Lynette looked up at me and gave a wan smile. "You ever read any of the old sci-fi stories?" I shook my head. "Science fiction. It was very popular, especially in the early twentieth century. It was all fanciful ideas, about robots and space travel and aliens long before anyone actually had the technology to start finding the answers. It's funny to look back now and see where they were wrong, and where those dreamers were somehow right. StarTech teaches that those stories made space travel possible, that they ignited a flame and an interest in the general population to start to look at making it reality."
"Do you think so?"
"From an anthropological stand point? Absolutely. It's reverse story telling. They told the stories of the future, and then people took them and formed the future out of it. They're fun. You should look into them." She waved a hand. "My point is, Marlon's a huge fan of them. They tend to revolve around worst case scenarios. Aliens eating off faces, or nuclear holocaust, or big bad companies secretly controlling the world. They play on the deep fears of the unknown we all have."
Now she was back in teacher mode. It was almost automatic to start tuning her out. Maybe I would have if she hadn't just spilled her guts to me.
"Well," she said after a second. "Maybe not you. You got to live the sci-fi stories." I had to snort at that. I lived my life. There was no "fiction" about it. She tipped her head to the side, forgetting the lecture she just started. "You really met other species, didn't you?"
I wanted to bristle at the tone, but I was starting to understand. It wasn't meant as derogatory. It was just...they don't know any better. "People. Other kinds of people."
It seemed that it was her turn to pry into my life. I was oddly okay with that. "What did you call them?"
"Ehkin and Qitani, but to be fair we really met many others. Those are the only two cultures we found a way to communicate with."
"The Ehkins are the blob people?"
I gave a three count in my head, fighting back the instant feeling of offense. "Yes," I tried to say as calmly as possible. They do look like blobs, after all. She was being descriptive, not prejudice. "Though once you get to know them, you'll figure out that the blob shape is only the skin. Underneath they have very complex cartilage systems." I surprised myself with the technical sounding language. I suppose I paid more attention than any of us thought. I bet Mother would have been very pleased.
"And they can speak?"
No talking about inspeaking. It was a clear no-no. "We found a way to communicate. However, Mother wasn't very interested in them, so we only stayed on v-2445 for a little less than a year before the Qitani invited us to Laak'sa."
Lynette pulled her legs up and hugged them, getting comfortable. "Why wasn't your mom into the Ehkin?"
"They weren't very developed in terms of technology. They didn't mine their planet." Lynette looked as if she expected more. "No mining, no minerals. No minerals, no..."
"Metal," she said when it dawned on her.
"Exactly. They build with plant materials only."
"So they're primitive."
That did rub me the wrong way. She sounded like Mother. "No, they aren't. They choose a life of peace and simplicity to give them enough time to devote to their art and studies."
She held her hands up quickly. "Hold on. I wasn't trying to push your buttons, Jake. No need to get defensive. You've got to understand, in terms of humanity and our way of thinking, advancement means tools, mining, smelting ores to make better tools, weapons, technology. There's an established pattern of advancement."
"And you assume that's how it has to be everywhere."
Lynette laughed. "Why not? We haven't learned anything else. I have to judge and guess by what I know."
"Bad science."
"I'm not a scientist."
I had to smile even though I wanted to be annoyed. I said that to Mother all the time. "No. You're not."
"So if that's not how it works everywhere, then tell me how it does work. How can they be so advanced if they have no tools?"
Uh oh. We were back in dangerous territory. Ehkin manipulated their environments, just not in the same ways we do. I'm sure it's too close to inspeaking for me to talk about. "They are very artistic." That's a safe side. "They'd much prefer to spend the day contemplating the universe than building fancy cities or ships. They don't need much in the way of tools, because there isn't much to build. What they need, the marshy lands supply. Little Blob..."
"Oh, so you can call him a blob but I can't?" She was giving me a wry smile.
I shrugged. "It's the closest word out loud we could come up with. A more direct translation would probably be something like... 'little amorphous gelatinous progeny'. To make it shorter, we just called him Little Blob. They name with descriptions. His father's name would roughly be along the lines of 'great mass with one unusual lump to the left of the primary hump'."
"Doesn't exactly roll of the tongue."
I laughed. "No. I guess not." But they don't say it out loud, so it doesn't need to. They only feel it. That's why they are more advanced, because they are connected to everything. They don't look at their trees...they feel them. They create their art in homage to the beauty of a universe we can only actually look at and never fully accept. They don't kill because they can feel the loss of a single atom. They don't need metal because the land is perfect untouched. They don't say, they feel. They do. The pray and sing because they have figured it all out.
I wished I could tell Lynette. I thought she may actually understand in a way that Mother never did. Success doesn't have to be the same for every tribe. The Qitani understood the beauty and place of the Ehkin. They allowed themselves to learn so much, and Mother made us so limited.
"Did I say something to make you mad?"
She was frowning, biting her lip. I flashed a quick smile. "No. Just thinking. Sorry."
"You miss them, don't you?"
I shrugged. "Wouldn't you?" I leaned back and laid in the chair again, putting my hands behind my head and staring up into the void of space above us in the night skies of Mars. "I was in a ship with twenty seven other people my whole life. Mother, Dad, Ralph, Daniel, Stefan, Angie, Clara, Alex... They were all I knew. How to explain it? Okay, you went to school, you were in a classroom, right? How many were in your class?"
"Before I left Earth? I don't know. Thirty, I guess."
"Right. And how many other people did you see every day? I'm not talking about people you know. I'm talking about population, swarming around you every single day. Dozens? Hundreds? Thousands?"
"Sure."
"And I had twenty seven. And only twenty seven. There was no one I passed on the way to school, because there wasn't school. I didn't meet new people in the store, because there wasn't a store to go to. And even if there was a store on ship, which I suppose there was of sorts, the only people I could ever possibly run into were the twenty seven I already knew."
"It sounds lonely."
I shrugged. "I don't know. It was just how my life was. I didn't think of it as lonely. You can't think of things you have no concept of, you know? I was a good ten, eleven before it dawned on me that there honestly was a planet filled with billions and what that might be like."
"You didn't know about Earth?"
I flashed her a grin. "Of course I knew about it from my folks, my HuTA. But it wasn't until we landed in the same region of the Ehkin homeworld and Laak'sa that I got to see life. Real life. Teeming life. There are many inhabitable planets in that sector. It lies near a nursery. Many young solar systems with perfect suns. Anyway, I believe I was ten the first time I stepped out into a real planet. I'd been on plenty of dead ones. Some large asteroids, too. It was fun. But it was still only twenty seven possible relationships in the void of space."
"Until Ehkin."
I shook my head. "No. The Ehkin were a little later. It was a small planet, in a system of seven. There was life on it. Animals. Real animals, the first I ever saw. Nothing Mother could communicate with, and there were no signs of organized civilization, so we didn't stay. But we stepped out and something got curious."
"What?" Lynette almost whispered. I glanced over because of her tone and was pleased to see she was interested in knowing. She almost hovered on the edge of her seat.
"I don't know. We didn't even stay long enough to name them. Mother would have taken one for a sample, but Dad talked her out of it. They were small bipeds with enormous eyes. I think it was the eyes that got to Dad. You could see the thoughts there. They were intelligent. Like Earth apes. Intelligent, and no doubt if we could get back there in a few million years they could shake our hands and invite us in for coffee." I grinned again. "That's what Dad said, anyway."
"So the were little monkeys?"
"Sort of. They had no fur, though. Completely bald because of their environment. It was a very hot planet. And musty. We couldn't remove our gear because it tested too low for our oxygen needs. But we kept having to wipe the visors because they fogged up in the humidity. We landed and just stood there looking around. Mother and Alex were taking measurements of temperatures, gathering soil samples. The only reason we landed in the first place is because Dad was set on at least sampling the land even if it didn't have people. The first one came up to us and was not at all afraid. Dad said that was because he saw no signs of large predators."
"Like when our dinosaurs died." She was smiling.
"Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe there never were large beasts there. Who knows? Anyway, it came up to us. Dad called them 'homospacians', just to annoy Mother." Lynette laughed. "He came walking up and started to fiddle with the clasps on Dad's boots. He looked like he was trying to figure them out. Then he made a sound and others came, all looking us up and down, all chattering, some of them testing the taste of our suits with long tongues. Dad picked one up carefully and looked at it. It got mad and batted at Dad's hands, but when Dad opened his grip it didn't leave. And they just stood there looking at each other." It was one of the best memories I have of my father and bringing it up also brought a pain. I missed Dad most of all.
I cleared my throat to keep the pain in check. "Anyway we were surrounded, and it was the first time I really thought about being surrounded by people, having more than just twenty seven in a tiny ship as a life."
"And then you met Little Blob."
"Yes."
"And...I'm sorry. What was her name?"
The pain tightened. I know I should have given back what she gave me. I should have allowed her the same personal access she allowed me. She cried. She was vulnerable. But I couldn't. I just lay there, looking at the sky, trying to think of anything but Dad, my family, my friends.
"Wow, you really meant it when you said it was off limits. That's fine." Lynette's voice didn't sound like it was fine. She sounded exactly like Daniel when the crew would tease him about his cooking.
"Lynette..."
"No. I get it. Too personal."
Now Lynette sounded like Ashnahta when I wouldn't do as she asked. She looked like her, too. Made the same face, crossed her arms just like her. Suddenly the similarities overcame the differences. Girls are the same the universe over. Dad always said so, said it was why Mother and Morhal clashed so often. I never understood it until that exact moment. What do you know? The old man was right. I couldn't help it and laughed.
She frowned. "What's so funny?" I laughed harder, because I knew what she was going to say. I knew the scene. I could call it. I knew the look, the posture...everything.
I finally found something familiar!
Lynette looked at me with her eyebrows up and slowly shook her head. "You've cracked. He thought you might, and sure enough you have."
I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath, feeling something deep inside relaxed for the first time since I arrived at Utopia. "Who thought I'd crack?"
"Marlon. He thinks you're slow and weak and stupid."
I sighed. Way to kill a good mood. "I am slow and weak. That's changing. I'm not stupid, though."
"That's what I told him. But he says you keep failing his tests."
I had to defend myself against that one. "Have you ever tried to pass one of his little tests? He wanted me to rewire the circuit board of an older model HuTA, one that's about ten levels above the only one I've ever known by the way."
Lynette nodded. "Yep. Sounds like Marlon. What did he want you to make it do?"
"Convert the fah'ti Qitani signals from whatever the Qitani used to something our own communications devices can understand."
She swore and pulled out her holocom, then began typing something into it.
"What?"
"He's not supposed to be doing that."
"He said everyone who's anyone is trying to crack it."
Lynette made a frustrated little squeak. "Haven't you figured out yet that he's not anyone? He's about two levels too low to even know about it existing!"
"But you know."
She shot me a quick look,
then went back to keying something in. She was typing angry. I
suddenly felt a pang of guilt, a little loyalty to my tormentor. I
know how girls are when they're mad. I can't imagine how much worse
it is when it's your sister, someone who knows everything about you
and every button to push. When she finished she turned to me and
began grilling me like a seasoned interrogator. Then I
really
"How much work have you done on it?"
"I don't know. A couple hours the last few days. We've only been trying since Wednesday."
"On what?"
"The HuTA."
"Anything else?"
"No."
"No holos?"
"No."
"No stations?"
"No."
"Base terminals?"
"I said nothing else. Just the HuTA."
"And it was a retired bot?"
I shrugged. "How the hell would I know? Marlon gave it to me and told me to try and work it out."
"And what was he doing?"
"I don't know. Something with Ralph."
"And did you crack it?"
I had to laugh. "Would he call me an idiot if I did?"
"Quite possibly."
"No, I didn't crack it. I didn't get the bot to do anything but spit out jokes instead of history lessons."
"So you did rework it."
"Some."
"Who knows about it?"
"I don't know."
"Was anyone else around when you were doing that?"
"I don't think so."
"And where?"
"What do you mean? In our quarters."
"No," she said in a frustrated tone. "I mean where. Gym? Bedroom?"
"Oh. Uh, Marlon and Ralph were in Ralph's room, I think, and I was left to work in my room." In my closet space, actually.
See, I actually did have an idea we weren't supposed to be fiddling like that. Ralph broke it down for me without actually saying so. Even if he hadn't, I'm not too stupid to figure out that we were working on a project outside the scope of the cameras. Or not notice the buckets of sweat dripping down Marlon's face. Or pick up on the fact that the words were different than the looks and hand gestures. I got it.
The thing was, I had no
idea what I was doing. I believe Marlon assumed that I know the
most about the Qitani and that would most likely mean I could
understand their programming. Ralph probably figured the same
thing. While it was sort of true, I didn't exactly spend my time
with Ashnahta learning the ins and outs of Qitani geekery, as
Stefan called it. I knew the basics of human programming, just
enough to keep a now ancient ship running in space, and that's it.
I didn't even understand the wormhole jumping specifics that Mother
was always trying to hammer into my head. If I couldn't even
grasp
I can read Qitani passably. I sat in on lessons with Ashnahta. After struggle, I learned to speak it, though the words are not natural for our mouths to form. I am good at math, but that's only because it's so critical in Qitani trading and Ashnahta and I made quite a name for ourselves exploring the far reaches using my TrekMan, places where other Qitani could not travel deep in the marshlands. So I suppose it wasn't a terrible thought that I may know more.
Perhaps if I had more of the fah'ti side to go on, I would have been a bigger help. Marlon's access was...well, let's just tell it like it really was. He had stolen intel. He made a program to run under the radar and snatch data streams at random intervals from the lab working to crack the fah'ti code. To call the info sketchy would be building it up more than it was. The sum total we had to work with were a few thousand lines of actual code in Qitani runes, a chart, and what looked to be someone's supply list for the lab cafeteria. Not a lot.
"Just try," Marlon said.
I did. I translated some of the Qitani words, but others were beyond me. I had an idea that they might be acronyms, but without knowing more technical terms, I couldn't back that up. I spent hours trying and in the end figured I better do something, so I had the HuTA go through an old comedy routine Dad had programmed on mine to entertain me when I got bored. It was all in there anyway, you just have to know where to look.
My mistake was bringing it up to Lynette. I assumed she knew about it. As she sat there firing off questions fast as a proton jet, I thought maybe Marlon was right after all. Maybe I really was an idiot.
Her holo beeped and she picked it up. She scanned the words, her face turning red. Another familiarity, though this one not very comforting. I stood. I knew we'd be storming out of there in a huff any second.
Lynette scoffed and jammed her holo into the holder on her belt. "I can't believe him! If he wants to screw it up for himself, that's fine. That's just fine by me!" She stormed to the door and angrily punched in a code. "But if he screws things up for me...hoo boy he better hope he gets enough clearance to leave before me!"
She was shoving on the door trying to make it open faster, and I grabbed her arm. She stopped her tirade and turned to look at me. "I'm sorry," I said.
She got flustered. I didn't know why, but she sputtered, trying to say something, and turned red. I still don't understand that."It's...not your fault."
"I won't work on it anymore. I don't want you to get in trouble."
She took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. "You won't get me in trouble." She gave a quick little laugh. "Actually, since you outrank all of us, you already had the clearance to see any of those files."
"Then why didn't Marlon just have me get the files for him?"
"Because he's the great Marlon. Genius. Brilliant mind in a kid's body." She rolled her eyes. "He was hoping you'd do the work, crack the code, and then he'd swoop in to take credit. I'd bet my life on it. He just doesn't want to share the spotlight."
Ah. So like Stefan. Another thing clicked. If that was the game, then I knew how to play it. All week long I'd struggled to pin Marlon down, to get an idea how to deal with him. Lynette gave me the key. Maybe girls weren't the only things that were universal. Marlon was like Stefan. I should have put that together myself. Maybe I would have if he didn't spend so much time with Ralph. He barely gave me the time of day, just gave me boring lesson after boring lesson through a HuTA. Marlon's like Stefan. Bingo.
I realized I was still holding Lynette's arm, and let go suddenly feeling...I don't know. Embarrassed. I cleared my throat. "Yes. Well, I won't work on it. Not that way."
She tucked her hair behind her ear. "It's okay. Unless he's really lucky, he won't be in any shape to hack after tonight." She cracked her knuckles and gave me an evil little grin.
"Thanks for bringing me here," I said, truly meaning it.
She smiled. "Now. Let's go kill a brother, shall we?"
Chapter6
Marlon did not speak to me the next day. He had the HuTA programmed with extra difficult lessons and sat across the room glaring at me while I went through them, then took the tests. I decided to pay attention and pass the tests just to annoy him more. He scoffed when the HuTA announced the score.
"Lesson 517-23a!" he barked from across the room.
"Educator key input, please," the HuTA requested.
He sighed and stomped over. He took his key and inserted it into the back of the HuTA. On my old model it would have been a six digit entered code that changed monthly. The programmers must have figured out how easy that was for a child to bypass. On the new one, a DNA key had to be inserted and scanned. There was no cheating that, unless you were lucky enough to get your hands on the key. I had a vague idea where Marlon lived, and I was pretty sure my high security clearance would get me in. I entertained the idea of swiping his key in the middle of the night.
However, passing the tests was proving to be a far better revenge than cheating. I knew Lynette ripped him a new one. She looked smug, another look Ashnahta often wore herself. To be honest, it's not a bad look on a girl. She gave me her lesson plan for the day. Presidents, of course, hammered home over and over until I nailed them all.
"At least you won't start a war now," she said when I passed. "Now. If you don't want the entire teenage girl sector gunning for you, let's get back to pop culture."
"Is it really that important?"
She scoffed, still riding the high of her victory over Marlon. He was not allowed access to any terminal, or even his holo, for an entire week. Torture for him, absolute victory for her. "Jake. We've got a war of public opinion on our hands. You need to be as normal a teenager as possible."
"But what could I possibly be expected to know about movie stars?" It was absolutely absurd. It still is. I still can't wrap my head around any importance to it at all.
"You need to relate, Jake. Relate. You need to prove as many similarities as possible. Some would think it's cute you don't know. Others would want to educate you. I'm not exactly sure what Christophe has in mind, but let's just be prepared for all possibilities, okay? Besides," she said, shooting Marlon a look that made me bite the inside of my lip to keep from smiling. "He's just waiting to take over your lessons for the day. Now. Who is Ky Ty Tinton?"
I'll hand it to her, she dragged it out as long as she could. I still can't tell you who Ky Ty Tinton is, though. I don't remember if he's a singer or an actor. It's a dumb name. I can tell you that much.
They all seemed to have dumb names, the "pop icons", as she called them. Ky Ty? Seriously? How about this one: Parupa McGee. She had purple hair on half her head and the other half was shaved completely bald. There was a guy who was in movies named just D. No last name. No real first name. D. He had metal sticking through his ears, nose, and lip. And in every picture I saw, he was sneering. He looked like he wanted to rip your face off. Lynette insisted that's why girls liked him, that he was a "bad boy".
"Then they should stay away."
"Which is exactly why they don't! Every girl likes a bad boy, Jake."
I didn't get it. It was too much. And the music was painful. Jagged razors scraping across a broken mirror would have sound better. Though, to be fair to music in general, there are many different styles. None of them matched the insongs of the Ehkin, though. Or even the war calls of the Qitani.
Lynette dragged the lessons on as long as she reasonably could. By that time, Marlon was almost frothing. He put his code in for the difficult lessons, and got exactly the response he wanted. Not from me, from Ralph.
"Come on, kid," Ralph chided. "Ease up. He's not ready for that stuff yet."
"It's the lesson of the day," Marlon said firmly.
"So you're going to take out the fact that you got busted on him? Is that your game?"
Marlon scoffed. "This isn't a game. That fah'ti code was my ticket up, and tattle tale baby pants there had to run to his little girlfriend and ruin it."
"Marlon!" Lynette's anger was unmistakable.
"Your time's up. Don't you have some class to go to?"
"It's fine, Lynette," I said. "Ralph, it's okay. I'll give it a shot. Who knows? Maybe I'll do better than you think." I smiled pleasantly at Marlon.
He scoffed. "Fat chance, space monkey." He twisted the screen around and gave me a smug look as he plunked in the squishy sofa to watch me fail.
And he slammed the monitor around even harder when I passed.
And he gave up and simply left in a snarling fury when I went on to pass the next lesson as well. I waited for the door to close before I turned to Ralph. "You know, if he really wanted to humiliate me, he should have picked something other than biometric calculations. I've been doing Stefan's for years."
Ralph snorted and shook his head at me. "Nice job, kid. He's a smart guy, but boy does he have a chip on that shoulder of his."
"He's indentured," I said. It didn't matter how much of a jerk he is. I couldn't help feeling at least a little bad for him. My childhood wasn't normal, but at least it was safe. At least I was loved. As weird as it was, I didn't regret it or long for a different past.
"Yeah. I know. It's the only reason I've given him as much slack as I have. You know he'll push you harder tomorrow, right?"
I shrugged. "I'll just listen to the lessons."
"For once." Ralph's grin let me know he always knew the score.
I got up and stretched and looked at the time. Four and a half hours. It was the longest I had actually studied anything through a HuTA in years. My stomach growled and it occurred to me it was about dinner time. And then it occurred to me that our team was not there. We'd been eating every meal with them all week. "Where is everyone?"
"We've got a different schedule tonight. Christophe's back and we're going to eat with him and Reginald. Jillian delivered our new suits. What say we get gussied up and pretend we have good manners for once?"
I smiled and headed to my room. My new suit waited on my bed all laid out for me. I could picture Jillian pouring over every little detail while laying it out, making it look absolutely perfect. I stood and looked down at it and sighed heavily.
StarTech colors are grays, maroons, and greens, in different combinations. As I said, position and rank get their own uniforms. Sometimes the sleeves are green, others have green and maroon striping. You get the idea. From the start Christophe said he wanted understated and simple, but definitely StarTech. I looked at the uniform and shook my head. She got the StarTech part right. As to the rest, that was up for debate.
The main color was gray,
and I suppose if there was anything to be happy about, it was that.
The pants had green striping down the sides, with maroon utility
strapping around the waist. I put the pants on and looked in the
mirror. I'm not a fashion expert, but they didn't look too bad.
They fit well. And were comfortable. All in all, I could live with
them. In stark contrast, the top of the uniform was ridiculously
complicated. I struggled to get it on and then just stared at
myself in the mirror, not really believing what I was seeing. The
waist was tight, but the top ballooned out and ended in a high,
tight maroon collar adorned with stars. There were green shoulder
pads with the golden ST pins on both sides and maroon fringe
dangling off. A sash went from one shoulder, across the poofy
chest, and secured onto the waist of the shirt with a bow. A
"Ralph!" I bellowed.
The only thing funnier than my uniform was Ralph's. It was not the same. As Reginald explained later while he tried admirably not to laugh, Jillian wanted to represent Ralph's military rank as well as his StarTech status.
We both marched up to Reginald's fuming.
Not marched, really. Ridden smoothly up the series of elevators. And not fuming, so much as comically outraged. There was nothing any one of them could say to get us to wear these uniforms in public. It was never even an option.
"Just what was that woman thinking?" Ralph demanded, the long tassels at his waist shaking.
Christophe was drinking a cocktail on the couch and seemed unfazed by it all. "It honestly would be warmly received by the press Earthside."
"Then let the press wear it." Ralph unbuttoned the shirt and took it off. He held it out to Reginald, who looked to Christophe. Christophe gave a small nod, and Reginald called for his bot Charles.
"Yes, sir? Are we ready to dine?"
"Not yet, Charles. The guests have just arrived. Please take their coats."
"Yes, sir. Hang them?"
"Burn them," he said with a laugh, grabbing my shirt. "The pants don't look so bad," he said.
"I like mine," I said.
"Good. Then we'll just need to, uh, rework these." He gave them to Charles. "Are you cold?"
We stood in the pants and plain white tee shirts. We were fine, and he dismissed Charles and motioned for us to sit on the couches with Christophe.
"So much for being fancy and pretending we have manners, eh?" Ralph whispered.
"No secrets in this room, gentlemen." Christophe sipped his drink. It always amazes me how cool he is, how in charge, in control. He even outshines Reginald. As the "public face of the company" as Jillian put it, I suppose that's how he has to be. Still, he pulls it off so well. In the room with both of them, anyone would think Christophe is the boss of StarTech.
"I was just telling him that we're not adjusting well to the fancy life," said Ralph.
"Ah. Yes. Well, you will." Reginald offered Ralph a cocktail and me a drink without alcohol. He poured them himself, then sat with us. "So tell me, Jake. How's Utopia treating you?"
"Good." It was a lame answer, but what else could I say?
"I saw Marlon tried to show you up in front of Lynette." He gave me a little smirk as he sat back. "Don't look surprised. I already told you I know everything that goes on around here. Besides, there's no way he can hack my system without being noticed."
"What's this?" Christophe asked.
"Marlon tried to get in on the fah'ti project."
Christophe rolled his eyes. "Will he never learn? What's it this time?"
Reginald shrugged. "Just a week." At Christophe's look, Reginald laughed. "Don't look at me like that. It did no harm."
"This time."
"Completely different from last year. And we did learn that young master Cosworth here has been holding out on us."
Huh? "I haven't been holding out anything."
"You never told us you can read Qitani."
Christophe's eyebrow quirked again. From him, that was an enormous gesture. "Interesting."
"I wasn't holding out. You never asked. Besides, most of what I looked at I couldn't read."
"Not true," said Ralph. "You couldn't understand it. That's not the same."
I suddenly felt like I was in the hot seat. "Well...whatever. I don't know what it means, so it can't help."
"You can speak it, too," said Christophe. He was giving me that look again. I wondered if he was trying to inspeak. It felt... I don't know how it felt. It was unnerving. His gaze is piercing and feels like it cuts right through you. "Don't get uncomfortable, Jake," he said quietly. "I'm just trying to figure you out." He sat forward suddenly, and placed his drink on the table. He tented his hands, like Reginald, and tapped his lips with his forefingers. "I just returned from Earth. Do you know what I was doing there?"
I shrugged and shook my head.
"Feeling out the public. Testing the waters. A little whisper here, a little rumor starting there."
"We said we need this to be the right time," explained Reginald. "What we didn't say is that it actually is the right time. Christophe was gathering intel."
"To?"
"To see if they'll be receptive to your existence."
It was blunt. Oddly, it hurt. I know it shouldn't. I was there, alive, a person whether they were receptive or not. Besides, I hadn't exactly had warm and fuzzy feelings towards them, either. Still...
"And?" asked Ralph.
"And it was positive," said Reginald quickly. "Christophe just likes the drama. It's positive."
"By and large."
They still looked tense, though. "Isn't that a good thing?" I asked.
"Yes. Very. Which is why I went ahead and leaked some information." Reginald tapped his fingers on his glass.
"What kind of information?" asked Ralph, sitting forward in his seat.
"A rumor about Jake, of course. A highly confidential StarTech document, one that proves that Eunice and Lance Cosworth were never properly sterilized."
I didn't know what to say. Why leak it? Why make it seem shady like that? Why not just come right out and...and...
And what. Drop me in the middle of the world and say "Look everyone! Here he is! A star boy!" It would not be believed. They all knew it. I felt like an idiot that it took me so long to figure out. I was not going to burst onto the scene. Instead I was going to be slowly leaked until StarTech had to fess up.
"What are you going to tell them when they ask why StarTech is just turning over the intel now? I thought you had an agreement to have all documents overseen by the governments?"
Reginald, too, had that look of conspiracy. "Of course they were given over when they were supposed to be. And that, I can actually prove. I'd fake it if I had to, but it's awful nice when I don't have to." He gave a laugh. "I've had a team combing through all our old turn overs to look for anything we could use, and as it turns out, these documents were filed, and filed properly, along with a warehouse of other documents highlighting every detail of StarTech's history."
"We assume that's what the conspiracy theories have been based on. Someone took the time to look through all the millions of documents, so you know they had to be nuts." Christophe was almost smiling.
Ralph shook his head. "Well son of a..."
"Brilliant, isn't it?" Reginald grinned at us. "They had the proof all along. It was just too boring to bother with. So that's our in. We leaked that. And then, we leaked a few other details, just to offer a little credibility, and a few names."
"Who?" Ralph suddenly sounded worried.
"Relax, Ralph," Reginald said. "If there's trouble for anyone directly, it will be me."
"I just don't want any of the team that stayed here to..." His words trailed off. Christophe looked away. Reginald cleared his throat. And Ralph quietly drank his drink. To Ralph, he had been gone sixteen years. In his mind, he should still have friends on Earth. Family. In reality, anyone he knew before he left was probably dead. I never thought of his life before the stars. It just never occurred to me. I wanted to say something to him, to comfort him or at least sympathize, but what could I say?
"As I said," Reginald continued carefully. "The names will only lend credibility, not cause any trouble."
"Where do we go from here?" Ralph recovered quickly. He always did. Maybe it was his military training.
"Now, we wait. We wait until it's picked up by the mainstream news, and then we leak a little more. We make it look like the pressure is building on us. And then we wait for the right news source to ask the right question, and we stage a press conference from Utopia."
"And then we go to Earth," I said, feeling the weight of the impending journey suddenly fill me.
Reginald laughed. "It's not a death sentence, Jake!"
"Besides," said Christophe. "We don't know how the governments will react. We'll need to wait until the press conference and see what happens from there."
I sighed. "Why? Why all this sneaking around? Just tell them 'hey, here's a space kid' and let them deal with it."
Christophe actually smiled at me. "Ah, so simple is the mind of a scientist." I didn't think it was a compliment. "We can't. People do not work that way."
"Lena accepted me just fine. So did Lynette and Jillian. Heck, even Marlon."
"Yes, they did. They are
individuals. Jake, you have not had much call to deal with
societies. I have. A person is easy to reason with. People are not.
A group is not. A population is not. Fears of one intensify the
fears of another. It's called 'mob mentality' and I shall have your
HuTA run a program for you." I must have made a face. "Believe it
or not, Jake, there are times when I myself need a HuTA lesson. The
more you know, the better. It's not something I am doing
Reginald sighed. "Cut the kid some slack, Chris. He's had a rough day with Marlon."
"And you said he did well. I don't see how it's that difficult."
"Must you always be business? Let's have a nice relaxing dinner. I promise it won't kill you."
Christophe and Reginald sat staring at each other for a moment. If I didn't know better, I would have said the were inspeaking. Ralph once told me that he spent so many years working in tight quarters with Dad that they could do an entire job without speaking once, they just knew how the other would think and act. Maybe that's the same thing between Christophe and Reginald.
"You're right, Reginald. I'm exhausted anyway. That day jump is rough."
"I still can't believe you can get from Mars to Earth in a day."
Reginald laughed. "Said the man who travels to other galaxies on a whim!"
Ralph laughed with him. "Fair enough. But I had wormholes."
Reginald sighed with a smile. "I can't wait to jump, to really jump."
"Reginald," Christophe said in a warning tone. I even noticed Ralph's eyebrow twitch at that one.
Reginald rolled his eyes. "We've had this discussion. As soon as it's safe..."
"And what is 'safe'?" Christophe leaned forward and put his glass down harder than necessary. He was angry. His face held the same calm look, but his eyes were very, very angry. "Ralph. How many years passed for you on the Condor?"
"About sixteen, give or take."
"Are you sure?"
Ralph gave a little chuckle that died. "Well, that's what we figure. Look at the kid. He's a pretty good calendar." For some reason, I began to feel uncomfortable. "Or is he?"
Reginald put his hand on Chrisophe's arm and gave a little shake of his head as soon as Christophe glanced over.
"What's do you mean by that?" I asked.
"Let's just have a nice evening tonight. Mea culpa, I should have stayed clear of shop talk."
"What does he mean by that, Ralph?" I felt an unreasonable panic set in.
"I mean," said Christophe, ignoring Reginald, "that the doctor's reports indicate...anomalies."
Anomalies. I knew the term. Mother used it on a daily basis to explain away anything her science didn't already know. Anomalies were for misshapen life forms. Anomalies were for a hidden star we hadn't charted. Anomalies were for algae that did not develop along classic evolutionary paths. Anomalies were not people.
Ralph tensed, too. He sat forward and a little closer to me on the couch. Protective. That should have made me feel better. Instead, it made me sure there was something to worry about. "We never detected any anomalies."
"And you wouldn't, would you? Ralph, I have devoted extensive hours to the study of wormholes, and I believe you two are living proof of a theory I've always held."
"Oh here we go now," Reginald said with a sigh. "Get comfy, gentlemen. Once he gears up, there's no stopping him." He drained his glass and motioned to Ralph. Ralph didn't notice, and Reginald grabbed his empty glass and went to refill them while Christophe launched into his theory.
It was boring science. It all was blah blah in my head. Get to the anomaly part, my mind screamed! I don't care about relativity. I don't care about prolonged effects of theoretical so and such on experimental hogwash. What did the find about me?!
But I couldn't cut in. I didn't want to. Ralph was deep in the conversation, asking questions, nodding to the answers, joining in. I should have listened. Ralph told me as much later when we talked it all over.
"You should have been listening. You're not a kid anymore. You've got to learn this stuff, too."
I looked to Reginald. He calmly picked something off his suit coat and sipped his drink. He wasn't worried. Whatever anomaly it was, Reginald didn't think he needed to worry about it. That was something. That made me feel a little better. I looked around the fancy office and let my mind wander. They babbled on and on through another drink, and when Reginald got up to refill his glass yet again, he grabbed mine as well and gave me more of whatever it was I was drinking.
"The point is," Christophe said loudly, drawing my attention. It was the first time I almost heard him yell. "The point is," he said more calmly. "The potential long term side effects cannot be ignored. You've gone through wormhole after wormhole. You must at least concede the possibility that nature is waiting for you."
Ralph sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He took a long swig of his drink then whistled. "Fine. I mean, since we don't know, I suppose I have to concede the possibility. If that's true, I'm pretty much screwed."
"And Christophe here is just exercising his science a little too freely these days," said Reginald in an almost warning tone, the same tone Dad used with me when I was getting close to stepping out of line. Not yelling, not exactly a reprimand, but a soft threat nonetheless. "Ralph. You have my word of honor that if I saw any indication that your medicals were anomalous, you'd be the first to know." Ralph looked as skeptical as I felt. "Honestly," Reginald repeated. "What would I have to gain by hiding it? The scientific data alone would have us all jumping like kangaroos with excitement!" He laughed.
Ralph gave a little chuckle. "Uh, thanks?"
"Oh, don't take it personally. Of course we value you as an individual. But you have to admit that your value to...well...all of humanity lies largely in what you've seen, what you've learned, what you know...and what we can see and learn and know from studying you."
Ralph had no problem with being an experiment. Of course not. It's exactly what he signed up for. Me? I was still trying to come to terms with it. "I have anomalies," I said.
Reginald didn't answer. Christophe looked at me for a moment before he did. "In all sincerity, Jake, we cannot know if your anomalous biology is a result of wormhole jumping, or simply an effect of having a life mostly in a low gravity situation. From fetus to seven, was it?"
"Was what?"
"The first time you set foot on a planet with gravity. Well, what we would consider real gravity, anyway."
"Yes, he was about seven." I looked at Ralph who was giving me that fatherly half smile. "I can't tell you how hard it was to rig up a space suit for him. And forget a TrekMan. The kid would have fallen out even if we could get him strapped into one leg like we tried. We tied him with belts right to Lance."
"You tied me to Dad?"
"You don't remember? Of course you do. It was the purple people planet."
Christophe quirked an eyebrow. "I don't remember anything in the reports talking about purple people."
"That's because they weren't really people. They were these long worm things," I said. "I didn't know that was the trip. I don't remember being strapped to Dad."
"You were little."
"Tell me about these purple worms."
Ralph told a scientific account, consisting of theoried evolutions, basic cell structure differences, moisture and solar accounts. All the boring things that Christophe ate up like protein mash after a trip soil-side. I prefer to remember it my way. Big purple worms crawled all over the landing site from under rocks that had blueish and greenish tints. It was so murky there that Mother was shocked there was life at all. I remember her going absolutely nuts gathering samples. I don't remember really what she was saying, but I know Mother and my memory fills in the possibilities. "Lance, can you believe the biometric impossibilities" and things like that. I just wanted to touch the purple squiggles. I remember that I couldn't. Now I realize that must have been the straps to Dad. Maybe they were poisonous, thinking back. I had a suit on, so I would have been alright. I just remember wanting to play with them. I wanted one and couldn't get it. And then when I cried to Dad about it later, he sang me an old song about purple people. Or something that ate purple people? I never really got it. I do remember.
"I didn't know you were a man of science, Christophe," Ralph said after Christophe asked a very geeky question.
"Christophe is a man of many talents," Reginald said. His eyes were twinkly. Ralph said later that it was because he drank all that alcohol. He seemed very happy and relaxed.
"So why are you the public relations head instead of a squeak?"
"I didn't qualify for the StarTech science program."
Ralph didn't know what to say. "Oh."
"My family couldn't afford it, and weren't willing to indenture me." He gave a small shrug. "What are you going to do, eh? So they handled my schooling enough to get me in the door in the public relations tech center. I worked my way up the old fashioned way. And now my position lets me sit in on any 'squeak' meeting, as you say."
"Nothing wrong with working your way up. I didn't get to be a sergeant in the army without a little work myself."
"Tell that to the squeaks," said Reginald almost bitterly.
"I take it they don't like a press-monkey playing at science?" asked Ralph.
It sounded rude, but Christophe didn't take it that way. In fact, he flashed a quick grin. "You could say that. But there's nothing they can do. There's only one person that outranks me, and he's given me carte blanche."
Reginald pointed to me. "Listen to that, kid. No matter what they say about me on Earth, I'm a fair boss. You do a good job, I give you your due."
Christophe called for Charles.
"Are we ready for dining?" said the bot.
"I think a little food would be wise." He stood and we followed. "This way, please. Reginald, leave the drink."
Reginald put his arm around my shoulders as we walked through a door and down another glass hallway. "I mean it, kid. I'm actually very good to my employees. I don't know why they hate me. My goddamned father, that's why!"
"Reginald, why don't you take the head chair," said Christophe as he smoothly guided Reginald's arm from around my shoulder and pointed him to the table.
It was beautiful. Everything was crystal and glittered like the sands on Purema, the world of crystal and lava Dad had us land on many times, even after it was discovered there was not even a bacteria on the entire small planet. Ralph must have been thinking the same thing.
"Take a holo for your dad of this place," he said.
Dad would love to eat his meals surrounded by crystal. I was glad Ralph told me I could take the pic. Dad would flip when he saw. If we could ever crack the fah'ti and send it, that was. Almost as soon as we sat, the food began.
I can't get used to this food. I have lived a life of different mashes derived from both the vegetation we grew and waste products that were purified, converted, and enhanced with vitamins. To Ralph and the rest of the crew, it was awful. A price to pay for space travel. But it's all I knew until I was allowed to eat some of the plants that grew on Laak'sa. Those we ate as a novelty. Something new and different. It was never our diet. Just a snack, as Ralph said. Now I had to eat all this food all the time. Real food that needs chewing all the time. Real food that is in no way digested like the mash. Half the pain of the first couple weeks here was my body learning how to constantly break down the chunks and try to pull nutrients from it. It was constant agony in the bathroom. I've adjusted, at least to that part.
They had me eating meat. That was the hardest adjustment. It was stringy. And tough. And if you didn't chew chew chew until your jaw ached, you wouldn't ever be able to swallow it right. Some meat was better than others. Jillian assured me that the meat on Earth was fresh, and much better. I didn't believe her until the dinner with Reginald and Christophe. We were served a pile of what looked like beef. I sighed and got ready for the chewing chewing chewing, but as soon as I put it in my mouth, I knew it was different from what I had been eating. It took almost nothing to chew it up. And it tasted...well...good. That was the first meal I'd ever had that tasted like I wanted more and more.
"Slow down, kid," Ralph said chuckling.
"This is great!" I was talking with my mouth full. I knew it was rude. "Can I have some more?"
Reginald laughed. "He's a born aristocrat! Charles! Hit us again!"
"...sir?"
"Another round of the tartare for our young friend."
"Yes, sir." The bot sounded grateful for the clarification.
"Don't be rude," Ralph hissed.
I swallowed. "I'm sorry. Thank you." Charles came in with another plate. "What is this called?"
"Tartare. It's uncooked beef in seasonings."
Uncooked. Raw meat. Raw animal? Ashnahta would have been beside herself with anger. But I couldn't stop eating it. After the second plate Ralph gave me the warning look again, so I didn't ask for another. But I'd remember tartare, and if I ever got the chance again, that's what I'd have. Other plates of food were brought, "courses" Ralph told me later, each with more and more different and delicious food. Most of it, anyway. Somewhere in there was a plate of something that looked like phlegm and was hard and rubbery. I ate a few bites to be polite enough to make up for my earlier rudeness, but when I noticed Ralph couldn't eat more than a few bites himself, I put my fork down as well and didn't feel bad.
"I've never been one for escargot either," whispered Reginald loudly.
After the meal we were stuffed. I'd never been so full of food in all my life, not even when Ashnahta and I raided the great kitchen and got sick on too many q'al fruits.
"What's an aristocrat?" I asked, remembering what Reginald said earlier.
"Technically? An archaic, outdated term relating to noble born individuals," said Christophe, wiping his fingers one by one on the fancy napkins. That cleared nothing up. I looked to Ralph.
"Kings and queens, and all the royals under them."
"But I'm not an aristocrat."
"That's just the technical definition. We use the term loosely to sum up a type of individual." It didn't sound very flattering.
"Like me?"
Reginald laughed. He was starting to look very sleepy and I wondered if he would actually nod off right at the table. "Yes, kid. Like you. Like me. Like Christophe here, even, though he wasn't born into it."
"I don't understand."
"Look at the facts, Jakey," said Ralph. It occurred to me later that he had several drinks that night himself. "You're the son of two beloved figures in history."
"They aren't history."
"They are to Earth."
Point. "But they aren't kings or queens."
"Of course not. No one is anymore," said Christophe. "Our royalty is fame. And you'd be hard pressed to find anyone more famous than the Cosworths." I didn't believe him. Mother and Dad were just science geeks, nothing more. "Don't believe me?" Christophe sounded amused. "Currently there are no less than three thousand buildings named after your family."
I laughed at the sheer ridiculousness. "Why would anyone name a building?"
"In honor of the person that built it."
"My parents built buildings?"
"Their money did."
I had heard tidbits already here and there about the money of my family. I had been assured by Jillian I could afford whatever I pleased. I didn't use money. I never had. It was all pretty much gone over my head. "Oh. I, uh, didn't know that. Is that a lot, then?"
Reginald blinked sleepily at me. Ralph just sat staring. And Christophe tipped his head and really studied me for a moment before speaking. "Have you no concept of your homeworld at all?" It was one of those questions you aren't supposed to answer. But I did anyway.
"It is not my homeworld."
"Yes, it is."
"No!" I didn't want to get angry, spoil the night. "No," I repeated calmly. I was no longer really a child, as Ralph constantly told me. I had to act like an adult. Besides, I had the feeling that Christophe would understand, that he could understand. It was that almost inspeaking connection with him, and I decided to trust what I felt. "I understand what you want me to feel. And I know that when I'm down there, that's what they want me to feel."
"Do you understand that?"
"Yes," I said firmly. "Lynette's been pounding it into my head all week. I get it. And I understand how important it will be. But everyone at this table knows the score. I was not born on the Earth. The closest thing I have to a homeworld is a titanium can in some other galaxy."
Reginald snorted. "Hundreds of billions of dollars and he calls it a can."
"A nice can," I amended. "You keep wanting me to have this connection to a planet I've only sort of heard about, a life I don't understand."
"Lynette should be..."
"She's not the problem! I am. You said there are anomalies in my medic reports. My whole life is an anomaly! I don't understand Earth. I have been jamming my head full of things that to me are just...just..."
"Silly?"
He understood! My instincts were right. I actually felt a rush of relief. Someone finally got it! "Yes. Or if not silly...just not...important. How can I care what happens on one ball in a galaxy that isn't even mine?"
"Jake. Don't start sounding ungrateful," Ralph began.
"No," Christophe cut in. "He's right, Ralph. And we need to know where he stands. Continue." He was using the all business voice, but it was in the eyes again, sympathy, empathy...something that told me to trust him.
"Why does it matter who is a movie star? Do you think they've ever heard of those movies on Laak'sa? Or even presidents. Or governments. Do you realize how inconsequential all the fighting among the governments is in the grand scheme?"
"Here here!" Reginald raised his glass.
"Why do they think it matters? None of it does! Their priorities are all wrong. And I'm sorry, Ralph. I know it's your world and you have always missed it. And maybe I would feel the same if I was from there. But I'm not. I'm from worlds, not just one world. And I know what they do not."
"And what is that?"
"That they are selfish. That they think they are the 'be all and end all' of civilization. They are afraid of other tribes? What makes them worth taking over? Nothing. Nothing I've seen, nothing anyone else would see, either. They conceited and petty and small."
"And that's how you really feel?"
"Part of me." I had to be honest.
Christophe gave a little shrug. "And I can't tell you you're wrong. I wouldn't work for StarTech if I didn't think we, as humans, need a little perspective. Your accusations are completely correct. As an outsider you have been able to come in and see what very few others are able to."
Ralph was stunned by Christophe's words. He sat with his mouth open. Reginald was nodding off for real, now, and just gave a small snort.
"Tell me, Jake. What makes you bond with the Qitani?"
It seemed so unrelated that it threw me for a loop. "I, uh... I don't know."
"Was it just a product of being the first civilization you met?"
"They weren't. There was the Ehkin."
"Ah. And yet, you didn't bond with them."
"I did!" I protested. "I had Little Blob. He was my friend."
Christophe gave a little nod. "Fair enough. But you cannot tell me your bond with him was anything like what you and Ashnahta shared."
I wanted to be done with the conversation. I did not want to talk about Ashnahta. I did not want her brought into a discussion on humanity. It felt so wrong, like a betrayal. But I had to be honest. He knew the truth anyway. "No, it wasn't."
"And why is that? Is it because in her you found more similarities than you did with the Ehkin?"
That was shallow. That was Mother. That was an impossibility. I wasn't like that. I didn't think like that.
"Don't get angry," he soothed. "This is a scientific discussion. Sociology, on a scale we've never been able to discuss."
"I can't help getting angry. You're sitting there saying my friendship with Little Blob wasn't real."
"No. I'm saying it wasn't as deep."
I had to laugh. "I was what? Eleven? Of course it wasn't as deep! I spent four years growing up with Ashnahta." I had him on that one. I know it to my core, even though he didn't concede the point. "Where are you going with this? We were talking about Earth."
"No. We were talking about the bonding, the pull of one person to another. I was simply exploring that link between species, since you say humans are so self absorbed."
"And you agreed with me!"
He gave a small smile. "I did. I was just seeing how far your own bonds went. Now I have a fairly good idea. You'd die to protect Laak'sa if it was invaded, wouldn't you?"
"Of course I would."
"And v-2445?"
"More, since they wouldn't even be able to fight for themselves."
"But you wouldn't for Earth."
I had no response. No, I wouldn't fight for Earth. Not then. But I would have sounded like a real jerk if I said it out loud.
"See, you've been out exploring worlds your entire life, as you say. And you claim to have this deep love and respect for all tribes. And yet, you don't. You'd save them and not us."
"There's no galactic threat. It's not even an issue. Besides, humanity is more advanced." The thought didn't really sit right. It felt as if I was putting down the other tribes. "The other tribes, they haven't gone out yet. Humanity has..." my voice trailed off.
"Has what? An advantage?" He scoffed. "You said yourself that the Qitani and Ehkin, two different species living on two different planets, were in communications with each other. Every citizen of Qitan knows about the Ehkin and accepts them as legitimate members of the universe, and vice versa. They've got the upper hand completely! We, we're all alone. We've got no back up. We don't even have a knowledge that there could be allies out there, only the fear of an enemy."
I hated to admit how valid his points were, so I said nothing. He gave me a lot to think about, though, and I spent a long time after rolling his ideas through my head.
"I can't blame you for your attitude, Jake. And I don't mean to sound angry. I'm telling you how it is from their point of view, our point of view, and how it should be from your point of view. You're human. Like it or not, we are your tribe. And the way to help the rest of your tribe move forward isn't to reject them. It isn't to cast them aside without even giving them a fair chance. Are they silly? Yes. Are the selfish? Well why not? They don't know anyone else, so how can they consider them? Be fair, star traveler. Be fair to the ones that don't hold a tenth of the knowledge that you do.
"Reginald called you an aristocrat. That's how you'll be seen, and it's not exactly a good thing. It carries with it an onus you have not yet begun to understand. Your family name has power. You have wealth you obviously can't even comprehend. You are rich enough to buy an entire city. Some day, you'll know how much that alone sets you apart from the teeming masses. But most importantly, you've got the knowledge. You hold the key, the answers, the future. You want them to stop being selfish? Then it's going to be up to you to tell them of other worlds, other races, other people who are just as beautiful and valid as they are. They can't change until they know there's a reason to. You hold more responsibility to that race, to your race, than any one of them born on the actual planet. If that doesn't define a homeworld, then I don't know what does."
It was a heated speech, the only time I've seen Christophe drop the polished act and just say exactly what he felt. I don't know if he meant it to, but it made me feel like a worm. Not even the pretty purple ones, either. The slime muckers that filled the sulfur riverbeds of v-2445. Ugly, nasty, and above all else, the lowest of the low.
Ralph cleared his throat. "It's a big job and he's doing the best..."
Christophe held up a hand. "Let's call it an evening. I need to consider the wormhole discussions from earlier. I'd be interested in a counterpoint argument with you, Ralph. I am a sucker for this type of science and with so few people on Utopia willing to trust me..." He let the words trail off, the unspoken part clear.
"Absolutely. It's good to stretch my brain again. Contrary to what it might look like on the cameras, I do know a little more than how to eat chips and watch tv!"
Christophe gave the expected laugh. Ralph tugged on my arm and I stood. Charles appeared to guide us back to our quarters. I couldn't leave it like that. We were almost to the door and I just couldn't leave it like that.
"I don't hate Earth," I said quickly. "I just...I don't understand."
Christophe gave a nod of concession. "Just think it over. We're tiny little pink blobs of ridiculous vulnerability who are desperately ignorant of the scope of the universe around us. Give us a chance."
After I went to my room that night, I lay there digesting the evening and all we had discussed. Christophe's words played over and over in my head and I picked them apart. He wanted me to be more human, to naturally think like a human, to want to save humanity if circumstances made that necessary. I could not imagine that would ever happen. Though I felt badly for thinking less of the capabilities of the Ehkin and Qitani, I couldn't logically see how humanity did not already have major advantages.
Dad won the argument against Mother's desire to dissect one of the "homospacians" because we were big, bad humans, and they were tiny and helpless. I laid on my floor that night and thought about that. Big bad humans. That's how I always thought of us. We had the ships to take us to worlds. We had the knowledge that countless tribes did not. Didn't we?
Maybe Dad was wrong. We didn't land on v-2445 without them knowing. They knew the moment we entered their solar system. We had metal. They had something far more valuable. They greeted us calmly, where we were terrified. Invaders? I always thought, but maybe not. Maybe we were welcome guests. We certainly had little say with the Qitani. They pulled us to them. And yet, all talk on our ship was centered around us being more advanced. Who made the fah'ti that was the key to getting us back to our own galaxy, our solar system, eventually to Earth? Because it wasn't Mother.
Truth be told, it was why the Condor was still going through wormholes and hadn't returned. The original mission was to spend ten years, by ship calendar, and then return with all the knowledge. We could map wormholes, so in theory, if you just backtrack...
As they found out, wormholes don't work like that. There's a tide to them, like a sea, that we never understood until the Qitani explained it. They had a world of knowledge about wormholes. And they had, like us, made jumps and explored. Through trial and error, they unlocked the secret of the tides and, most importantly, how to work with them to get not only to the place you wanted, but the time you wanted as well.
Time. What a funny thing it's always been to understand. I knew Ralph was very worried with Christophe's conversation about medical anomalies in me. I got it, sort of. While I couldn't teach a class on wormholes and their potential long term effect, you can't live in between the geeks and the squeaks and not pick up a thing or two. Somehow a wormhole can send you somewhere. It can also send you sometime. Every time we jumped, Dad would crack jokes about looking younger, feeling sprier. Or tell Mother how much she aged, to my amusement. Or ask Ralph, who's one Earth year older, if he needed a cane. Age jokes. And he'd do that because we honestly could have been in any time, on any timeline in any history ever. Or future. Or...it's a confusing theory and until the fah'ti, we had no way of keeping track.
The idea was always talked about that I was no real age, that I couldn't be since my age was only relative to the one constant in my life, the ship. In ship years, I was sixteen. What was that in Earth time? Or Laak'sa? For that matter, would time catch up to me? In Earth time, Ralph was gone more than eighty years. Would it catch up to him? Or me? Could I really have an age at all?
In my opinion, of course I had an age. I was sixteen. Period. It didn't matter to me if I was on the can or on the Earth. Time had passed, I had grown, and what was left was a sixteen year old person. I highly doubted time would catch up with Ralph. I could not accept the idea that he would step on the Earth and age eighty years all at once. Not only was that a horrifying thought, but a medical impossibility. Besides, the only people who really harped on that possibility during the long, boring stretches of inactivity on the Condor were the ones that just wanted to see Mother's vein pop out of her forehead.
Clearly the members of the Condor were not the only ones who liked to volley the mysteries of time back and forth. StarTech was looking to me and Ralph to answer the questions of the effects of jumping from one time to another. I understood why Ralph was worried about my data, but after listening to Christophe drone on and on, I resolved not to be.
I also understood why the fah'ti needed cracking. A fah'ti controls not only the destination, but the timeline of arrival. Without it, wormhole travel would be nothing more than random trial and error. Let's say that by some miracle I was able to jump into a wormhole and the current was just so to allow me to come out in the Laak'sa solar system. Without a fah'ti, maybe I'd arrive a million years ago, when the Qitani were still in the trees. Maybe I'd land a million years in the future, when they've got houses up in orbit. Maybe I'd hit there after the supernova and find nothing but dust. Who knows? Without a fah'ti, no one. That's the brilliance of the machine.
For reasons Mother never understood, the Qitani never used the wormholes that went to other galaxies, or even other solar systems. They explored their own extensively, but seemed content at that. Mother always wanted to know of Morhal why she didn't push further. Morhal always gave the standard Qitani answer they all gave when a question was simply too ridiculous to be bothered with. "It is our way and you would not understand."
The quickest way to anger Mother is to tell her she wouldn't understand.
Mother cracked the code. She integrated the fah'ti with our technology, enough to make the suits, anyway. Enough to make a fah'ti I could deploy. She did have the help of the best and brightest scientists on Laak'sa, though, which was why it was proving so difficult for the StarTech scientists to crack.
I wanted to show Dad those pics. That thought kept coming back as I lay staring at my dark ceiling. Between thoughts of Christophe's words, and regret at all I didn't say in my own defense, the urge to get those pics of the beautiful room of crystal to Dad kept coming back. I wanted my mind off things. I got up and put on my pants. Fine. If I wanted a distraction, I'd let myself have one.
I went to the terminal desk in my room and logged on. I entered the help program and asked how to access confidential assignments. I inserted my code key on command, then to my surprise a list of confidential assignments flooded the screen. I knew StarTech worked on a lot of projects, but I had no idea of the scope. The list included everything from "Hundred Year Disaster Projections" to "Financial Implications of Completed a-144 Mining" to "Federal Classification of CB Rations". I didn't understand most of it beyond the subject matter, but they have their hands in everything. Everything. It was tempting to get side tracked and peek at some of the more interesting projects, especially those concerning "Interstellar Intercourse and Potential Ramifications of Abstinence on Male/Female Psyche", but there was time for that later. I had decided to take on a mission and was suddenly very determined to see it through.
I found the fah'ti project. They didn't do anything to disguise it in the list. "Qitani Technology Adaptation", with seventeen subcategories. I selected the main category and was brought to another page with dozens of highlighted links to, most likely, dozens and dozens of other links. It was an enormous project and I thought I should probably just log out and leave it alone when I saw the listing for "Qitani Translation Team Alpha Results". There. I could at least see if they were getting the language. I clicked on it and scanned the screens full of data that went zipping by. It was code. I paused, and saw it was in English. It was of no use. I scrolled around, looked at links. I needed the raw code, the Qitani code. And I couldn't find it anywhere.
Frustration. It was an exercise in frustration. How could I possibly know if they were translating properly if I only had the aftermath of guessing? The scientist in me started to get angry. This was beyond bad science. I clicked off the terminal and stormed over to my bed. It was useless.
I sat and stewed for a few minutes. Someone had to have the pure code. It had to be available somewhere. I just didn't know what I was doing. I got back up and logged back into the terminal. This time I looked for a Utopia map. When I found it, I uploaded it to my holo and set out. There was someone who could tell me everything I wanted to know. I would just have to figure out how to sweet talk him into it.
The indentured school dorms were in a different building. I had no idea if I was even allowed to get there. Holo maps are little pieces of amazing. I had never really thought about it before. Actually, I never needed to. I can't remember if I actually ever went anywhere by myself before. You know, out of my ship. I was not allowed to travel alone on any of the explored planets, even in a TrekMan, which was preprogrammed. I had never explored. I had always been "along".
Okay, so maybe walking the well-traveled hallways of a populated base didn't really count as exploring. It's the most I'd ever done, though. To me it was exciting, made even more so when I discovered that almost every door opened under my touch. As an experiment, I even tried doors I didn't need to go through. Two wouldn't turn green. It made me wonder what was back there. They weren't even on the holo maps. Top top secret, I guess. It didn't really matter. Like I said, I didn't need them anyway. But still, it made me wonder...
I followed the map through two buildings, up three elevators, down one other, and through one very large glass walkway, wide enough to easily fit four or five people across and very low to the ground. I discovered I didn't mind that kind of walkway. I guess it was just being up so high in the other one that I didn't like. I stopped for a minute to look out into the night. The observation room we were in before was on the other side of the complex. This one looked out onto the landing area of Utopia. Ships of all sizes were docked. Some glowed, as if the were gearing up for travel, or just landed. People worked under enormous glaring lights. They looked like little blue caa flies on the enormous landing pad.
Remember this area, I told myself. I wanted to come back when I had time and just sit and watch the activity.
I turned and kept walking down the long hall. As I neared the large doors, I could see "Academy Of The Future" written above them. I put my hand to the lock and was allowed in, only to be stopped by some sort of guard.
"What are you doing out of your dorm?" he demanded.
"I...I..." ...had no idea what to say.
"Badge."
"What?"
He sighed and snatched my security key off my belt. He put it through a handheld that looked a little different than a holo, and waited. After a second it beeped, then flashed something that he quickly turned off. He clipped the key back on my belt. "I'm sorry, sir. I assumed...well, you look so young...oh, hell!"
Hm. Interesting. He seemed to be intimidated. By me. I decided to play the part of aristocrat and see if I could pull it off.
"I won't report it this time," I said, sounding very much more important than I am. "But don't let it happen again!"
"No, sir. I won't."
He was actually squirming. I was loving it. "Now. Point me to the dorms."
"Male or female?"
"Male."
"Uppers or lowers?"
I faltered. "Uh..."
"Uppers is for older denties, lowers is for new."
"Uppers. Of course."
He gave a nod and pointed to my holo map. "I'll mark it." I handed it over and he tapped in the coordinates. "There. That'll get you there. I'll let the ward head know to expect you so there won't be no more misunderstandings."
"Thank you." I gave him a regal nod.
"You have yourself a good night, Mr. Cosworth."
Mr. Cosworth. I walked down the hall and got into the elevator. It wasn't until the doors were closed and the guard couldn't see me that I let myself laugh. I'd have to tell Lynette about this one!
The door opened into a hallway that was half lit. I walked forward and was greeted by someone who wore a different kind of uniform than I'd seen before.
"I'm Al Costa, and this is highly unusual even if you are a Cosworth."
I tried the haughty look again. He was unmoved. I cleared my throat and tried to sound as important as possible. "I need to speak with a student in this dorm. It's of vital importance."
"Don't you take that tone with me, young man! I'm in charge of every youngster on this ward and unless you've got a very good reason to be up here in the middle of the night..."
"I do." I gave him my key to run. That should do it.
"And that is?" he asked without taking my key.
"I believe if you run this through, you'll find..."
"Of course you've got a high rank. You're a Cosworth, even if I haven't heard of you. I'm asking what you want with my student in the middle of the night." He crossed his arms over his chest and all my big and important attitude drained out.
"Please," I begged, just like a kid again. "I'm working on a top level project and...well...I'm stuck."
He sighed. "So it's Marlon you want. You know he's on black out for a week, don't you?"
"Yeah." I shuffled my feet. "I kind of...well, it wasn't all his fault. And if he can help me, maybe I can get him cleared."
Al laughed. "Oh now don't go doing that! He's punished for a reason." He started to warm up to me. "What's the project?" I didn't answer. "Ah. That alien thing, eh?" I looked up quickly and he laughed again. "Kid, I told you. I've been at this job a very long time. The one thing I can do better than anyone else is sniff out the truth. Down the hall to the left. It's the library. I'll send Marlon in. You can work in there. No need to wake up all the others, even if you are a Cosworth." He said my last name with a little less contempt that time. He pointed down the hall. "And you make sure he doesn't lay a finger on that terminal, you got that?"
I gave a nod and tried to walk regally down the hall. It was no use. All my bravado was gone. I didn't know how Ashnahta always managed to pull it off, to project absolute authority. Maybe it's just inborn in the Qitani. I found the library and noticed the back of the room was lit. I went to sit at a terminal and wait for Marlon.
He came in wearing a robe and a frown. "The only thing I like better than gaming is my sleep. This better be good, space ape." He pulled a chair out from beside me and slumped. "Now what was so friggin' important that you got me out of bed at...hell...what time is it?"
"About three." He scoffed, but I ignored it. "I need to know how to get into the fah'ti code."
He blinked his sleepy eyes at me for a minute. "That's what you got me up for? That? The same thing that got me blacked out?" He made a little squeak. "Forget this." Marlon went to stand and I grabbed his arm.
"I think I know part of the problem," I said quickly. So it was a little lie. So what? It got him to stay.
About an hour later, I was still trying to find the part of the problem I promised. He guided me to the original code. I uploaded it to my holo, something he found highly amusing.
"They'll get you for that one. Level G or not, you'll be blacked out."
I wasn't worried about it. Then I got down to business. I looked at the original code, with Marlon asking questions over my shoulder the whole time.
"You can actually read that?"
"You sure that's actually writing at all? Looks like chicken scratches to me."
"You really did meet them, didn't you?"
"Are you sure you're actually reading that? I'm starting to think you're making this whole thing up."
...and on and on. It was easier to tune him out than you might think. Stefan used to hover over me when I was doing his work, too. He wanted it done right...he just didn't want to take the time to do it himself. Eventually Marlon wandered away. He came back with two cups of coffee.
"Here. Looks like we're up to see the sunrise."
I never had coffee before, but drank a sip to be polite. It was terrible and the only thing that kept me from spitting it out was knowing that Marlon would never let it go if I did.
And then I finally found it. "There," I said triumphantly, tapping the screen with my finger.
Marlon leaned forward and looked at the screen. "Ah yes, the funky chicken scratch instead of the squiggly chicken scratch."
I sighed. "Can you think of why that might be?" He just looked at me blankly and I sighed. "It's not Qitani."
"What?"
"I mean, it is, but not really. That must be Mother's code."
Marlon squinted at the screen. "I don't see..."
"The languages, they don't translate. Not really. They're based on such a different structure and, well, frame of reference. They're in a completely different galaxy. Our languages have a lot of constants, but they're all in reference to what we know, what we can see. The sun, the moon, tides...everything around us."
"So?"
"So, those aren't universal. They're galactic. Think about it. If I say 'sky blue' to you, you know what shade that is because you're on Earth. If I say 'twinkles like the stars', you get a picture in your head. It doesn't matter what language I use, because the sky is the same color on the Asia continent as it is on the Americas continent."
Marlon nodded. "Okay, I see where you're coming from."
"And what you don't get is just how important that is to language. Those common cues are woven through all the languages on Earth. Colors, smells, sounds, sights, tastes..."
"And they're different for..."
"Laak'sa. Right. So their language, it really can't be directly translated."
"Math is. Code should be."
"That's what you think. But that's what Mother discovered. It's not. Let's take math and physics. They're based on our measurable world too, even if we want to pretend they work like that everywhere. Some does. Some does not. The Qitani are not on a base ten math system."
"So? One plus one will still equal two."
"Yes. But it's the getting there part that's so different we need a work around. It's where humans have their heads up their..." I shook my head and decided it was useless to explain to one of the biggest sufferers. I changed tactics. "You take any formula we've got. They have an equivalent, but the structure is completely different. So even in the maths, there's a basic communication block."
He was finally understanding. "So all the code had a completely foreign base."
"Yes, and it's a mix of math and language, and with rough translation here and there..."
"It's a wonder anyone got anything to work together."
"Exactly."
"Well if your mother knew this, why didn't she just give a code we could understand? Or instructions or something?"
I turned back to the screen. "Mother's got one path. That probably would have been Stefan's job. Or Marty's. Neither of them like work. At all."
Marlon grinned. "Ah, squeaks after my own heart."
I snorted and highlighted Mother's code. "This is Mother's. It doesn't fit, not quite."
"But it works with the alien speak."
"They aren't aliens." Marlon made a noise but I wouldn't let him bully me on this point. "We're the aliens here. This is their tech. We're the ones hacking it."
Marlon gave a little shrug. "Whatever. Isolate all hers."
I started to highlight the segments I found. After a large block, Marlon told me to pull just that up. "Why?"
"Is it math or language?"
I scanned over it. "Language."
"What's it say?"
"Uh...something about propulsion pulses matching the...um...haak'sshi. I don't know a corresponding word." It was a feeling. A connection. A personal exchange deep inside. Without it, there was no connection, no inspeaking, no universal thread. It's a concept humans don't have. Or if they do, I don't know what it would be called. I didn't know Mother understood anything about it. Yet it was her own code.
"You do know the idea of translating is to actually translate, right?" He was being snarky.
I shrugged. "And I said some things just don't translate. That's one of them."
"What is it?"
"An abstract concept."
"Can't be abstract if it's in the code."
What are you doing, Mother? What does it mean, I asked silently. I stared at the screen. Haak'sshi. It was there. It was in the block of code three times, in fact. Or no, not code. It was nothing like what I looked at the other day with Marlon. That must have been a different part, or someone's attempt at translations.
Marlon sighed with frustration at my silence. "Okay. Well what's around it?"
"Huh?"
"Around it, around it," he said quickly, jabbing the screen. "Here and here and here. Let's see if we can get the context."
"Oh. Yeah. Okay, well the first few lines are calculations of..." I frowned. "Population? Why would population matter?"
"What's next?"
"Um..." I scanned the words over and over. "I don't think is a code. It doesn't read like code. Not this part, anyway."
Marlon sat forward. "It's what was programmed on the fah'ti. We assumed it's code."
"I did, too. But it's more like a manual."
Marlon's hand shot out to type into the terminal and he pulled it back quickly, remembering his punishment. "Crap. Get us back to the top. Go from the top down."
I did. He asked me to read the opening line. "In the year of the gods twelve seven seven, there was a visitation from a...messenger? Yeah. Messenger. This messenger gave to the Qitani people the power of the skies of the far worlds... Oh. I know this story. It's how they took to the stars. I should have recognized it right from the beginning."
"Damnit!" Marlon slammed his hand on the desk and made me jump. "It's not a code at all! No wonder we can't make it work. It's just a fricken history lesson." He sounded absolutely disgusted, as if he'd been tricked or something.
I ignored him. There was more. Mother would not have put her own spin on their lore. There was more here, and I told Marlon as much. I gave him the basic tale that every Qitani child learns. They were not the inventors of the fah'ti, not the first to travel. "Mother was always trying to get the coordinates from Morhal," I said. "Imagine how great that tribe must be! But Morhal would never give us that information."
"You don't say," said Marlon with bitterness in his voice.
"Morhal always said we weren't ready. Mother begged but..."
Marlon gave a humorless laugh. "I'm on blackout for a frickin' fairy tale?"
I sighed. It wasn't a fairy tale, it was their history. But, it was their history with some of ours now blended in. I kept reading until I got to the first thing Mother added. "They knew about us for about five of our years before they made contact."
"Fascinating." Marlon leaned back on two legs of his chair and bounced. It was clear he had decided to write this whole thing off.
I sent him a glare. It was fascinating. We didn't know about them at all. "We couldn't detect them. We had no idea they were there until they invited us."
"So?"
"So that means their equipment picked up ours." He gave me a bland look. Really, I wasn't seeing the genius Lynette claimed he was. "If they can monitor us through our own equipment," I prompted slowly and deliberately. "Then they can read the signals. Which means their codes..."
Marlon slammed the legs of his chair back on the floor and leaned forward. "Already know how to read ours."
Aha. That got his attention. "Exactly." I read through the mix of history and Mother's inserted explanations. I told Marlon what I thought were the important parts.
"Read it all word for word."
I scoffed. "Do you ever listen? I. Can't."
"Have it your way."
My way! As if there was a choice. I shook my head and read. They got into the history of their own technology development based on the gift of the first fah'ti, then it began to talk about what they had to do to get it to jibe with ours. That's where Mother really began to insert her instructions.
"What's it say?"
"Oh wow." The more I read, the more I understood why Mother put parts in. She was saying that it was up to the fah'ti to decide. It was preset with specific parameters that would lock out interference from humanity. We'd have no choice to recode it for our uses.
"Well?"
"Shh." It was protected. Or, if not protected, kept secret from humans. Morhal was serious when she said she would not allow us to reach the other races. "When we are ready, we will know them." It seemed that the fah'ti would determine when were were ready by Qitani standards.
Marlon could see my interest and got more impatient. "What?"
"Shh!" So it was intentionally designed to keep us out, at least for the time being. They are paired, always two are made, one synced with the other. The fah'ti we had would only work in tandem with the other. Even if we could duplicate the technology down to the last wire, the only other place it could possibly take us would be to the other fah'ti, the one Ralph and I jumped through. I had to smile. Yes, we were the "big, bad, advanced" race. Sure.
Marlon grabbed my shoulders and shook me. "Tell me what it says or you're toast!"
"We can't hack it!"
He stopped shaking me. "I can hack anything."
"No, you can't. Not this."
"Why not?"
"It doesn't work on math. It's not really a code, not one for humans. And we'll screw it up if we keep trying."
"Why?"
I jumped up. "I have to get to Reginald."
Marlon stood face to face with me, poking me in the chest. "You get me up in the middle of the night and drag me in here to tell me fairy tales and then as soon as you figure it all out, you take off without telling me why? Bull."
"Then follow me. I need to get to Reginald now."
"I'm not allowed!"
I didn't listen. He'd follow or not. His choice. I ran out and down the hall to the elevator. Al yelled at me for running in the dorms, but didn't come after me. Right before the elevator door closed, Marlon slipped in, panting.
"I hate...running."
"Thought you...didn't want...to get into...trouble..."
He shrugged. "I'm already in....trouble."
"Where's Reginald?"
Marlon shook his head, catching his breath. "I don't know how to get to his office."
The doors opened and the guard I pulled rank with was still on duty. I had a thought. "Follow my lead. You!" I yelled to the guard.
"Mr. Cosworth," he said as he quickly approached. "You find it okay?"
"Yes. Do you know the way to Re...Mr. Luckston's office?"
He nodded. "Sure do. All us security do rotations in the North building."
"Good. Take us."
He looked around quickly. "I'm on duty..."
"It's a matter of critical importance."
He snapped to. "Yes, sir, Mr. Cosworth. Right this way."
Marlon gave me a look like he was impressed and I couldn't help but grin. In a dignified and highly important manner, that is. An aristocrat.
We followed the guard through a series of quick twists and turns, long, featureless hallways, some back elevators I hadn't been in, until we finally found ourselves in the wood paneled offices. It was very quiet. "No one's on duty yet," the guard explained. "Favorite time of the day."
"Carlson! You're on dorm patrol." Another guard, this one with a slightly fancier uniform, came out of nowhere and was on us in seconds.
"Sir, this is young Mr. Cosworth. One of the Cosworths."
He looked at me. "Key."
I clenched my jaw and stood as tall as possible. I took my key out and handed it to him, hoping I looked like I was an offended person of importance and not just some ticked off kid. He ran my key, then handed it back to me.
"You left your post."
"It's important, like I said."
I stepped in. There was no reason the guard should get in trouble on my behalf. "He is acting under my command. I take full responsibility for his actions."
The guard looked like he wanted to argue, but I must have been convincing, because all I got for reply was him stepping back out of our way. I passed and couldn't help but give him a dirty look. Marlon didn't even try to suppress his snort.
As soon as we reached Reginald's office, our guard said something to the guard on duty at the front desk. They whispered back and forth for a minute before Christophe opened the suite door and stepped out. "I've been expecting these gentlemen," he said to the guards.
"Yes, sir," said the guard at the desk.
Christophe motioned to the guard that helped us. "Your key, please."
"He didn't do anything wrong," I said quickly.
The guard handed over his key and Christophe punched something in. "Thank you for escorting these young men. That should take care of any trouble it caused."
He nodded. "Thank you, sir."
"Head back to the dorms. I've got it from here."
"Thanks, Mr. Venderi." The guard nodded to us, then hurried down the hallway.
Christophe looked at the two of us. It was barely five in the morning and he was already dressed and perfect for the day. I was still in the same clothes from the night before, and Marlon was in his bath robe. I suddenly felt very out of place.
"I hadn't expected to see you so early, Jake."
"I couldn't sleep so I've been working..."
"Inside, if you please," he said quickly, shooting a look at the guard.
We went into the suite and Christophe showed us to the business area, not the couches. "Have a seat, boys, and I'll let Ralph and Al know where you are. I'm sure they'll be worried." It was a reprimand. Even Marlon had the decency to look embarrassed.
After he made the calls, he turned to me. "Fah'ti project on your mind, hm?"
"Yes." It should have surprised me that he knew, but it didn't. I already knew that Christophe had his finger on the pulse of everything in Utopia.
He sat back in Reginald's big leather chair. He looked as comfortable in it as Reginald did. More formal, though. More impressive. "So what did you learn?"
I told him. He listened. Like Marlon, though, he didn't want to believe what he heard.
"We have to crack it."
"We can't."
"If we can't crack it, we can't use it."
"Yes we can. We just have to use it with it's pair."
"And that means we can only go to one wormhole and end up in one place and time." He looked...annoyed? Frustrated?
"Yes. For now. And then one day..."
"Why." He wasn't really asking a question, he was thinking out loud. I let him tap his fingers on the top of the desk until his look changed.
"We're not ready."
His reply was fast and fierce. "Bullshit."
I hadn't heard him swear before. Nothing in his demeanor or polished perfection would indicate he ever did. But he had, and he did it right and well. "We aren't ready. Mother even admits it in her section of code. Until we can incorporate haak'sshi into our psyche, we can't use the technology for our own purposes. At least, I think it's haak'sshi that is the key."
"The Qitani cracked the code. They cracked the technology of a different race."
"That's what I said!" said Marlon. He hadn't, but I let that pass.
"It's all about this haak'sshi concept," Christophe said after a quick nod to Marlon. "Tell me about it."
I shrugged. "I...can't. It's part of their fiber. It's like..." I shook my head. How can you explain a concept that none of our words could explain?
"Is it physical? Spiritual? Emotional?"
"Yes. I think to all three."
"The doc said something the other day about Jake's brainwaves being different," Marlon told Christophe.
"Mmm. Could it have to do with their brains?"
I shrugged. "Maybe."
Christophe slammed a hand on the desk making us jump. He pushed away and stood quickly, then turned to stare out the window at the sunrise. He didn't say anything for a few minutes and neither Marlon nor I knew what to do. "When will we be ready? Isn't this enough? We sent you to them. Wasn't that enough? How much more do we need?" He turned around and leaned on the desk. "Why were the Qitani ready? Had they made bases on other planets?"
"No."
"No. A simple biological twist. Why are we constantly denied?" He sighed and composed himself with alarming speed. "I'm sorry, boys. It has not been an easy week. The quick jump has me all out of sorts. I simply do not like the idea that another race is dictating our space travel."
I had to defend them. "They're not. They didn't dictate us getting to them in the first place. They didn't dictate this base, or the first moon one, or the first shuttles or airplanes. They're only saying that we don't have the ability to alter the fah'ti."
"We can. If they'd tell us."
"And we wouldn't understand them right now even if they did!"
He looked to Marlon. "Can you crack it?"
"It's words, not really code."
"Biological programming?"
He shrugged. "We've played with it. Guess they're just better."
I was lost. "What's biological programming?"
"It's a concept scientists have long pondered. Can you control a piece of technology through biometric rhythms?"
"You mean...skip all the actual programming..."
"And just think your way through it," Marlon finished. "Or feel your way. Control travel of a ship like your mind controls you...walking."
"I don't get it."
"Your brain doesn't consciously think of a code to walk from here," he pointed to the desk, "to that couch over there. You just stand up and go."
"And you can do that with a ship?"
Marlon put his hands up and shrugged. "We've always thought maybe. I mean, the brain really is just a computer. We just haven't mapped out all the coding."
"We're getting there," Christophe said. "We can map memory. Program that into the..." he trailed off and his eyes went wide.
"Doppel bots," finished Marlon. "Aw man! They did it! That's the code!"
Christophe was smiling. I got the basic idea, but was still mostly confused. "Then why can't we?"
"Why can't we is right!" Christophe actually looked gleeful. "Marlon, you're transfered. I want you working with Bradley."
"Higher status?"
"Don't push your luck." He logged onto his terminal. "Lab 17 sub-D. Go back to your dorm and pack. I want you installed there by 8 am."
Marlon jumped up and headed for the door. "I'm on it!"
I looked around, utterly confused. "What's going on?"
Christophe stood and came to shake my hand. "I think we're about to be ready, that's what!"
"So...I cracked the fah'ti?"
"What?" He gave a little laugh. "No, I'm quite sure you're correct about it being uncrackable. We won't be able to use it in any other way than the Qitani desire."
"I'm so confused."
"We'll set it up. We'll turn it on. You say Eunice believes it'll work with our tech, we'll give it a try."
"You haven't even tried it?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
Christophe sighed. "And how could we before we even knew what we were dealing with? Hm? We picked you up and disabled the fah'ti as soon as we could. Couldn't risk two hundred years of StarTech work and research on potentially harmful technology."
Did they seriously believe that an advanced people would reach across galaxies just to steal useless...gossip? Unbelievable. Humans are absolutely unbelievable. I scoffed and shook my head.
He held up his hands. "I'm not trying to offend you, but please look at it from our point of view. You had to be quarantined for six weeks so we wouldn't get any alien diseases."
That's what they were doing all that long, boring time? "I did?"
"And we had to do the same with the technology. It would be stupid to blindly trust an unknown race."
I crossed my arms, annoyed that his sentiments only ran one way. "Isn't that what you want me to do?"
He gave a little wave. "I don't have time for another philosophical conversation right now. Besides, I stand firmly behind what I said last night. That won't change. If you can't understand why the lives and livelihoods of millions of people can't be put at jeopardy simply because you have a fondness for the Qitani, then there's nothing I can say to change your mind."
I hated it, but I could see his point. Mother did the same herself for two years after we were introduced to the Qitani. I have no doubt the Qitani did the same in regards to us. Protection from the unknown. I conceded. "So you're going to start it up now?"
"No. We're going to place it back where it was, nice and safe and away and disconnected from anything having to do with us and then we'll turn it back on."
I felt excitement growing. "And then I'll be able to talk to Dad?"
Christophe shrugged. "If you're right."
"And if I'm wrong?"
He did smile at me then, a snide, smug grin. "Then perhaps you'll start realizing how human you are after all, Mr. Cosworth."
Chapter7
I didn't mind the weightlifting anymore. "Pumping iron, just like men used to," said Ralph. "Clears your head, boy."
He was right about that. There's something very satisfying about pushing the weights up and down over my chest until everything aches. It might sound ridiculous, but it's true. The burn cleans.
I thought of the fah'ti. It was out there somewhere, on it's way to where it should have been left all along. I was still a bit confused about the whole thing, even though Marlon gave me a tour of Bradley's lab and tried to explain it all.
"We've got the specs. That's all we actually needed. God, can you believe we wasted so much time on gobbledeegook code when the real puzzle was right in front of us?"
Apparently the part we needed, they needed...aw hell. The part we needed was the construction. We needed to know how to build the hardware, how to link ourselves to it.
"That's the key, Master Cosworth," said the Bradley bot. "The code, as you succinctly put, is us. Our biorhythms. Our impulses. Our thoughts and heartbeats."
"Our souls," said Lynette.
Both the bot and Marlon took exception to that.
"Souls? Really? Didn't think you were one of those spiritual types, Lynnie."
"The concept of the 'soul', as you referred, is an abstract concept for those who believe there needs to be more than the wonderful world of science guiding beings through the planets, Miss Donnely. Soul?" The bot actually almost laughed in condescension.
They might have had a point, but they didn't have to be so mean about it. Lynette didn't go back down to the lab after their snide remarks. I don't suppose they really wanted her there, anyway.
They got what they needed off the fah'ti, then decided to send it back into place. While I pumped iron, it was on a ship. When they arrived to the proper spot, it would be deployed. And then they were going to activate it. If all went according to plan, it wouldn't take more than a day or two for transmissions to begin. And then, then I could finally talk to Dad.
One more day, and I should know. How much time had passed for them? For me, really? I could talk to Dad. StarTech could get a mile of data downloaded. That would make all the squeaks happy. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was even looking forward to talking to Mother.
Would I be able to inspeak then? With that connection, would it be possible to...
I put the weigh bar on the rack and stood up quickly, shutting down the swirling thoughts of "what if" that had me on edge all day. The workout wasn't holding them back any longer.
"Everything okay, Jake?" Ralph was getting some test done to him by Dr. Karl in the corner of the room. Lynette looked up from her holo and raised her eyebrow.
"I'm hitting the showers."
"You only did one round on the tread, Mr. Cosworth," said Dr.Karl in a patronizing tone. "Do I need to remind you about the Tuesday schedule?"
"I'm hitting the showers," I repeated, feeling the anxiety threaten to change to anger. I caught Ralph's look to the good doctor before I left the room.
I guess I didn't want to know the answers. The water cascaded over me and I let myself think what I didn't want to be thinking. I was...nervous. Anxious. Tense as hell. I felt like I had a spring wound up tight inside. It was so confusing. I missed them all so terribly that I ached for contact. And yet...
I didn't want to know how much time had passed for them. What if it had been years? What if Dad and Mother were even more gray and wrinkled? Or worse. For me it was only about four months, give or take. I had a birthday, according to my ship clock. But what about theirs? What about their reality? Would I be a freak to them? Would they look on the screen and expect to see a man, grown, bearded or balding with a wife and kids and a career?
I soaped up my hair and tried not to continue the thoughts. Try as I might, I couldn't help them from coming. They'd been ever present in the corners of my mind for the week and a half since I "cracked" the fah'ti. They kept me awake all night. They'd pop into the forefront without any warning when I was trying to test up to the next level through the HuTA. That one was like an extra slap, because I was actually trying to pay attention to lessons for once.
Even if I could reach out, find the connection I've missed, find her...Was she even still alive?
I shut the thought down.
I got out of the shower and dressed quickly. It was time for a trip to the lab. It was a last attempt at a distraction. I thought about letting Ralph know where I was going, but then changed my mind. He'd just send Lynette with me. And she would make me talk about what's bugging me. I needed to be around selfish jerks who didn't pry.
I slipped out and down the now familiar series of twists, turns, lefts and rights that would take me on a three minute elevator ride to the "bowels of the planet", as the Bradley bot put it.
They weren't the bowels. It just took a long time to get there. That's why it felt so deep.
Everyone complained about the long elevator ride.
"It's only seventeen floors. We should have been there like yesterday."
"This is ridiculous."
"Someone needs a shower. Bad."
"I can get all the way
to
"Can't they make an elevator that moves faster than molasses?"
Molasses is a syrup, by the way. I had to look that one up.
I understood the physics of this elevator. Of course StarTech could make fast elevators. They're all over the place above ground. Underground, though, they were not straight shafts. They moved at a slight angle. The Bradley bot explained it to me on my first trip down.
"You see, Master Cosworth..." He always called all the young men "Master" So and So. Ralph said that it's an antiquated form of respect. "The stability of the Martian geology is less than predictable. There are pockets of minerals that have varying degrees of consistency."
"Isn't that the same on Earth?"
"Yes. And that's precisely why construction on that home planet of mine is limited. Buildings have been built the same way for so many generations that most would balk at an angled elevator! Up here, we have no such constraints. While we were as careful as could be in selection the location for building Utopia, we had the foresight to know we knew nothing about the alien terra firma."
When he says "we", he's not using it in the grand sense of the StarTech organization. He actually means "we", as in "theirs and my hands physically built this". He's a bot with uploaded memories. If you really stop and give it too much thought, it'll creep you out.
"So you built the elevators at an angle."
"Yes. A slight one, about a five degree off square pitch. It makes for a slower ride, but it's far more stable. Not to mention the reinforced panels. With this type of shaft, we could build a safe ride through anything as stable as iron, to something as shifting as sand! Of course, if it were through sand, I suppose both the level we traveled to and the one we traveled from would be far too unstable to actually use..."
He babbled on the rest of the ride going off in many different directions in a short time. That's the thing about Bradley. In most people, one idea leads to the next. Or maybe a couple of possibilities. In Justin Bradley, one thought would lead to an entire universe. I like the guy, for all he creeps me out. But if I had to work around him all day, I'd probably go nuts. I wondered how Marlon could put up with him every day.
The doors opened and the security officer waved me through. The next one made me use my pass. The third needed the retinal scan. Same deal. Pain in the butt, but the lab was worth it. Every time those huge doors slid open and all of StarTech's most valuable and most secret projects lined the rows in front of me, I knew all the hassle was worth it.
I saw Marlon and some other tech in an argument around the fah'ti replica they were attempting to build. I wandered over and looked at the prototype while they bickered.
"I said two tenths of a millimeter!" the techie was yelling. "Two tenths! Not one tenth. Not three tenths."
"And I said it won't be enough to transmit. As I've explained five times now, I don't give a rat's ass what your spec sheet says. Use bigger wire."
The tech gritted his teeth. "And any baboon can look and see that would mean rewiring the entire CPU-STO."
"Then I suggest you get a baboon and get wiring because two tenths ain't gonna cut it!"
Marlon was red. He had "that look". I stepped in. "What's going on?"
"Number jockey over here can't wrap his puny brain around the fact that he's using wire that cannot possibly transmit data fast enough..."
"And this young punk can't get it through his thick head that the entire CPU-STO has already been wired and passed three tests for conductivity."
Marlon tugged at his hair and squeaked in frustration. "Conductivity isn't the problem you half wit!" He pinched his fingers and thumb together. "Say it with me. Transfer rate. Transfer rate." He was using that condescending voice that made the world want to smack him.
The tech threw his hands in the air. "That's it. That is it! I didn't sign up to babysit. Bradley!" The man turned and stormed off.
"Is it really asking that much to get someone who has two brain cells to rub together? Is it?" I didn't answer. It was rhetorical. "If I need to transmit a terrabyte at rates equivalent to 120m/s, that's not going to happen with that floss he calls wire." He turned and looked down the aisle where the techie was quickly stomping off. "And he's too lazy to do the job right!"
The techie heard him like he was supposed to. I don't think the hand gesture he shot back was all that unexpected, either.
Marlon ran a hand through his hair and crouched down in front of the prototype. "I gave him the specs. It's not my fault he didn't read them."
I looked over the contraption. They'd been working on it since the moment the real fah'ti was in their possession. They did their best to copy the hardware, but I noticed now that they were making some very big changes to the CPU-STO, as Marlon hammered into my head whenever I'd call it the "clump of wire thing in the middle". Central Processing Unit- Synaptic Telemetry Output.
I know. I'm impressed I remembered that, too.
It controlled the unit. Basically, it linked similar biorhythms through space and time. Seems flimsy when I put it like that, doesn't it? And maybe it is. But maybe it's not. Reginald believes that all that is needed for predictable travel through wormholes is a gentle push.
"Yes, we called it a tide," he said excitedly one day when he was in the lab looking at the progress while I was there. "But maybe it's not. It ebbs and flows...but maybe it just needs one little whisper of direction. Maybe just a nudge. A thought, even. A feeling."
Bradley often ignored Reginald. He tolerated him in the lab, but just barely. And if Reginald started touching things, the bot would get downright annoyed.
"MISter Luckson," he'd say in a booming voice. "Do I come to your office and tinker with your silly baubles? Need I remind you that I know for a fact your grandfather taught you how to respect your elders? Hm?"
Reginald would always laugh it off. Bradley was, after all, just a bot. It's an odd dynamic. I wondered what Dad would have said about the two of them?
Reginald's theory was that the flow inside a wormhole only needed a little programming. Marlon's opinion differed a little, which, to Marlon, meant Reginald was a moron. Marlon thought it was all a mad jumble with invisible threads going from every possible place and time, connections like computer wires all knotted up. He thought the fah'ti didn't guide at all, but picked the right path.
When I told both of them that they were basically saying the same thing, even the Bradley bot scoffed at my ignorance. I learned to keep my mouth shut and just nod and be polite.
I didn't really go to the lab to look at the fah'ti, anyway. I knew what a fah'ti was. I'd used one, and that put me in a class with exactly one other human, and it certainly wasn't any of the scientists who thought they knew it all down in the little lab. It made me valuable to them for about two minutes the first time I went down there. I went through the fah'ti, so, in their minds, I was an expert.
"How do you go through it?" they would ask over and over.
"You just do," was the only answer I could give.
"Yes, but what do you do?"
"Go through it."
"HOW?!"
They gave up. I gave up. I didn't know. It just worked. Let them figure it out.
No, I didn't come to the lab for the fah'ti. I came to the lab for everything else. The fah'ti was the only active project. All hands were on deck to either get a working prototype, or to get the other one functional and wait for the flood of data. The workstations were silent. And that meant no one paid attention when I wanted to get a sneak preview of "the next great thing".
I liked the weapons. Maybe it's the Qitani influence. Ralph thinks so. I don't actually want to use them. Not on people, anyway. But they are amazing.
Take the Stunner XJ-7, for example. Stun guns are so old that we even had them aboard the ship, so there's nothing really new about the basic concept. But the XJ-7 delivers a certain type of electrical shock to the spine that quickly constricts all the muscles, pinching off the impulses through the spinal chord and rendering the victim completely helpless. They can't even kick or punch. One zap and it's boom, instant vegetable. I was very careful when I looked at that particular experiment.
Then there was the LLD, Lethal Laser Device. Simple name for such a complicated machine. It worker on the same crystal propulsion theory that drove modern space craft, only on a much, much smaller scale. They want it to stop an enemy, not send them into space.
...although, now that I think about it, blasting them into space would certainly end a problem, wouldn't it?
Anyway, one quick press of a button and the enemy would have a hole in them a mile wide. The work station was surrounded by a crystal blast shield, but even so, there were deep burn marks in the desk and the floor inside the shield. I was never allowed to touch it. But I wanted to. Boy, did I want to.
I walked away from Marlon to follow the aisle to my favorite invention. He wouldn't even miss me. I'm not even sure he really knew I was there. He hadn't really been talking to me, just griping out loud. I got to the end of the main aisle and turned down the hall.
Physical inventions were created in the main lab. It was an open space with every kind of machinery imaginable, and people worked in stations on large tables with other arrays of smaller tools for the job. Three whole Condor Ones could have fit inside the main lab. That alone would have been impressive. But there were some "inventions" that weren't things so much as experiments. Some contained viruses. Some contained animals being studied. Most of them, though, contained plant life of different forms in secured environments. Every climate of Earth was represented, as the Bradley bot was proud to repeat over and over. I passed both arctic and desert. I walked right by the plains. I paused once again at the forest. Something about that one was beautiful. But I knew where I wanted to be. Swamps.
I ran my key through the door and waited, then entered the air lock. I had to wait for the door behind me to close and seal, then press the button. The outside air was sucked out and the heavy, humid swamp breeze filled the chamber. I felt myself unwind. I was somewhere that felt familiar. It felt like Laak'sa, felt like home. The door clicked and swung open and I could hear the buzz of dragonfly wings.
Okay, not just like home. Laak'sa doesn't have dragon flies. They do, however, have caa flies, and they have the same almost mechanical buzz when their wings flap incredibly fast. Their water is different. The marsh in this artificial environment smells sweeter, where Laak'sa's has a slight sulfur smell. Not as bad as v-2445, but definitely there. The mud in this containment chamber is deep brown, while on Laak'sa, it's deep green. I sat on a log and closed my eyes. The differences didn't change the feeling. It felt like home.
I wished I had learned about the swamp room earlier. I was going to Earth soon. I wasn't sure when, but Christophe was pleased with the feedback from his leaks and assured me it would be sooner rather than later. I would be leaving. Would I find a place like the swamp room on Earth?
The room only measured twenty feet by thirty feet. The "sun" was really just a light. Everything inside had been carefully shipped from Earth. The water ran from one side of the room on a slight artificial tilt, then got piped under the floor back to the top of the small rise to simulate the slight flow that true swamps have. There were frogs. They croaked in the simulated night. There were flies of different types, and even some kind of fish. "Mud skippers", though I never got to see them skip in the mud. There were even a few rodents. "River rats". They didn't bother me. One of them sniffed my foot and took a nibble at my boot, but he clearly didn't like the flavor and didn't bother me again after.
Each afternoon the humidity gathered under the simulated hazy sun and fell in a heavy mist. It was no quite strong enough to be called a rain. The environment was just not big enough for that. It misted heavily for about an hour, and then the simulated sun heated it back up and you could smell the excitement of the plants. The first time I went in the room about a week before was right after one of these showers. The plants stood taller. They seemed happier, fresher. I liked that. More than anything else, it made me feel at home. I took a deep breath of the musty air and felt myself relax.
My holocom buzzed. I ignored it. Pretend it's a caa fly, I told myself. It buzzed again. It was hard to pretend it was a caa fly when it shook on my belt. I squeezed my eyes tighter and tried to hold on to the calm. When it buzzed a third time I gave up. It was Lynette. I clicked. Before I could talk, she began.
"There you are. Are you in the marsh again? Why do you go there? You always come out stinking of rot."
"I come here because it's the one place I can get peace and quiet around here!" It came out sounding harsher than I meant it to. It wasn't Lynette's fault I felt high strung. "It's not stinky. It's just marsh." I tried to sound more patient.
"Ralph says you're to get back here stat."
"Why?"
"Lessons."
I sighed. "Can't we skip them for a day?"
She quirked an eyebrow. "And let you start falling behind just when you're finally starting to get the hang of it?"
"Yes."
She laughed, even though I was being serious. "I expect you back here in half an hour."
Good. That would give me time to relax.
"And I expect you to be showered off. I'm not spending the afternoon with someone who smells like a cesspool!"
"What's a cesspool?"
"You. Now get up here." The screen went blank. I sighed and pushed up. I knew I should have left the holo back in my room. I just knew it.
"Wipe your feet," Mother had said. I walked out of the habitat and waited for the airlock to take away the warm wetness of the marsh and replace it with the chilly canned air we all breathe on Utopia. When the door clicked open, I stepped into the hallway and squeaked my muddy boots down the hall. On the ship, we always hit the decon chamber before entering our quarters. Any contaminants were hosed off, air dried, and then laser purified. We didn't have mud inside the Condor One, unless it was in collection samples. Every bit of dirt was gone before we crossed our threshold. I never had to wipe my feet because a highly honed electronic and robotic system did it for me.
Squeak, with a satisfying sploshing noise. My feet were covered. My uniform pants were dank up to the knees in just the short time and I knew the seat of the pants were covered in muddy moss from sitting on the rotting log.
"MISter Cosworth! If you insist on contaminating my habitats, the very least, and I do mean very, you could do would be to leave the bits and pieces where they belong! Now you've gone and tracked flora clear across the laboratory floor! It's going to take..."
The lab door closed and sealed off the rest of Bradley's rant. Utopia had a lot of bored bots. I'm sure as soon as I stepped a muddied foot on the pristine floor a whole little fleet of them snapped to attention to get on the task. I passed the other security points and got on the elevator, laughing at the look on the outer guard's face.
"What the hell they got goin' on in there?"
He must not have had the clearance to go any further. I left my mud prints in the elevator and walked down the squeaky clean halls. I got to my quarters and was surprised to find Reginald waiting for me at the door. He hadn't been all the way down to my level yet.
That sounded bad. I'm not knocking Reginald, but it was clear from the start that he lived in a different world. Nice guy, but as out of place with "regular people" as I was. It maked me feel bad for him. He spent his life building an enormous, beautiful place, and he only fit in on the very top floor.
"Ah," he said, making a motion towards my muddy clothers. "That's what Bradley was going on about. You really must, must leave the habitats alone, Jake. The water content has been precisely measured..."
"My security clearance allowed me in."
"Are you going to make me cancel that clearance?"
I sighed. "No. I'll stay out of it."
He frowned, thinking. "I'll tell you what. You are free to enter the antechamber. How's that? You get to view the marsh you seem to like, and the habitat maintains a scientific perfection." He wouldn't understood how much worse that would have been than not being near the marsh at all. He patted my shoulder. "Glad that's settled. Now, why I'm here. We've got some news, some exciting news!"
My heart leaped. "The fah'ti?"
"No, no. That's still on schedule for tomorrow. No, something better."
As if there were anything better!
"Our records have been accepted and...wait, we shouldn't do this in the hall. Let's gather the team." He opened the door and shuffled me in, calling for the others. They came out of the other room and Lynette gave me the quirked-eyebrow look that meant she was less than impressed with my appearance. I gave a little shrug and a grin. She rolled her eyes.
"What's going on, Reggie?"
If Reginald minded Ralph's new nickname, he didn't mention. Since we saw Reginald get "drunk as a skunk", in Ralph's words, Ralph figured we reached a new level of acquaintanceship.
"Great news, Ralph! Great news. Where's Jillian?"
"Still sulking about the uniforms."
Reginald scoffed. "That was weeks ago." He pulled his holo off his belt and tapped something out on the keys with more force than was necessary. After a second, Jillian's voice came through. He cut her off. "Quit being a baby and get down here. We've got big news and you're up to bat." He didn't give her time to respond. "Christophe's on the com to the press corp on Earth as we speak, but he'll be down for his own briefing later. I just couldn't wait." He glanced at his watch, then at the door, clearly bubbling with excitement. "Oh screw it. You can fill her in if she ever gets down here." He motioned to the dining table. "Everyone, have a seat." We did. And then Reginald stood at the head of the table and simply looked at us for a minute. He tends to be a little dramatic at time.
"This morning I received a communique from the presidents of the United States, Russia, and Great Britain. As you may or may not know, the three lead the Counsel for Interstellar Oversight." He smiled at Ralph's look. "Yes, I know. What interstellar? Maybe they had big heads, or maybe someone simply listened to Grandfather all those years ago. The CIO is the largest roadblock. We've always battled. Father did. I try to make peace." He waved a quick hand. "I'm getting off track again.
"I received a communique from the CIO requesting a formal hearing with you!" He was looking at me, grinning.
"Uh...me?"
"Yes. And Ralph, of course."
I turned to Ralph. "What do I need a hearing for? Isn't that for criminals?"
Ralph looked to Reginald. Uh oh. I didn't like it that he wasn't even sure.
"No, no," Reginald began, then stopped. "Well, yes. I mean, criminals have hearings. But this is more of a...hm. Formal presentation?" He sat down. "Let me see if I can explain."
I'd go to Earth and straight to this hearing in front of not only the CIO, which consists of all the top politicians, I was assured, but the rest of the international governmental representatives. I'd have to stand in front of them and answer their questions.
"What kind of questions?"
"Oh, all of them. Who you are, what your life was like, where you've been..."
"But that would take months!" said Ralph.
Reginald sighed and explained further. I'd say what Christophe prepped me to say. We both would. It was just a formality, he insisted. They didn't really want to know all of the information. Not in that one hearing. They had copies of all the information we had, anyway.
Ralph laughed. "Then why are we doing this?"
Reginald seemed annoyed that we weren't thrilled. "Come on, Ralph. I know you've been gone awhile, but did you really think governments had changed? They need to say they put you through the paces. They need to publicly take and interest. They need to at least appear like they are making the world safe from potential invasion..."
"But no one's invading!"
Reginald tented his fingers and pressed the tips firmly to his mouth. I knew that look. He was on the edge of anger. "Listen to me and listen to me good. You need to get it through your head that about ninety nine percent of humanity is terrified of the unknown. Right now, you are the unknown."
"And Ralph," I mumbled. I felt like I was being singled out. I was.
"No. Ralph is already one of them. He'll be an oddity, at best. People will poke and prod and ooh and ahh and say 'I can't believe how young he looks!'. He's one of them. You are not."
"But you've been saying..."
"That you have to act like one of them! And you do. And that starts by going before their government and being as open and honest as possible and showing the people through their government that you are not a threat!"
Ralph gave a little snort. "Open and honest...as long as it's in the script."
Reginald did not deny it. "We are prepared for this. You are not. You will not tell a single lie. Your character will remain intact."
Ralph really laughed then. "Have you read my service record? It's not my integrity and character I'm worried about."
"I've read it. A womanizing fly boy. I get it. But the moment you gave that up for the noble cause of human space travel..."
"Oh god," Ralph rolled his eyes.
"...you shed the fly boy and became an international hero. And you will keep that image."
Ralph gritted his teeth and crossed his arms over his chest. I didn't understand his sudden anger. "Don't worry. ST made sure my womanizing days were over."
Reginald turned red and quickly cleared his throat. "Anyway, Jake. They will concentrate on you. Christophe will orchestrate it with you tonight before you leave."
Wait. What? "Leave?"
"Yes. We've got a window tonight at about two-ish. We'll have to take it. The next won't be for another three days."
"But the fah'ti..." I turned to Ralph. "I thought we'd talk to Dad?"
"Can't we just hold off and see if the fah'ti works?"
Reginald shook his head. "No. We've got to hit this window, kid."
"But..."
"Here or Earth won't matter. You'll just go through our com channels from Earth."
"But I'll be in flight."
He sighed. "You've waited four months. You mean to tell me you can't wait an extra day? Come, now, Jake. Be a big kid."
That was a low blow. I snapped my mouth shut and looked away. He kept babbling about Lynette and Marlon and the doc and the roles they'd play and blah blah. I didn't care. One day. He couldn't wait one damned day?
I was ordered to the shower when the meeting was over. Reginald was gone when I came out, but Jillian was there. Once she heard the news, all sulking was forgotten and she was poking, measuring, holding up fabric, and arguing with herself the whole time.
Marlon arrived at some point in the fitting of my new uniform. He didn't laugh, so I guess it didn't look that bad. "Why do we have to go today of all days?," he grumbled. "What's one more?"
"I know, right?" At least he and I agreed on one thing.
Lynette was making a list of things she and Marlon both had to pack. Jillian said they'd get new uniforms before we left.
"Why do they need me to testify?" Marlon grumbled from the couch.
"Technical questions."
"Ask a squeak."
Lynette sighed. "Technical questions about Jake," she said.
I gave a laugh. "I'm not a bot."
"And he's got to attest to that."
I was about to laugh again, but she was being serious. "What the hell is wrong with the government?"
"They need to get re-elected, that's what. It's a game of cover your own behinds. Haven't you read anything I've given you on modern governments?"
"I thought you were kidding."
Lynette stood and grabbed her list. "Come on, Marlon. Let's pack. We'll be down after dinner for Christophe's briefing."
I was standing on top of the little table with my arms out where Jillian could mark where my stripes and tassels went. I argued against the tassels, but she pointed out that even Christophe had some. "They show rank. They stay." When I was all marked, Jillian grabbed the jacket she'd marked up for Ralph. "I better get these to the girls downstairs in laundry and see if they can help me work miracles. See you tonight!" The doc followed. He had a list of files he'd need to have prepared on my medicals for presentation, and he went to compile those and pack his own items.
The flurry of activity was over and I flopped into the overly soft couch next to Ralph.
"You okay, kiddo?"
"I wanted to be here when they turned it on."
He nodded. "Yeah, I know. Me too. But Reggie's right. I don't suppose it'll matter if we're here or Earthside." He smacked his hands together then rubbed them quickly. "I can't wait, man. I can't wait to get my hands into that dirt!"
I was surprised. Ralph always seemed like he loved the stars.
"It's different, Jake. It's not even anything I can explain. It's home. It's going home. I didn't think it mattered that much, but..." he gave a helpless little shrug. It was clear that it meant the world to him. For some reason, that made me feel a little better about the whole thing.
"What are you looking forward to most?"
"Burgers. A nice, thick burger. And a beer. A real beer, too, not this posh fruity crap they've got here. How about you? What are you looking forward to?"
I was about to say I wasn't looking forward to any of it, but was surprised to find that wasn't exactly true anymore. Somewhere in me there was an interest. "I don't know," I answered honestly.
He studied me for a second. As a second dad, he knew everything about me. Most importantly, he knew when not to pry. "Fair enough."
I soon wished the rest of my team could learn that little trick. That night was terrible. Christophe's list of things I needed to remember was a mile long. "I'll never remember this," I said after I listened to a mind-numbing barrage of details.
"You will. You'll listen and then when they ask, the answer will be triggered."
As he peppered questions and answers my way, Jillian was simultaneously stuffing me into my new uniform, assuring me this was only a travel uniform and that the dress uniform was much fancier. She had to keep batting Doc's hand away, as he was reaching in for various tests to be able to present up-to-the-minute records to the IOC. Marlon was whining about missing out on his "life's work", Lynette had thought up a million things about the culture she forgot to tell me... All in all, it was a blur of activity, noise, and misery and I was actually grateful when it was time to board the ship.
Reginald lead the procession down the hallway. Apparently word was out and everyone and their brother turned out to clap for us and wish us luck. My face burned with embarrassment the whole time. We finally reached LD-7, the dock our craft was leaving from. Even though Reginald ran the place, it took some convincing for the staff to let Marlon and Lynette board.
"Sir, they don't have clearance."
"I am their clearance."
"They're children! We don't have the data..."
"They're both full grown."
"But liability..."
"They're indentured."
"But..."
On and on in heated but hushed whispers until Reginald finally said, "I appreciate your devotion to your position. It's good we have such devoted people. If you plan on remaining my devoted people, I suggest you step aside and let us board before we miss our window!"
The staff let them board. Glared at them the whole time, but let them on nonetheless.
"What's the big deal?" I asked Ralph.
"No clearance."
"So?"
He shrugged, holding his arms up for the scanner. "So I don't think this craft is exactly past the experimental phase and they could end up being a huge problem."
I stepped up and held my hands up like Ralph had, waiting for the scanners to sweep up and down, checking for everything from weapons to potential contaminants. "Like if they blab?" The scanner beeped and I cleared the deck.
"No," said Marlon behind me. "Earth knows about these hoppers. They're worried that because we're kids we'll get killed and sue."
Lynette sighed. "We can't sue if we're dead, idiot."
He waved a hand, the scanner sounded a warning, and he held still while the process restarted. "You know what I mean. You die, I sue."
"Aw, you'd really sue on my behalf if I died?"
"Hell yeah. Easy livin' for life!"
"Gee. You're such a sweet brother."
Everyone was scanned in turn and the passage to the ship was automatically unlocked. "Passenger scan complete. Boarding approved. Please proceed cautiously." We followed the directions of the automated voice.
The process of space travel was so familiar I could have performed prep in my sleep. A space ship. True, it was vastly different from the Condor. But all in all, it bore many similarities in shape to the smaller transports we used while the Condor was in orbit to get to the surface. The main visual differences were the size and the quality. The small transports we used only carried five people, while this craft could easily seat twenty. And everything just looked expensive, just like the jeweled planet, like the crystal dinner, like Reginald's office. This was no commercial flight. It reeked of wealth and power. It was something only for the upper echelon of StarTech. I doubted even the governments had anything this nice.
A crew member ushered us to our seats. Before she explained how, I was strapped myself into the familiar harness. Some things didn't change in eighty years. I suppose some things didn't need to change in eighty years. A harness is a harness is a harness. I locked myself into mine, then noticed that Marlon and Lynette were struggling with theirs. I unclipped and leaned over Lynette, cinching her in. "You've never harnessed up?"
She shook her head. "No. The boat goes a lot slower. We've got the bar until we break orbit, then again at landing. Other than that, no reason to be harnessed."
I told her what I was doing for Marlon's benefit. The crew member was busy helping Jillian and I doubted Marlon would let me actually strap him in.
"Thanks, Jake," Lynette said. Her hands were clenched. She was nervous. "You ever traveled so fast? I hear it's rough..."
I snorted as I strapped myself in. "Sure, and it is. But don't fight it. Just...blitz out."
"Concentrate on the video screen," Christophe said, securing his own strapping. "It's a carefully programmed series of pictures designed to relax you. Eventually you will fall asleep and will wake up when we slow down."
She was still a ball of nerves. I could see her nails digging into the palms of her hands. I unstrapped and moved to the seat next to her. After I was strapped in, I took her hand. It was awkward, being strapped as tightly as we were, but I could feel her sag with relief.
"Thanks," she whispered.
"Are we going or what? My nuts are squished tighter than a hippo in a tutu!"
Christophe shot Marlon a withering look. "I do hope you fall asleep quickly."
The crew strapped in. I knew that meant we were about to lift off. The crew always waited until the last second, just in case something went wrong. I felt the engine fire. It wasn't loud, like the engines on our ships. Old tech equals loud tech. But it was more unnerving. Quieter, but more mechanical. It had the hum of high electricity that you can feel shooting through you, pulsing with your heart, making the hair on your neck stand on end. I felt Lynette tremble and squeezed her hand tighter.
"Watch the screen."
I knew they'd use some kind of gas mixture to help us fall asleep. The pictures on the screen were just a distraction so we wouldn't panic at the odd smell, the unusual feeling, the whirl. We used that on the Condor when we'd travel within a solar system. It was just easier. I don't think Lynette knew that, though. "Just watch the screen."
She clutched my hand so tight that her nail began to dig in. It hurt, but I didn't mind. I'd been traveling that way my whole life. If I hadn't, I bet I would have been as scared. Even Marlon was feeling the nerves. For all his smarts and bravado, he wasn't fooling anyone. He was terrified.
The hum increased under us. I knew we'd be lifting off soon. We'd clear orbit, and then the really terrifying part would begin, the rapid acceleration. On the screen were a series of pictures. Nature pictures. Pictures of little babies. Some kinds of animals couldn't identify. They were happy pictures. Silly pictures. They stayed on the screen just long enough to make you really begin to look, but changed before you wanted to stop looking. And again. And again. It is a smart system. I almost didn't notice we left the ground.
I glanced around the cabin. No windows. There was a sealed door towards the front, similar to the one we came in through the back. That must be the control room. A sealed door meant I was correct. I felt the turbulence of the change in air as we climbed.
On the screen was some sort of rock formation. "What's that, Lynette?"
She was nearing panic. "What?" she asked desperately.
"On the screen. The rock."
"I...uh..."
It changed. "Is that the Atlantic ocean?"
"No," she said, gulping. "It looks like the Pacific. That looks like Hawaii."
The screen changed. "What's that?"
"Polar bear."
"It looks cute," I said.
"Cute?" Marlon scoffed, getting into the conversation. "It'll eat your face for breakfast, space monkey."
"Yikes. I'll keep clear."
"That's a giraffe."
I smelled it in the air, the slightly sickly sweet gas mixture that would usher us into temporary oblivion. It was just a subtle change in the piped in ozone. I told myself to keep them talking just a few more minutes and then it would be all right. "Is that one dangerous?"
"No. Just tall."
"What's that smell?"
Shut up, Marlon, my mind screamed silently at him. If I could have turned in my seat, I would have given him a glare that could melt an iceberg. "What's that building?" I asked, trying to keep Lynette's focus on me and not her boneheaded brother.
"That's your...hey...what's...my eyes are going funny..."
I squeezed her hand, starting to feel it as well. "It's fine. Just...orbit. What's that?"
"Your house," she said.
What? My house? That huge...that... My eyes were blurring. I felt her hand slackening. I heard her sigh softly, slipping into terrorless sleep. I stopped concentrating, took a deep breath, and let myself follow her into oblivion.
Chapter8
I woke in an all too familiar clean, white room. For a second I was sure we scrubbed. I was sure I was back in the medical ward on Utopia, burned, beaten, broken from some horrid crash. I calmed myself, let my brain catch up. I pushed up on my elbows and looked around. It was a similar room, that was for sure. But there were some important differences. The biggest was that I wasn't alone. Everybody in my team was in the room with me, sleeping off the after affects of the travel. My room in Utopia hadn't been close to big enough to fit us all.
I sat and dangled my feet over the edge of the bed, slowly breathing deeply in the supplied oxygen. My head felt like a little man ran around hammering from the inside. It was the gas. The gas and the speed of travel.
I just had to catch up. I repeated that to myself over and over.
I breathed and rubbed my eyes. They focused. We made the flight. We landed. I remember being awake enough to exit. We all were. We walked like robots, off the craft, down some extended hallway, straight into an elevator. Down, down, down. I remembered being hooked up to the oxygen. I looked at my arm. It had an IV in, too. I squinted to read the writing. Saline. Just fluids. We never did this on our ship. But then again, it sometimes took a couple days to shake off the effects of high speed travel. No wonder Christophe looked so wiped when he got back.
I looked down the row of beds. They were still catching up. Make it to a bed, lie down, and let the body do what it will. Standard protocol. I wondered what kind of pilots were in the control room. Had to be bots. I've been doing jumps of different kinds my whole life, and this relatively short hop knocked me out. I couldn't imagine anyone being able to handle it enough to guide an aircraft. It had to be piloted by bots. I couldn't think of any other way.
I reached my arms up and stretched. The IV pulled, so I untaped it and slid it out. I got up and instantly felt the weight difference from Utopia. Even Utopia's artificial gravity system hadn't been enough to simulate true Earth gravity.
Earth. I was on Earth.
I looked to a bank of windows. Some sort of tinting was over them. I padded over, holding the furniture and wall as I went for support. The gravity would definitely take some getting used to. There was a control panel, and I slid my finger over the sensor. The tinting on the window in front of me lightened. I didn't want to wake everyone. I just wanted to see it. I slid the sensor until I could see clearly outside but still have most of the light blocked. It was day time. Where ever we were, it was full day. I could see the sun high in the sky. A mountain. A city.
And people.
So. Many. People.
Cars. Aerobuses. Trains. People riding. People walking. People swarming in the fresh air, floors and floors below. They scurried. They hurried. They moved and pushed and drove and ran and cycled and...
None of them even knew I was there. None of them could see me. They didn't even yet know I existed. I looked down on them all. I could have taken them all.
I shook my head and felt a shiver. Where did that disturbing thought come from?
"So peaceful, isn't it?"
Christophe's voice made me jump out of my skin.
He laughed. "I thought you heard me say hello." He was talking very softly. I noticed he didn't have an IV at all. He said he travels a lot. Perhaps he just got used to it over time.
"Listen. All those people and not one sound."
He was right. I turned to look. I couldn't hear anything in the room but the soft flow of breath of those sleeping.
"You step out that door down there and the noise hits you like a wall." He leaned his head on the glass like me. "Amazing what technology can do."
"Yeah."
We stood looking at Earth. Looking at people. Looking at what they all wanted me to call my home.
"Is it like Laak'sa?"
That was absurd. I was awake a whole five minutes. How could I possibly know? But I did. Already I did. "It's heavy here."
"Mm. I love Mars. It feels like you've shed twenty pounds."
"And there's one star here, not two."
"What else?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. I just got here!"
"Try. You're a scientist. Try."
What was he doing? He had that sound to his voice again, the same as he got when talking about some new discovery or theory.
I scanned the city below. Differences. "There are a lot of people crammed together."
"Doesn't Laak'sa have more?"
"Yes, but it's taller. Spread up, not crammed all into one level. That way, it never really feels crowded unless there's an assembly. Why don't they build more here? Why aren't there upper levels?"
Christophe gave a small laugh. "I don't know."
"The buildings are dull. On Laak'sa, they shine with an iridescence because of the metal."
"All of them?"
"Yes. And it's green there. Everything, practically even the air. Everything here is..." I didn't want to say dirty or boring, even though that's exactly how it looked. "It's plain."
"This is just the city. There's great beauty in other places. More than just streets and people and concrete and smog."
I looked back at the sight below. "The transports are different. There's a lot of ground transport here, isn't there?"
"Trains, bikes, cars. Yes."
"Maybe because of the softer ground, there's a lot more flying on Laak'sa. More rivers. More plants. More noise. Always noise. Everywhere."
"As I said, technology." He tapped the glass.
"And they have technology, too. But there's still noise. A hum that's everywhere. A buzz. The water rushing. The storms brewing. The ocean crashing. Even in the city. Even through the city." I shook my head. "It's very different."
Christophe looked out over the city. "I think I would like your Laak'sa, Jake. I think I would like it very much."
It felt like he was telling me something he wasn't saying. I have thought about that moment a lot. It really meant something, to him and to me, and I can't for the life of me figure out what.
"I hope you find some differences about Earth that you like."
I hoped so, too.
I wanted that moment to stretch on. The discovery. The quick judgments all people of science think they're entitled to, and the slow examination and validation of them after that. I wanted to savor it. I wanted a few more minutes to just stand and look and absorb and to do it with Christophe. He understood something the others did not. But people began to wake. Christophe left the ward to make our arrangements. It occurred to me as he was walking away that he was not in a uniform, at least not a travel one like we wore. He was in full dress. He looked...perfect. As he did the first time we met. He was on the clock.
Marlon had a difficult time shaking the effects of the travel. We were to remain in the ward until every one passed a series of alertness tests. I didn't mind Marlon's delay. Lynette and I sat on a bed and looked out the window. We silently watched the afternoon pass into evening together.
Dinner was provided. It was the burgers that Ralph had missed. He told me to order mine rare, which I did. To my delight, it was very similar to the tartare. Lynette only picked at her food. "My stomach feels flip floppy."
"You're still catching up," insisted Dr. Karl. "Eat something. It will help."
Marlon only sat and looked at his plate, shaking his head every once in awhile. Ralph was worried about him. I could see it in his face. He kept prodding Marlon to eat, to try stretching, to count, to tell him his name.
After dinner, Christophe returned to get Reginald. They left the room and when they came back, Reginald was frowning. "Well, kids. Get comfy. Looks like we'll be here for the night."
"Thank god. I'm going back to sleep." Jillian got up from the bench she was sitting on and flopped back into her bed. In seconds she was back to sleep.
"Marlon, why don't we lie back down," said Dr. Karl. He helped Marlon up and dragged him to a bed. Like Jillian, in just a moment he was out. Dr. Karl returned and asked Lynette how she was feeling. "It affects everyone differently. No shame in it whatsoever. Myself, I'm feeling a little peaked."
"I'll stay up with the kids," Ralph said. "Go on and get some sleep. I'm guessing we're going to have one hell of a day tomorrow." The doc nodded and shuffled to his bed.
"I want you all to get rest tonight," Christophe said raising an eyebrow in my direction.
I nodded, then a thought popped into my head. "Hey, Christophe? Is there news? You know about the fah'ti?" I asked.
Christophe hesitated a second, then shook his head. I felt a stab of disappointment. It must have shown on my face. "Chin up. We only had a rough estimate on the timeline, and no concrete proof that we could reactivate it. I'm sure it's just a technical speed bump."
"Oh." I sighed. "Okay. Thanks."
"We'll let you know as soon as we know anything," Reginald promised. "Deal?"
It was something. "Deal."
Reginald bid us good night, and he and Christophe left.
"Where are they going?"
"Big brass gets the fancy digs," said Ralph, as if that explained anything. "You okay, Lynette?"
She nodded. "Yeah. I'm feeling more solid."
Ralph looked at me. I nodded. He knew I was fine. He checked the clock. "An hour, then I expect you two to be tucked in and sleeping. I mean it. It's going to be a whopper of a day tomorrow."
We went and sat on a bench by the window. No tinting was on the glass at all anymore. It was night. There was no reason to tint, no sun to filter out. One by one, the lights in the ward dimmed until they were barely glowing, just on enough so that people could find the bathroom in the night. It let us see the lit city below. It was actually...well...beautiful. Completely different from Laak'sa, especially at night. But there was something so arresting about the city all lit up in different colors, the lights on the vehicles zigging and zagging, the signs announcing businesses, some blinking, some just glowing. We sat on the bench and watched.
"What do you think?"
"I...don't know. It's different, that's for sure. What city is this?"
"Houston."
"Where's that?"
"Texas." I just looked at her. I didn't remember a Texas. "In the United States," she said. "In the southwest."
"Why are we here? I didn't think this was the capital." Was I wrong?
"It's not. But most of the space craft lands here. Something having to do with reentry or something?" She shook her head. "Maybe it's just habit from the old NASA program. Whatever. We land here, then we go to wherever our meeting is."
"Where's that?"
"I don't know. The IOC has headquarters in all participating nations."
"How many countries are in the IOC?"
"About thirty." She shrugged. "I'm guessing we're going to the one in Washington, DC since we're in the United States. But not necessarily. There may be a call for a more neutral location, like Montreal or Lima. Or even a European neutrality, like Oslo or...anywhere. I guess it doesn't do much good to speculate, does it?"
I shook my head. "Not when you have so many cities!"
"They don't have a lot of cities on Laak'sa?"
"No. Really it's kind of like one huge city that wraps around the ocean. There are provinces, I guess you would call them."
"What do they call them?"
"Kanhi." That tug, that pull. That longing. Home. "The rest of the planet isn't very habitable. Wild. Free. Wet and heavy and broken by river after river after river."
"That's why you like the marsh."
I smiled at her. "Yeah."
"We have marshes here, you know."
"Are we going to any?"
She paused for a second. I think she considered lying. "No. Probably not."
I sighed. "Is it all going to be stuck in buildings answering stupid questions about things I really don't know?"
She took my hand. She just grabbed it, like I did for her on the ship. "No. I'm sure there will be a ton of that at first. But I know for a fact they've cleared your house for you to move in to."
I didn't want to argue with her. I already made it clear to them that I was not moving in to anywhere on Earth. A house? My house. Part of me laughed inside and part of me wanted to cry. "I still don't believe I have a house."
"Oh, you do," she assured me. "Actually, it's more of a mansion."
"Is that good?"
I watched the city below us, but I could feel that look. You know the look. The look people give you when they can't believe what you just said. I was getting more familiar with that look by the day.
"Yes," she said eventually. "It's very good."
"Why?"
"Because it means you're rich."
I sighed. "Oh. Money again."
She laughed. "You don't have to sound so upset about it, Jake."
I wasn't upset about it. I was...bored, I guess. Later Ralph ripped into me good. He had been coming back from the bathroom when he overheard the conversation and took time later to tell me just how rude, mean, and insensitive I was. Oh, and an ass.
"It doesn't matter one bit what you think about money, kid. Here it matters. Here it's a big deal. Here it feeds or starves. People with money live, people without die. You have a big, comfortable house? There are millions who live under cardboard in the dirt!"
"Then they can have my house!" I shouted right back.
"Great. Do it. So that takes care of what? A dozen people? You've only got millions more. What are you going to do for them?" He slumped. No fight left. Which was very good, because it was starting to dawn on me just how much of a callous ass I had been and I probably couldn't have taken any more of Ralph at his angriest. "Jake," he said more calmly. "Listen to me. You don't want the money? That's great. You're just like your folks. They didn't care for it one way or another. But do you know why?"
"No."
"Because they never had to worry about it. They never wondered where they'd get their next meal. They never had to break their backs working a farm or a transport or garbage detail just to scrape together a few credits for some rice or beans or milk. Of course they didn't care for money. They didn't know what it was like to run out."
"So give the people my money."
He gave me a sad smile he said I'd understand when I'm older. "It doesn't work like that. You give a lot of your money already."
"I do?"
"Yes. You've got a whole foundation established with the Cosworth name that does nothing but give money to needy people." That made me feel a little better. "But it's not enough. It can never be enough. We've got a society based on credits. Money. Things." He shook his head. "It's not like it is on Laak'sa. It's not survival of the fittest, it's survival of the richest.
I had time to mull it all over later. Ralph was wrong. The Qitani way was survival of the fittest, but they placed just as high a value on their riches as humans do on credits. Everyone eats on Laak'sa, that's true...until it's not. Until they are too weak to contribute, until they can no longer benefit the society. And in that case, they are cut off. They do not get rations, since they did not earn them. They had to figure out how to feed themselves. While most did, and seemed to be doing fine to an outsider, there were those who did not. Ashnahta and I would see them when we'd wander the rivers we weren't supposed to. Some of them even resorted to eating the fishes, a great breach of culture that spoke volumes. They fell from society and fell hard. Ralph saw that as the survival of the fittest. It wasn't. If any one of them had just one of the jewels that were embedded into Ashnahta's collarbone, they would have eaten like queens for the rest of their lives. Ralph was wrong.
But then again, so was I.
I wish the conversation with Ralph took place before mine with Lynette. I look back and cringe at how I must have seemed. We talked about money. I talked, that is. She listened and frowned. And pulled her hand away. It wasn't until then that I knew I offended her.
"Well. Big day tomorrow. I'm going to bed." She didn't even look at me, just stood and left.
See? Most definitely upset. I was dumb and wish I could take it back. I forgot she was indentured. Either that, or I was just a bonehead and didn't put it all together. If she was indentured, then she knew what it was like to be without money, without meals. I don't know how she didn't clock me one.
I watched the neon hubbub alone for a long time. I wondered if one of the buildings I was looking at was a Cosworth building. And if it was, what happened there? I wondered what the next day would bring. We were to go in front of an arbiter of some court...for what? For show, by the sounds of it. I didn't mind that concept all that much, to be honest. They did it on Laak'sa and v-2245. I understood the cultural needs for formalities. As Mother would say, it gives comfort.
I laughed to myself at the thought of Mother. I wondered what she'd point out to me in this nighttime city if she were here. Her imaginary lesson filled my head.
"Jakey, by your observations, what can you tell me about that tall building to the left?"
"Jakey, if you were to walk out onto the street right now, what is the first thing you should do to observe the customs?"
"What do you know about evolution by studying the transport patterns?"
"Is this a hive mentality civilization, or a clan based species?"
"What..."
"Who..."
"How..."
They would have been fired off at me in record speed with barely a breath between. She wouldn't have stopped until she felt I had a basic grasp of the world below.
I missed her, then. I hadn't really missed Mother at all. And yet...
What would Dad have said? Dad would have said, "Look at all those bright lights! I bet these people know how to party!"
I missed them. I was on their planet. Their homeworld. They should have been there, not me. I turned from the window with a lonely ache and climbed into my bed. I wasn't going to cry. I was just going to let it ache. Their lives. I was here looking into their lives. I was going to talk to their people. I was going to live in their house. I was going to spend their money.
And damn it, but they should have been right along with me.
Chapter9
I stood in my formal uniform. It was still silly, in my opinion, but it was vastly better than the horror Jillian had initially tried to pass off as something we'd actually wear. My hair had stuff in it. I don't know what. Someone who was working with Jillian put it in there. It was smoothed over on one part, sticking up on another, and the back kind of flared in all directions. Both Jillian and the hair-gooper assured me it was "just the thing" to give me "the look". Ralph rolled his eyes, but he really couldn't say much. His hair was gooped, too.
Lynette was in a new uniform. She looked better than either of us. Her hair was also done, but I suppose on a girl, it's different. I didn't feel the least bit like laughing. Marlon was a different story. They made him cut most of his hair right off and dyed some of the rest different colors.
"He's the techie of the group. It's norm." Jillian poohed away his complaints. "Pretend for one day to be fashionable."
The night of sleep did wonders for both Jillian and Marlon. It had given them both back their most annoying traits. Jillian was extra peppy, and Marlon was extra grouchy. The short, colored hair was just the tipping point. He'd already complained about the uniform. It was one rank lower than Lynette.
"But I cracked that fart thing," he insisted.
"Fah'ti," corrected Christophe, looking over Marlon's new look. "And it cracked itself."
"You couldn't have put two and two together if..."
"If Mr. Cosworth hadn't translated it for me." He gave Marlon a look that dared him to push the issue. Marlon's face turned red, but he said nothing else. "Now. The hair isn't my cup of tea, but it is what will be expected from one in your line. You will get used to it. The uniform shows rank. If you want a rank as high as your sister's, I suggest you earn it. Turn." Marlon looked as if he was going to defy Christophe for just a second. In the end, he turned. "Good. Next."
Marlon began a stream of cursing under his breath. Yes, he was feeling back to himself. Lucky us.
Christophe made his approvals. He himself was dressed in, well, perfection. He looked like a holozine pic. Not a hair was out of place, not a wrinkle was in any piece of his suit. He looked like a bot. But he wasn't. He was the only person I ever met who could be both that perfect and real.
"Miss Donnely, an excellent choice on the make up."
"Thank you," Lynette said quietly.
"Change the shoes."
"But it's my uniform," she began.
Christophe held his hand out and Jillian rushed to the case of clothing she had been working out of all morning. She pulled a different pair of shoes out and handed them to Christophe. They were very different. Silvery, with spiky heals. Lynette almost laughed, but she saw Christophe was serious. "You are the cultural liaison. You shall wear some piece of clothing that reflects this. He nodded his satisfaction after she changed.
He assessed everyone, changing this, tweaking that. Jillian sighed halfway through. "Christophe, this is my job..."
"No, Jillian. It's my job." He tugged on the sash around Ralph's waist and gave him a look that said Ralph really should have snacked less and jogged more over the last few weeks. "And if the ax falls, there will be one head on the chopping block."
Jillian looked offended. She thought Christophe was second guessing her, taking over, stepping on her toes. But I got it, I understood. Christophe wasn't stepping on anyone. He was stepping in and protecting them. He gave up on the sash. It was going to wrinkle from Ralph's belly and there was nothing he could do about it. He sighed and came to stand in front of me.
"Jake. You look...common."
"Uh, thanks?"
He almost smiled. Almost. I could feel his tension. He wasn't joking or underselling the importance. The others, they seemed to think it was just Christophe being Christophe. I knew better. I could feel it, that almost inspeaking connection that was tentatively there between us. He was terrified, for the program, for the future of StarTech, for me. I could feel it.
"Yes. It's a compliment. We need you to look common." He wiggled the knot of tassels on my shoulder until he was satisfied with the placement. "You know what to say." It wasn't a question, but the question was there.
His fear was making me afraid. But he wasn't showing it, and I took my cue and tried my best to feel confident. "Yes."
He didn't believe me. I didn't believe me. Hell, I was just a kid. And in that moment, I really felt like one. He gave me a kind look, and then walked to the front of the room to address the group as a whole.
"Each and every one of you has a job to do today. And what is that job?"
"To answer questions," came the answer from Jillian.
"No. To make Jake and Ralph seem as normal as possible. To make the world believe that they are now, have always been, and will always be human." Marlon sighed, and Christophe seized the opportunity to hammer home his earlier points. "Anyone who does not give their all in aiding this mission will be summarily stripped of their title, rank, and position. Is that clear?" He was only asking Marlon for his compliance. Marlon grunted and Christophe knew it was the best he'd get.
"You will not mention other civilizations. You will not mention other races. Should a question about 'aliens' be asked, you will defer to me, each and every time. And you will not cringe when that term is used!" He barked the last line at me. "Aliens, aliens, aliens. That is a word you will hear over and over and you better get used to it. If your anger flares, you are one of them. If you cringe, you are taking their side. You are not one of us." He gave me that look. I felt the seriousness. I didn't even argue. "It's a word, Jake," he said more softly. "It is a word that carries more weight with humanity than you can imagine. It makes you angry? Well it makes them terrified. You will treat it as a word, nothing more, nothing less. You, who they know have met other life, will stand there and be bland. Don't feed their fear. Don't stoke their anger. Don't give them fanciful dreams or worst nightmares. It is just a word, Jake. Don't let it undo us all."
I gave him a nod. He looked at me silently for a second that stretched for a long, long time. He didn't nod back, just stared. One of those moments.
He started speaking to the group once again. "In just a few moments, we will file out and down the hall. We are StarTech. We are elite. We do not so much as look at the staff of this hospital. We march to the elevator and take it down to the transport. We get in. We sit. We ignore any press. We keep going. We are unbreakable. We are StarTech. We are elite." As he spoke his voice got harder and harder and I could feel the resolve of the group strengthen. Whatever he was doing was working. We are StarTech. We are elite. "We enter their building. We parade past their press. We keep our heads high and our pride on our faces. We will stand before their council and answer their questions and we will know the whole time we do it that we are StarTech! That we are elite! That we are the future! We are the guardians of a knowledge that humanity is finally ready to embrace! We are StarTech!"
The others were charged. It was like lightning through the crowd. I was ready to pick up a gun and follow Christophe into battle. One moment he was fixing our uniforms and changing our shoes and the next he had full command of everyone and everything. It was right at that moment that I fully understood how Christophe had worked his way to the top. There was no way to ignore him. Even Marlon looked pumped up by Christophe's words.
"We are StarTech!" Said Reginald, entering the room. He thumped Christophe on the back. "Epic speech. Remind me to have you record a holo to play at our next investors meeting." He was grinning. He was excited. He was happy for this day and looking forward to it. He wasn't scared like Christophe. Interesting. I wondered if he didn't understand the potential of the day, or if he just convinced himself it would work and didn't give any thought to the "what ifs".
He walked over to me. "My don't you look...boring." He was grinning, though. "Are you sure we want him looking so plain?"
"Yes," said Christophe and Jillian together.
Reginald sighed. "I suppose we can put up with it for this one meeting. But after, we'll get you fixed up in grand style, eh?" He winked and grinned at me. I thought I'd probably just prefer to be plain.
"So we're going to meet up in New York."
"Not Washington?"
Reginald shook his head at Christophe. "No. Change of plans. IOC got grumbling about fairness so it was taken out of the capitol. Still, doesn't change the plans from our end."
Christophe's jaw twitched. "Washington is Cosworth central."
"And that's probably why they really changed their minds." He gave a shrug. "What's done is done. We're not really in a position to barter."
"Yes, we are. They are dying to hear..."
"Let it go, Chris," Reginald said quietly. The two exchanged a look, then Christophe agreed.
Reginald's holo buzzed and he glanced at it. "Time to board. Now, everyone have a travel buddy?" He grinned at the crowd. Everyone but me got the joke and laughed. I shook my head and followed the group.
Laughter died as soon as we hit the hallway. Hospital staff lined the corridors. Some smiled, some ogled, some snickered, and one glared. Hard. I felt my stomach sink. If we got this much attention just in the hospital, what was it going to be like...out?
We did as Christophe instructed and filed silently into the elevator. As soon as the doors closed, Christophe swore. "I thought I told you to keep this quiet?"
Reginald sighed and shook his head. "And I keep telling you the more the better."
"After!" Christophe almost lost his perfect composure. "After, Reggie. After they see he's..."
"What? Utterly bland? Plain? Not even worth mentioning in the papers?"
"Yes."
"No. He's got to have some mystery. Don't you get it? If he's completely boring, no one will care."
"And that's just what we want."
"No. We want speculation. We want publicity. We want press."
"After!"
It was two sides to one coin, as Ralph would say. I could see the benefits in both. Later, that is. At the moment, I felt like a ball being tossed back and forth. "I'm standing right here, you know."
Lynette gave me a sympathetic look. Ralph rolled his eyes. Christophe and Reginald ignored me.
"You set up this change, didn't you?"
Reginald sighed. "You planned things too neatly, Chris." He glanced around suddenly. "Let's discuss this later."
Christophe was fuming. Silently, almost imperceptibly. But he was fuming. "Fine." He looked to the rest of us. "The plan stays. You march. You keep your mouths shut. You look ahead. You will be elite."
Reginald knew when not to argue. Isn't Reginald the head of the corporation? And yet, I'd put all the money I have on the fact that in that moment, Reginald was truly scared he'd gone too far. The elevator opened directly in front of our transport, a long shuttle that looked similar to the old trains I found fascinating when my HuTA taught me mechanical history. We boarded and strapped in and spent the next hour under "full throttle", as Christophe ordered. The pressure of speed on our chests didn't let up until we tipped forward and landed. And then we stopped all at once and everything was silent for a minute.
Christophe waited for the automatic straps to release us, then stood. He was much more calm. "Now, take a moment to get yourselves together. Once we walk out that door, all hell is going to break loose." He shot Reginald a look. Reginald gave a little nod without the least bit of guilt in his expression. We straightened our uniforms and patted our gooey hair, as if any of it could have come out of place through the junk. When we were all set, Reginald and Christophe got in line behind us. I wondered at that, but was too nervous to ask any questions.
And then the door opened.
And then I was actually in a city, a human city, on the streets and part of it like everyone else. The sun was shining down and I could feel the air and the weight and the road as I stepped out. For a second, I could feel the planet. The first step. The first breath of real air, not the canned air from the ventilation of some air processing machinery. The warmth of the sun unfiltered by the tinted glass of a window. The smell, that was the most shocking. One deep breath and I was assaulted by the odors of a city I would learn to identify, but never "appreciate", "like", or "miss," as Ralph went on about later. For just a moment, a split second, my senses took in the planet I am supposed to be from.
And then, just like that, Christophe was right. All hell broke loose.
Lights. Flashes. Shouting. The noise...oh the noise! People pushing, people calling someone. Cosworth, Me? Ralph, right next to me suddenly, out of order, his hand on my back guiding me forward. Guards of some sort, wearing StarTech uniforms, stood arm to arm creating a pathway for us that opened as we walked. Shouting, always with the shouting.
"Head up, keep walking," came Ralph's voice. He could see me starting to panic with the overwhelming situation.
"Smile," said Reginald right in my ear. I turned my head and he was on the other side of me, smiling and waving to all the people.
All. The. People. It felt like a sea of them. I had never seen so many humans at once, and it suddenly felt like they all came out to see me, each and every one. See and yell and push and try to get my attention. Ralph's hand on my back kept me walking. I could feel Christophe staring at me from behind. That anchored me, too. We pushed forward. I put my eyes on the back of Marlon's head in front of me. Concentrate on that, I told myself. I bit my lip to keep from laughing. It really was a ridiculous hair cut they gave him. I wondered what Lynette was thinking. I couldn't see her. She would be in front of Marlon, with Jillian right by her side. In front of them would be the doctor. It was determined he'd lead because he really was a true scientist and as such was oblivious to the crowd and the hubbub. I could picture him in my head just walking like a bot. We had somewhere to be and he'd lead us there.
We didn't walk for long, even though it felt it. The gravity on Earth was really difficult to get used to. I noticed that by the time we went "three city blocks," according to Ralph, most of our group was out of breath. Marlon, Lynette, and the doc had spent years on Utopia. Their bodies were unfamiliar with the gravity as well.
"Jeez, Reggie," said Ralph, leaning on the wall of the enormous building we entered. "Couldn't spring for a cab?"
Reginald grinned. "Now, Ralph. What good would that do, hm? We had to make an entrance. We had to announce that we arrived. And by the looks of that crowd out there, arrive we most certainly did!"
Christophe took a small cloth from his suit and handed it to me. "Dab your forehead, Jake."
I wiped the sweat off and Jillian sighed. "Dab, Jake! Dab." She snatched the cloth and dabbed at my head. I felt like the time Mother spit on her thumb to clean the mud off my cheek while lecturing me because I took my helmet off once again on v-2445.
She fussed for a second until I had enough and pulled away. "That was..." I had no words to finish the thought. I simply couldn't think of anything I'd ever experienced that I could relate it to.
"Crazy," finished Lynette. She looked thrilled, though. Excited. She was grinning and her eyes were sparkling. "All those people! Thanks, Christophe." When he quirked an eyebrow, she continued. "The shoes? I would have died if all those people saw me in those clunkers!"
Marlon snorted. "Jesus, Lynnie. Is that all you can think about?"
She waved him off. "Maybe I'll make the cover of Pop Cult."
The others started chatting quietly. I looked around the room we were in. Though I could still hear the sounds of the crowd outside, the large entryway we were in was itself silent. Not empty, though. There were guards in StarTech uniforms posted everywhere, standing motionless, watching, keeping us safe. "Why are there so many guards?"
Reginald looked to Christophe. Christophe gave him a little shake of his head. Small, imperceptible if you weren't looking close, but definitely there. We weren't safe. And for some reason, they didn't want me to know. It suddenly made me furious. Furious at them for not telling, and furious at myself for asking in the first place. Of course we weren't safe. Hadn't Ralph tried to get it through to me just how weird I am? An oddity. "An abomination", as one of the actors on the soaps Lynette loved like to say about anyone that was different. Of course we aren't safe.
But have I ever been? Didn't they know I could handle it?
No. Because I was still just a kid. I sighed and turned away. "Where are we?"
"We're in a federal justice building. It was the only place the arbiter and representatives from the IOC could agree on. Ah. Look sharp." Reginald hissed the last order and strode forward to meet with a very official looking person who just walked into the lobby. He was flanked by guards, though not StarTech.
They spoke for a moment before the man gave a little nod, then turned and left again. Reginald came over. "They want to address individuals first away from the rest of the group."
Christophe looked furious, but his words were calm and confident. "In which order?"
"The order they decide." Reginald rubbed at his chin. "They'll call one by one. We're to sit and wait."
"Fine." Yes, Christophe was furious. He still looked perfect, but I could feel the anger radiate. He gave us all the cue to take a seat.
"Why is he so mad?" I whispered to Ralph.
"Probably had it all worked out beforehand and they're changing the rules last minute."
"Yes, Mr. Buttrick. That is exactly what happened." He had overheard us. Neither of us cared, really. "They are thinking to strong arm us. To put on the pressure."
"Let 'em try," said Ralph confidently.
"Well you would say that, now wouldn't you? How many official debriefings did you have in front of the Army? Then NASA? Even StarTech itself." Ralph gave a little grunt. "It is not you they intend to break."
"Jake can handle himself," Ralph said, with a meanness in his voice I didn't understand. We were all on the same team. Right?
"We shall certainly see about that, now won't we?"
"Of course he can handle himself!" said Reginald. He stood and came to sit next to me. "Now Jake, just be yourself. Remember everything we talked about. Remember the goal. Keep that all in mind and you'll do..."
"Lynette Donnely!"
Everyone jumped at the unexpected voice. The man was back with his guards, waiting. Jillian nudged Lynette and she stood. Everyone looked confused. No one really expected Lynette would have to testify about anything. She wasn't a scientist. She couldn't offer any hard evidence. She was mostly there in case my education of society came into question. As such, she wasn't very prepared.
"Why me?"
"Lynette Donnely!" the man barked again.
All of the color drained from Lynette's face and she shook. She visibly started to shake. Lynette, the girl who was always tough and in charge. I stood up quickly and grabbed her hand. "You can do it." I gave it a little squeeze and then felt my face burn. I hadn't meant to do anything like that. She just looked so scared.
She looked down at our hands for a second, took a deep breath, then marched away with the man. The door shut with a loud echo and everyone sat stunned. It was a few seconds before I felt a tug on my shirt and remembered I was standing. I sat quickly and stared at the floor. Ralph gave a small chuckle beside me and I shot him a glare, which made him chuckle louder and Marlon squint his eyes and cross his arms over his chest.
"Watch it with my sister, space monkey."
"Mr. Donnely," Christophe said in a warning tone. Marlon shut up but kept staring me down.
I turned my head and stared at the door.
"What do you think they want, Chris?" asked Jillian.
"The weakest one."
"She's not weak," I said in defense.
"And I'm guessing that about now, they're finding that out for themselves," he said firmly. "They are obviously following their own agenda. I would suggest that you prepare to be next, Marlon."
"Me? I'm not weak!"
"You're the weak link in this chain." Christophe raised an eyebrow and waited for Marlon to argue. Marlon was smart enough to understand that he had no legitimate argument. Christophe looked a bit more smug. "Then I believe they will cut right to the chase with Jake."
Reginald stood and shook his head. "Oh, no. This was not the deal at all."
"No. Neither was New York," Christophe said. Yes, I was sure he looked smug then. I felt smug on his behalf.
Reginald rolled his eyes, getting the message. "Yes, fine. I screwed up your little plan. But this, this is standard protocol. There are rules to follow."
"Are there really? And how many space travelers who have been to another galaxy have gone before and IOC arbiter? Hm?"
Reginald gave a scoff of annoyance. "I jump through every hoop of theirs. Every single mother..."
"It's no good getting worked up," Christophe cut him off. "Sit and calm down. That's exactly what they want."
Reginald paced a few more circuits in front of the row of seats. "Your composure is disgusting," he snapped at Christophe.
Christophe laughed and didn't take the least bit offense. "It's why I usually handle these things."
Reginald spun, ran a hand through his hair, then gave a little laugh himself. "Fine. I concede. I shouldn't have meddled. There. Mea culpa in front of everyone." He wagged a finger at Christophe as he sat. "And remember it, too, because it's the only one you'll ever get."
The air cleared. They made up. We couldn't relax, not on the hard chairs in the cold building with impending doom only one tiny door away, but at least we felt like a group again. Our leaders had made up and gotten back on the same page. It was oddly like when Mother and Dad argued. Or Morhal and Ta'al, though I doubted the threat of actual violence was ever in Reginald's or Christophe's minds. I hadn't realized until the calm had settled between them how much our mood depended on them.
"Okay, Chris. So how do we play it from here?"
"As we planned. Cool. Calm. Direct. Marlon, a little attitude from a techie is expected. Go ahead and be your egotistic self," Marlon gave a comical little bow, "but no anger. We do not want them to believe any in the group has fractured." He began to give everyone amended instructions. Jillian was to ramble about fashion. "It will annoy them and your interview should be brief." The doctor was to stress the most technical aspects. "They will tire of the science, if they even bring you in at all." Ralph was supposed to be very military. "Cut and dried, just like the old days."
Ralph snapped off a salute. "Yes, sir!"
Christophe nodded. "And you, Jake. You act overwhelmed."
"I am overwhelmed."
"Then they'll believe every word, won't they?"
The door opened then and Lynette stormed to the row of chairs looking furious. Before she could say anything, they called Marlon, just as Christophe anticipated.
"Later, losers," he said, trying to sound tough. I could see how terrified he really was. He even glanced back at Lynette, looking for support. She gave him a little nod, and as soon as the door closed behind him, she let out a streak of curses.
"I'm sorry I ever came back to this stupid rock!" She ended her rant with a loud sigh and sat back.
"Feel better?" I asked.
"What did they ask?"
Lynette looked to Christophe. "All their questions were about my contract. 'Servitude', they kept calling it. Except the fat ass with the stupid hair. He outright called me a slave."
Jillian gasped and moved to sit next to her. "Oh, dear..."
"What else?" asked Christophe.
Lynette shook her head. "That was it. Only questions about that. Nothing at all about Jake, though the witness booth is a quarantine unit."
"That's preposterous!" said Dr. Karl, outraged. "We've followed the sanitary guidelines to the letter every step..."
"No one is questioning your protocol," said Reginald quickly to soothe the doctor.
"It's intimidation, that's what it is," said Lynette bitterly. "They wanted me to look and feel like trash."
"Why would they do that?" It didn't make any sense to me.
"To make us look bad on every level," said Reginald, before he jumped up and started swearing to himself. "What more do they want from me?"
His yell echoed in the room and no one moved for a few seconds. It was a very good question.
"Lynette," said Christophe eventually. "That is all they asked about?"
"Yes."
"And how did you answer?"
She looked hurt by the question. "What's that supposed to mean? They asked and I answered. Honestly. And with devotion to StarTech, if that's what you're getting at. I know who feeds me. I wouldn't forget that."
"You make it sound dirty..." Reginald began with a groan.
"No. Just honest," Christophe said. "I'm sure you did a fine job."
Lynette snorted and crossed her arms. "Do I get a ticket to Utopia yet? Because the stink of this place is a memory I'm done with."
Jillian stood up and gave me a look that told me I better get off my butt and get over there and offer the poor girl a little comfort, young man. I did just that. Or tried to.
"Was it really that bad?"
There were tears in her eyes. "Yes," she said quietly. "It was that bad. At least I'll be in the damn paper." She looked directly at Reginald then. "There's got to be press from every paper, news center, and holozine on the planet in there."
I had no idea what to say. No one else did. All the adults looked away uncomfortably. Her story, the one that hurt her so bad she barely talked about it, would be open for everyone on the planet to read. To hear. To know. I was furious on her behalf. I took her hand, and held it even when she tried to pull it away. After a second she stopped trying and held mine back.
We waited silently for Marlon. Long minutes ticked by until nearly an hour had passed before he burst through the door, grinning and strutting and being as loud as he pleased. "I dare you to print half of what I said!" he bellowed over his shoulder. The man who ushered him almost actually steamed with anger.
"Jillian Michaels!" he snapped.
Jillian sighed. "Oh, Marlon. What did you do?" She bustled forward, trying not to make the man even angrier.
Marlon sat on the other side of Lynette. He glared at my hand until I let hers go, then gave her a nod. "I gave it back good."
"Oh, hell," said Reginald wearily.
"Mr. Donnely," Christophe began.
Marlon cut him off. "Oh, can it, Venderi. You saw how upset they made my sister. I'm supposed to take it?"
"What happened?" Reginald asked in a tone that said he really didn't want to know. He reached in his pocket and took out a small vial, then swallowed one of the pills he took out of it, and rubbed his eyes.
"I'll tell you what happened. They're trying to cut us off at the knees because they know they have nothing to work with, that's what. I was in there not two minutes before it hit me that every question I was being asked was personal. Nothing about my work, mind. Nothing about my job. Or my observation of space monkey over there. It ain't about him, Christophe."
"No, I suppose it's not."
"Asked about my folks, my 'servitude'. I shut that down fast, I tell you."
Lynette looked surprised. "You did?"
"Hell yes I did. Jeez, Lynnie. What I gripe about to you and what I'll say to those jack asses...two totally different things."
"I'm honored by your consideration," Christophe said blandly.
Marlon shot him a grin. "You should be. And I mean that. Because what I could have said..."
"But what did you say?" Lynette said, trying to keep him from getting himself in trouble.
"I kept shutting them down. Every time they asked about the terms of my contract, I told them to look at the file. They have it. They have all of them. They pressed. They started asking about Mom and Dad." Lynette grabbed his hand. "And I kept telling them to read their own paperwork, my time is far too valuable to waste on things they can look up for themselves."
"Good."
Christophe agreed with Reginald. "Well handled, indeed. Was there any mention of your recent projects?"
"No. Not the Qitani crap, anyway. There were a lot of questions about the latest HuTA updates, though."
Reginald frowned. "Why would they care..."
"To cut us down, any way they can." It was Ralph who answered Reginald's question. "They think we're brainwashing the kids."
"That's...that's..."
"A brilliant way to control the entire population," finished Ralph. "Which is what they've been saying since long before you were a twinkle in your daddy's eye. Hell, since before your daddy was a twinkle in Justin's eye. His real one, not the bot of yours."
Reginald sat back and ran his hand through his hair. "Why now?"
"Because we're so close," said Christophe.
"I told them in no uncertain terms that we've hid nothing about the HuTA project. I even bellyached good about all the extra work it takes on my end to make sure they know every single thing we do with them."
"Good!"
Marlon actually looked pleased with the praise. For someone who claimed not to care about anything, Christophe's opinion of him sure seemed to matter. He beamed and kept telling about all the ways he "stuck it to 'em". "I don't think they got one usable statement from me," he said when he was done.
Lynette laughed. "I guess you're good for something after all," she said, giving him a kiss on the cheek and tousling his hair. He smiled sheepishly and looked like a kid for a second.
Jillian returned. She hadn't been gone even five minutes. The man called Dr. Karl next. He looked much more calm, but shot a glare towards Marlon before the doctor joined him.
"Well that worked. Bored them stiff with barely a word."
"What did they ask?"
Jillian waved a hand. "Wanted to know about employee benefits and crap like that. So I started talking about uniform design and it was snoozeville in no time." She sighed and rubbed her aching neck. "I'd kill for a smoke about now." She rolled her head and then smiled at Christophe. "I don't suppose there's a private alcove anywhere in this whole city we can hid out in for five minutes, is there?"
"No."
She waved a hand. "I thought it was going to be a lot worse than it was. Not one question about Jake or Ralph."
"Guess I better get ready," said Ralph, straightening his sash. "If they got bored with fashion that fast, just wait till they hear the old doc get rolling. I bet he's back within two minutes."
Jillian gave a laugh. "Are we betting credits?"
"Sure thing."
"Then I'm in. Five says he makes them listen to him for ten minutes before he'll allow anyone enough time to dismiss him!"
Ralph laughed. "You're on! Reggie, you want in on this action?"
Reginald didn't get to answer. The doors opened and Dr. Karl was being all but dragged in, still giving his testimony.
"Dr. Dresche! Your testimony is over and we thank you once again for your service!" The man was clearly sick of his assignment for the day. The doctor stopped talking and snorted, highly offended.
"Please do not hesitate to convey my utter disappointment to that contingent of buffoons you call a council! I have never in my life met a body of alleged professionals who acted so..."
"Sit!" the man barked.
To his credit, Dr. Karl gave the man the most haughty look, as if it were he who was dismissing the other man, before he turned regally and took his seat with the utmost of authority.
"The arbiter would like to speak with Sergeant Ralph Buttrick." I almost felt bad for the man. He looked much smaller and older than he had when he first called Lynette into the room.
Ralph stood, gave a salute to Christophe and Reginald, gave a wink to me, then strode forward, marching like a soldier.
"They did not even want to hear my summation of the primary results of the implications of long term low gravity on the frontal..."
"It's okay, Doc," said Jillian, patting the old man's arm. "They didn't want to hear anything I had to say, either."
"Yes, dear," he said. He was a scientist, a true one. He did not mean to be condescending, he truly didn't. "But that's just petty clothing. This is important to humanity."
Jillian sighed and stood. "Forget I bothered." She walked to one of the tinted windows and stood, as if she could actually see out of it.
He didn't mean to be offensive. Just like Mother never had.
"They just can't understand it," I said to both of them. "They can't wrap their minds around either the sociological or scientific sides of what StarTech does. They don't mean to offend you, they're just dumb."
Reginald laughed. "From the mouths of babes."
"Yes," sniffed the doctor. "Well, they still could have pretended to care."
We all fell silent. The minutes ticked on, stretched out. There was a large clock above the small door and I kept looking. I watched as five minutes passed. Then ten. Then a half hour. Somewhere around an hour, Lynette put her hand on my knee. I hadn't realized I was tapping my foot until she did that.
"Sorry," I said quickly.
"Don't be nervous. Ralph will do fine."
I nodded. Sure. Sure he would. He was Ralph. He could handle anything. I'd never seen him unable to handle anything in my whole life. He was always in control, in that seemingly lazy, calm way of his. He was impossible to ruffle. But after an hour and a half, I almost couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't stand waiting for him, and couldn't stand the thought that any moment he'd come out and that would leave me to go in. I wanted him to be done and to take forever, all at the same time.
I stood and began pacing. After a few restless passes, I took up a spot at the tinted window that Jillian had pretended to look out and did the same until I couldn't take it.
"What the hell are they asking him?"
"He's one of the big fish, Jake. They're asking him everything."
I sighed and sat back down. Lynette took my hand. I blatantly ignored Marlon's scowl and held her hand right back. I watched the clock again. With every minute that passed, I felt myself unravel a little more. My nerves frayed one by one. I went to chew on my nail, but Lynette held my hand firm. It hit the two hour mark. Christophe and Reginald were whispering. I think they were really starting to worry, too.
Finally the door opened and Ralph marched in, his face red and his jaw clenched tight. He gave me a little nod for encouragement and sat, looking straight ahead. He was okay. Angry, but okay.
"Jacob Cosworth."
I felt a flood of panic. Lynette squeezed my hand and kissed my cheek. "Go," she whispered. I stood before the courage of her kiss faded. I didn't even glance back. If I had, I would have seen the door leading outside and would have let myself give in to the temptation to run. I followed the man with as much calm as I could and hardly jumped at all when the door slammed behind me.
"You will now listen to the rules and regulations of the hearing." He was waiting for some type of response, so I gave a nod. "You will stand in the witness box. You will answer any question put to you to the best of your ability. You will answer swiftly and honestly. As this is an official inquiry, any knowingly false answer will result in legal charges of perjury. You will only speak after you have permission and you will stop speaking as soon as it is requested of you. Do you understand the rules and regulations as I have explained them?"
He spoke as if he was tired of saying these words over and over. "Yes."
He nodded and opened another door. "The court presents Jacob Cosworth, aged 16, for testimony before the honorable Arbiter Lancaster," he announced loudly.
The door had opened into a tiny little space in the corner of an enormous room. A quarantine booth, for sure. From my position behind the man and surrounded by guards, it was difficult to make anything out but lots of people. That's all I could see. A big, silent crowd. From somewhere came a voice.
"The Arbiter Lancaster accepts the court's presentation. Please swear in the confessor."
The man turned to me and told me to raise my right hand. "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?"
"Uh, yes."
He stepped back and
motioned for me to enter the witness box. I walked forward and the
door shut behind me. I was an experiment. I knew it, but in that
moment, I truly felt it. I was in a box, a sample, someone's
exhibit. I tried to ignore the anger, and took a look around.
Lynette had said it was press people in the audience and she wasn't
kidding. There were hundreds. Every news source had to be
represented. I looked straight in front of me. Up on a raised
platform were a couple dozen people sitting in fancy chairs behind
fancy podiums wearing fancy clothes, the most fancy being right in
the middle. I knew it must be the IOC, and the man in the middle
must be the arbiter. He did not look like a nice man. In fact, he
did not look like he even
And then it hit me. He looked like Morhal. When she was angry, I mean. When you could look at her and know she was going to kill someone. And suddenly, I was comforted. Something familiar, even a bad thing.
"State your name."
It seemed silly. They had just said my name. "Uh, Jacob Earnest Cosworth."
"Age."
I easily could have answered the question simply. However, I decided that they didn't deserve a simple answer. I didn't want to stir up trouble, but I wasn't the son of two scientists for nothing. "Unknown," I said with a straight face.
There was a little noise from the crowd.
"Your age was just stated as sixteen," the arbiter said.
"Yes, but that's according to the ship calendar. As we are no longer on the ship, or even near it, it's safe to assume that the relativity of time in a location makes my age somewhat up for debate."
Absolute silence. I wondered for a second if that meant I passed or if it signaled failure. They weren't going to make it that simple for me, and Arbiter Lancaster gave me a droll look as he said, "The record will indicate the witness's age at sixteen. I do not suppose it will do much good to ask you the place of your birth?"
"StarTech deep space ship, Condor One."
The crowd got loud then. There was flashing, too, bright lights that made me squint. I was trying to look as important as possible, and the flashing really started to screw up my plan.
"Silence." The arbiter wasn't loud. He didn't shout the word. But everyone hushed at once as if he had. "Are you aware that your existence is illegal?"
I didn't really expect anyone to put things so bluntly. To be honest, I was a little relieved. I was raised by scientists, remember? I can deal with blunt. "Yes."
"And that StarTech intentionally broke the laws we have in place to protect humanity?"
"No, sir."
The crowd mumbled. The arbiter looked surprised. "No, what?"
"It was not a StarTech plan, sir. My parents acted of their own volition."
He made a little noise of annoyance. "Let's not pretend to be naive, Mr. Cosworth. StarTech has been skirting the law for years. They worked with your parents to hide your existence from the rest of the world. Why, when our governments finally..."
"No, they didn't," I said, interrupting him. There was a gasp from the crowd, though I'm not sure if it was because I interrupted or because I contradicted the mighty arbiter.
"You will explain yourself," he demanded.
"The files were there. The governments simply chose not to read them."
The arbiter looked angry then. His eye twitched. "More StarTech propaganda..."
"Propaganda nothing...sir," I added hastily. "It's right in the files. As soon as StarTech knew of my birth, they reported it. I can tell you, sir, that I have been a bigger headache to StarTech than I can possibly be to you."
There was a titter of laughter from the crowd. "Explain yourself," he said again.
"Look around, sir. Me showing up now has brought censure and scrutiny on StarTech, in spite of their compliance with all your laws."
"You haven't been on Earth for more than two days and already you think you know..."
"I do know, Arbiter Lancaster. From a purely logical standpoint, if StarTech was behind my birth, and they were trying to keep it a secret as you claim, then I would not be here now."
"That is flawed logic, young man. At some point, every secret comes out."
"Yes. And that is now. The secret isn't me, though. The secret is a lazy government that didn't bother to read my biography eighty years ago!"
The crowd all but roared then. Cameras clicked. Flashes flashed. The IOC members talked amongst themselves. Only the arbiter remained quiet. He waited for the crowd to calm. "So you believe you have it all worked out, do you?"
"No, not all, sir. Just that part."
"Tell me what you think of this StarTech you are defending. Did you know that they enslave children?"
He thought he had me. "I know of their indentured programs. Isn't it the parents of these children that sign them away?"
"Are you aware of the military roots of StarTech? Of their continued recruitment of soldiers? An army, Mr. Cosworth. Let's call it what it is. Are you aware of their vast military capabilities?"
"Good." He was trying to get me off guard and I had to keep up.
"Good? You believe we need an army that is above all law here on Earth?"
"I didn't say that. I said it's good that the people pushing to the edges of the universe can also protect themselves."
"And why is that a good thing? Do you not believe we should spread a peaceful human message?"
"Of course I do. But tell that to another tribe who doesn't feel as friendly."
He gave me a snaky smile. "So you admit that an invasion is a possibility."
Yes, he thought he had me. "It is always a possibility. However, if you have an army that can reach the outskirts of the very galaxy, then the Earth will never know the horrors of an interplanetary war, will they? We can stop them before it's even an issue." Ha! I wasn't half raised by the war loving Qitani for nothing. I felt the little victory hit home. The press went nuts. Some of the IOC members were nodding. Humans feared invasion. That's what the arbiter was trying to play on. And I made it backfire. I felt for a moment what Marlon must have felt.
"And how would you know these 'horrors' of which you speak?"
I knew too late my mistake. I was not supposed to speak of other tribes. I was not supposed to speak of any of that. Not here. Not yet. "I was speaking hypothetically."
"Have you been witness to an alien war?"
It felt as if he knew that word would push my button. I felt the anger rise. I tamped it down. He knew. He could read me, assess me. He was Christophe's double, his counterpart. "I have never witnessed a war among other races."
"But you have witnessed other races. You have seen aliens."
The crowd was so silent you could have heard a single heartbeat. Maybe they could. Maybe they could hear mine. "Other races exist," I said carefully.
"Answer the question."
"In your documents you have all the scientific and anthropological data collected..."
"Answer. The. Question." He said, slowly and carefully.
I was stuck. I looked at the crowd. All eyes were on me. People leaned forward, straining to hear. Cameras were rolling, microphones were stretched to the ends of their poles. I swallowed hard. Christophe was going to kill me. I turned to the arbiter. "Yes, Arbiter Lancaster. I have seen other races."
The roar from the crowd was not instant. They waited just long enough for me to notice a few very important things. Maybe it was Dad's training that I caught them at all, though I think he would have picked up on it all sooner. Maybe he could have saved me from stepping in it in the first place. Arbiter Lancaster's fist was tightly clenched. He wasn't mean...he was nervous. Okay, well maybe he's both. But he was more nervous than anything. And scared. He didn't breathe after I confirmed what they already really should have known if they bothered to read anything we gave them. I guess history really does repeat. He was nervous, scared, and on the edge of his seat. But the most important thing I noticed in the split second before the noise and flashing and wave of questions rolled in from the crowd was that he was also...alone. He was surrounded by IOC members who did not share either his fear or his hostility, and as the room was ordered silent and the questions began again, that became clearer and clearer.
"Silence!" yelled the little man who had brought us all in. He was now in the court, just to the left of the panel. I hadn't even seen him walk in. "I said silence! Silence, or this court will be cleared and the rest of the proceedings will be held in black out!"
Christophe explained later that "black out" during a court case or hearing meant that no press was allowed. They would have cleared the room completely and sealed the records from the public, with only the government representatives getting the transcripts. The only reason I am bothering to explain it at all is because to me, it sounds like parents and a group of kids, like the court will put the naughty brats on punishment. I don't know. It cracked me up when Christophe explained, in spite of him telling me over and over how serious it really is.
At the time, all I knew was that the threat worked. The crowd took in a deep breath of a gasp, and then shut up all together as one. People sat back down, though all leaning forward to be closer to whatever it was they thought I was going to say next.
Arbiter Lancaster waited another moment until he had absolute silence, then cleared his throat. "And how long have you employers been aware of such...aliens?"
I did not want to get mad. I was trying to keep my cool, really I was. But he "aliened" again. On purpose, I'm sure of it. And there was something in the way he said "your employer" that pushed another button. "I believe it wasn't until our arrival a few months ago, Mr. Lancaster."
Mother has a habit of
annoying people by intentionally tweaking their name to something
other than what they said. I was about fourteen before I stopped
thinking it
"What do you mean 'you believe'? I am aware of your level of clearance in the company. Don't tell me one of your status is so out of the loop that they don't know the very basics of knowledge in the organization. Or is that, perhaps, how StarTech operates, hm? Is it only those at the very top that really know..."
"Oh for heaven's sake, Al," said an IOC member a few seats away. He was frowning, as were most of the others. "Give it a rest."
The arbiter looked ready to skin the man alive. "You are speaking out of turn, representative Kudlow. I have not opened the forum..."
The man waved him off. "Well I have. Forum opened."
Lancaster sputtered. "But...this is..."
"All in favor?" Kudlow raised his hands. Every other IOC member on the panel quickly did the same. "All opposed?"
"I am! And since I am the elected arbiter of these proceedings..."
Kudlow looked at the arbiter like he was a sad, little muk'alog who followed him in from the swamp. "It's okay, Al. Relax."
Lancaster did not want to let it go. "Now see here, Edward. There is an established protocol for..."
Kudlow laughed. "Protocol? For what, exactly? For all the thousands of space children we stick in a cage for the world to gawk at so we can grill them about things they can't possibly know? There's no protocol for what we're doing here today."
I liked Edward Kudlow. I didn't care if in his real life he's a murdering bastard. In that room, he spoke up for me. For us. And that makes him my first friend on Earth.
Lancaster sat and brooded. I could tell he wanted to keep pressing, keep grilling me on his own line of questions. But he was a smart man, if nothing else. The whole room was completely behind Kudlow. All for their own reasons, I'm sure, but behind him and against Lancaster nonetheless. "This is highly unusual and will be addressed at our next session."
"Oh, I'm sure," said Kudlow with a smirk. "I have never known you to let anything rest." Before Lancaster could respond, Edward Kudlow turned to me and introduced himself. "I am here representing the Canadian IOC contingent, and I am very pleased to meet you. I apologize if members of this organization have forgotten the goal of these proceedings."
He was waiting for me to say something. Suddenly I was more uncomfortable, not less. Anger I could deal with. Lancaster's hostility got my own going. As Ashnahta always said, "If you're angry, you'll be at your best. Alert. Aware. Sharp. Always be angry around an enemy. Always."
Lancaster was clearly an enemy. But, as I've already said, Kudlow was not. And his kind voice and real smile my way made me feel weaker. Vulnerable. Watched. "I...it's okay. I guess I wouldn't really know what to say to me, either. You know, if I was in your shoes." It was awful. Horrible. I cringe when I think about it.
The press loved it. Reginald slapped my back and shook my hand later for it. "You nailed the innocent kid schtick, Jake. Nailed it!" I still felt like an ass, though.
Kudlow laughed. "Yes. What exactly do we say to one so young who has seen and done so much?" I felt my face turn redder as he spoke. But he's a smart one, that Kudlow. He could see how uncomfortable I was. "This is an abomination. He's the very dream we all share, ladies and gentlemen," he said, addressing the rest of the panel aside from Lancaster. "The very dream. Isn't he what we've all been working towards? He is the result of our laws and careful planning..."
Lancaster snorted. "As if they followed any of those!"
"Pft, a breach by one team working on their own. The boy's right. You didn't even read the reports, did you?"
"Of course I did!" Lancaster all but roared. "I'm just not foolish enough to believe what they're shoveling..."
"Ah, and that's the point, isn't it? That's what this has all been about." He was giving Lancaster a warning. I could see it in his eyes. It's that look that says 'I've got dirt on you and I'll spill if you don't play nice'. Ashnahta's secondary constantly gave her that look to keep her in line. I looked at Lancaster. He wasn't going to back down.
"Political suicide is the term we use," said Christophe with a great amount of happiness about it all later.
He wasn't going to back down. You could see it in everything about him. "One of us has to be the voice of reason in this insanity..."
"Al," said Kudlow in a warning tone. "We can continue this conversation later."
"Ah, behind closed doors, is that it, Ed? Is that what you are afraid of? What all of you are afraid of?" He stood then, sending his fancy chair skidding backward. The noise echoed in the now silent room. Everyone turned their attention from the weird space boy in the sani-box to the old man flipping out on the IOC panel. "They've got you, too, don't they?"
At that point, Arbiter
Lancaster
"Here we go..." said Kudlow, leaning back and folding his hands together to ride out the storm. And storm it did! A hurricane to rival those of Laak'sa, all from one man. One angry, confused, bitter old man.
"Not confused, Jake," explained Ralph later. "Maybe the last of a dying breed. Maybe that's why he was so loud about it. Like a star going nova. One great burst before they fizzle out." I didn't understand. "Look, kid. As I believe we've all been busting our humps to explain, there are many on this rock that are terrified of, well, everything. Space. Space men. Intergalactic war. Invasion. Asteroid collision..."
"That's crazy. None of that is even related!"
"Not to us. To you and me, who know the score. People are afraid of what they don't know."
"The Qitani didn't fear us."
"Of course they didn't! They had a whole year to study us before we even knew they were there. They watched our every move on v-2445. They knew who we were, what we wanted, where we came from. And most of all, they knew without a doubt that we weren't a threat. Think about it, Jake. If we landed there first, without any announcement, just landed as if we owned the place, you think that war hungry people would have welcomed us in? No way. And why?" I didn't know why. I couldn't imagine the Qitani in any other way than friendship. "Because we'd be a threat. Anything unknown is potentially harmful, right? And when the weight of the world is on your shoulders, when it's you making the snap decisions that have the potential to ruin an entire species, I'm telling you, you'd be a lot more like Lancaster than you want to believe."
"But why hate StarTech? We're the ones out there learning so we will know the threats."
"I like the 'we', Jake. When did that happen?" He gave me a smile and a wink. I ignored it. "We, as you say, are the ones that can open the doors to the madness. We're the gatekeepers of the threats. And there are many that see our efforts as a taunt, a tease. Like we're waving a red flag in front of a bull." I had no idea what that meant. "Fine. We're, uh...Oh, got it! We're wiggling a caa' fly in front of a gluk. Right there, right in front, always just a bit out of reach."
"Then the gluk would just pounce and attack."
"Exactly. They are afraid we're teasing the monsters and they'll attack because of it."
"That's insane!"
"Only because we know it's insane. They don't. Like I said, Lancaster is trying to protect the masses from everything he doesn't know. It's a very big universe, Jake. Big and scary, especially when there's been millions of years of humans having the time at night to look into the blackness and imagine the worst."
That was later. And I suppose Ralph has a point. I even think Lancaster had a point, though really was wrong. At least he was trying to keep people safe. He thought he was doing good for humanity. That's what fueled him, I suppose. By the time they had the court guards dragging him off, he'd raged against the evils of StarTech so loudly that his voice was only a harsh squeak. The room was silent after the doors slammed shut, and I could see and feel that everyone was embarrassed for him.
Kudlow waited until the room began to fill with murmurs again before he spoke. "Next order of business is to open up that damn sani-box and let you out of there, Mr. Cosworth." He ignored the shocks from some members of the crowd, and even the uncertain comments from some on the panel. "We have the full reports, by both their scientists and our independent team. There is absolutely no threat of any kind of contamination. Besides, it's got to be hot as hell in that thing."
It was, too. I was sweating as if I was in the middle of a conditioning routine. The door behind me opened and the little man was there ushering me out. He brought me into the large room again, only this time away from the sani-box and to a table and chairs directly in front of the panel. I took a seat and could feel the eyes of a thousand people burning into the back of my head.
"Better, Mr. Cosworth?"
Better by what standard? But at least I could breathe. "Yes, thank you," I said. For some reason, the press loved that. I could hear clicking and see the flashing and feel the mumblings of approval.
"Very good! Now, I would ask the press to refrain from any more flash photography. I'm getting one helluva head ache. Besides, the holocorders are bright enough for any picture. And if one more flash zaps my eyes, I will black out the rest of this meeting, I assure you. It's been a long and ridiculous day and has sadly spun way off the intended course. I'm one infraction away from following Lancaster's lead and snapping, and I can assure every member of the audience that my ire will be turned on them if they try my patience."
Edward Kudlow grew even greater in my estimation. As far as I could tell, he was at the same level as the other IOC panel members. His great robed outfit was the same, had the same stripes and colors. And yet, everyone just accepted him stepping into Lancaster's abandoned position.
"We have, unfortunately, started things off on rocky footing, haven't we? I admit that we've all got reservations about StarTech. We must. That is our job, the reason the IOC exists. However, I'd like to formally apologize for the questions of the arbiter, both to you and those who testified before. This is not supposed to be an inquiry into the entire organization. It's not the time nor place, and I believe I speak for the entire panel when I apologize for allowing one member's personal agenda to dig up dirt in front of an international press sidetrack us. I should have put a stop to that line of questioning when he made the poor Donnely girl cry." He waited. I didn't know for what at first, but after a moment the rest of the panel chimed in their apologies. When he was satisfied that a true apology had been given, he continued.
"Now. Let us start off on the right foot. On behalf of the IOC, I'd like to welcome you to Earth, Mr. Cosworth."
"Uh, thanks. And call me Jake." The press murmured again. Would they do that after everything I said?
Yes, as it turned out, they would. Through the entire fricken afternoon. By the end it stopped annoying me and almost became a game.
"Jake it is, then!" And then he sat back and just smiled at me. "Our first human born in space." There was a wonder in his voice that embarrassed me deeply.
"It wasn't anything I could help."
He laughed, as did the panel, as did the press. "No, sir. I expect you couldn't. I've read the reports. Scientifically, you're very close to an Earth born human. Remarkably so."
Something in that annoyed the hell out of me. "Why wouldn't I be?"
He put his hands wide and shrugged. "How should we know? It's never been done, Jake. Don't take it personally. You've been raised by scientists, some of the best. Surely you can understand the fears and trepidations we feel about deep space procreation. And our concerns are not only for ourselves, but for the babies born in low gravity, fed by nutrient mash created from waste. You yourself took quite a deal of conditioning to be able to withstand our gravity."
He meant what he said. He really had read through the data we provided. I made a point to stress that to Christophe later, even after Christophe kept waving it off. "They've been caught," he said. "Of course they're going to fine-tooth-comb it. Now. When it's too late. When the whole world knows the same things. It's pointless now."
Still, I thought it was something, especially since it was clear he didn't just glance through the files, like I did with my HuTA, just to say it was done. Kudlow actually read it. Read it, absorbed it, and took the time to understand. Christophe might not think it was anything special, but I did.
"Was it a difficult transition?" Kudlow was asking.
I could have lied, but had been sworn to tell the truth, so... "Yes, but for many reasons, not just the physical load."
"Please explain."
I opened my mouth, then closed it again. After a few seconds, I shook my head. "I don't know where to start, Arbiter Kudlow."
He laughed. "Mr. Kudlow, if you please. I'm no arbiter." I turned redder, but I don't think anyone noticed. "And I expect it's quite a question. So let us begin at the beginning. You were born on the deep space ship, Condor One, were you not?"
"Yes."
"And raised there?"
And so began the most talkative couple hours of my life. After awhile, other IOC members jumped in and asked me questions. I only remember the ones that keep playing in a loop on the news Lynette makes me watch over and over on my holo.
"What was it like being raised by scientists?"
"What did you eat?"
"What were your duties on board?"
"How old were you before you were allowed an out-trek?"
On and on and on. I answered as fully and honestly as I could, always remembering that Christophe wanted, and Reginald needed, a boring, plain kid. I tried to make it as boring as possible. I stressed the annoying chores, cleaning equipment, eating mash, the mind numbing hours and hours of staring into microscopes and the boring HuTA lessons. I tried to put the most bland spin on it as possible, because if you just look at the facts, it really seemed to be a very dull childhood. I was cramped up, cooped up as they say, in a little tin can the size of a relatively small house, with the same people day in and day out, eating the same thing day in and day out...
The press afterwards did not make it sound boring. They sensationalized it. They glamorized it. I was annoyed, but Reginald said, "What did you expect, Jake? You lived the dream of millions. You grew up in space. The drudgery, the monotony, the daily grind, it was still done in space."
"But it was boring as hell."
He laughed. "To you. Not to them. Never to them. You've lived an extraordinary life, Jake. There is nothing you can say to make it seem any different."
The afternoon filled with questions stretched out. At some point, I got thirsty, and my voice got scratchy. Someone gave me some water and as soon as I sipped, the questions started back up.
"Were you allowed to operate a Tekman?"
"Did you find usable ores on the asteroids?"
"How many solar systems have you been to?"
"What did it feel like to come back home?"
That was the last question. I didn't even have time to answer it. Suddenly Kudlow was fired up to end the proceedings. "Ladies and gentlemen," he said before I had time to open my mouth. "I believe we have gotten what we came for today. I make a motion to the panel that Mr. Cosworth here is in no way a physical threat to the human population on Earth. Not only are his biostats well within the acceptable range, he seems like a fine, upstanding young man. I do not see any signs of contamination of either body or soul. All in favor of allowing Jacob Cosworth to remain on Earth..."
Before he could even ask for the vote, every hand on the panel shot up. He smiled and reached across to Lancaster's podium. He took a little hammer off it and slammed it down. "Motion passed! Welcome to Earth, Mr. Cosworth. Enjoy your stay. Meeting adjourned!" He slammed the hammer again, and the little man was already tugging at my elbow. It ended so quickly that the stunned press didn't realize I was leaving until a quick second before the door closed behind me. I just heard them snapping into action before I was finally in silence.
I took a deep breath and felt my whole body sag. It was far more tiring than I thought. "How long was I in there?" I asked the man. He just shrugged. I rolled my eyes and walked for the door that would lead me out of this place, when he tightened his grip on my arm.
"You have not been dismissed by the arbiter," he said.
"Jack, let him go," said Kudlow, hurrying towards us down a narrow hallway. "He's dismissed."
The little man named Jack shrugged, released me, then walked the other way down the hall. His job was done. I bet he went for a drink, too.
"You did fine, Jake. Just fine." Kudlow had my hand and was shaking it before I knew what was happening. "I'm really very sorry for how things began."
"It's okay."
"No," he shook his head firmly. "It's not. And I am going to walk you out to your guardians and apologize personally to Miss Donnely." He had his hand on my shoulder, guiding me through the door.
Everyone stood when they saw me come in. Ralph had been pacing at the window and he rushed over. I'd never seen him look so worried. He reminded me of Dad right then.
"You okay, kiddo?" he said, ignoring Kudlow completely.
"Yeah. I didn't know it would go so long."
"Neither did I," said Christophe, stepping forward. "Mr. Kudlow, on behalf of StarTech I would like to personally state how disappointed we are in the IOC's tactics. Had I known this proceeding would become an attack on our company with young people placed..."
But Kudlow had no intention of letting Christophe rip into him. I got the feeling he'd been on that end of the stick before. He held a hand up. "Please, Mr. Venderi. You have the apology of the IOC. We, too, were blindsided by Lancaster's personal attacks."
"It's true," I said quickly. "The arbiter went nuts and was dragged out."
Christophe's eyebrow quirked, just a little, but he kept his angry face on. "As well he should have. To debase the character of mere children in a public forum..."
Reginald stepped forward and stuck his hand out for Kudlow. "Edward, we accept your apology." Christophe knew when he was reaching his edge, and gave a small nod before turning and taking a seat next to Lynette. His message was crystal clear.
"Reggie, I didn't know you were here. You should have come by for a drink!"
Reginald shook Kudlow's hand. "Just rolled in yesterday. One hell of a rough jump, at that. And then there's the red tape...you understand."
Kudlow grinned. "Now Reggie, you know the red tape exists for a reason..." He waved a hand quickly. "We're not getting into that. There's been enough unwarranted attacking done for the day." Christophe cleared his throat. Kudlow took the hint. He walked over and held his hand out to Lynette. "Miss Donnely, I sincerely apologize on behalf of the panel. We never intended Lancaster to use you as a poster child in his own crusade."
"You will make it clear to the press that Lancaster has gone crazed," said Christophe coolly.
"He did a fine job of that himself."
"I expect the IOC to make it clear," Christophe repeated. "And it would behoove you to issue a counter statement about Miss Donnely's true character and worth."
"Ah," said Kudlow simply. He looked at Lynette. "Yes, I believe that is most certainly called for."
Lynette turned away. I could see the tears in her eyes and I hated Lancaster all the more.
"It will be done, Mr. Venderi. You have my word."
Christophe gave a curt nod, then stood. "I believe we have spent enough time under your microscope for one day." Everyone else stood. They had no choice. When Christophe uses that voice, you do what he says. You just do.
"I have arranged a private exit, as you requested."
Christophe gave Kudlow a cold stare. "So you pick and choose which agreements you honor, do you?"
Kudlow looked like he deserved it. Clearly the IOC had no intentions from the start to follow all the plans carefully coordinated by Christophe. "If you'll follow the officers down that hall to the left, you'll board our private transport. I believe you said you wanted to go to the Cosworth estates in Washington?"
Christophe glared at the man. He didn't need to say anything else.
"Go on ahead and board," said Reginald. "I need to speak with Ed a minute. Jake? Stay back, would you?"
Lynette shot me a look and I really wanted to go with her. But Ralph gave me a little nod to follow the boss's orders, so I did. Christophe marched the tired group down the hall. I did not miss the fact that his hand was on Lynette's shoulder, a message to Kudlow clearer than any other. He was letting the IOC know they had not just slighted some poor waif, they personally offended Christophe Venderi.
Kudlow sighed heavily once they were gone. "Oh hell, Reggie. I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. By the time I knew what Lancaster was up to, it was too late. We were gone down that path again." Interesting. So it was an old issue, was it? "And goddamned if some of the younger ones didn't hop right on that train and ride it with him."
Reginald waved a hand. "You'll take care of it."
"With the press, sure. But I think we've just created quite a rift with Mr. Venderi."
"What do you expect? You know how important the kids are to Christophe. Especially the hard luck cases like..." He remembered I was there and stopped. It didn't matter. I knew the rest without him having to say it. "You'll have to do some ass kissing for awhile, that's for sure."
"He's out, you know. He hung himself." He was talking about Lancaster then.
"I knew he'd do it eventually. Why do you think I didn't protest his rise to arbiter? I imagine you'll be named next."
Kudlow snorted. "Good lord I hope not! I've been dodging it successfully for so many years it would be a wound to my pride if I couldn't keep that up!" He gave a deep laugh and shook his head. "Jake, a word of advice. Never be at the top. Not all the way. There's too much red tape to deal with to actually get anything done."
Reginald laughed, too. "Didn't you just get done telling me red tape has it's purpose?"
"Doesn't mean I want to be the one to have to cut through it!"
I was lost and bored and suddenly very tired. I wanted to go sit on the transport and hold Lynette's hand. Reginald noticed and got down to business.
"So how did our boy do?"
Kudlow smiled at me. "He did fine. Just fine. Though there was a little sticky wicket right at the beginning." At Reginald's raised eyebrow, he explained that Lancaster got me to admit to other races. Reginald still smiled, but his eyes cut to the door. He was obviously glad Christophe was not in the room to hear. "I deliberately cut off any other questions that way. But it won't fly, and you've got to be prepared for the questions from the press. They've got enough meat at the moment for about a day, then they'll seize on that tidbit like a meaty bone. We're going to have to have another session. We're the IOC. We absolutely cannot let it pass. It is our duty to address this."
Reginald rubbed his chin. "No, of course not. You've got all the data..."
"Reggie, I'm not questioning you. I've read it." He turned to me. "The things you've seen, Jake..." he shook his head. He had that look in his eyes, the one that makes me uncomfortable.
"I couldn't help it. I was just a kid..."
"Good god I'm not blaming you! You aren't in any trouble. I'm not even blaming your parents."
"You..aren't?"
"No. Well, yes, I mean. It's illegal and blah blah. But it's done, isn't it? And how would we even start to punish them?" He waved a hand. "Ridiculous. Maybe eighty years ago it mattered. But what matters now is the wealth of information that is you."
I didn't like the sound of that. Once again, I felt like nothing more than an experiment.
"You can make that look all you want, young man. Hell, in your shoes, I'd probably feel the same. But we will ask you questions and we will study your biostats and we will learn from you."
"So I am being punished for the actions of my parents." He fell several notches in my estimation. But that was only temporary. I am what I am and there's no getting around that. I guess I just hated to hear that confirmed.
"It's not punishment. It's your role in the education of society. You are the key to making them unafraid, Jake. However, I can promise the next interview you have with the IOC will be just that...with the IOC. No more of these public hearings of ridiculousness. I'm not one to have the same debacle twice."
"I thought you weren't going to take the arbiter position?" said Reginald with a sly little smile.
"I won't. But I can assure you the person who does will be more willing to listen to sane advice than Lancaster." He glanced at his watch. "Good lord is it late! You must be wiped." He put his hand out and I shook it, then he turned to Reginald. "Come to see me in a couple days and we'll hash out the next step over a whiskey."
"Make it a scotch and it's a deal."
We turned and started the walk down the long hallway to an elevator. Once the doors were closed and we were alone, Reginald quickly grilled me.
"It'll be in all the news," I said. "There had to be a million cameras."
"Right. But we've got an hour long ride to Washington, DC right now and I'd like to be able to tell Chris a thing or two about the day. We need to have a plan."
"But Kudlow said he'd handle things..."
He laughed and shook his head. "You really don't know how things work here, Jake." I didn't take offense. He was right. "Yeah, he's going to do what he can. I think he's dreaming if he thinks it'll take the press a whole day to question other races. You didn't tell them, did you?" He looked very worried.
"All I said was that they exist..."
He swore, then swiped a hand over his face a took a quick breath. "It's not your fault. That sneaky bastard Lancaster had the whole thing planned. I knew it as soon as they changed the venue."
"I thought you changed it?"
He laughed. "You were supposed to think that." It made no sense and I said as much. "I said you don't understand how it works, and you don't. How could you? Most people on this damn planet don't really understand how it works. I'll put it in a little box for you and your mind can unwrap it later, okay?" The elevator door opened and we followed another hallway, walking slow enough for Reginald to say what he had to before we got to the transport.
I have been unwrapping it in my mind, with a little help from Ralph who actually seemed interested in it all. "Just a study in humanity, kiddo. You know how I love that."
Anyway, this is the gist. The IOC was created back in the days when StarTech actually started having some success under the leadership of Reginald's grandfather, John, and Justin Bradley. Once some highly advanced engines were produced which allowed safe, fast, and consistent travel to the Luna base, governments began to get nervous. "Of course. Think of the millions of ways that tech could have been abused," said Ralph. I suppose he's right. So the IOC was formed by people who were afraid of what could happen. Over the years, their minds were put at ease somewhat. People began to accept the advances and changes. Most importantly, they began to see that StarTech wasn't evil. They weren't trying to usurp any government. They weren't creating any weapons, none that could be used on Earth, anyway, and they weren't recruiting people who didn't want to be in their organization.
Then Reginald's father, Peter, took over. He had watched his father jump through hoops and grew up resentful of Earth. He pushed StarTech higher and father, but kept so many secrets that the IOC renewed it's fear. The damage almost lead to a governmental shutdown of all StarTech facilities. As a result, Reginald convinced his father to step down as head. That was fourteen years ago, and Reginald worked his butt off to gain the trust back.
"We're at a precarious point, Jake. They've seen everything my father hid. All of it. Every detail. And even that, even the secrets, were harmless to humanity. It wasn't easy, but it also was undeniable. Most of the IOC wants us to succeed. We're so very, very close." But there are "fundamentalists", he called them. People who still believed in the big, scary space. "And some of them are IOC members." He said there is a dance they have to do.
"There is the public image of StarTech, the public demands on the IOC, and then there's the truth of the matter."
"Can't the IOC just say they support StarTech?"
He laughed. "Of course not! They don't, for one. Oh, they allow us to do more and more. But they really do exist to keep us honest and to question everything, and I can't disagree with that. I saw what my father went through making his own little empire with no one to answer to. It eats a man up. There have to be rules, Jake. And I can't very well make my own, can I?"
It made no sense to me. Ralph got it. "He's afraid he'll become a power hungry tyrant. I can respect that."
"But I thought you want the IOC to let you do what you want," I said to Reginald.
"I want them to approve the good ideas. I also want them to keep shaking their heads at the bad ones. Humanity is not moving as fast as we are. It's frustrating. It's why I'd like to break free, and would if I could. Even then, though, I'd hope that the Utopians decided to form a council. I don't ever want to be the only one making decisions, Jake. I don't oppose democracy. Not at all. I just wish people were more ready than they are."
What I took from that is that to Reginald and StarTech, the IOC is the litmus paper of humanity. They are the test. They are the ones who let us know the speed people are willing to travel, how far they're ready to go.
We boarded the transport. Lynette was sitting alone with her head against the window. Her eyes were closed, but I didn't think she was sleeping. Marlon was sitting further up, bent over a terminal someone let him have. I bet it was Christophe, either as a reward or a distraction. He didn't even glance up when we walked in. Ralph patted my arm on my way past. He didn't have to say it. It was one of those "Good job, kiddo," kind of pats. I gave him a smile. Then I sat next to Lynette and took her hand. She didn't want to talk, but she didn't pull it away, either.
And then I had quiet. The transport pulled out. It was different from the sonic one we rode in on. This one had more luxury than function. We moved quickly, but the ride was far smoother than the other transport. The windows were tinted, but only slightly to take some of the glare off the blur. We could still see the landscape, just not bright enough to make us feel the vertigo we would have on the sonic train we took in. I leaned my head against the seat and let my mind wander over what Reginald said, think of the day, wonder what was coming, or how long I was staying, or...a billion half thoughts that flood in after a very long, very tiring day. Finally my mind gave up trying to think of anything but being hungry and where we were going.
Cosworth estates? That's where they said we were heading. I had "estates", whatever that meant. I sighed and hoped there would be food there. And a bed. And a long, quiet shower.
Chapter10
I had estates.
Estates are huge houses and the "grounds" around them. I argued that it was the same ground as everywhere else on the planet. Ralph gave up trying to explain.
The "manor" is enormous. It's as big as the buildings we walked by in New York. And it's got the Cosworth name on everything. My father's initials, my father's father's initials, his father's initials... Every time I turned around in the place there was something claiming ownership rights. It was annoying. Of course it belonged to my father. It was in his house. I laughed when I saw that even the towels had my father's initials on them.
"Were they all afraid someone would steal everything?"
Ralph smiled back and shook his head. "Just a rich thing, kiddo. They all do it."
I shook my head and took
the longest, hottest, most wonderful shower of my life, behind a
glass door that was also initialed. A towel could be tucked under a
coat and stolen easily enough, I suppose. But the
"I think it started a long time ago when people wanted to be sure everyone knew how rich they were," Ralph said from a sofa at the other end of the enormous bathroom.
I didn't like that my family ever thought like that. I toweled my hair dry and was frowning.
"Hey. Your dad wasn't like that, Jake."
"But these are his initials on this towel, right? This is his towel. And he wants everyone to know it." I threw the towel across the room in disgust. What kind of conceited asshole flaunts their money like that when so many people don't have any?
Ralph sighed heavily and got up off the large couch in the room. He walked over and picked up the towel, then held it open for me to look at. "Gold lettering. Big as day. Look at this and tell me this is something your father actually had any choice about." He was right. It didn't look like Dad at all. "Flowers. Cursive." He shook his head, then threw the towel to me. "Don't be pissed at your dad because his family was stuck in tradition. He couldn't help it any more than you could help being born in a tin can in space." He sat back down and took up his drink. "But damn I'm glad they kept the scotch." He grinned at me. "We must have been fourteen? Fifteen, maybe when we found your grandfather's secret stash. Aged, ripe, so smooth. You should have seen the look on your grandfather's face when he found us."
I knew they were friends, Ralph and Dad. I knew it went back a long time. But neither of them really talked about childhood. I think I understand. It's like how I felt every time I tried to talk about Laak'sa. It hurt so bad because I knew I wouldn't see it again. I think it was like that for Ralph and Dad out in space, so far away from their homeworld.
"God the memories in this house, kid. You know where he found us?" I shook my head. "C'mon." He pushed himself up and walked out of the room I was using for a bedroom. We went down a long hall, then up a curved case of stairs and into a dark room. He flicked on the lights and we were in some sort of library. The walls were lined with books. Not holos, real books. With pages of paper filled with words, crammed full on shelves that reached the high ceilings. Everything else in the room was covered in sheets.
"They didn't get to airing this room out yet," he said, tugging one of the sheets off. Fine dust filled the room. Dusting, I thought as I watched the motes float and resettle on the surfaces around me. I finally got what "dusting" was all about.
He pulled the sheet and it fell to the floor leaving...something. I was staring at some sort of animal. It was taller than me by almost double, and had huge...things coming out of its head. I jumped back and pressed my back to the door in case I had to escape, but Ralph's loud laugh made me feel stupid. "It's dead, Jake." He thumped it and it stayed firm. "It's stuffed. It's called a moose. They're animals that live up north. Some hunter bagged it a long time ago and they took out all the guts and..."
I felt sick. Why would anyone do that to something that was dead? Sure, Mother had samples in preserving liquids, but that was completely different. That was science. Someone killed this great animal and then kept a dead body around. And holy crap, Ralph was climbing on it! "What are you doing?!" I shouted, which made Ralph laugh even harder.
"Oh, the look on your face is priceless!" He swung his leg over and the thing creaked and cracked, but held. He sighed with a contented smile. "Right here, me and your dad. We sat up here and pretended we were charging through a village about to conquer it for our kingdom and..." He stopped and really looked at me then. I suppose I was frowning. He sighed heavily, then coughed in the cloud of dust. "I guess...I guess you have to be from here to understand." He patted the dead animal like it was a friend. "Another time, Sir Albert of The North." He swung his leg back over and hopped off the beast, grimacing when he hit the floor. "Oof! I was a lot younger the last time."
I was still eyeballing the dead thing. "That is disgusting."
Ralph shrugged. "It's custom."
"Like the initials."
"Yep, something like that."
I shook my head. "I will never stuff a dead animal."
Ralph laughed and guided me out. "No, I suppose not."
"Or put my initials on stuff."
"Er, about that..."
My initials were on things. Someone "on staff" had taken it upon themselves to have all new plates and forks and spoons and even glasses made with my initials on them. I sat there at our first dinner in my estate and stared at the gold lettered J.E.C.
"What's the E. stand for?" asked Lynette in a whispered. She whispered everything in my estate. It annoyed me all evening, and was especially frustrating at the table.
"Earnest," I said. "After Ralph. And stop whispering."
"Earnest?" said Marlon, hooting with laughter. "Yeah, Lynnie. Ernie there says to stop whispering."
Lynette glared at him.
"Fine, I'll stop whispering, Marlon
Marlon stopped laughing and his face turned red. "It's a family name!"
"Stop." Christophe walked into the room and took a seat. That's all he said. That's all he had to say. It was a long day for everyone and the last thing anyone wanted to hear was bickering. He took a sip of the wine in the glass. "Lynette, you do not need to whisper in this house. Marlon, you should. Now, let us begin the service."
"I don't want to eat on these plates," I said.
"Why not? They're lovely plates," said Reginald, looking them over carefully.
I didn't say anything else about the plate. The staff, "my staff", apparently, began to serve. Someone told them I liked tartare and they served that along with a bunch of other food.
"I'll give this to you, money bags," said Marlon with his mouth full. "You put on a good spread."
It was a compliment, I guess. It didn't feel like a compliment. I had nothing to do with the meal in any way. "You paid for it," was Ralph's explanation later. We had a large meal. We had a large dessert, which I liked far better than most of the meal. Jillian chatted it up with Reginald and Ralph most of the time, ooh-ing and ahh-ing over the manor. I had a swimming pool, whatever that was. I had tennis courts, whatever those were. I had manicured gardens and a theater and eleven, count them, eleven bathrooms and an east wing and a west wing and she went on and on until I no longer cared.
Marlon ate and belched and asked if I had any terminals he could use.
"I don't know."
Marlon sneered at me and shook his head. "So rich you don't even know what you own."
"Marlon!" It was the first thing Lynette said since dinner had started.
"There's a large study down the hall, three doors to the left," said Christophe. "You may use the terminal in that room. But be warned, Mr. Donnely. It is even better protected than your system on Utopia." There was a glint in Marlon's eye as he all but ran out the room. Christophe gave a small chuckle. "And that should keep him busy for the evening."
"He'll try and crack it," said Reginald.
"That's the point. I've had about enough of his attitude for one day."
"I'm sorry," Lynette began.
"Do not apologize for your brother." Christophe stood. "I'm going to relax in the gardens. It is such a warm evening and it's been so long since I've had the luxury. Would anyone care to join me?"
All of the adults jumped to go with him. "Why don't you and Lynette explore your castle a bit?" Ralph suggested. I looked at Lynette. She shrugged. I shrugged. We made it a plan.
We walked around aimlessly for awhile. Everything was so foreign. In all honestly, I didn't know what half the things I was looking at were for, if they were for anything. Nothing Lynette showed me over the past weeks seemed to relate. After awhile, I was beyond frustrated. "What the hell is all this crap anyway?"
Lynette laughed. It was the first smile I'd seen all day. "Rich people junk," she said honestly.
I pointed to container on a stand. It was all by itself on a large, rock stand by a window. "That. What is that?"
"It's a vase."
"What's it for?"
"Flowers."
I frowned. "There aren't any flowers in it."
Her eyes went wide. "Of course not! It's old, Jake. Really, really old. No one would use it anymore."
"Then why is it here?"
She shrugged. "To look at. It is pretty," she said.
I frowned and walked around it, trying to see the point. I didn't, and I still don't. "So my family has enough money to buy something useless and build a stand for it to show to everyone that we're so rich we don't need to actually use the things we buy?"
"Yep."
"That's so stupid." I went to touch the vase and Lynette gasped. "What?"
"Oh, don't touch it! If you break it..."
"What? What will happen if I break it? It's mine, right?"
She actually looked very upset. "You don't understand. If you don't want it, give it to someone who does."
"Would you want to own something like this?"
"Of course. Who wouldn't?"
"Good, then. It's yours."
She laughed. I wasn't kidding. "I...I can't take that from you, Jake."
"Why? I don't want it. Apparently no one else in my family could think of a use for it." But she wouldn't take it. I sighed, and she looked uncomfortable. "I don't understand. I don't want it. You do."
She shook her head. "It doesn't work like that. It's too much. It's too expensive for you to just give away."
It was not too expensive for me and my family to completely ignore, never use, and let sit around collecting dust. It was, however, too expensive to give to someone who did have a use for it. I will never understand this. Never.
I let it go, but it bothered me. We walked through my house, my house filled with useless things like the vase. Little boxes, gold and silver. Bells. Little bells with fancy handles. "Your mother collected them," she insisted. I could not imagine Mother collecting these silly trinkets. There were useless crystal figures and large useless marble figures. There were plates stuck up on walls, on walls! There were teacups in a case that was never to be opened. There were rugs hanging, never to be walked on. There were paintings. Okay, I'll concede that those I like. They made the place look nice. But everything else? It was all too much.
Lynette went to bed sad that night, and I wandered around feeling guilty without knowing why. I wanted her to help me understand, but she didn't. Or couldn't. Or worse...wouldn't. I would have loved to have a conversation with Christophe about it, because I got the feeling he could help explain it. All the adults were drinking in the garden. Loudly, too. Having a great time by the sounds. So I ended up in the study with Marlon.
"I suppose you expect me to drop what I'm doing and entertain you."
"No," I said, sitting in a chair in the room. "Just answer my questions."
"I'm busy."
"It's my house."
Marlon sighed. "That's rude."
"Is it?"
"Of course it's rude! You can't invite guests to your house and then throw it back in their faces."
This was exactly what I was hoping for. It would be brutal, but it would be honest. "I didn't invite anyone here."
"You sayin' you want us to leave?"
"Hell no! You're not leaving me here alone."
Marlon gave a grunt. If I didn't know better, I would have called it a laugh. "So what do you want?"
"I offered Lynette presents and she wouldn't take them."
He sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. I really did have his interest then. "What kind of presents are you offering my sister?" There was a threat in his tone.
"A vase. Some little bells. A couple paintings. Things she liked. I said she could have them."
"Why?"
I shrugged. "I don't want them. And she seemed to really like them, so..."
"Ah. Pride," he said, as if that cleared everything up.
"What?"
"Pride. It's Lynnie's pride rising."
"Pride? About what? I don't want that junk. She does. Why shouldn't she take it?"
"Lynnie's the type to want to earn everything she gets."
I frowned. I was supposed to be getting explanations, not getting more confused. "You don't have to earn a present from a friend."
Marlon sat and looked at me for a minute. He was still scowling. I had no clue what he was thinking. After a minute, he swore and shook his head. "I thought it was an act. Wow. You really don't understand money, do you?" Before I could answer, he got up and came around the desk and leaned back to give me a good lecture. "This is how things work in the real world. In the real world, we go to work. We bust our chops. We give a hundred and ten percent and get a handful of credits and a kick in the pants for our efforts. We take that tiny pittance and try to buy enough food, a place to live, clothes...everything. We eke out a pitiful life until we die. And that's the way it should be and that's what Lynnie thinks she should have to do."
I sighed. This was getting nowhere. "I don't need a Marlon rant..."
"I'm not ranting, space monkey. I'm telling you how Lynnie sees life. How a lot of people see life. In Lynnie's mind, she will never, ever be able to own one of those vases or bells or whatever."
"But she's already earned it."
"No. She's earned a handful of credits and a pat on the back."
To Lynnie, my payment exceeded what she earned. "It's just junk, Marlon."
"It's expensive junk."
I laughed. "So? It's useless. It has absolutely no value to me whatsoever."
He waved a finger at me. "You'll change your tune once you're here for awhile."
No. On both counts. "I won't, and I'm not going to be here for awhile. As soon as I can get a ship and head out, I'm doing it."
Marlon shook his head slowly. "You're an idiot. Low-g rotted your brain."
"Why? Because I don't care about silly vases?"
"Yes! And the food and the staff...my god, Jake! You have a staff! You have people that are waiting to do whatever you ask. It's the very best life anyone on Earth can ask for, and you have it."
I didn't want it, though. I looked at him for a few minutes, assessing. "Would you take the vase?"
"Hell yes I would."
"Why?"
"That vase, that one vase, would give me a comfortable life."
I had to laugh. "So you'll take it where Lynette never would."
"Absolutely." He spread his arms and gave me a grin. "I'm a sell out. I embrace it. If there's a way for an easy life, I'd take it."
"And do what? Just soak up all this pampering?"
He rubbed his chin. "No, not all the time." He nodded his head toward the terminal. "The pull of that crap is too strong."
"Then what would you do?"
He settled back against the desk and rubbed his chin some more. "I don't know. I'd set up a huge data base. Servers. Terminals for every specialty. And then...then I'd see where it lead me."
"You really would? Even knowing how much more is out there? You could go to space, Marlon. Deep space. You could jump through the fah'ti and teach them all..."
Marlon held his hand up. "Whoa now, space monkey. Not everyone wants to go traipsing around the galaxy."
"You already do," I pointed out.
"And I had no choice," he said with bitterness I didn't really expect. He might be a lot of bluster, but there was also a legitimate pain there. "Besides," he said quickly, trying to steer away from the truly uncomfortable conversation, "Someone has to be here to help everyone that's up there. Someone has to be able to process what comes in. Someone has to be able to drive this end of things."
I almost laughed until I saw the look in his eyes. He was grinning, pretending to be casual and make a joke of things. But it wasn't a joke. That's what he really wanted. And looking at him, I realized it wasn't bravado, it wasn't just a big ego talking. He could do it, he really could.
"You don't want to return to Utopia with us."
His smile faded. "No."
"But you will."
He nodded. "Until Lynnie's birthday."
"And then?"
"Then it's up to her if she wants to come home or stay in the bubble."
"What if she wants to go further?"
He looked at me for a long minute before turning. "I have work to do," he said quickly.
That was the end of that conversation. It was almost as if a door was physically slammed in my face. I really wasn't expecting as much as I got, so like Dad said, be grateful. "Don't break my system," I said getting up to leave him alone. "I've never been a host before, but I'm pretty sure that would be considered rude."
Marlon gave a chuckle. "Please. Your tech team won't even know I've been in."
I stopped at the doorway and turned around. "Hey Marlon?"
He sighed heavily. "Whaaaat?"
I was going to ask him about the fah'ti, but his tone clearly told me he was done entertaining my questions. "Uh, nothing. Just have a good night." He flicked his hand over his shoulder to shoo me away.
I went upstairs I laid in the huge bed of the huge room in the huge house that's supposed to be mine and I missed my tin can. I missed the comfort and safety of the Condor One. Sure, I got annoyed with its smallness. How many times had I wanted to escape to Laak'sa and run around the wide freedom life on land provided? And then I got all the room I could ever want, and I found myself wanting to be cramped and safe again.
Life was so much easier on the Condor. I was Jake, not Mr. Cosworth. I had exactly one possession, my holo, and didn't have to wonder and worry about stupid vases and ugly crystal and confusing paintings and houses that were too big and glasses with my initials on them and...
Ralph burst in. He was grinning and laughing. "You missed a good one, kiddo." He swayed to my bed and flopped down. I caught him before he rolled off. "You ever seen a squint cocked?"
I had no idea what he was talking about.
"Booze, Jake. We fed the ol' doc a good bit of some of your best whiskey." He poked my chest. "Good stuff you got, kid. Good stuff." He was grinning like an idiot and his eyes were shiny. And he smelled.
"Are you planning on sleeping here?"
He shrugged. "Bed's big enough. This was your dad's room. Did I tell you that?" He had. At least a dozen times. "Do you know how much I used to wish this was my house, Jakey? Me and Lance..." He twisted his first two fingers together. "Like this, kid. This close. Like brothers." He gave me a stupid smile. Grinned like an idiot, as Dad would have said if he was here. I couldn't help but smile back.
"So the doc's a funny drunk, eh?"
"Imagine your mother with a few in her."
I can't. I've always thought I had a good imagination. I guess some things are beyond imagination.
Ralph snorted and tried to tell a story but ended it fits of laughter with very few recognizable words.
"I think you should call it a day," I said, pulling off his shoes.
"Don't do that."
I ignored him and tugged off the other one. He grumbled, but it was half-hearted. I pulled the blanket over him, even though it wasn't that cold. It just seemed like the thing to do. "There," I said. "All tucked in."
"You know why I'm drunk tonight, Jake?"
The question was serious and seemed to be out of the blue. One of those where you know the whole evening is about to shift and there's nothing you can do about it. I tried to keep it light. "Because I have good booze."
But Ralph did not want it light. "I have to see Mabel tomorrow."
"Who's that?"
"My kid sister."
I sat back down on the bed and had no idea what to say. So I blurted out something stupid. "I can't believe she'd still be alive." I slapped my hand over my mouth.
He snorted. "You should see your face! Yeah, I kinda figured she'd have kicked the bucket, too. She's not. Getting on toward a hundred and still going strong if the pissed off holo I got earlier is accurate."
I had no idea what I was supposed to say. For some reason, Ralph was very upset about seeing his sister and it sounded like the feeling was mutual. I couldn't imagine why. "That should be..."
"Don't," he said bitterly. "Don't be like Lance right now." His words were starting to slur with the booze and the anger.
I sighed. "Fine. I hope your visit is horrible and that she hates you and throws you out. Is that what you want?"
He let out a sharp bark of laughter. "Well I don't want Eunice, either!"
I will never get drunk like that. It turns perfectly reasonable people into raving idiots. It was late. It had been one hell of a tough day and an even worse evening, in my opinion. And now I had a drunk moron making no sense at all on my bed. "Then what do you want? Because it's kind of been a bit of a tough day and frankly I'm all out of patience for guessing."
He looked at me a minute before he slowly smiled. "There's the angsty teen I was lookin' for. Come with me tomorrow, Jake."
I snorted. "To the sister's house who hates you? Yeah. That seems like a great way to spend the day."
He shrugged. "Won't be any worse than today."
I opened my mouth to argue, then found I had no argument. The man had a point. "Go to sleep."
"I'm your guardian," he said, his eyes drooping in spite of the words. "Not the other way around."
He was snoring in minutes. I grabbed a pillow and blanket and headed to the couch on the other side of the room. It was very fancy looking. It had that "money" look to it like everything else. But in spite of it's fancy looks, it was rock hard and uncomfortable. It felt a lot like my bunk on the Condor and for the first time since I left, I got a good nights' sleep.
The morning was rough. Not for me. Not for Lynnette or Marlon, either. And my fleet of service bots that fed us and tended to fetching and doing everything we're perfectly capable of doing for ourselves looked as perky and glitch-free as ever. It was all the adults who suffered. To be honest, I kind of enjoyed it.
The doctor sat at his seat, clutching his head. Whenever anyone would scoot their chair back, rustle a cloth napkin, or be so evil as to actually clank their forks against their plates, he'd moan and clutch his head. "Must you people be so torturous after the hell you've dumped me in?"
Jillian looked old. Very, very old. Her eyes had dark circles around them, her shoulders hunched, and even her hair seemed to give up. "Aspirin," she said to one of the bots serving coffee.
"Madam already had one full dose."
"And if you don't get madam another, you'll get one full dose of my foot up your robotic backside!"
"Yes, Madam. Right away."
Ralph sat at the table with his head down on his arms. He had pushed away all food and even his coffee and if I couldn't see his back rising and falling with breath, I would have worried that he was dead.
Reginald didn't appear on the outside to have it as rough as the others, but I noticed that instead of being his usually peppy self, he sat in silence and clutched his coffee like it was the only thing keeping him alive.
Every time one of them grumbled or groaned, Lynette would flash me a grin and roll her eyes. Marlon largely ignored everyone, working on something at the portable terminal I let him bring to the table even though Reginald had put up a weak argument about it being rude.
Christophe came in. I figured he was still in bed "sleeping it off", like Ralph begged me to let him do. He was not. He came in completely businesslike and snapped them into action in spite of their loud protests.
"Don't you ever get fazed by anything?" asked Jillian, sounding utterly miserable. "It's just not fair."
Christophe gave a quick laugh. "Nothing unfair about it, two drinks, then switch to lemonade. Simple." He glanced at his watch. "And I'm sorry that you weren't smarter, but you all know the schedule for today."
"Free day, Chris," said Reginald, half begging.
Christophe pursed his lips together. I knew that look. He was out of patience. "Fine. I'll just call 'Good Day USA' and tell them that the head of StarTech got too blitzed last night to..."
Reginald cut him off. "I get it. Can't blame me for trying."
"Jillian, your transport will be here in fifteen minutes."
She sighed with relief. "Thank god." She gave a little nod to the group. "I'll see you in a few."
"Where's she going?" I asked.
"Home." Christophe put his breakfast order in with one of the service bots and took a seat near Reginald. "She has a husband and children and I think she's more than earned a vacation to spend time with them, don't you?"
"Of course." I hadn't really given much thought to Jillian beyond the fact that she made me wear horrible clothes. Somewhere in my mind I remembered her talking about kids. I thought she was so old that they'd be grown. I couldn't really visualize her in a home with a family, but I bet they made quite a picture. A very oddly dressed picture.
"I have my symposium..." Dr. Karl mumbled and stood.
"Good luck, Karl," mumbled Ralph from somewhere in the folded arms.
"I do not believe I will speak to you for quite some time, Sergeant Buttrick!"
Ralph chuckled then moaned. He lifted his head a little to squint at the doctor. "Hey, you knew what you were in for. Don't blame me for getting you liquored up."
The doctor snorted, then turned and gave me a little bow. "It has been a pleasure, Jake. I thank you for your hospitality and the privilege of being your physician. Should you need my services in the future, do not hesitate to call."
"You're
He nodded. "It is time to resume the thrilling life of a touring educator." He stuck his hand out and I shook it with mixed feelings. "Take care of yourself. Eat proper food, not junk, now." He gave me a small smile, then turned and left without another word.
I stood there for a minute feeling...well, lost, I suppose. "I didn't know they were going," I said to no one in particular.
"You've got such a busy schedule that I doubt you'll miss them," Christophe said with a little too much enthusiasm. Pat the kid on the head and tell him it's all okay. That's what he was doing. From Christophe, I found it highly annoying.
I sat back down and angrily stabbed at my eggs. "Keep me busy and out of trouble, huh?"
"Don't be sassy," said Ralph. He was finally sipping his coffee.
Christophe ignored the anger he had to hear in my voice. It annoyed me even more. "Today you will accompany Ralph on his family visits. His request. You will return by noon for a luncheon with the presidential representative from the United States."
Ralph whistled and Lynette gave a little gasp. It was a big deal. I knew it from their reactions.
"Alone?" I asked from around the sudden lump of fear in my throat.
Christophe waved a little hand. "Your choice."
"What to meet the president?" I asked Lynette.
"I don't have anything I could wear to something like that." Her face turned red.
"Dress uniforms for all," said Christophe. He was saying it to put Lynette at ease. "Even Reginald will be in his StarTech regalia." Reginald quirked an eyebrow at that, but said nothing.
She still looked unsure. "Marlon?"
"Mr. Donnely is not invited to this event," said Christophe.
Marlon grinned at him, taking no offense. "Whatsa matta, Chris? Afraid of what I'll say to the stuffed shirt blow hard?"
"Marlon!" Lynette gasped. "He's our president!"
"So? I didn't vote for him. Have your lunch with that traitorous, short sighted, commie..."
"Ralph, you in?" I asked quickly.
"Sergeant Buttrick's attendance is mandatory."
I looked to Lynette. I wanted her there. "Please?"
Her face was red. "I..."
"I shall inform the staff to prepare a seat for Miss Donnely," said Christophe, tapping it into his holo. And just like that, Lynette was having lunch with me. Oh, and the president. "Next you will have an interview with Colson Pembroke."
Lynette seemed even more shocked by that than the presidential lunch. "Colson? The Colson?" Her face turned even redder, if that's possible. She touched her cheek. "Oh, Jake. You have to have me there!"
I did laugh then. "Sure. Who's Colson?"
Lynette groaned. "I knew you weren't reading the holozines I assigned you!"
"Doesn't listen to his HuTA either," Ralph said, shaking his head. "He's plain lazy, that one."
I sighed. "I take it he's some reporter?"
Lynette let out a strangled
noise, she was so outraged. "Some reporter. Colson Pembroke
is
"He's a gossip monger," said Marlon. "Lynnie only likes him because he's...what did you call him?"
"Shut up, Marlon," she said through clenched teeth.
"Oh, that's right," he said, drawing it out and thoroughly enjoying annoying his sister. "Dreamy beyond all reason, I think. That was it, wasn't it, Lynnie?"
"Marlon," said Christophe in a warning tone. "He is an extremely influential reporter, Jake," he clar ified for me. I sort of remembered his face on some of the programs Lynette had me watch. I think that was him, anyway. "And you absolutely must make this interview."
"Why?"
"He's your ticket in with the kids your age." Before I could argue that I didn't want or need that ticket, he kept speaking. He knew what I was going to say. I was sure of it. "It will make the rest of your stay here a lot easier if we have external assistance in introducing you to society."
"But..."
"No buts. This is non-negotiable." He actually said it as if there had been a single negotiable situation since my arrival on Utopia. It almost made me laugh.
"Please, Jake. Promise you'll do your best." Lynette looked like this was extremely important. I'd do it for her.
I sighed heavily. "And after that interview? What do I do next?"
"You have a meeting with a wardrobe consultant."
That really made me groan. "I already lived through Jillian..."
"She's a uniform specialist. You need to look more like a child your age."
Child. It rubbed me the wrong way. "So I have to be poked and prodded and have everything, and I mean everything, measured and tugged and stuffed and..."
Lynette put her hand on my arm. "You don't want to stick out, Jake."
I snorted at the sheer idiocy of it all. "Lynnette, there is nothing they can dress me in that will make me not stick out."
Ralph laughed. "Kid's got a point."
"Regardless, you will see the wardrobe consultant."
There was no use arguing. "And then?"
"That's all for today."
"That's all, huh? No jumps through flaming hoops?"
Christophe gave me a bland smile. "That's on the schedule for tomorrow."
Thing is, I got the feeling he wasn't really kidding. I ate the rest of my breakfast in silence. When we were finished, one of the service bots came in with a stack of papers. "The post, sir," he said, handing me the stack."
"What's this?"
Ralph whistled. "Someone's already popular."
"It's mail," said Lynnette. "Real mail!"
I shuffled through the stack. Mail. It had folded papers and fancy writing. Some had frills cut into the paper, some had ribbons. "What's it for?"
Marlon snorted. "For rich snobs to talk to each other in a way that shows the rest of us who can't afford paper to waste like that just how rich they are."
Christophe reached over and gave Marlon a swat upside the head. Just as cool as you please. I was a little jealous, to be honest. I would have loved to just reach over and swat Marlon a good one myself. "Mail," he said in a completely composed voice, "Is a custom to your class of citizen." Marlon looked like he was going to say something, but shut up with Christophe's warning glance. "They are communications."
"Like messages on my holo."
"Precisely."
"Why didn't they just use the holo?"
Christophe let out a sigh. Reginald pulled me aside later and explained that Christophe is a "stickler for the customs and traditions of the wealthy". Basically, he wants me to jump through the flaming hoops my money puts in front of me. Reginald said it's very important to Christophe, because he grew up so poor and struggled his way to the top. I'd do the silly tasks, but only because I liked Christophe so much.
I looked through the fancy papers again. "How do they work?"
Lynette laughed. "Here," she said, grabbing the top one off the pile. She slid her finger under a flap and tugged, ripping it. I was going to stop her, but then she pulled another paper from inside. She handed it to me. "There. You read that." She turned to Marlon. "I just opened mail!"
He was still mad about the smack, though. "Well whoopdie sh..." He stopped when Christophe raised his hand, just a bit.
Lynette turned back to me. "What does it say?"
"It's rude to read other peoples' mail," Christophe said.
"It's fine," I said quickly. I didn't think he'd give Lynette a smack, but I didn't want to risk it. "It says welcome to Earth and asks me to come to a party."
"Who's it from?"
"I don't know."
"Look at the bottom, silly."
I scanned down to the bottom. "Clarkson Hildegrande."
Lynette squealed and snatched the mail. "Oh my god! It really is!"
"I figured this would happen," said Reginald. "Chris?"
Christophe put his coffee down. "Taken care of."
"Then why the invite?"
"Show."
"Ah."
They settled it between them. I, however, did not. "What's a party?" Lynette gave me the run down. All in all, it didn't sound too terrible. "Then shouldn't I go?"
Reginald snorted. "To a Hildegrande soiree? Over my dead body! We need you wholesome, kiddo. They'll wreck you five ways to Sunday." I had no idea what he meant by that. Later, after I'd attended some parties I wish I hadn't, I understood. Those "high class" parties were anything but.
"I'm guessing there's a lot of invites in that stack," Reginald said. "Lynette, that's your task for this morning."
"I thought she shouldn't read my mail?" I asked.
He waved a hand in the air. "Change of plans. No," he said quickly, pointing his finger in the air like he does when he believes he's had a brilliant idea. "Extension of job duties. Miss Donnely will now act as your personal assistant during your stay."
"My sister is not a secretary." Marlon's voice was harsh and cold. He did not sound like a brat, or someone trying to stir up trouble. I actually respected him then, even though I had no idea what a secretary was.
"It's okay, Marlon. I've..."
"No. You are not a secretary and I won't let them treat you like one." He glared at Christophe. He was challenging him to fight him on this.
"Social liaison," Reginald rushed in before Christophe could speak. "If you won't mind," he said to Lynette.
"I don't mind at all!" She scooped up the mail. "Really, Marlon. It's okay. I didn't have anything else to do this morning anyway. Besides, if the first one's from Clarkson Hildegrande, imagine who else has invited us...him." She turned red and stood. "If Jake doesn't mind me reading them..."
I didn't mind. It seemed to matter to her far more than it did to me. She hurried by, but stopped to give Marlon a kiss on the head. He sighed and stood. "I'll be at my terminal."
The adults did not like the fact that both Marlon and Lynette were starting to see the things around the estate as theirs, too. Me? I loved it. It made me feel more like a friend and less like some overlord. The adults could grumble all they wanted. I fully intended to encourage Marlon and Lynette to help themselves to whatever they wanted.
Everyone broke up and we all went off to start our day. And what long, long day it would turn out to be.
Chapter11
"So tell me how you're liking Earth."
Colson Pembroke was staring at me with high expectations. He wanted to hear how I loved everything. He wanted me to tell his audience how wonderful Earth was. He wanted to hear how every moment was exciting and every new sight thrilling. And Christophe and Reginald wanted to hear the same thing. I could feel it radiate off all of them, Colson in front of me, and Christophe and Reginald standing behind the camera silently begging me to jump through the hoop.
It was a hard question. I knew the answer they wanted. But I just couldn't flat out lie like that. "It's certainly different from what I'm used to."
Colson laughed. I could hear Lynette sigh. She was allowed to be in the room only when Christophe was sure she was so infatuated with Colson that she wouldn't, couldn't speak. I don't know what she saw in the guy, personally. He looked very silly to me with his silver hair and his sparkling suit. He had something pierced right into his nose, and said these silly things all the time which Lynette later told me was "just how people talked".
"I bet, I bet," he said quickly. That was another thing about the guy that bothered me. He said everything as if there was some time limit I didn't know about. His voice had a hyper drive. "So what smokes?"
See? All the time with the stupid phrases, through the whole interview. No, it started even before the interview, when he stood shaking my hand. "An outie! In the flesh! It's ice, baby. You're absolute ice."
I still have no clue what the man was talking about. Lynette tried to explain, but her explanations were about the same as his words. It all just lead to one big headache. I did my best to guess my way through it.
"Fire," I answered.
He laughed and slapped his leg. "Cool as breeze, isn't he? Icy!" He was talking to the audience through his camera. The lights made his sparkling suit shoot flashes of bright daggers into my eyes. My head pounded more.
"Word from the bird is that you had a sit down with the pres."
"Yes. I had lunch with President Norton."
He suddenly got very serious. "Minds of the land need to know." He paused, looked to the camera, then back at me. "Is it a rug or is it real?" He waited a heartbeat, then began to laugh. "I joke. I joke. You must be a little overwhelmed by all this attention."
Now that was something I could actually answer. "Yes."
He laughed again, even though I didn't say anything funny. "And that's all the time we have today. Catch me on the up and out!" His expression froze. I didn't know what was going on.
"And we're out," said the bot manning the camera.
He slumped back in his chair. "Cut the damn lights already!" The bright lights were instantly dimmed and he held his hand out. A bot handed him a drink of something and he drank it and tugged on his tie. "Could it be any hotter in here?" A fan turned on from somewhere. He looked at me and drank his drink. "You suck on camera, kid."
I don't know why, but it made me laugh. I think it was just a long, absurd two days. That's what it had to be. I bet Mother would have called it hysteria. "You think? Let's see. I was raised in a tin can floating around other galaxies, my only human contact being with the twenty eight people on my ship and whatever life forms we stumbled on. Then I was shoved through an alien portal, hurtling through space at immeasurable speeds with no more than a thin woven metal suit of magic for an immeasurable amount of time. I was stuck in a bubble on Mars, worked like a bot, programmed much the same way, and told I had to, had to come to a planet and love it just because my Mother and Dad had a good time here years ago. Tell me, just what in that would make you think I'd be any good on camera?"
I guess I was mad. I didn't feel mad when I started speaking. It just...built. It was a day of censure, a day of me being a disappointment to people. It started with Mabel. She hated the idea of me existing. Apparently, she and her family always blamed my father for Ralph "abandoning" them. They weren't rich, and relied on Ralph's income. I didn't know this. It didn't seem to matter that Ralph was granted a stipend for them. He pointed out that they earned more with him gone than they had with him there. It didn't matter a bit to the bitter old woman. She ranted and raved, then turned on me.
I was unnatural.
I was an abomination.
I was a blight on the world and should have stayed in my little tin can far away where I couldn't "infect and infest the minds of the youth". I think that's what she said, anyway. Her children tried to hush her up. Ralph goaded her. It was like when Marlon and Lynette bicker. I guess it doesn't matter how many years they are apart. Maybe all siblings fight like that.
After Ralph said he had enough abuse, I got back to the manor to find that the meeting with the president was moved to a different location. I didn't know why. It didn't seem important at the time. Apparently he hates the Cosworths as well and flat out refused to set foot in my personal house.
"He lives in a house your grandfather built," said Christophe. He was highly offended at the slight. Personally I didn't care. The people of this planet weren't liking me very much, but I guess, in hindsight, I wasn't really liking many of them much, either. I put on a good face, though. I sat through a tense lunch. I let the president glare at me while talking to Christophe and Reginald. He even spoke with Ralph. Ralph had been, after all, a Sergeant through a "pivotal war". I never knew that. It was important to Norton, though.
"I support the military. Hell, I wish we had 'em back!" Ralph was the only one he treated nicely. It was odd to me that Ralph did not return that kindness. In fact, if I had to guess, I'd say Ralph actually hated the man. Ralph, who doesn't hate anyone. Not even his shrew of a sister. His words to her were equally as harsh as hers to us. But you could see in both their eyes that they were really happy to know the other one was alive and well.
There was none of that with Norton. The most he said was "Yes, sir." And he said it cold. Bot cold. So cold he could have been talking to a wall.
Just before the president left, he asked for a private word with me. Ralph was against it, of course. Interestingly, Christophe was also against it. He said we were running late, which we weren't. Reginald looked to Christophe quickly, then said it was "no problem".
It was a problem. I wish he knew it before I walked into that room.
The door wasn't even closed all the way before he started in. "I am the elected representative to the United Empire. My citizens put me in office. And do you know why?"
"No, sir."
"Because I look out for them. Because they know I have their best interests in heart. And do you know what that means?"
"No, sir."
"That means that I keep little punk ass space brats from screwing everything up."
My face burned. "I don't..."
"I did not tell you to speak. You are here to listen." He pointed a fat finger at me. "You should not exist. And if you do, they should never know about it. By god do you know the chaos you've stirred up already? And what the hell were you thinking telling people there's aliens out there? My holo's been buzzing non-stop."
"I was just..."
"I said don't speak!" He ran a hand through his hair. "You all have the IOC fooled. If it was up to me, you'd be back on that can zinging to Utopia and all you space freaks could make it or break it!" He made a slicing motion across his throat. "Cut off. No more handouts from us. You want the stars? Have them. Just stay off my rock!"
I couldn't help but answer that. "It's not up to you, sir."
He froze and stared at me. "No. No it's not. Not yet. But I'll get there. You don't have nearly as many supporters as you seem to think. And when the aliens start invading..."
I sighed. So that's what it was about. The fears. I listened to his barrage of insanity. I told Christophe and Reginald about it in the transport home. Ralph assured me that the president is a hypocrite. "Your family money got him in office in the first place!" Christophe was quick to make us promise we wouldn't speak against him at all. Lynette held my hand the whole ride to the studio. She hadn't even been addressed by the president at all. He didn't even acknowledge her presence.
I think that's what made me hate Norton the most.
Anyway, it had been a bad day and all of that bubbled up when Colson poked and poked. He was an irritating man. I don't know why he's so popular. He snaps at his staff. He demands, instead of asks. And I just have to say it...his shiny suit is stupid.
After I blurted it all out, I felt tired. Not better, just tired. "It's been a long day," I said, turning to Christophe. "Can we please leave?"
"Hang on," said Colson quickly. "You get that, Norm?"
The bot behind the camera nodded.
"Yes!" He smiled and jumped up. "There we go. I knew there was some life in you somewhere. All this 'yes' 'no' 'blah blah' in bot talk... I knew it had to be an act!"
"Colson, you do not have permission to air a single thing after the interview ended." Reginald swooped in.
"Reggie, babe. I can't use that utter pile he gave me and you know it."
When the cameras were off and he wasn't making an entrance, he could speak normally. That fact made me hate the guy even more.
"Don't 'Reggie, babe' me! We had a deal, Cole. I only agreed to this interview..."
"To make your space-speriment seem human. Ugh. Mission failed. You put an automaton in that chair for me." He turned to me. "Sorry, kid. But from where I was sitting you were as far from ice as flames."
"I was just..." I started.
"Now look here..." Christophe started.
"Take a minute and think," said Colson, cutting us both off. "You met Norton. He hated you, didn't he?" I looked to Christophe, but Colson wouldn't have that. "No. Don't ask your handler. You're the son of the worlds best scientists. Think for yourself on this one, kid. He hated you, didn't he?"
"Yes."
"He hates space. Hates the idea of 'aliens'." He wiggled his fingers and said "aliens" in a funny voice. I didn't know whether or not to be offended. "He's a fat ass pol. What do you expect? There's reasons he wasn't elected to the IOC."
"I didn't know you were so up on politics, Cole."
He sighed. "Reggie, I have to be up on everything. Why do you think I shoved this crap in my nose? You think it's fun? Or pleasant? Please. It's what they want. And I have to keep giving them what they want." He turned back to me. "Kid, forget Norton. He's an ass, and one that's on his way out. One more year, and there's no way he'll get another term. Not with all this crap about a new militia. He wants a war. And he'll take it with anyone, even other species."
"And that's exactly why you can't air..."
Colson sighed. "Don't you get it, Reggie? You called in a favor for this. I get it. I owe you, big time. And I'm just paying you in full. Trust me. That one nugget of honesty from his mouth is going to do big things for you. Big." He grinned and shook his head. "You're slipping, Reg. You used to be better at this. All that Martian air's frying your brain." He turned back to me and thumped me on the shoulder. "Stop with the automaton act. More of that sarcasm. Kids love it. And it wouldn't hurt you to learn a few phrases. You don't always have to talk like a scientist." He turned and left, all his bots following.
We were halfway back to the manor before Lynette remembered how to speak. And then she didn't stop until after dinner, when Marlon threatened to "noogie the hell" out of her if she said one more word about "that Colson moron".
Ralph and I sat alone in one of the living areas of the manor, watching the rebroadcast on a large screen. They had cut it and pasted together different parts. They chopped up my heated speech and put some of it after the regular interview questions. "Replay," Ralph demanded when it was over. It played again.
It was odd to see myself on a screen like that. I wasn't one of Lynette's tv programs. But I was. I really looked the part. I tried to think of how I'd see it, how I'd take it if I was a normal kid. But I'm not a normal kid. I have no idea at all how it played to them.
"Do you think Colson was right about Norton?" I asked Ralph.
"Abso-fricken-lutely. Those types, they always know the real score." I asked what he meant. "Politicians are surrounded by people who spend their lives analyzing the population. They look at data and compile it in the best way they can think of to make the politician happy."
"That doesn't sound like a very good system."
"Yes and no. It gives them blind optimism."
"That's good?"
"Not always. But it's better than blind pessimism."
Is it?
"It's the people like Colson who actually know what's going on in the world. I mean, really going on. Take away that monkey suit and the stupid hair, and he's a really smart guy. If he thinks this is the way to play it..." He shrugged.
It doesn't make sense that someone like Colson should care one way or the other.
"He's an old friend of Reggie's. Didn't they say?" They did seem familiar. "Reginald gave him his first network. STNN, the StarTech News Network. He started as a legit news hound."
"Like a reporter?"
"Yes. Didn't you
read
All that time I thought Ralph was loafing around hooked on snacks and crappy programs, and he actually learned way more than me. Oops. "So what happened to him?"
"He played in front of the younger audience. They ate him up. So he went that route and he's now one of the biggest moguls in the entertainment industry."
"So that's the favor that he owes Reginald."
"And more importantly to us, the devotion to StarTech. He's right. Forget Norton. If Colson says to play to the others, then do it."
"Christophe didn't seem to happy about it."
"Trust me, Jake. Go with Colson on this. Christophe's got a personal axe to grind with Colson."
Lynette tapped on the doorway. "Did you want to know what's in your mail?"
Ralph pretended to yawn and said he was tired. I didn't know why, but I also didn't stop him. I clicked screen off.
"Oh, I was hoping I could watch it." Lynette sat on the couch next to me and turned the screen back on. I sighed and let her play it through. And again. But it had been too long of a day for me to let it go any more.
"Okay, it's watched." I guess I snapped. Lynette hurried to shut off the screen. "Sorry," I said. "Ralph watched it about ten times, and before that..."
"It's okay. I'm sorry it was a rough day."
Ralph told them all about his sister during dinner. And she was there for the rest. "It's okay. About what I expected."
"Oh, Jake. Don't hate Earth just because of a rough start. It's not all like this. Colson was amazing."
I felt the side of my mouth twitch. "He was? Could have fooled me."
She sighed. It was an annoyed sigh. "Do you want to know what's in your mail?" Yes, she was definitely annoyed.
"Sure."
She had it sorted into four piles. "This first set, it's just junk. People wanting things from you."
"Like what?"
"Money."
"Oh." I took one and looked at it even though she said it was junk. It said, "You are cordially invited to view our private collection of Dupree original mens' wear." It went on to promise me that only a "select few" are offered this opportunity. "I shouldn't go?"
She laughed. "Jake. This probably gets sent to all rich people. It's ads, just like you see in the holozines, only on paper to make it seem fancy. They might have a much higher price tag on the clothes, but it's still just a store trying to sell you something."
"And all of these are like that?"
"Yep. Those are the junk. This pile," she said, handing me another, "Are requests for donations."
"Of what?"
"Money."
"So the same thing."
She shook her head. "No. These people aren't selling anything."
"They're just asking for money and not giving me anything in return?"
"It's charity requests, Jake. Hard luck cases." She must have seen my confusion. She took the top one. "This one is from the Church of Solitude asking for a donation to help them build a new temple. See? It's people trying to do things, usually good, asking for help because they don't have the money to do the things themselves."
"Okay, well. Uh..." I was in over my head.
"I just sorted these. I'll give them to Christophe and he can send them to the Cosworth Foundation."
I felt like an idiot, but I had to ask. "What's that?"
"It's your family's charitable fund."
"Oh."
"It's like a company in itself. It invests a portion of your money in different ventures, then distributes that money for charity."
Finally, something my money did that I felt good about! "That sounds pretty good."
She grinned at me. "It is. Your family gives a lot of money."
That sounded better and better. Finally something that wasn't stupid or useless.
"So should we give the, uh..." I looked back at the letter. "Church of Solitude...should we give them money?"
She shrugged. "As I said, you have a company that handles these requests. These people only sent it to you directly to go around the process."
"Oh."
"They're hoping you'll just transfer the credits without them having to apply and appeal."
"And that's bad?"
"Yes. You want to know that you're giving money to good people, after all. That's what your board does." She put that stack of mail to the side and moved on to the next. "This pile is invitations." It was, by far, the largest pile. "Most of these Christophe will not let you attend. Some of them are more for Ralph, Reginald, and Christophe. And some of these we really, really want to go to."
I had to smile. "We do, huh?"
She nodded. "Absolutely."
"Then we'll talk to Christophe."
She was unable to hide her excitement and carefully set the stack of invitations to the side. "This last pile, it's personal letters. I didn't read them. Well, I did a little, but only enough to figure out what they are," she said quickly.
"Go ahead and read them."
"But...they're your letters." She pushed the pile to me. There were only a dozen or so. "Honest, Jake. I didn't read most of them."
I picked the first one up. It started nice enough. "Dearest Jacob." I skimmed to the end to see who it was from. "Who's Jackie?"
"Your aunt. Or cousin. Cousin?" Lynette frowned and shook her head. "I don't know, really. It's hard to get my head around because here, you'd be almost ninety." She gave a laugh. "You're an old young man. It makes the family thing a little difficult."
"So some cousin. Or aunt."
"Yes. Let's see. I think she is your aunt's daughter. That would make her...cousin. That's it. She's your cousin."
A cousin. One I had never met. One that called me dearest. Oh boy.
"She wants to meet with you to fill you in on your family. Apparently she is very big in genealogy. That's tracing your roots."
I couldn't keep the smile on my face from spreading. Oh no, she hadn't read my mail. Not at all. "I know what genealogy is."
"Yes. Well it's a huge fad here, tracing roots and all. Every family seems to have one that's into it. Anyway, she wants to meet with you."
I thought it might be nice to meet with someone who actually didn't hate the very idea of me. "Sure."
Lynette nodded. "I thought that's what you'd say so I already accepted. She'll arrive the day after tomorrow."
I went to the next letter. "And this one?"
Lynette made a face. "That's from your business advisor."
"Not a nice guy?"
"Oh, I'm sure he's fine. But bo-ring. Here. Read it."
She was right. It was very dry and boring. He sounded just like a scientist. "And when should I meet with him?"
"Oh definitely before you meet your cousin."
"Why?"
"Well, she says that all she wants is to see you and fill you in, but that's never, ever all they want."
I felt my eyebrow go up and I leaned back on the couch. Lynette always had an amazing grasp of people. "No?"
"No way. You have to remember, Jake, that once your Dad went up to space, the Cosworth fortune was in a kind of limbo. There's a lot of extended family that you support. I bet they're worried you'll come in and take it all away."
"Why would I do that?"
She looked worried that she offended me. She didn't. I was just curious. "I don't think you will. But put yourself in their shoes. They don't know you from Adam."
Huh?
"They don't know you from a hole in the wall."
Okay. I guess?
She sighed at my confusion. "For all they know, you could be a jerk who's going to cut off all the freeloaders."
Ah. Got it. "I'm not going to take their money."
"It's not their money. Not one penny. They don't do anything at all to earn it."
"How do you know?"
She looked guilty.
"Lynette."
"Fine. After reading through the rest, cousins and second cousins and so and so who call themselves your family...well I went to Marlon and we kind of...well..."
"Lynette," I said again. "I won't be mad."
She didn't look sure. "We looked in your financial files."
"Okay."
She looked like she was waiting for me to go crazy. "Okay? That's it? That's all you're going to say?"
It made me laugh. "Yes, that's all."
"You aren't mad?"
"Why should I be?"
"Because finances are even more private than mail!"
I laughed harder. "Well you already read all that, too, so I guess it doesn't really matter."
Her face turned bright red. "I did not read..."
"What did you find in my financial files?" I didn't want her flustered. I wasn't trying to embarrass her.
"Your 'family' all draw money from your account."
I figured it was like Mabel. I explained it to Lynette, how Ralph's family got money from StarTech that Ralph would have earned if he had stayed. She did not agree.
"It's not from StarTech, for one. It's from your own accounts. Well, your father's, which have now all been put in your name."
That made me angry. Ridiculously so. "Why? He's still alive."
Lynette put her hands up. "I'm not saying any different. But in terms of banking, he's not here, you are. The wheels have to turn, Jake."
I have given it thought. I suppose she was right. Dad probably would never return to Earth. He had already made that clear. Still, next interview I did, I planned on announcing just how alive and well Dad was, for my own piece of mind if nothing else.
God I missed him. I really could have used his help just then.
"Fine," I said, not really caring who got what money. "So they get paid out of the family money."
"No. You're not understanding. The family members also get paid out of the Cosworth Foundation accounts, and get the stipend from StarTech, those that qualify, anyway."
They got paid three times. I began to see why they would worry. "I'll talk to the accounts guy tomorrow about it."
She nodded. It was exactly what she wanted. "So most of these are from your relatives. But there's one you might really be interested in." She dug it out of the pile and handed it to me. "It's from another cousin of yours, Alistair."
She was right. I was interested.
I read it twice. Something about the way it was written made me smile. It was very like Mother, in some ways. It felt almost familiar.
"Yes, definitely."
Lynette smiled. "I knew you'd want to meet him. He sounds icy, doesn't he?"
I rolled my eyes. "Now don't you start talking like that. I've had enough of that to last a lifetime!"
She ignored the interruption. "I told Christophe we must go see him. He's in Montana. We've been approved for a short trip, but Christophe will let us know when. Probably not for a month or so."
"Not until then?"
She shook her head. "Oh, no. You'll be way too busy before then."
She was right. Boy, was she ever right.
Chapter12
Jillian tugged the ridiculously frilly tie into the very center of my throat. She'd returned just a few days before, rested and looking fresh from her visit with her family and with what she called "a renewed sense of vigor for the duty at hand." I quickly learned that meant she had a fresh batch of torture clothes for me to prance around in.
"It would go a lot faster if you'd just hold still," she said, tugging once more on the scratchy thing around my throat.
"I really don't think I need a tie..."
Her thin eyebrows shot up. "Are you kidding me? You must be. Because the Jacob Cosworth I know would never been seen in an official capacity looking like a...a...vagabond!"
I actually thought I would, whatever a vagabond is. As long as he doesn't have to wear lace ties and hard, shiny shoes that pinch and bite.
"Are you certain this is the look we want to go for?" asked Christophe, walking into the room and shaking his head.
Exactly! I tugged on the tie, but Jillian batted my hand away and tightened it even further.
"He owns the school, Chris. He should look like he does."
"He funds it," he corrected. "And the goal of this tour is to maybe strike up some acquaintanceships with more people his own age." He didn't have to say I'd been failing on my own at the parties Lynette kept dragging me to.
Jillian gave a little laugh. "So you want him to go dressed as all the other children?" She shook her head. "Nope. The world expects more." She actually gave my cheek one of her annoying little pinches. "You're a Cosworth. And if your mother was here..."
"She'd be too busy in the lab to notice what I'm wearing at all."
There was laughter in Christophe's eyes, but no reprieve. In the end, he said Jillian was the expert and it was her call. However, after we left Jillian and were in the transport alone, Christophe removed his own tie and nodded for me to do the same. It was something. I also took the liberty of removing the painfully itchy suit jacket. There was nothing I could do about the shoes, or the hideous StartTech sash sewn into the dress shirt. But I supposed I couldn't have everything. It would have to do.
We pulled up in front of a very large building. I stared at the sign above the door. "Cosworth Technological High School". I had grown used to seeing my initials on things around the mansion. In spite of my continued protests, someone kept lettering the towels, dishes, terminal towers... I'd pretty much given up that fight. It was one I was obviously not going to win.
I just couldn't get over seeing my name on buildings, though. My family's money built this school and kept it running. Inside were a fleet of HuTAs and nearly one hundred humans who all relied on the income from my credits to keep it all running, to teach nearly two thousand students. It was overwhelming. As we sat and stared at the building, the heavy burden of responsibility was almost enough to make me think like Jillian and put the damn tie and coat back on.
Almost.
I turned to tell Lynette just that when I remember she was at the manor resting. We had a party the night before and she had fun. "A little too much fun," as Christophe put it when we stumbled in very late. Well, Lynette stumbled. I was fine. I tried to keep her walking straight as quietly as possible. Christophe and Ralph had both been waiting up for us. It was long past the time we were supposed to get home and it was obvious they were worried...right up until the point where they smelled the liquor on Lynette's breath. Then the worry was gone to be replaced with outright anger.
Christophe dragged Lynette up the stairs. He didn't yell simply because he's Christophe and he didn't have to. Even drunk she knew she was in hot water. Ralph forced my mouth open and took a sniff.
I pulled away. "I didn't drink anything."
He poked me in the chest. "I don't care about that nearly as much as I care about you letting her get that way. Damn it, Jake! When you escort a lady out..."
I had to laugh. "She escorted me. I didn't even want to go to this party!"
He opened his mouth, then closed it again. He stared at me for a minute. He was trying to stay angry. I can always tell when he feels like he should be angry with something just because he's my guardian, even if he wouldn't give it another thought if he wasn't. "Look, kid. You're getting older and you really should learn how to treat a lady, even if she escorted you somewhere."
"She's older. She's wiser. It was her damn party, Ralph!" I knew what he was trying to say, but the facts were the facts. The plain and painful fact was that I was just a ticket into the door. It wasn't the first party Lynette went wild at. It was quickly becoming an uncomfortable habit for her to walk with me through the door, then ditch me until the end where she needed me to get her home in one piece. The night before was only the first time we got caught.
Ralph knew I was right. In hindsight, I think he knew about the other parties, too. Maybe he was just hoping she'd get it out of her system or get bored with it all. He lectured a little longer, but all the steam was gone. In the end, he told me I needed to stop taking her to the parties in the first place and sent me to bed. Christophe had dished out a punishment for Lynette, though he would not say what. She was in a world of misery that morning, both from the hangover and Christophe's censure, so I didn't want to make it worse by pestering her with questions. Whatever else the punishment entailed, it was made very clear that she was not to leave the house for days. That meant a solo trip for me to the place where I needed Lynette the most.
"Mr. Cosworth!" A short man in a bright green suit came running down the stairs towards us. He reminded me of Little Blob the way he moved and I bit my lip to keep from laughing at the comparison. Christophe nudged me and I stuck my hand out. He grabbed it and shook. And shook. And babbled. And shook.
"Nice to meet you, nice to meet you! I must say in person you could pass for any one of my students! Er, your students, I should say. Nice to meet you indeed! No doubt you've figured out that I'm Franklin Kindle, lead professor of the sciences here at Cosworth Tech." And shake. And shake.
Christophe stuck his own hand out. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Kindle."
"And Christophe Venderi himself in our midst!" He almost looked more impressed with that fact. He changed from my hand to Christophe's and rambled as he tried to pump the life out of him as well.
"I cannot tell you what a boon this visit of yours is to our little bastion of academia. Of all of the schools in the StarTech system, to visit one so small...well, I don't think I need to say what that will do for the morale of the staff and students! I've said for years we've got a top notch program, top notch. In spite of the..."
"Mr. Kindle, it seems as if we're drawing a crowd out here."
Press had parked behind our transport. I was getting used to the oppressive constant followers, the shouted questions, the endless flashing clicks.
"Oh yes, I see!" The man kept Christophe's hand in a firm grip and posed for photos.
Christophe told me later not to be annoyed about it. "He's a small man in a large school system that doesn't have enough advertisers."
"I thought I funded it?"
"Mostly. But you couldn't possibly fund the entire thing."
"I couldn't?"
"Good gracious no!" He actually let out a rare laugh. "Not when you've got fifty three others you also have to fund."
"Oh." Why didn't I just give up a couple? Put that money into the others...
"Because if you do that, then the communities in which you closed schools would have no schools. You can't fund the world, Jacob. You must do what you can. It is up to the school to raise the rest of the funds. A few pictures with you, with me, will certainly draw advertising money."
Christophe took the pictures. He gave me a nod to do the same. When the shouted questions began in earnest, he gently tugged on Kindle's elbow and we started walking into the building.
The first thing I noticed was the silence. "We're during sessions," he explained.
"I expected to hear HuTA's." We stopped in front of a large window into a classroom. There were easily fifty students in there, with an almost human HuTA at the front of the room. He was making motions, pointing to a map, but there was no sound at all.
"The latest, the very latest!" Obviously Kindle was proud of the silence. "Each student has a headset." I looked closer and saw a thin band on each head. "The sound goes directly to the student. It keeps the order, keeps things quiet, promotes self learning."
"What are they studying?"
He looked at the door. "One twelve is geography."
"Ah."
"Shall we get to the labs?"
I didn't mind leaving the scene. It was creepy. And it was played out again and again as we passed classroom after classroom. A large window looked into a silent world of students allegedly learning. They sat still. They sat numb. They could have been all bots for all the life they looked like they had. "Yes. Let's see the labs."
As we approached the lab wing, I was relieved to hear noises. Voices. Teaching. "It does get a bit loud down here at times." He was apologizing for something that needed no apology.
"I like the sounds," I said.
Kindle gave me a weird look, but said nothing. We stopped in front of a classroom. This one had about half the students of the others and they were at different science stations around the room. The teacher was walking around talking. I could tell immediately it was a human teacher.
"Why no HuTA?"
"It was outlawed years ago to have a HuTA in certain educational positions, experimental labs being number one."
What an interesting law. "Why?"
"A bot's good at instilling knowledge, but they don't think on their feet fast enough. There's just no way to possibly program in every potential human error. And if there's one thing that teenagers are good at, it's error!" He laughed. Christophe gave a polite laugh.
"So it's a safety measure?"
"Absolutely. As inefficient as human educators are, we are adept at seeing the look in a child's eye and catching them before the bad idea manifests." He made a motion with his hand. "We nip it in the bud. You just can't teach a bot to do that."
"What are they learning here?"
He didn't have to look at the door. This was his department, after all. "Chemistry level two. I believe this unit is on the basics of the laser propulsion units."
"Like the ones from our ships?"
He laughed. "Oh, good heavens no! Nothing that fancy. It's just level two, after all. No, this would be on small, personal use scale. Personal electricity units, the small motors that power the drives in terminals and appliances, that kind of thing."
"And that's considered chemistry? I would have thought it would be propulsions."
He seemed defensive. Christophe said later it's because I'm his boss and he felt like I was questioning the way he was running his business. I wasn't trying to. Christophe just told me to watch how I ask questions in the future.
"Yes, the basics at least. It is a chemical compound through laser receptor."
"Can we go in? I'd like to listen to what they are saying." He nodded and showed us in. We stood quietly in the back of the room.
"And what is it we get when we combine these two seemingly latent chemicals?" the teacher was asking his class. They were staring at me. The instructor turned and gave me a look...was it anger? Annoyance? "Ah, I see that Mr. Cosworth has arrived for his tour," the teacher said. "Welcome to our class."
"Thanks. Please continue your lesson."
"Maybe you can help us, Mr. Cosworth. We were just discussing the result of combining two inert chemicals under the conditions of extreme heat and an electrical catalyst. Perhaps you can tell us what the resulting process is called."
Simple. "Fusion."
One of the kids snickered. Another rolled his eyes. "Settle down," he told his class. "Yes, it would be fusion if we hadn't already advanced past the twenty first century."
"Jack!" Kindle hissed.
My face turned red. The teacher gave a wry smile. He was enjoying my embarrassment, I was sure of it.
"You'll have to pardon my young ward," said Christophe. "His education is based in experience, not in books." Score one for Christophe!
A kid in the class said, "Oooh he flamed you, Teach!" Another laughed. One girl made a face. She was clearly a fan of her teacher.
"Yes. Well, while he was playing around in space, we've managed to come out of the dark ages. It's called advanced compound fusion, Mr. Cosworth. Perhaps you should take a few lessons. I'm sure we could make room for you here."
I don't know what I did to offend the man. Christophe assured me it was just how he was determined to be. "He's one of those types who went into teaching to make a difference and became jaded by the system. It's not you, Jacob."
It was me. No matter what Christophe says, it was me. He may have been the only teacher to say anything offensive to my face, but he wasn't alone in his thoughts. They resented me.
"Is it because I'm young?"
"Partly. Mostly because you're you. Mostly because you've done all they could just teach."
It's stupid. I can't help who I am or how I was raised.
Mr. Kindle apologized up and down. He assured me that Jack would face censure for his rudeness. I told him to forget it. I wasn't about to give him a legitimate reason to hate me.
We entered a large room. "This is our cafeteria." Again it was staffed by humans, though bots were wiping down the tables. "Again, a place where robotics are outlawed." Apparently they couldn't train or program bots to tell when food was "smelling off" without the great cost of biochemistry processors. "We can have them test for bacteria and decomposition, but the time and cost involved simply don't make that viable. Besides, I've got a bot at home that 'cooks', and I'd rather eat cafeteria food any day of the week!"
Christophe gave a chuckle. "Yes, a lack of taste buds certainly leads to an interesting meal."
"I have arranged for us to take a private lunch in my offices..."
"Why?" The food in the cafeteria smelled good and I suddenly remembered that I got up too late to eat breakfast.
"Well, I... I didn't think you'd want to eat with...here...and..."
Christophe held up a hand. "I'm certain the food here is as good as the education. Besides, it will be an experience for Jacob to eat with other students his own age. Perhaps he can get a feel for what they like and dislike about the school?" As he spoke, he smoothly guided Kindle to the start of a line. In seconds he had a tray in Kindle's hands and had Kindle approving wholeheartedly. I wished I could do what Christophe did with people. I wished I could assess and adapt, blend, be accepted. It truly is a rare talent.
"Oh! I hadn't thought of it like that! Of course Mr. Cosworth should get the full experience of life here for the students at Cosworth Tech. Excellent idea!"
Kids were lining up behind us. I hadn't heard them enter, but I felt their presence and turned around to greet them. I got everything from polite but distant nods to flat out gawking. I turned and followed Christophe's lead in getting my lunch. One of the ladies behind the food counter reminded me so much of Daniel back on the Condor that I stopped to talk to her. "And what are we having today?" It was the game I always played with Daniel, and it worked with her.
"Just a little chicken and potatoes." She gave me a smile. "You enjoy that now, Mr. Cosworth."
"It looks so fantastic that I'm sure I will. You have a good day!"
She beamed. "Why thank you! You have yourself a fine one as well." As I was walking down the row to the next person, I heard her whisper to her coworker. They both gave me smiles they meant, not just fake ones people put on for the boss.
Christophe paid for the food and then we stood looking out across the communal tables that were starting to fill up. "I shall sit and speak with Mr. Kindle about a few policy items I've observed. Why don't you head over there and sit with some of the students?"
I looked the group and sighed. First contact on their home world. Christophe gave me "that look" and I took a deep breath. There would be no getting out of it. I walked over and waited for an invitation to sit. They ignored me. I cleared my throat and asked if they minded if I had a seat.
They knew they had to let me sit down. I felt it in their looks to each other. They knew they could not say no, because of who I was. One looked at me for a minute before scooting over. "Fine," she said. It was as much of a welcome as I suppose I could have hoped for. I sat. And then we all just...sat.
"How rich are you?" the one-girl welcoming committee blurted out.
"Uh, I don't know. My accountants take care of that."
Someone scoffed. "You have accountants?"
"My dad's. I didn't have anything to do with it."
"Poor little rich boy," said a boy with a sneer. He had purple hair with blue tips and a shiny orb stuck in his ear.
"Cut it out, Scruff," said the girl. "He can't pick any more than you could."
The boy got mad. "Why are you defending him, Jas? Did he already buy you, too?"
The girl threw her fork to her tray. "Why you little..."
"I didn't mean to cause a fight between friends," I said quickly. "If my presence is offensive, I'll leave."
The girl named Jas scoffed. "Don't worry about it, Cosworth. Scruff's no friend of mine."
The boy looked very hurt for a split second before that changed to anger. I felt for him. He pushed back and stormed away from the table.
"He's always got an attitude. Don't pay attention to him," said another one of the kids.
"Why are you here?" Jas demanded in a snotty voice. Now that she accomplished her mission in making Scruff angry, she was turning it on me.
I thought of lying, but decided this group would see right through it. "Because my handlers in StarTech thought I should see what normal kids my age are like."
Jas snorted and a few other kids at the table laughed. It was better than I could have expected and I picked up a fork and tried the meal.
"I can't believe someone with all your loot's eating that slop," said Jas. She was giving a half smile, so I didn't think she was mad. I think she was just one of those people who project a hardness no matter what they're really thinking or feeling.
I took a bite. It was actually pretty good. It reminded me of Daniel's cooking. "It's not bad."
"Of course he likes it," said a boy at the table. "He grew up eating compost mash."
"Composite protein mash," I corrected.
"What's it taste like?"
"CPM? I don't know. Proteins. And mash." I laughed. "I guess I never thought of how to describe it."
Another girl made a face. "Sounds gross."
I shrugged. "It's what I knew."
Jas sniffed the food on her fork then shoved her tray away. "Bet you're glad to be getting real food now, huh?"
"That was real food. Just different." I took another scoop of what the woman said was potatoes. It had almost no flavor at all, just how I liked it.
"You really were in space, weren't you?"
I sighed. "No. I've managed to lie to billions of people for weeks now with a straight face. Honestly, I'm pathological. Someone stop me. Quick."
The boy laughed. Even Jas gave a half smile. "I guess you're pretty sick of hearing that."
I smiled, feeling like maybe I was getting the hang of things. They laughed at my joke. It was a start. "Just a little."
"You can't blame people for asking."
"I don't. But I have to admit that it gets old when they don't accept an answer the first time and repeat it over and over instead of moving on and asking something different."
"Like what kinds of aliens there are." It was a statement, not a question. I stared at Jas for a minute before answering.
"I've been asked that."
"But you've never answered."
I picked up my fork and started eating again.
"Why don't you answer that one? You said there are aliens."
"I think you should drop it, Jas," said one of the other girls.
Jas scoffed. "Why? He said he wants people to ask different questions. I'm asking a different question."
"He obviously doesn't want to talk about it."
"Why? What's the matter, Cosworth? What is it you're afraid of by answering?" She made a grunt. "I bet they're monsters and he's setting us all up to be harvested!"
It was so absurd to me that I started to laugh. "I can assure you that no other tribe we've met has any plans on 'harvesting' humanity."
"Fine. Then taking our planet for their own."
"Or using our resources," another kid added.
"Or escaping from their own disasters," said one more.
The thoughts tumbled from them at once. And then, they just waited. Hope in some eyes, fear in others. I wiped my mouth, trying to think of the best way to answer them. "Beyond this solar system is a galaxy. The galaxy is filled with stars, some large, some small, that feed the other millions of solar systems like this one. Beyond that galaxy is another galaxy, and another and another. Earth is not unique. Earth is not special. There is nothing here that anyone would travel billions of light years to take. Or eat. Or steal. Or control."
The silence in the cafeteria was deafening. They couldn't believe what I just said. "That's an awful thing to say," Jas said after long, uncomfortable moments.
Her contradictions made me laugh. I was the only one laughing, though. "You've got to be kidding me! I just told you that there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of from other tribes and why. I'm telling you to relax and enjoy contact, not fear it."
I felt Christophe's hand on my shoulder. "Are you almost through, Jacob? We've got a busy day ahead of us."
"Just a minute," I said, shaking his hand loose.
"Run away, space boy," Jas sneered.
"Why are you angry?" It made no sense to me. I offended them, Christophe assured me later. Well no kidding, but why? I just said the truth, and I said it because they were needlessly scared. Wasn't that the entire problem StarTech faced? The only way to ease fears was education. If people knew the facts, then they could see there was no need for worry.
Right?
"Go back to your other planets if they're so much better than Earth," Jas replied. "We didn't ask you to come back here anyway."
I looked around the table. Though some glared like Jas, most looked suddenly fascinated by their plates and put their heads down to study the diversion. One kid flicked me a quick smile before looking away. "So none of you really want to hear the truth, is that is? You want me to lie to you? Fine. This is the most amazing planet I have ever seen in my life. Please be racist and exclusionary so that the people of this obviously perfect rock never learn, expand, or grow." I stood up and grabbed my tray. "You know why no one would ever invade this place? Because they'd have to deal with all of your bull if they did!"
I pushed past Christophe and threw the tray into the bin with the other dirty trays. "Can we complete the tour now, Mr. Kindle?"
By the time we had returned to my estate, it had been decided that I needed a break from people my age. All the adults who handled me agreed. I think it wasn't so much the outburst as the spin the media put on it.
Ralph shook his head. "I told them it was a mistake to take you there. Kids are little a-holes."
"I'm sorry," said Lynette. Again. She felt horrible for not being there with me.
"Don't be." I oddly felt good about it all. I got to say exactly what I thought. And in spite of Reginald's barely patient holo to me earlier on how to repair the damage, I decided not to feel bad about it.
"I told you to wear the tie," Jillian admonished for the umpteenth time. She was furious when she saw the press footage from the front of the school.
"A tie wouldn't have made one bit of difference," said Christophe, not even glancing up from his holo. "The entire place was set against him from the moment we walked in. I made a bad call going there."
"When the spotlight turns off the truth comes out." It was something Colson said to me after our second interview, after he goaded me into heated but truthful words once again. He probably loved my outburst at the school. It was something he'd definitely think was "icy".
Take away the distraction of the lights and cameras and questions, and I was just a kid. Put me in a school, and I was surrounded by other kids. There was no place to hide, no people to hide behind. I failed some test. I could see it in the adults' eyes. I could see it in Lynette's face. I failed.
As far as fitting in, kid to kid, it was clear that I had nothing in common with them, nothing at all. I toured the school the rest of the day. I heard the talking in the hall, the things they concentrated on. While a lot of it went over my head, I picked up enough to walk away jaded. Hair color. Parties. Telescreen stars and recording artists. That's what they cared about. Hollow, shallow, silly things.
"They're only kids, Jake," Lynette had said when she ran out of legitimate excuses for them.
They were of a different society than I was. I understand now what Lynette meant. I even agree. It wasn't their fault that to me, their long talks about hair and nails and jewelry and transports and who-said-what-about-who seemed shallow. In fact, I think I was really the one with the problem. They were a product of their culture. They could be shallow while young...Lynette was right. They were only kids! They had eighty years or better still ahead of them. They had the luxury of a long life in a safe environment. They had the time to worry about silly little things before they put it aside and had a long life of work and family and bills and all the pressures and responsibilities of being an adult. I had the problem, not them.
Just like them, though, I was also a product of my environment. I was raised in a place where clothes didn't matter, life support systems did. I was raised in a ship where people didn't care about jewelry because the extra weight of one gem took so much math and planning to account for that it just wasn't worth it to own pretty things. My most significant contact with a society was with one that was so short lived that if I was actually a member during my time there, then I would have been old enough to be considered for the elder council.
I didn't hate the kids at school. I was frustrated at not being able to adapt, to fit in. We were products of our own environments. I get that now. Then? I'll admit it took a lot of thought to get around to that peace. I will fully admit that I was in a deep teenage funk that night. I felt isolated and alone, and it was made worse by the looks from the adults. They made it clear that the failure was mine, and they never even had to say it out loud.
I wasn't sorry I said what I did. I wasn't even that sorry the news got it all wrong. I was sorry that once again, I let them down. And at the time, I didn't even know how. Plans were made to try and get me to be accepted through other means. More parties, but different ones. Afternoon teas with the rich instead of night time bashes with the famous. I was going to attend "grand openings", even though I had no clue what those were. If I couldn't fit in with the average kid, then they were going to try and force me to fit in with my wealthy "peers".
I felt defeated but determined. I hated feeling like a failure at every turn. At times, I truly felt like Reginald, Ralph, and Christophe thought I was intentionally sabotaging things. I wasn't, and even looking back with everything that I've learned since, I can still honestly say that I never, never intentionally chose to buck the system. Not at that point. At that point, I would have spent every credit in that huge and useless bank account to have someone give me the magic key to making myself accepted and liked.
I did what they said. I did every single thing they told me to. Well, except the stupid ties and bows. I still took them off any chance I got. I went to the boring luncheons. I attended "garden teas" that really took place in digital gardens so really should have been called "large screen display teas". I "schmoozed", as Ralph called it, to the best of my ability. No matter how hard I tried, I felt the people of Earth continue to elude my understanding. The harder I tried, the further outside I felt. The frustration built and built. And there wasn't a thing I could do about it, because the next day, I just had to get up and try again.
Chapter13
It was a long few months before I finally got to meet Alistair. Reginald and Christophe kept pushing it off and pushing it off until I snapped one day and refused to go to an interview. I guess I could only be pushed so far before I needed a break. So I was finally allowed to travel to the wilds of Montana and meet my Mother's nephew she never knew.
I looked at the old man. His eyes were sharp blue, like Mother's. His hair, what was left of it, was undyed. Natural, unlike nearly everyone else I met. His face was wrinkled. Lynette said later he was "one of those naturalists"...people who refused the cosmetic lifts and tucks to look younger. He was slightly stooped, and walked with a small shuffle. And he just stood and stared at me.
I wondered if he saw Mother in me, as I saw her in him. He never met her. It made me wonder about my uncle. Had he been very much like Mother, too?
Alistair stared for what felt like hours before sighing heavily and swearing. I was surprised and more than a little amused. "You really have only aged sixteen years." His eyes were twinkling with smile in spite of the words.
His good humor was infectious and I already felt myself start to finally unwind. "And you have aged just a little more."
He broke out into a wide grin. "You noticed, eh? I had hoped to fool you into truly believing we're contemporaries!"
I had to laugh. I liked Alistair immediately. He welcomed us into his small but nice home. Everything was made of wood, and I couldn't help but think how jealous Reginald would be to see it. Ralph, Lynette, and Marlon accompanied me on the trip. It was a breath of freedom I needed. It felt like everyone wanted something from me at every moment of the day, with Christophe and Reginald controlling my every minute. It wasn't that different from Mother and Dad. But at least there had been escape with them. There was always Laak'sa. There was Little Blob. There was Ashnahta. Even when I wasn't physically with them, they were always there. My internal escape.
I really, really needed an escape.
Maybe Christophe sensed that. He backed out of the trip at the last minute. He said they had an important IOC debriefing. "Give our apologies to your family," he had said.
Alistair had coffee and cookies waiting for us. There was an older woman who he introduced as Gladys. I don't believe she was his wife. I think she was his server. A real person as a server, not a bot. She said nothing. She gave us all cups of coffee and then left the room.
Alistair couldn't stop looking at me. "I'm sure you've gotten this from all of your father's family, but your resemblance to him is absolutely striking." He nodded to the fireplace. On a shelf above it was a familiar picture, the wedding picture of Mother and Dad. "I see more of him in you than Auntie Eunice."
Maybe it was the picture that made me suddenly ache. Maybe it was being in a home, a comfortable, friendly home. I had to bite back the lump in my throat.
"I cannot get over it." He shook his head again. "And you, looking almost as if you were in that wedding party just yesterday!" he said to Ralph. "What my father would say. Oh, what he would say!"
"I remember Charles," Ralph said. "I don't know that he'd be very pleased to see me looking so young."
"Yes. He was a rather hard man," Alistair admitted. "I never understood why he felt such animosity to you."
Ralph gave an evil little grin. "He was Eunice's younger brother, Alistair. He was a tag along. He followed us everywhere, and I mean everywhere."
Alistair snorted. "He could be a little clingy."
Ralph roared. "The understatement of the century!"
"Taught him a lesson, did you?"
"Did it stick?"
Alistair shook his head and sighed. "Not one little bit. Always tagged along." His smile softened with the memories of his father. "Ah, but it made him lovable. Took the edge off the cold science side of him."
"It did at that," Ralph agreed, but I think he only agreed to please Alistair.
"So there really are different races of people out there, aren't there?"
The question came completely out of the blue. I looked to Ralph, then got angry at myself. Was I really turning into that? Relying on answers from other people? I felt disgusted. Yes, that's exactly what I was turning into. I answered without Ralph's approval because I had to. For me, I had to. "Yes. There are. Many."
"I knew it. And what is it like? What is it like to stand there and look upon a new race and be the first human to interact and..." He broke off. "Sorry. I suppose you could say I've given this a bit of thought. You don't have to answer."
"I will," I said quickly. "I just...I don't know how to answer. You have to remember, I don't know anything else. Every week, or month, or year we'd be somewhere different. We'd be on a planet or an asteroid and it was always new. And if it's always new, it's never really new." I laughed at myself. "Does that make any sense?"
"Yes. Yes it does." Alistair was sitting forward, his face looking younger with his excitement. "If you're always doing something different, it's the same."
"Exactly!" He understood. Someone finally understood. "So yes, we met new tribes. But Ralph would be better able to tell you what it was like to 'discover'. To me it wasn't discovery at all. It was just life. One day here, next day there. One species here, next over there."
Alistair sighed, smiling, and sat back, folding his hands over his stomach. "How amazingly wonderful!"
"It was."
"You miss it, then?"
Too much to admit. So much that if I began to tell Alistair, this friend, this real, true friend just how much, I wouldn't be able to keep control.
But he didn't need my answer. He knew it. He changed the subject. "Tell me what is the hardest part of being on Earth."
"It's heavy."
Ralph snorted. "Amen to that!"
"And it smells. Terrible."
Alistair quirked an eyebrow. "I never noticed."
"And it's loud. And there's always, always someone telling me what to do and say."
"You look very good on the set," he said, nodding his head to his large telescreen.
"I look like a painted up puppet," I said flatly. He did not deny it. "I do what I have to do."
"And that is?"
"Jake, we don't want to bore your cousin..." Ralph was trying to lead me away from a danger topic. It made me want to talk about I all the more.
"And that is to gain the acceptance StarTech needs to gain the IOC's permission for interstellar breeding."
"Paving the way for galactic expansion?" I nodded, and he whistled. "Tall order from one so young."
"Not that young. I'm as old as you are," I reminded him with a laugh.
"Touche."
"All this talk about StarTech business...I thought we were here to get away from all that, Jake."
Lynette suddenly agreed with Ralph. "Why don't you ask questions about your family? You must have a lot." I felt like she was a traitor. She and Ralph both. Marlon would be no help to either side. His head was bent to his holo since the trip began.
And then it happened. I looked at Alistair and I knew I could inspeak with him. The thought popped into my head out of nowhere and I instantly shook it off, passing it off for tiredness or just a misread because of the sense of familiarity I had around him. After the second wave of inner feeling coming from his direction washed over me, I looked at him carefully. Was it really possible?
My eyes went wide.
My heart raced with excitement. Alistair gave a tiny nod and a quick wink. It was real! I hadn't imagined it, he could inspeak. And he expected me to play the game, to ignore my discovery. He wanted me to sit there and pretend nothing monumental had just happened. He could feel my inner struggle and gave me a serious look. I willed my heart to calm down and took a deep breath. Play the game. Fine. I would prove I could. I asked about my family, not caring one bit what would be said after that. I just wanted to do whatever it took to wrap things up and get the others to go away.
We talked about family. We walked around outside. He had a beautiful estate at the base of a mountain. We saw animals and breathed in fresh air, that still stinks in my opinion, and ate dinner out on a wooden table on a wooden platform looking over the, well, woods.
And even though outside I was calm, cool, and, well, boring, inside I was racing. I kept trying. I kept trying to do it again. I kept trying to inspeak. I felt it, the internal closed door. He was intentionally keeping me from reaching him. And that thrilled me more than anything. It meant he knew what he was doing, that it wasn't some accident or an unconscious quirk.
Not long after dinner, Lynette said she was tired. Marlon hadn't said one rude comment in days, so I knew he was wiped as well. Ralph looked old and weary. As soon as the conversation started to peter out, I seized the opportunity.
"Why don't you all head to bed?" I suggested.
"Yes. The rooms are ready. Please, don't keep yourselves awake on my account," Alistair urged. For all his calm exterior, it was clear he wanted to talk to away from the others as badly as I did.
Lynette put up a little argument because it was early still and she didn't want to seem rude, but she made the argument as she was rising and heading towards the stairs. Marlon said, "Night," and took off without even looking up from his holo. Ralph didn't want to go. I silently begged him. After a moment he sighed. "Fine. But you get to bed soon, Jake. You've been stressed this week. You need your rest. Alistair?"
"I won't keep him up late," he promised.
Ralph gave me a warning look. It said, "So help me god, if you dare talk about things you know damn well you're not supposed to, you'll never walk straight again." With just one look.
"I'll be up soon," I promised. It was my way of saying, "Yeah, jeez, cut me a little slack, would you? I'm not a moron."
He nodded. He understood our code.
Alistair watched him climb the stairs, then waited until he heard the door close somewhere above before he began speaking. He didn't speak, though.
"It is a trick no one understands," he said aloud, looking very pleased with himself. "It's been a secret passion of mine for years, since I was a child. It is my conclusion that what we refer to here on Earth as 'telepathy' is actually an evolutionary advancement."
I was shocked. "Other people here can inspeak?"
"That's what you call it?"
"That's the translation. Uh, from Qitani."
He looked at me a moment. "The green people."
I never even felt his search. It made me uncomfortable that he could so easily tap in. The discomfort was replaced by the cold feeling of what I think of as the internal door.
"I did not mean to pry." He looked embarrassed. "It's habit, you see."
"It's...okay."
"No, it's not. It's one of my firm rules, and I'm sorry I broke it." He shifted. "My father, he could do the same. It got me thinking at an early age that perhaps it had something to do with genetics. And indeed, it does, though I'm just short of finding the direct gene. It's in families. And it's a talent that's especially prevalent in strains of the population that possess a higher than average IQ."
An evolutionary advancement with genetic ties. I was stunned. "I wonder what Mother would say about it all."
He quirked an eyebrow. "Actually, I've always wondered...since my father was proficient in telepathy, perhaps Auntie Eunice..."
I shook my head before he could even finish. "No. She can't."
He frowned. "Are you quite sure? Because there is a difference between can't and won't. Remember, Jacob, that the scientific method requires a large pool, if you will, of subjects to study. Is it that she could not? Or is it possible that she was too much of a true scientist to admit to something that could not be proven?"
I sat back. I had heard the expression "blowing one's mind". I could say that for the first time ever, I felt like my mind was blown. Maybe Mother could. Maybe she could all along, but simply had no way proving it to her own satisfaction. It would have explained so much. It would have explained why Mother questioned me so intensely about inspeaking, why it was constantly an issue with her. It would have explained why she pressed Morhal about that subject more than any other.
It was bad science, and surely Mother would have been livid with me for basing my belief on nothing more than sketchy evidence at best. But as I sat there mulling it over, I became convinced that she could do it. All that time, Mother could inspeak. She just didn't believe she could prove it. She was so set in her ways that she couldn't admit it, refused to try something fanciful.
It fit. It fit everything. A genetic leap, an evolutionary advance, the next level of humanity.
No. The next level of universal evolution. Two hands, two legs, two eyes...evolving to a level where we could incorporate the rest of our brains for use, open up. I sat there quietly thinking about it for awhile, then decided to share my thought. I opened myself suddenly, letting my brain communicate all the things that wanted to rush out at once.
Alistair looked at me. He
accepted it. He took it all in. I could feel his triumph, what he
thought was proof of evolution. I could feel his frustration, his
annoyance at Mother's lack of understanding or daring or really a
mix of both.
His whole being felt like
it was sighing.
"Since I jumped, I've felt nothing," I said quietly. "I think it might have something to do with time."
"Hell, it could be about dimensions we don't yet understand." His scientific mind was racing down the paths of possibilities, and he sat rubbing his chin for a minute. "Was it believed that you would be able to?"
I shook my head. "As I
said, inspeaking was accepted by the Qitani. Most on the Condor
never even knew I could do it."
Alistair sighed heavily. "Auntie Eunice sounds more and more like my father the more I hear about her!" He was giving me a wry smile. "Hard to grow up under that kind of shadow, wasn't it?" He waved a hand before I could continue. "We're getting off track. I find it fascinating that you can't reach them."
"I think it makes sense. I didn't just jump into a different place from them, I jumped..."
"Into a different time!" he said, smacking his forehead. "I should have thought of that. Never get old, Jake." He wiggled his finger toward his head. "Addles the brain."
I smiled. "I'll just have to keep jumping then and maintain my youth."
"Maybe I should 'jump' and regain some of mine!" Alistair laughed and reclined back in his chair. After a few moments of comfortable silence, each of us processing our own thoughts, he sighed. "It's truly a shame we can't reach out to Auntie Eunice with our minds. I suppose we'll just have to settle for the data she sends. Maybe next time you send her a message you could mention me?"
What was he talking about? "Next time?"
"Yes." He looked as confused as I felt. "Wait. You mean you haven't spoken with her?"
I shook my head. "No. How could I?"
He slowly sat forward in his chair. "Jacob, StarTech has been receiving data from the Condor for weeks."
"What...how would you...."
I couldn't make any sense of it.
His eyes went wide as soon as I thought of it. He searched for a millisecond...the other great benefit of inspeaking. A rush of data, a clear picture, an overall concept conveyed in unimaginable swiftness. It was so much faster than actually speaking.
He pushed off his chair and moved with surprising speed for an old guy. I followed him down a hall, then he opened a door and we started down a long stair case. He told the lights to turn on as we went. Halfway down he started to grunt with pain. "Bad hip," he said. He didn't slow down, though. His excitement was beyond the pain. I knew the look. Mother's look of discovery. I could do nothing but follow.
I was not expecting we'd end up where we did.
Under Alistair's old log cabin was a lab. An enormous, fully equipped lab that grew in front of my eyes as he turned on row after row of lights, down a corridor of science that seemed to have no end. My confusion was overwhelming. "A lab?" I squeaked.
"Come on," he said, hurrying forwards as fast as his bad hip would allow.
My mind was struggling to take it all in. "But...but...Lynette said you're a naturalist..." I stammered.
He snorted. "If she meant that as an insult, I'm not the least bit offended. I'm a naturalist, in the sense that I believe people and not incompetent bots should run the world. I like to know that my maid tasted the meal she's putting in front of me and is sure the meat isn't just a bit off. I like to rest in the comfort of security that comes from knowing that in an emergency, I have a staff and lab filled with people, people who can think on their feet, people who can act in the moment, with none of the moors and trappings of programming." He was walking forward as he spoke, hurrying us past terminals, work stations, and experiments that appeared to be very much in use.
I could not wrap my head around what I was seeing. It was so different from the home above that it was as if I stepped through the fah'ti itself into a whole new world. "This place is huge."
"Yes. My father started it. We operate...well, I shall not say 'under the radar' so much as...away from the confines of the red tape of governmental oversight."
A secret lab. In all my life I had never met someone I truly wanted to be like when I got older. Not until that moment. Oh, don't get me wrong. Dad was great, and I hoped to be like him in many ways. I even hoped I could aspire towards some of Mother's traits. But Alistair had a secret lab. There's just not topping that.
"What do you do down here?"
He stopped and said with all seriousness, "If I tell you, I'd have to kill you."
He said it so seriously, and the night had already been so surreal that I took a step back.
He laughed. "Your face! It's a joke, down here on this rock. A joke, boy. How about you just assume we do a lot of work, and let's leave out the specifics, shall we?" He walked past a few more desks before ordering the terminal into service. He pulled up a chair for me. "Now, forgive me for fumbling around here. It's been a little while since I've done this myself, you see. The blessing of having employees is that they do all the work for you. The curse is that they do all the work for you." He cracked his knuckles and then attacked the keys.
I sat down and watched him. As it did with Mother, the excitement of an idea stripped years away from this man who is supposed to be my age.
"What...is it okay if I ask what you're doing?"
"Accessing the fah'ti, of course." He pronounced it correctly. One of the beauties of inspeaking was the direct connection. He didn't have to fumble, because his brain only heard it one way, the right way. "We picked it up on the ST wire months ago. But they're very, very good at hiding what they don't want other people to know."
I got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. "You're prying around in StarTech?"
"Absolutely." He typed a few more keys, then stopped and looked at me. "Jacob, why shouldn't I? They do the same right back to me."
"They...do?" My discomfort grew.
"Of course! It's how all this works. They even know that I know what they know."
"They do?" I felt like an idiot for repeating the same thing. I just had no idea what else to say.
"You really are innocent, aren't you?" He was giving me an almost patronizing smile. I tried to be mad, but he was right. "And they are clearly fine with it all, since they allowed you to visit me in spite of my prying."
"But..."
"Jacob, if you do not feel comfortable tapping into your employee account and monitoring the now active fah'ti, well, I suppose I'd understand..."
He knew what he was doing. Looking back, I can see just how easily he set me up. In the moment, that one word was all I could think about. "It really is active?" My heart began to race with excitement, with anger, with panic, all jumbled together. "Reginald promised he'd tell me..."
Alistair sighed. "I'm sorry if you believed him. Personally I don't trust the twerp farther than I can throw him."
It wasn't so much hearing
that Reginald lied that bothered me. It was the fact that I didn't
know when the fah'ti was active. I didn't
It was on. And I had nothing. The thought was terrifying.
"I need a pass code from you," Alistair said, holding out his hand.
Instinctively I grabbed for the key that hung on my belt. Or had. It wasn't there. I wasn't in uniform. My stomach sank deeper. "I don't have my pass key."
Without missing a beat, he pulled a device out of a drawer and connected it to his terminal. "Have you ever used a retinal scanner? Sit still and look at the center of the bright green light. It'll hurt your eyes for a second, but blinking rapidly will clear it. Now, don't move."
The light felt like a stab and my eye instantly watered. It was over in just a few seconds.
"And that's why we rarely use these outdated beasts," he said sympathetically. "Keep blinking. It won't last long. Now if I'm right, they would have taken your scan when they picked you up as standard...aha! Yes. We're into their network. Now, we only need to get to your account."
"Is this really going to get us into the fah'ti?"
"No. Better. This is going to get us into what they're monitoring about the fah'ti. Not any raw data, but already processed and compressed into a nice, neat little package. It's as if they did all the work and gift wrapped it for us. How nice of them, eh?" He tapped and chuckled. The screens flicked by. It suddenly struck me as very funny that Marlon had spent the day in the presence of an amazing hacker and never once even looked up from his holo.
Alistair was staring at a screen of data. I tried to search him, but his internal door was closed. Even the expression on his face was unreadable. I looked at the screen. It was in a code I didn't understand. I sat back to wait. He would tell me what it was about eventually. He was, after all, a scientist. There was no way he could keep discovery silent.
After a few minutes, he clicked a couple keys. Another screen popped up with a bunch of same looking code. This time, he said a little swear to himself and clicked to another screen. My leg was shaking up and down and I was biting my nail, the nerves twisting me up inside.
"Calm, Jacob. Take a deep breath. Let me get the codex cleared."
I took a deep breath. "Okay," I said, trying to sound calm while inside I was trying to fight the panic.
Alistair opened the desk drawer again quickly and removed a holo. It was an old one, like the one I still insisted on using. He clipped it into the sync dock on the terminal and clicked a few more keys. After just a couple seconds, it let out quick series of beeps and he pulled it from the dock.
"What are you..."
"Sh! Let me work." He tapped the keys on the holo furiously, giving me a perfect look at Marlon sixty years from now. While he was doing whatever on the holo, the screen on the terminal changed. It flashed a message in red and beeped.
Uh oh. That was not good. In less than one minute, the terminal would be killed. A remote program would overload all circuits and anything linked to this network would never be able to function again.
I sat forward and reached my hand out instinctively to...what? I didn't know what I was doing. It was warning and flashing and something needed to be done. "What do I do?"
"Not now, Jacob," he said distractedly, not even looking up from the holo.
"But you've got a terminal execution happening in like forty five seconds!"
He sighed. "Will you stop interrupting me?"
He was distracted and not understanding what I was saying. "Alistair, it's going to fry this terminal. Just tell me how to disconnect and..."
My panic got through and he finally looked up. "Oh!" He tapped on the keys quickly, but nothing happened. "Those wily bastards!" He tried several combinations, but nothing worked. The timer ticked down.
He slammed the keys, now, the holo tossed aside. "They disabled their own kill code!" The thing is, he sounded almost excited. He was even almost smiling.
He threw his hands in the air. "He got me. That son of a jackal finally got me." He sighed and shook his head. "At least we got this first." He was giving up.
I quickly looked around the room at all the terminals. "Are they all linked?"
"About half of them, yes."
"So it's going to take those out, too?"
"I would say probably."
"How can you be so calm?" I almost shouted.
"Valor, honor, pride in the face of defeat. It's what really separates humanity from animals."
That was all well and good for him to say, but I didn't like losing. I jumped up and scooted around the desk. I grabbed the network feed cable and pulled as hard as I could. Just when I thought it was hopeless, the cable snapped loose with a pop and I fell back into my seat, hard. The screen flashed a new warning.
Alistair just stared at me. I sat panting as if I had just run a race. "Well," he said after a minute. "There is that, I suppose."
"Did it stop it from the rest of the network?"
"Yes. Looks like. Crude but effective." He shook his head. "Hardly seems like a fair win, though. Oh well. What's done is done." He didn't seem all that pleased that I saved his network. I dropped the cord and sat back in my chair. He could have at least thanked me. I was about to tell him that, but he was already tapping away on the holo.
I couldn't just let it go. "Hey, all's fair in war, isn't that a saying here?"
"In an intellectual war, swinging a club is bad form." He waved a hand again. "Sh. I'm almost done." There was some beeping from the holo, then a voice.
"Welcome, Jacob."
"Ha!" Alistair jumped up and pointed at the now blank terminal screen. "I did it, Bradley! Stick that in your circuits and choke on it!" He was grinning broadly as he handed me the holo. "They didn't think I'd have one of these dinosaurs around. Didn't even dream that any of these relics would be used." He tapped his head. "Robots will never outsmart this, my boy. Never! Here. Take it."
I took the holo. "What's on it?"
"Everything. All the data that has been uploaded to and, most importantly, downloaded from the fah'ti." He pulled a little flask out of one of the desk drawers and sat back down, propping his feet up. He removed the cap and tipped it to the blank terminal before taking a swig. He then began gloating, long and loud to the Bradley bot that couldn't hear him.
His ego trip blended away into the background as I stared at the screen of the holo. Everything they downloaded. Everything. I felt numb. "It's...it's all on here?"
"Oh, yes, it should be. Everything that's been processed." He was quiet. I stared at the holo on my hand. After a minute, I felt a pat on the back. "Let's go, Jacob. It's been a long day."
"What...what does it say? Are there any..." I couldn't get the words out.
"I don't know. I didn't read it. It's not for me to know." He gave me a friendly smile. "Come. Let's retire to our beds. We're both too old for a late night like this." He winked at me. I followed him back upstairs.
The holo felt like lead in my hand. I said my good nights and walked numbly down the hall to the room I was to use. The weight of the holo grew and as soon as I had the door shut, I tossed it on the bed and looked at it like it was a poisonous guk'ti about to strike.
I wanted it. I waited for it. I spent the last months longing to have some word, some sign from my life, my real life. I needed to know it was still there, that they all were still there.
I had the answers I wanted. I had them all sitting right on the bed in front of me. All I had to do was pick up the holo and read.
So why couldn't I?
I told myself I was just tired. I picked up the holo and placed it on the desk, then took off my shoes and laid on the bed. And stared at the holo.
I got up and used the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I took long minutes looking in the mirror until I couldn't think of anything else to do in there to waste time. I walked back in the room and stared at the holo.
Pick it up. Read it. Hear how Dad is doing. Look at what Mother has discovered. Maybe there will be some story of Little Blob. Half of my mind was screaming at me to do just that.
The other half was terrified.
What if there was nothing on the holo? What if the fah'ti failed? Or transmitted incorrectly and left nothing but garbled junk?
What if they simply sent nothing?
Fear clutched at my chest. That was the crux right there. What if there was just nothing at all? I ran a hand through my hair. My palms were sweating. I wiped them on the leg of my pants, and all at once had to laugh at myself. Before I could lose my nerve I picked up the holo and let it welcome me again. I tapped the first file listed and made myself look. It was a file dated the day before I left Utopia, and it was enormous. All of my fear was gone in a flash. The day before. They turned the fah'ti on the day before I left. And no one told me?
And no one told me.
Curiosity beat anger for the moment. Not later. No, every word and action of mine for the days to come would be fueled by the growing anger of what they kept from me. But in the moment, my excitement and curiosity outweighed the anger. Good or bad, I suddenly had to know.
There was data. A lot of scientific data. That was mostly all the first batch of information downloaded on that day contained. Old data, too, as I discovered after flipping through file after file. Data on Mother's pregnancy, biometric measurements and read outs. Data on the places they visited during that time. Things that had been sent back years upon years ago, floating in space, in limbo, trying to make their way home. I would be sure to tell Alistair. I knew he'd be fascinated by that information.
The second batch downloaded three and a half minutes after the first was more data, but data about me specifically. There were statistics, daily sample data about how I grew, what I ate, how I progressed physically and mentally. There were personal notes, and I flagged those to read later. That was all old, too, but I wanted to read it eventually. First things first, though. I got out of that file set and went to the next, this one also downloaded three and a half minutes later. I quickly looked at the list of time stamps. They were all three and a half minutes apart. The StarTech system was on a cycle. I skipped forward, guessing on timeline of sent data. I was getting closer. The batch I opened next contained information about Little Blob's tribe, but nothing new. It was all old stuff, first contact type info.
I skipped ahead three more batches and clicked. And there it was. New information. Information I did not know. And there were files with personal headings, not just scientific data cataloging numbers and codes. Things like, "RE: Haven't heard yet...are you getting these?" and such. I backed out and went one file set back. The very first was a letter to me.
I paused to gather my courage. And then I opened it.
My heart was almost stopped by the end. Just what the hell did any of that mean? I had to know. There was no more fear of knowing, only the dread of not knowing. I clicked the next. It was, as Dad guessed, from Mother.
I had never heard that much emotion from my mother. I never thought I would. I missed her then, truly, deeply for the first time. I curled up on the bed and read the last two lines over and over, and the ache of loneliness throbbed through my gut. I do understand, Mother. I do.
Slowly it ebbed. Slowly the ache passed. And slowly, the rest of what was said by them started to seep into my consciousness. Or, actually, the rest of what they didn't say. Something had happened. Something went wrong that I didn't know about. They would not be on the Condor any longer and I would not have been safe, that much was clear. But what and why? I pulled myself back up flagged those two letters. I made a note to ask Alistair or Marlon how to copy them to my own holo. I didn't know if I'd ever read them again, but they were mine.
The next file was from Xavier. It began to paint a clearer picture.
My first thought was just how much of a bastard Xavier was. Covered his own ass with the boss, that's what he tried to do. That's what he always did. It was always someone else's fault. Typical. Some things never changed.
And then the enormity of it all slammed into me. Mother and Dad were prisoners. Daniel, Stephen, Jenna...they all were prisoners.
"But it doesn't make sense! The Qitani are our friends." I said it over and over when a very sleepy Ralph grudgingly confirmed what I put together.
"Jake. Keep your voice down."
"No." I didn't care if I woke the whole house.
He sighed and sat up. "How in the hell did you even find out?"
I scoffed.
Ralph looked at me for a minute then rubbed a hand down his face. He swore. "Look. You were so..." he began, before frowning and trying again. "I didn't think it..." He swore again, then sighed deeply. "Hell. Sit down." I didn't want to. I was that mad. "Shut that door and sit," he said more firmly. I shut the door and sat as far away from him as I could and waited while he took a drink of water.
"They had us from the moment we entered the solar system. We weren't leaving from that point on. We didn't know it, though. Not until after first contact with the Qitani."
"But they're our friends," I stubbornly insisted again.
"No, Jake," he said firmly. "They were friendly, but only as a means to an end. Not that I can blame them. Their lives are so very short. How long do they get? Twenty years? Twenty five, if they're lucky? The amount of research we carried with us was easily five, six generations worth to them. Think about that. In our terms, that's like three hundred years of technological evolution." He shook his head. "They'd be idiots to pass that up, to let it slip away."
"But we shared. We gave them what they asked for."
"Some. Not all. We could never have just given it all to them."
I shook my head. "Why? They gave us..."
"What? What did they actually give us, Jake? Supplies. Sure. Help with the fah'ti, though not intentionally for our purposes."
"What...what do you mean?"
"We weren't supposed to leave. None of us." He waved a hand when I opened my mouth. "Just listen. It's late and I'm suddenly feeling old and tired and sick of it all. Do you remember first contact? Yes, you do. From a kid's point of view. But think about that day, and try to see it through our eyes. We had no control over the ship. They took control when we were still on v-2445. Hell, they probably even made that discovery happen first in order to study us for awhile before they brought us in. They landed our ship. Yes, they welcomed us. That's true. But that was as much for show to their people as the televised IOC 'hearing' was for ours." He gave a sad little laugh. "That should have tipped us off right there, now that I think about it. They're much more like us than we ever actually wanted to believe."
It was all a show, then. Our freedom. Our friendship. Our trade, which I thought was fair until the dread gathered at thinking of it through Ralph's eyes. I shook my head, not wanting to accept that, but Ralph pushed on.
"It was in the first year that your folks were presented with an ultimatum. Either they agreed to never leave, or they and the entire Condor crew would be killed." I gasped. It was impossible for me to speak. "They're a war people, Jake. Even if we didn't have bazillions of bytes of precious intel, they could not let us go because we were a threat. We'd give some one else a way to get at them."
I thought I had him on that point. "They built us a fah'ti."
"Not for us. They built it for..." He shook his head. "Just listen and don't jump in, okay? We'll get there. God, I need a drink." He shifted on the bed and started gesturing as he spoke. "Your mother and father called a meeting when they returned from planet side. It was already too late."
"Xavier said he could have stopped it if he took control sooner."
He snorted. "Like anyone would follow that jackass! He could fly a ship. That's it. He had no idea how to lead a crew. No one liked him. If he had tried, we would have tossed him out the air lock. I can't believe you'd doubt that."
I threw my hands in the air. "I just found out that the last five years of my life have been a lie! I don't know what to believe."
He looked like he was going to argue for a second, but didn't. "He wouldn't have taken charge. Besides, even if he had, it was too from the very moment we entered that solar system, and he made absolutely no objection to follow the charts there. It was on our plotted course, and he was a stickler for things like that. I don't care what he says after the fact, he was as gung-ho as the rest of us to see what secrets those sister stars held."
I hate that that made me feel better, but it did.
"The fah'ti was only ever supposed to be used to transmit information only for humans, not physical mass."
I frowned. "But the Qitani use them to jump."
"Yes. They figured only the Qitani could use them. We're much heavier than they are. Maybe they figured the fah'tis were too flimsy to transmit people so big. Maybe they figured we were too stupid to figure out how to use them. Hell, I don't know. There was a different theory from every crew member. I think your mother was the closest. She believed they were conceited enough to believe we'd never dare try. Since you and I are sitting in a log cabin a thousand galaxies away from Laak'sa, I think that proves your mother was right." He took another sip of water and let me digest what he had said.
"So we discussed the ultimatum. There really wasn't any question of our crew accepting prisoner status. What choice did we have? Eunice and Lance, they hatched a plan to get you safe. They figured that it was really the two of them that Morhal wanted. And you. The three of you. They for their science and you..." Ralph's face turned red and he looked away. "You were a kid. That's why they wanted you," he said quickly. I didn't believe him. The look on his face said there was more to it, but he rushed on.
"Your folks wanted to get you safe. They love you, Jake. More than you can ever know. You have no idea the torture they put themselves through the first few days after the terms of surrender were presented to them. They were in a full panic at the idea of you being forever a prisoner of Laak'sa. Whatever else you think, you have to know that. Their fear was very real. It's the only thing that could have made them send you away."
I did believe that. In spite of everything else, I believed Ralph on that point.
"The crew, we all backed your folks. Well, everyone but Xavier. We voted to let your folks go ahead with their plan. Your mother convinced Morhal that the fah'ti would need reconditioning to read our data."
I had a hard time believing that, since they were so far ahead of us, and didn't mind telling him. "Please! There's no way Morhal would ever swallow that line. You know how much more advanced they are."
"It wasn't a lie," he insisted. "A good thing, too, since your mother is horrible at lying." I couldn't argue with that. "As to them being more advanced, sure. In some things. But there are gaps. Some pretty boneheaded ones, if you look at it one way. Knowledge is never absolute. And it's not even lateral. Do you know what I mean by that?" No. "Say you have a problem. We'll use a simple one. There is an apple and it needs to be peeled. One person picks it up and uses a knife to remove the rind. But is that the only way? No. Another person could see that same problem, but not have a knife, and decide to smash the apple, pulling the bits away from the peeling as they did so. Or another could break the apple in half and scoop the fruit out because they only had a spoon. Each way completes the task. But each had tremendously different outcomes, and each person learns a unique set of data from their endeavor.
"Now, it's not an apple that needs peeling, it's a galaxy that needs exploring. Or a solar system. Hell, the start of it was the very own planet. Each with an intelligent race, sure, but each race faced with different challenges. The very physicality of the Qitani demonstrates that. Their bones are far more aerated than ours, their muscle mass much lighter with pockets of air between the layers. Why?"
I didn't want a science lesson. "I don't see how that matters."
"Because of their environment," he said in answer to his own question as if I hadn't spoken at all. "It's all marsh. They are surrounded by water. Even their dry land isn't that dry. And while now they've figured out how to travel, how to build, how to successfully live, their bodies, genetics, minds, instincts...they come from a completely different starting point than ours."
"So." I was not in a mood to humor him.
"So, there are gaps. Take sand, for one. That's how we were able to perfect our hover technology. We wanted to cross deserts to attack enemies, but not fly high enough to be caught on radar. Our environment and a need to overcome it lead to the hover tech. On Laak'sa, though, even their most advanced on-land transports needed take-off space. They fly, they don't hover. Why? Because the idea of flight didn't even start until they had solid placed to live established. And once they did, they built up and up, not out into the unconquered marshes. No need. And yet, a hovering craft would make it possible for them to take off and land even in the middle of the swamp, would it not?" He waved a hand. "You get the picture, even if you're giving me that look. The more they found out about us, and what we know, the more they learned what they had overlooked. It went a long way to making them even more leery of us. They're a prideful people, Jake. And it stung when they found out there was a whole universe of thought out there they hadn't mastered.
"Could straight code have been transferred? Maybe. But Eunice quickly determined that the Qitani weren't even sure and she saw our chance. Your mother worked with them, and...not. She did adapt their fah'ti coding to allow for data transfer, like she said. But she also worked on cracking the code that would allow for human matter transfer. It's the only time I have ever known her to deviate from the direct mission she was assigned. I bet she'll never do it again, either. It aged her. But she did what she had to do."
"And they never caught on?"
He shrugged. "I've thought that over the last couple years. There were times when it seemed like they did, where it felt like they were just letting us hang ourselves. Your mother, she was always sure they didn't have any idea. She must have been right. I mean, we're here, aren't we?"
Another clue to the possibility of Mother's inspeaking.
"And they honestly did seem to trust you, even though you came to our ship every night and were human through and through."
"Morhal thought I was stupid." It hurt to think that in light of what I'd learned.
"Mm. Makes sense. Again, look at things in their terms. You were twelve when we landed there. By their lives, you should have been a full adult with a man's knowledge and a man's understanding."
"They knew I was just a kid."
"Knowing and
I grew instantly uncomfortable at the thought of Ashnahta. "She knew I was not an idiot."
"Maybe."
No. He would not take that from me. She was a child, just as I was. Whatever she learned later didn't matter. She was my friend. He wouldn't take that and make it ugly. "She knew."
He studied me for a minute before put his hands up. "If you say so."
"Have you ever inspoken? Obviously not because if you had you'd know that there are things you cannot hide while doing it." I was almost shouting. I didn't care. Wake the whole damn house. What did it matter?
"Okay, Jake. I'll believe you."
I sat back in my seat. I hadn't even noticed I was standing. "Don't you make her part of this plan. I know she had nothing to do with it. Nothing."
"If you're sure."
I had to be sure. Everything else was gone.
"Get back to the story," I snapped. I was being mean. To Ralph. To the one who risked it all to save me. I was lashing out and I couldn't help it. He was the only one to yell at.
"Once Eunice knew she had done all she could to give the fah'ti the best chance of transmitting human matter, it was time. The official imprisonment wouldn't happen until they were satisfied we established communications with this galaxy, with humans. Don't get me wrong, for all intents and purposes we were prisoners as soon as we entered that solar system. But we had a freedom that they don't have anymore. We were allowed to make our own schedules, to freely travel between the Condor and Laak'sa's port. We were also allowed our experiments. You know what? If it could have stayed like that, we wouldn't be here. You and I, we'd probably be there, living the StarTech dream. We'd be reaping information to send back for human analysis and use. We'd be whole. We'd be fulfilled. And we'd be richly rewarded, never really caring that we were, essentially, doomed."
"Why couldn't it stay like that?" I asked. That kind of "imprisonment" didn't sound bad to me at all. In fact, it sounded just like I thought my life would always be. "Why?"
"Because we knew many things that they did not. And no matter how open we were with the info, it became clear that they would never believe we shared it all. If there is no trust, then we would always be seen as a threat." He shook his head. "Again, I just can't blame them. We'd do exactly the same if it was Earth in question. They made it clear that any perceived freedom on our part was finite. And when it came time, they would move those they wanted, you and your folks, to remain forever on Laak'sa. Live or die, didn't matter to them. You would be their experiments."
I sat in silence for a long time waiting for him to continue. He sat in silence for a long time waiting for me to ask questions. It was too much. The Earth felt heavier and heavier.
"It wouldn't have been so bad being left there," I said after I couldn't take it anymore. I expected him to be angry, but he surprised me.
"Maybe not for you. Hell, you've spent your whole life as a prisoner, kid. But we didn't want that for you. We wanted you to be able to keep going, to find home, or a home, one of your choosing not our foolishness." He looked very tired and so very sad. "You're our kid. Not just theirs. All of us, we raised you. We helped nurse you when you were born so damn early. We took turns walking the ship with you when you had colic. We babysat, carried you around while we did our work, played monkey see and hide and go seek and..." he choked up. "You're our kid, and we all...we all had so much more planned for you."
My eyes were filling up and I turned away. I'd be damned if I'd let him see me cry. "But you didn't ask me what I wanted."
"No." Again, he was unapologetic. "If we asked you, you'd sign your life away without even knowing it. You'd take what you always knew instead of a life that a person should be able to choose. I'm not going to apologize. I'm not at all sorry. I'd do it again in a heartbeat, even if it was someone else that got to take you home. Even if I knew I would be put to the death for it. I'd do it a million times over. And every single one of them would say the same. You have options. You have a chance."
"What if I want to go back?" I whispered. When Ralph didn't answer, I knew. I suddenly understood the enormity of everyones' sacrifices, even my own. It was gone, all of it. I felt an exhaustion like no other I'd ever known wash over me. It was the brutality of it all, the finality. I lost it. I truly lost everything, everyone. Mother, Dad...Ashnahta. My insides felt like they were made of lead as I got up. Cold, stark, and alone.
No, not alone. I had Ralph. I walked over and sat heavily next to him on his bed. And then I gave in and bawled my eyes out.
"It's not fair, is it, kid?" he said quietly.
No, Ralph. No it wasn't.
Chapter14
I pushed myself hard. My legs were killing me. My lungs burned. It felt like I was trying to breathe in the very rocks I was trying to climb. I pushed harder. My foot hit a loose patch and I gave up using just my legs and leaned, like an animal, clawing my way up. I needed to be alone, and since there were no marshes near Alistair's cabin, I had to made do with the mountain.
I pushed harder. My arms ached. They protested having to pull the rest of me up and up and up. I had no idea how long I had been climbing. I wondered if people were looking for me, searching the cabin. I didn't want to worry them, but I also didn't really care that much if you want to know the truth. I was angry and hurting and I needed to push myself until I was too physically exhausted to feel either.
The day was my day. I needed it to be. I needed to have a day when I was off limits to everyone, where my thoughts and feelings weren't analyzed by a team, when I didn't have to jump through hoops or answer interviews or even listen to stories about people I'd never meet and would never care about. I needed a day to just be Jake, and to figure out just what that meant now that I had lost everything.
I slipped on another rock, and paused for a minute to make sure I had my balance back. I glanced up the slope. I was almost to the top. I could see it. It wasn't the highest mountain in the area, not by far. But it was the highest I'd ever climbed without the aid of a trekman, and I couldn't help feeling a little proud of myself.
After a hard push up the last steep cliff, I reached the top. I pulled myself more than climbed the last few dozen meters, and then lay at the wide, nearly flat top, trying to catch my breath. The star burned down on my face and my lungs grabbed for the cold air. I did it. I made it.
I lay there until my heart slowed. I lay until my breathing was normal. I felt the star they call the Sun and let it fill me with it's calm. I don't know how long I just laid there. I stayed motionless until the sun began to feel a little too warm, however long that was. I drew another deep breath and sat up. To my left, there was a little ledge, and I scooted over and looked down.
Okay, so it wasn't even close to the world's largest mountain. It didn't matter. I did it. I climbed the whole thing in spite of their god awful gravity. I swung my legs around and let them dangle over the boulder. Alistair's cabin was far below. I could just see the roof peeking through the trees. If I could have seen the people, they would have looked like caa' flies from my perch.
I felt calmer after the climb and allowed myself to process all I had learned. Why? That was the number one question coursing through my head. Why? I knew what Ralph had said. I also knew all the information in the files I read through the rest of the night. It was clear that Mother and Dad didn't feel like they'd been tricked. Or duped. Or conned or...I don't know. It's clear they believed we as humans would do the same if the tables were turned.
I tossed a pebble off the side of the cliff and listened for the ping far below. I used to do that in the trekman, then playback the recordings later to hear the sounds outside the enforced suit. It was very different to be able to hear it with my own ears in the moment. I threw another. And another. The third was bigger and started a chain reaction. Where it took the first bounce, it knocked another rock loose, that pulled smaller ones and sand with it down the slope. I tried to get that to happen again, but couldn't.
I couldn't go back to Laak'sa. I suppose somewhere I always knew that. My mouth dried instantly with the thought and I tried to choke down another sip of water. I couldn't go back. They would close the fah'ti on the Qitani end. Morhal would have had to, if for no other reason than to save face. It was the only logical step. Two humans successfully came through this way, successfully duped the Primary. It no longer mattered if she thought humans were a legitimate threat or not. We made her look like a fool, and she would be bound to take steps to ensure that never happened again.
I cursed myself for the millionth time. Ralph and I had sent up messages for Dad and Mother through the fah'ti. Just to let them know we were fine, of course. Did I damn my own parents? It would have been much better if they had never heard. That way perhaps Mother could have convinced Morhal we did not live. I wondered why Ralph sent the messages. He knew the whole story. Unlike me, he knew that we were, essentially, run aways. Why did he go along with it?
I pinged another rock, harder this time. My anger was growing again. Because it wouldn't have mattered one way or the other, that's why. Mother and Dad made themselves enemies the moment they let me go. Whether I actually lived or died was irrelevant. Morhal could never trust any of the crew again, not publicly and most likely not privately, either.
I couldn't ever go back. It's why Reginald wouldn't promise me that payment in his office. It's why Ralph wouldn't even discuss it. I couldn't go back and they knew. It was no longer my home and they all knew. I hurled another rock and watched as a satisfying cascade of rocks and sand followed it down the mountainside.
I really hit me that I had no home. I looked at the roof of Alistair's cabin. While it was the most comfortable place I'd been to on Earth yet, it wasn't home. It wasn't my home. My estates? I laughed out loud at that idea. I hated being in the one in Washington. When I told Lynette that once, she pointed out that I had others, that I could visit them all. "You've got so many to chose from that there's got to be at least one you like." The thought of traveling to house after house was not appealing. Besides, it wasn't the house that didn't feel like home. It was the planet. Earth was not my homeworld. As much as I tried to fit in, it simply wasn't a fit.
The thought brought a panic bubbling up inside me again. I closed my eyes and turned my face to the star, trying to force the panic back. What if I was stuck here? I couldn't go back to Laak'sa. I couldn't even go live with the Ehkin. What if Earth was now my only option? How could I ever feel at peace again with the people I couldn't relate to and the lands that never felt welcoming? What if my life would continue forever as it had been the last couple months? Parties and openings and garden teas that were anything but, and the people who gave me funny looks and the worse ones who only wanted things from me, and the questions...what if the questions never stopped? I bet that right that very minute, some reporter was hounding Alistair to find me for an interview. I laughed. At least they couldn't interview me again if I was on top of a mountain, though.
Actually, maybe they probably could. They could fly a little bot around to find me and turn on the bright lights and have the bot voice ask me the stupid questions I'd gotten in a steady stream for these past months.
"What's your favorite part about Earth life?"
"How are you liking our social scene?"
"What are your hopes for the future?"
"Are there really aliens?"
Yes. And they're liars.
Another pang of guilt rolled through me. I picked up a large rock and gave it a good throw. I could understand the anger I felt. I could understand the sadness. By why did I feel guilty? Why did I still feel like I was betraying my people with my anger?
I didn't care what her reasons were, Morhal let me into their lives. She let me roam her castle. She let me sit by Ashnahta's side and learn their culture. She let me eat their food, even though it made Mother furious. I don't care if she took me for a moron. She still let me be part of their tribe.
Did Ashnahta know?
No. I swallowed a lump in my throat. No! I threw another rock at the traitorous thought. She didn't. She did not know. I was sure of it. She didn't think I was a moron. Weak, sure. Her subordinate, of course. She knew everyone but Morhal to be her subordinate. In spite of race and rank, I knew she was my friend, and I was hers. I was certainly more of a friend than those Qitani who clustered around her for status. I was more a friend to her than her sisters who pretended to want her success but would have killed her in the night if given the chance. I was far more of a friend than her secondary mother, Ta'al, who wanted her own primary daughter to take the throne. Even Morhal was never friendly with Ashnahta. The parental relationship on Laak'sa didn't allow for it, not when the stakes were so high.
I was her friend, maybe the only one she'd ever really have. I knew that. And she was mine, she truly was. I felt it so deep inside that I couldn't make myself believe otherwise. I felt lost when I thought that there was a good chance I'd never have a friend like her again in my life. I'd met hundreds if not thousands of people on Earth, and not one of them called to me the way she did. The dread of a future without that connection was almost too much to bear.
What if they had let me stay? I could have helped. If Mother and Dad had just trusted me, I could have stayed. I would have stayed. And they wouldn't have to face whatever wrath Morhal had waiting for them. Were they even still alive? Ralph said that they wanted "more" for me. Why didn't they even ask what I wanted? I wanted my life! The one I had, the one I loved. Why didn't they even ask? It was too late. I could have helped them for once if they had just let me. But I was stuck on Earth, where they wanted to be, and they were stuck on Laak'sa, where I wanted to be. It was all so frustrating, and there wasn't a thing I could do to change it.
I couldn't go back. And I was trying, but I couldn't fit in on Earth. I didn't know who I could trust anymore, and there were still thousands of questions I wanted answered. I sat on the rock on the top of the world, or as close to the top as I'd been, and let the millions of thoughts play through my head. My arms ached. My face was feeling very hot, and my feet were throbbing. And I sat there and figured out how to accept it all.
When it was turning to late afternoon and my stomach was growling, I supposed I'd spent enough time thinking. I was still angry and hurting, and I still didn't have any answers. But it felt damn good to be able to brood by myself for once. It was worth the sore muscles and blisters on my toes.
"If you had asked I would have told you what kind of shoes to wear." Lynette snapped at me from the second she saw me right through the evening. "Did you at least get them checked out?"
I sighed. I'd already told her a dozen times that I wasn't worried about the blisters. "I'm sorry," I said for the hundredth time. "I didn't mean to worry any of you."
She rolled her eyes and picked at her dinner. Marlon shot me a sympathetic look, the first and only one I'd probably ever get from him. He alone seemed to realize that sometimes a person needed to simply be by themselves for awhile. Alistair was...I don't know if angry is the right word. Disappointed, maybe, which was worse.
Ralph was the only one who openly chewed me out. He didn't hold back. I was irresponsible. I was selfish. I was thoughtless. I was only concerned with myself and didn't care about anyone or anything. I took it. After all, I should have let him know where I was. I knew it when I headed out early that morning. And he was totally right to yell at me. I didn't even bother to defend myself.
"What were you thinking?" he asked over and over.
Everything.
My face hurt. Lynette called it a "sunburn you rightly deserve!" before smearing on some cold creamy junk. It helped for a minute, but the burn quickly flared back up. There was no way I was about to ask for more. I poked at my dinner, just wishing the time would pass faster and I could go to bed.
"I got that code cracked, Mr. Willington," Marlon piped up a few minutes later. I wasn't the only one feeling the weight of the silent, angry people pretending to eat. I didn't know what surprised me more; the fact that Alistair had given Marlon a job to do, or Marlon showing respect to him.
"Good. I'll have another if you're game."
Marlon nodded. "Yes, sir."
"What code?" I asked. Anything to get people talking. Lynette shot me a glare. I ignored it.
"Oh, nothing much," said Marlon in a tone that told me he was about to brag big time. "Just a little code his team's been trying to crack for three years now." He sat back and puffed out his chest. "Took less than an afternoon."
"It's a StarTech code, Mr. Donnely, and as a StarTech employee, you have access..."
Ralph swore. "I can't do this." He pushed back from the table and stood, taking his plate. "I'm done babysitting ST brats who can't do what they're told. No offense, Alistair, but I've had my fill of renegades for the day."
"None taken," the old man almost beamed. "I understand you're in a difficult position with my work."
Ralph shook his head. "No. Don't say another word about it. The less I know the better. At least one person in this room knows not to bite the hand that feeds them!"
Lynette nodded firmly and stood to leave, too. "Well said, Ralph!" They both stormed out. If I didn't know just how real their anger was, I'd have laughed.
Alistair sighed heavily. "Now the riff raff's gone...what in the blazes were you thinking, boy?"
I was expecting it. I opened myself for his prying. He looked at me for a minute, then shook his head. "Oh, Jacob."
"What?" Marlon asked.
His eyes went wide and he sat back. He never thought of it like that.
"I promised to do what they wanted without knowing the whole story," I said out loud for Marlon's benefit.
"And now you have buyer's remorse, is that it?"
I had to scoff. "I'm now working for people who have lied to me every step of the way. Yes I have buyer's remorse. Wouldn't you?"
He shrugged. "Perhaps. Perhaps not. I can't pretend to understand how it feels."
"Oh," said Marlon, butting in. "This is about all that fart junk, isn't it?" He was pleased he figured it out. "Yeah, I saw that. Pisser." He shoveled more food in his mouth.
I tried to be offended that he'd read the communiques, but I just couldn't muster any more anger. "Yeah. Pisser." What an understatement.
He pointed his fork at me. "You're not that different from Lynnie and I."
"I'm not, eh?"
"No. Your folks sold you up the river, too."
Alistair tsked. "Now Mr. Donnely, the way I see it no one was sold up any river. Jacob, I know you've learned something you wished you never knew. But we all do. All of us. Did you know that the only reason I'm in existence at all is because my father needed both a girl and a boy for a lifelong sociological research project? I saw the data myself and when I asked him about it, true to form, he didn't even try and deny it. I'm an experiment, just like you. Mr. Donnely, he had terrible folks that sold him and his sister to pay off drug debts."
"Hey!"
Alistair ignored Marlon's outburst and kept talking. "And let us take a look at where we all are today. First me. I'm here. And if my father hadn't been a cold hearted, scientifically calculating ass, I wouldn't be. I'm certainly glad I'm here! The Donnelys, they would have statistically ended up drug abusers and pushers themselves had their parents not made the right decision to give them over to a better life. And you, young man, would have no choices whatsoever in your life if your parents didn't get you away."
"But that's my home!" I yelled. No one could understand. "If I stayed, if they just asked me first...I could have saved them."
"It was your home that would have turned into your prison!" He sighed and pushed his plate away. He began gesturing with his hands like Mother does when she's trying to explain something. "Let's look at the facts. You have spent your life floating around the universe. The longest you stayed anywhere before Laak'sa was on v-2445." He knew it all from my thoughts, my memories, the instant flood of myself I allowed him to view in his own mind. "Of course you feel that Laak'sa is your home. It's where you did the most growing. It does not have to change in your memory. No one is taking that."
His insight was making me uncomfortable. He was pulling the deepest fears out into the open. Inspeaking them is one thing. But sharing them out loud... "Forget it."
"I will not. Let us get right to the root."
"I miss my folks," said Marlon out of the blue. "They were drugged up abusers. But I still miss them. Doesn't mean I should go back, but also doesn't mean part of me doesn't want to do just that. The little kid that had fun times before I realized what a god awful life we were living, he still wants his mama." He cleared his throat suddenly, as if he didn't realize he was speaking out loud. He put his red face back down and started eating again.
"Mr. Donnely makes my point. You cannot go backwards, Jacob. Even if you could make the jump back through the fah'ti, it would not be the same. You're becoming a man, Jacob. You're not looking at the situation through the blind eyes of a child. That is not a bad thing." I snorted. "Fine," he said with a kind smile. "Some of it is bad. But things change as we get older for a reason. Now you know. Now, the next world you go to, you can look for them before they find you. You can travel with the knowledge of caution your parents never had. Laak'sa can your home, inside. In your loving memories. This does not change that. It only changes where you go from here.
"You're an employee of StarTech. They have a finite task for you to complete. So do it. Do as they say. Learn. Take notes. And then take this journey, combine it with what you already know, and make a plan for yourself. All of this adds together to make the adult you will be. And just because you learn a different facet after the fact does not mean the experience and warm memories weren't real or didn't matter. Think about it."
I did think about it. I sat there thinking over his words long after he and Marlon cleared out. I sat and stared blankly at my plate of uneaten, cold food until I felt the truth of his words. His words made a kind of peace inside me and I suddenly needed to set things right with Ralph, to let him know I understood, to forgive him and keep the one person I had left close.
I jogged upstairs. I wanted a real talk, not a Q&A in the middle of the night from a panicked kid, or the shouting match dress-down when the scared kid acted like a jerk. I wanted to sit and talk to him. I wanted to apologize, first and foremost. And then I wanted explanations. Not accusations, just explanations and clarifications.
I knocked on his door. He didn't answer. I cracked it open and stuck my head inside. He wasn't in there. I saw his holo on the desk and picked it up to write him a note of apology when I saw the heading of unread messages from Reginald blinking in the corner of the screen. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help it. I clicked the messages open and read them.
What? That didn't make any sense. I saw that it was some reply, so I clicked on the previous message.
My heart pounded in my chest. I couldn't stop my fingers from clicking the next in the line. Something in me already knew what they were talking about, but I just had to see the proof.
"Jake."
I turned around, unsure of what I just read. "I..I was leaving you a message...I stammered."
He toweled his hair in the doorway. He was frowning at me. "Well, I'm here now," he said, looking at the holo in my hands.
I warred with myself for a split second, a million possible questions forming and deleting in my brain before I somehow made an important decision. I shifted my thumb quickly on the holo keypad and backed out of the communique. He would tell me. Ralph would tell me. Whatever those messages were all about, he would tell me. He would pass the test. "I just wanted to tell you I was sorry. You know. For earlier."
I sounded calm. He took the holo from my hand and glanced down. Seeing nothing amiss, he flashed me a smile. "I over reacted. Hell, I remember what it's like to be a teenager."
He chucked me on the shoulder. "Let's just let it go, huh?"
"Sure."
"Is there anything else?"
My insides sank. He wasn't going to tell me. The knowledge sat like a stone in my gut. I shook my head and walked past him quickly, my mind starting to spin.
"Jake," he called when I reached the door. I turned around, a ray of hope. He looked like he was going to say something. I waited. "Alistair...he's got this competition with StarTech. I don't really mind you kids helping him out. We all learn more that way."
Fail, fail, fail. "I,
uh...I figured as much I guess." I couldn't believe how calm I
sounded outside, while inside screamed at him to tell me.
"I just don't want to know about it, okay?" He smiled easily.
"Um, sure. Anything else?" Did I sound too hopeful? His expression changed for just a second. "Anything at all?" His mouth opened, then closed again and he shook his head.
I've been able to give it a lot of thought since then. Maybe it wasn't fair of me to think of him as a coward. Maybe he was just as caught as I was in a different way. What was it he said? He remembered who fed him.
"I'm a life long Techer, kid. Before I left for the stars, during, and after." He said that to me once during the early conditioning on Utopia when I asked how he could stand to be poked and prodded and ordered around and caged. He was a life long Techer. Ah, but he warned me, and that was something I'd remember later. Those were thoughts for the hours and hours and hours spent alone and lonely with nothing but time to think about my wrongs and his. That night, there was no room.
I reached my room and calmly closed the door. The building suddenly felt very small. I looked around. I took a step in, then stepped back. My mind was in such a racing panic that my body froze.
"We don't even know if she's going to make it." That was exactly what the message said. I knew the moment I read the words who they were talking about. It could only be one person.
"We don't even know if she's going to make it."
On Utopia. It had to be. Had to. They wouldn't bring her here. I ran my shaking hands through my hair and took a calming breath. Plan. I needed a plan. I took a look around the room again. I had a terminal, though it was a limited one, and a holo. And that was about it. I needed help.
I picked up my holo and quietly stepped out of my room. No one was in the hall, but I could hear Alistair talking to someone downstairs. It had to be Marlon still. I waited. They talked on and on. I was tempted to send a message to Alistair to quit yammering, but then I'd screw it all up. I had to keep that door shut until there was nothing he could do about it.
After what felt like a year, I heard the scuff of a chair and Marlon's telling Alistair he'd see him later. I heard his heavy footsteps nearing then stairs. As soon as he was high enough to see me waiting for him in the hall, his eyes narrowed.
"I hope you're not thinking we're all buddy buddy just because you heard me telling Mr. Willington..."
"I need your help," I whispered, cutting him off.
He stood at the top of the stairs and crossed his arms over his chest, looking like he was going to go on some snarky rant. There must have been something in my face...desperation, probably. He gave a little nod toward the door of the room he was using and walked past me. I followed and as soon as the door was closed, he asked what was going on.
"I need three things from you." I didn't know I already had a plan in my head. Maybe it was my escape plan. Maybe it formulated in the back of my head at the first moments of panic on Earth. Or maybe I was just getting better at thinking on the spot.
"Oh, you do, huh?" He looked evilly amused. He sat on his bed and spread his arms wide. "This should be good! Go on. Tell me what you 'need' from me so I can laugh and tell you to go to hell."
"I need you to get in Bradley's files and run them through a codex so I can understand them."
In spite of himself his eyes widened with interest. "Bradley? As in, Justin Bradley? As in only the most secure file set imaginable in the ST system, that Bradley?"
"Yes."
He just stared for a second and I knew I had him. "So we're on some mission impossible, eh?"
"The second thing I need is for you to help me arrange transport to Utopia."
"Hold on, now..."
"I need it quiet. So quiet that they don't know about it until it's way too late."
He threw his hands up and gave a little laugh. "Why not? I mean, you already have me hacking into the most secure system in the entire damn galaxy. What's a little transport heist?" He was being sarcastic. I decided I didn't have time for that.
"Good. Glad you agree."
"Hey wait a sec..."
"The third thing I need you to do..."
He jumped up. "I said hold on!" He shook his head at me. "You don't even know what you're asking here."
"Then tell me and we'll make a new plan."
His mouth was open and he was lost for words. It was a good moment, the only time I flummoxed Marlon. He shook his head to clear the fog and then pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay, I'm going to explain things to you very simply. First, I'll get caught if I get into Bradley's files."
"Can you do it?"
"Of course I can!" came his instant reply. Then a swear. Then he flopped down heavily on the bed. "You're not kidding, are you?"
"No."
He swore again. "Okay," he said after a moment of thought. "Let's take it that you're serious. Could I get in? Maybe, and don't you ever hold it against me for admitting I might not be able to or so help me..."
"I won't."
"Good. Because we're talking uber expert level stuff here. I...if I had your access pass..."
"You can." I don't think he understood how serious I was. I was fully prepared to give him whatever it took.
"But we're going to get caught. They will know. It's like...it's like..." He swore again, then laughed. "This is so insane and I have no idea how to get it across to your space rotted brain that it's suicide. On every single level."
"They will not kill you for this."
"Easy for you to say, money bags! I've got to have a way to make a living. I'm about to be released from my contract and no way they'll let me sign back on if I do this. Hell, I'll probably be put into prison. It's a felony, don't you get it?"
"You're a kid. They can't punish you too bad."
"Even if they don't, I'll never, ever get a job. They'll smear my name so far and wide that..."
"Work for Alistair. He'd take you."
He made a little grunt noise.
"Besides, you don't want to work for StarTech anyway."
"What about Lynnie, huh?"
I sighed. "They'll take care of her. They like her." I didn't have to point out the obvious. "They'll probably just be glad to see you gone. No more putting up with your whining."
He laughed then for real. "Not exactly the way you butter someone up, kid."
"Do you think I want to be asking for your help?"
He looked at me for a long moment. "Why are you?"
"I think they have a friend of mine. On Utopia."
"You don't have..." his voice trailed off. "Are you...are you saying what I think you're saying?" I nodded. "On Utopia?" I nodded again. "Holy...are you sure?"
"No. That's why I need in on Bradley's files, to be sure."
Marlon jumped up and began pacing. "That's not going to work."
"But..."
He turned to me. "Jake. Listen to me. Say I get into those files. Just say these miracle hands can surprise even me. I get in, I get the proof. They'll know instantaneously." He snapped his fingers.
"So?"
"So? So, he asks!" He threw his hands up. "Think about it. They'll know what you're going to do. You don't have to be a genius to figure out that if she's up there, if she really is there, then you won't be on this rock to see tomorrow. Why else would they keep it a secret? Hell, they probably already know you found out. Wait. How did you find out?"
"I saw a message on Ralph's holo I wasn't supposed to."
He smiled at me and thumped my back. "Hacking old school style. I like it!"
I sighed. We were getting nowhere. He'd help me. I was sure of it. And that knowledge made me itchy to go. "Even if they know what's going on...so what?"
"So they'll shut down every space port on the globe, that's what."
"They can't..."
"Of course they can you idiot! They run it all, Jake. All of it."
But that wasn't exactly true. We came in on a Cosworth transport, not a StarTech one. I thought it the same time he did.
"The prototype," we said at the same time.
I saw the excitement in his eyes for a split second, before he held up a hand. "Wait a second. Before we go one step further, what's in it for me?"
"How many credits do you want?"
He scoffed. "You think it's about money?"
"Isn't it?"
"Some," he admitted, "but I already figured a ridiculously large sum of money was a given. No, I'm talking about Lynnie. I have to stay on Utopia until she sees her contract through."
"Okay, so we'll make it seem like I did this by myself." He snorted. "Then I'll vouch for you." He snorted again. I sighed. "Then what?"
"Take me to Utopia." I shook my head, but he held his hand up again. "No, hear me out. I'll probably be put under arrest, but for indentured ones like me that's just a ward up there, not an Earthside prison. I'll have a trial, but you're right, I'm a kid. They'll keep me until my current contract runs out and then I'll be sent back here. That's a few months after Lynnie's birthday."
"I don't want you going to jail."
"I don't particularly want to either. But you're going to make my pay day well worth it."
I grinned. "Yes, I believe I am."
"So you're taking me?"
"Yes."
"What about Lynnie?"
"Keep her here out of trouble."
"Good. She's already screwing up left and right down here. They'll probably pack her up and send her back there anyway. She's...well down here, there's all the stuff that Mom got into and..." he swore. "She does great up there. Better than anyone ever thought either of us would do and I've been going nuts seeing her do..." He broke off. "Don't even tell her. She'd throw herself into this plan without thinking about it, okay?"
"Deal." I hadn't planned on telling Lynette anyway.
He sighed. "Hell." After a minute he smacked his lap and stood. "Let's get to it." He grabbed the backpack he usually carried and opened his door.
"Where are we going?"
"Out. I don't want to be on Mr. Willington's lines when I do this."
He was rushing down the stairs. Once he decided something, he went all the way. "We're going for a walk, Mr. Willington!"
"That's fine. Be back before dark and don't go near the woods," Alistair called from the living room.
As soon as we were outside, Marlon slipped off his backpack and took something out from inside. It was some kind of meter and he turned it on as we walked. He watched a little digital reading until the numbers went flat. We weren't that far from the house and he gave a little laugh. "He's good. Got the dampers on tight." He looked at me. "That's good."
We walked only a few more steps and then the numbers began flashing again. "Do you like Mr. Willington's neighbors?" he asked. I shrugged. "Well let's hope they're idiots and deserve the heat I'm about to bring their way." He sat down and took out his holo and another machine. He held his hand out. "Code key?" I unclipped it from my belt and sat next to him. He tapped for a minute, slid it through the other machine he had connected to his holo, then handed it back. "Well lookie here! My nice brand new employer gave me five thousand credits as a signing bonus!" He grinned at me.
"Nice guy," I said with a smile.
His face fell. "Crap. I should have taken more."
"So do you have a plan past bleeding me dry, or..."
"Yeah, yeah," he said. He looked down at his holo and tapped. I picked a blade of grass and twisted it around my finger. I was trying to keep calm, and found it wasn't as hard as it was just five minutes before. I had a plan. And I had help. I was itchy to go, but I would go. Just knowing that made me feel like a weight was lifted.
Marlon released a low whistle.
"What?" I asked, sitting up and looking over his shoulder.
"I'm in the outer shell on Bradley's server, and that's as far as I'm going. She's there."
My heart leaped. "Where? Show me."
He held the holo out for me to look at. It was a request for a patient in the sub-level hospital. "It doesn't say anything about the patient?"
He thunked my head. "Look at what he's requesting."
I scanned the directive until I got to a part about special breathing apparatus and "other essential equipment outlined in the standard contact protocol". I almost couldn't breathe.
"Enough proof for you?" I nodded numbly.
"Good," he said, giving me a little push backwards. "Then let daddy work and we'll have us a family vacation." He tapped madly at his holo, muttering to himself now and then, and I sat back and felt a relief like I'd never known. They had her. "The X3 is in Denver," Marlon said.
"X3?"
"Yeah. Your ship."
"I didn't know the name of it. Why 3?"
"The first two...pfft." They crashed. "It's in Denver."
"Where's that?"
"Colorado. About a half hour on a sonic, two on a bullet, and a half day on standard. We can catch the bullet right here in town if you want to leave in the morning."
"Anything tonight?"
I don't think he was expecting to leave so soon. "Uh, yeah. I mean..." he tapped the holo for a second. "A sonic at midnight, or bullets at ten and four."
"Which should we take?"
"It's going to take about six hours to get the X3 ready for flight."
I laughed. "Why? It's my ship."
"Yeah, but you need to submit coordinates with the IOC and have them approved, along with your load, passengers, classification weigh ins... It just takes time, Jake."
"Then start the process."
He scratched his head. "Now that's a little tricky. As soon as the IOC sees the transport request, they'll know what's going on."
"Order it in Reginald's name."
Marlon quirked an eyebrow. "In for a penny, in for a pound, eh?"
"What does that mean?"
"Old expression." He let out a long breath. "Okay. But why Reginald's? Christophe travels more. It might be best to put his name..."
"No. They like Reginald. They won't even question it."
"Gotcha." He took something from his bag and set it up, pulling out some sort of antenna and tweaking a nob until it made three beeps. "A little extra scrambly juice." He didn't explain and frankly I didn't need him to. He then got to work. He muttered to himself, once in awhile saying things out loud.
"Okay, Reggie's submitted his request. Now, to get the fueling going..."
"It's going to cost a ton. You sure?"
"Holy crap! The price of crystaline catalyst is through the fricken roof! Are you absolutely sure?"
Mostly he did what I needed him to do and I lay in the grass and tried to reach up. Not out. I didn't want Alistair to catch a whiff of what was going on. Up. I stared into the early evening sky and imagined her. Can you hear me? Just like the long, empty months since I left, there was no reply. Are you there? But unlike the last, lonely months, the silence didn't fill me with empty dread. Because I knew. I knew that it would have an end.
"You were right," Marlon broke into my thoughts. "The IOC already approved the flight plan."
"Good."
"We've got to be there between two and four a.m. If we miss that launch window, we'll have to wait twenty four hours till it comes back around."
"Then get us there."
"On it." He stopped after a few seconds and looked at me grinning. "God I love spending all this money!"
I had to laugh. He looked like a little kid. He went back to it. It was almost full dark before he started scooping things back into his bag.
"We've got tickets on the ten p.m. bullet, but I also booked on the midnight sonic just in case. It cost more, but..." I sighed. "Anyway, once we get there, we'll have to pay the pilot fees and gas tax."
"Gas tax?"
"Yeah. The tax on the sleeping gas."
I had forgotten that part of it. "I don't want sleeping gas."
Marlon laughed and started for the house.
"I mean it."
He stopped. "You have to have the gas." He was smiling, but the smile slowly faded. "Oh my g...You're serious."
"I can't use the gas. I'll be out for a good twelve hours after."
"You are insane."
"Marlon, if I'm knocked out..."
"No," he cut in. "I mean it. You're legitimately, clinically insane. The space air really has fried your brain!"
"I jumped without gas through the fah'ti."
"But..."
"And we ran out of the gas years and years ago on the Condor."
"But that's different. That rat trap didn't travel at these speeds."
He had a point. "If I land and can't walk or talk or think for myself..."
He swore and kicked a rock. "You're crazy! It won't work. I don't even know if it's possible. Safety protocol my make it impossible for us to launch without it."
I had to concede that point. "Fine. When we get there we'll see if it's possible. I have to at least try, Marlon."
"I can't help you kill yourself."
"She needs me, Marlon."
He looked at me for a minute before squeezing his eyes shut. He swore again, sighed, and shook his head. "Come on. We've got a long night ahead."
Chapter15
"You are insane." He was an older man, which was good. It meant he was a seasoned pilot and knew for himself what was and was not possible.
"Fine. I'm insane. Now, is it possible?"
Marlon was chugging a coffee from the vendor at the space port. It was approaching two a.m. and we should have been spent. I was, at least emotionally. It was so hard to spend the evening with everyone at Alistair's knowing we had this big secret, especially after Lynette apologized.
"I was worried, Jake. You worried me. I get mad when someone makes me worry, especially when it's about something stupid. You're not just my job, you know." She held my hand. And then we watched the clock and waited. And waited. Everyone seemed unnaturally chatty that evening and the anxiety had built and built. It wasn't until nine thirty that Ralph said he was tired and heading to bed. He told Lynette to do the same. I think he wanted me to chat with Alistair some more. He commented earlier in the evening how much "better" I seemed. I think he gave Alistair's old wisdom the credit. I said goodnight. In my head, I said good bye.
After they went to bed, Alistair sat and stared into his fake fire. He let the painful seconds tick by. He looked up at me then. He knew. He stood and I stood and then he hugged me.
Then he released me before I started to cry and shook Marlon's hand. "When you get out of prison, boy, find your way back here."
Marlon's eyes went wide. "How did..."
"Just do as I said." He winked at me and then said loudly, "This old back of mine needs a nap. Don't stay up too late looking at the stars, boys. And return the Jeep to the garage when you're done."
I smiled. He gave us everything we still needed, an excuse to be out, a valid reason we'd be gone all night, and permission to use his Jeep transport. I wished he could come, too.
Once at the station in Denver, it was easy enough to find my ship. We just went to the private Cosworth terminal and there it was. The old pilot was in the midst of monitoring the bots filling the catalyst drive when we approached.
"You just can't do it, son," he said again after hearing that I wanted to do the run without gas.
"Do you know who he is?" Marlon jumped in on my behalf.
"Don't matter who he is. It can't be done."
I looked to Marlon who gave me an I told you so look. I turned back to the pilot. "So no one has ever done it? How do the pilots fly if they're gassed?"
He gave a raspy chuckle. "The pilots are bots, kid. Haven't been people in the cockpit since X2. Too dangerous."
Aha! A way in. "But X1 and X2 had pilots. They weren't gassed."
"And they cracked up the ships, didn't they? Nope. Can't be done. Hey!" he shouted at the bot filling the catalyst drive. "No top offs! Just the max and leave it at that." He scoffed. "Bloody bots programmed to squeeze every credit out of us. You'd think a bot would be honest. Just goes to show it depends on who's doing the programming."
I didn't care about the bots overcharging me. "Look, Mr..."
"Collins."
"Mr. Collins. I..."
"Bert, to my friends."
"Fine. Bert."
"I didn't say you were a friend."
"He signs your payouts," Marlon said pointedly.
"That so?" Bert's eyes widened and he let out a long whistle. "Oh. Then you're Cosworth himself."
"Yes. And I really want to know why you can't make the trip without gas."
"It'll tear you up, Mr. Cosworth. Just tear you to pieces. We're not made to go that fast." It would not tear you to pieces, and I knew that full well. He was trying to do his job to protect me, whether it was because I was his boss or a kid didn't matter.
"I've jumped. I've made more jumps through wormholes and galactic funnels than you can imagine and I've done the majority of it without gas. It's not going to tear me up and I know that." He looked a little guilty. "Now, tell me what will really happen, because time is running short and this is very important." I was surprised at how authoritative I sounded. Even Marlon stood a little taller after my demands of Bert.
Bert looked almost panicked. "Look, Mr. Cosworth. I don't want to lose my job. Just sit in there and get the gas and have an easy trip."
Marlon sighed heavily. "This is taking forever. Let's cut to the chase. This man can fire you on the spot. Do you have a family?"
I almost jumped in to let Bert know I would not, in fact, fire him on the spot. But damn if it wasn't working.
"Yes, sir," he said almost miserably. "But I'll get fired if I help you. Fired, and maybe get Mr. Cosworth killed."
"I see," said Marlon. He pulled the slider machine out of his bag and grabbed Bert's employee pass key.
"Hey!"
Marlon swiped it and handed it back before Bert could say anything else. He began tapping on his holo.
"Now see here. I don't care who you are, there's things you don't do and..." He stopped talking. Marlon was holding his holo in front of Bert's face. I watched as Bert's eyes widened.
"With one push of a button, I will add a zero to that amount. And if you do not help us I will take them all away. Do we understand each other?"
"But...but...I don't want to get jailed."
"You will not be jailed," I said quickly. "You have my word."
"They'll trace that credit balance..."
"And see that it is from a contest you entered through a radio station last week. Come on, Bert. We both know I'm better than that." It was Marlon's shining moment and he was enjoying every minute. "Now, do we add a zero or do we start taking them away?" It was amazing.
Bert rubbed his mouth for just a second and looked around. No one was on the platform this late, just him and us, and the deaf drone bots preparing the X3. "Before I tell you anything else you have to know that this insane. It's absolutely unheard of. It's...it's..."
"Suicide, I know. But there's a way, isn't there?"
He sighed heavily. "If I kill the Jacob Cosworth..."
"And I'm taking away a zero..." Marlon hovered his finger over the key dramatically.
"No! Hell. Fine. Look, the reason the X1 and X2 crashed wasn't because of the pilots, not really. They lived through the mission. But the speed, it wrecked them at the end. They couldn't land on their own. They could take off, take a little Luna trip just fine, even at those speeds. I've...I've done it myself. Part of the X2 testing."
I knew it. I knew it! "So it's possible."
"Yeah, but even a short Luna trip did things. It screws with your perception, with your thinking." I knew exactly what he was talking about. The rubber band feeling, when your brain said you should, by all rights, be in one place and your eyes were saying that you were somehow in another. Nothing would make sense. It would be like when the Condor would jump or tunnel, only worse. Alone. Like jumping through the fah'ti.
Marlon pushed a button. "One zero added. Now tell us how he does it and lives and I'll add another."
"You can't get past the gas anywhere in the passenger compartments, but it will be much less in the cockpit. Law mandates we have two jump seats in the pit for humans in case intervention is necessary."
"Has it ever been?"
"No. Not on the X3. Sixty two reliable flights with no problems."
"Won't the bots notice him?"
"They're drones. They fly. They can't talk, can't hear. They have environ sensors, of course, but only set to mark critical changes."
"Is it breathable in there?"
"Yes. It's unnecessarily expensive and pointless to seal it off. Plus, like I said, it has to be inhabitable by humans by law, just in case. It'll be cold, though. No point in heating it. And some gas will get through."
"How much?"
He gave an almost manic little laugh. "How should I know? Like I said, it hasn't been done. It's not a vac in there. It would stand to reason that some gas..." he waved a hand in a helpless little gesture as his voice trailed off.
"Are there masks?"
His eyes went a little wider, as if he never thought of that. "Yes! Emergency ones. In the passenger compartment they only release in emergencies, but the pit has two secured to the walls."
"Does the gas flow the whole trip?" Marlon asked. It was an excellent question.
"No. That would kill a man. The sprayers start two minutes after take off. The gas only sprays through the system for three minutes, but I'd give it a good ten minutes with the mask on to make sure the gas has been cleared from the filters. It'll go off again ten hours and fifty eight minutes after it stops spraying."
Marlon snorted. "That seems really specific."
"It has to be. It's a fine line between too little and too much. We've been using the gas on the three day transports for years. Completely different set up, since it has human pilots and a sealed pit, but same idea. If you're really hellbent on this plan, then you gotta remember that. Ten hours and fifty eight minutes after it stops the first time, you get juiced again."
"So if I breathe in the mask for, say, twenty minutes at the beginning, then set my holo to warn me..."
"Unless you're being tortured." He put his hand on my arm. "I'm giving this warning to you man to man. If something goes wrong, or if you can't take it, or if you're just blitzed out of your mind by then...that second gas, just let it happen. Let it take you away." I could see it meant a lot for him to think I had that back up plan. He didn't look like a man getting paid for secret info in that moment. He looked like a friend, or a father. "Will you at least promise me you'll use it if you need it?" Then he swore before I could answer. "I shouldn't be doing this!" He looked like he was in legitimate pain.
"Keep your eyes on the prize," Marlon said coldly.
I shot him a frown. "Bert, I promise you this is absolutely necessary. It's a matter of life and death." He quirked an eyebrow. "There is someone on the end of the line that needs me." Or I need her. "And I have to get to her quick and quiet and if I don't...well I can't even think about what's going to happen if I don't. I'm not paying you to help me die. I'm paying you to help her live."
A look of understanding crossed his face. "She worth dying for, then, is she?"
Yes. "No, it's not...it's complicated. I'm not going to die," I insisted quickly. "I promise, if I can't hack it, I'll keep the mask on for the second gassing."
He looked at me for a minute. Marlon went to hit the button to add another zero to the long line of credits we added to Bert's account, but he held his hand up. "That's enough. I'm not a greedy man, Mr. Cosworth."
I shrugged. "It's just money."
He gave a snort. Marlon added some anyway. "Nah, the space monkey means it," he assured Bert. "You should see what he's paying me!"
"Are you going, too?"
Marlon nodded, putting his holo away.
"So you're both insane?"
Marlon put his hands up. "No way. I'm getting good and gassed. I want to make sure to be around to spend all his credits."
Bert pointed at him. "You should listen to your friend."
Two and a half hours later, after we took off, strapped in the emergency seat in the cold cockpit with my panicked mind trying hard to ignore the enormous physical and mental pressure, his words drifted through my head over and over. I should have listened to my friend.
No! I needed to get there, and I needed to get there sane. The constant pressure on my body was just that. It was just the g-force of traveling so quickly. It wasn't enough to kill me. My mind only thought so because of the feeling of leaving something, leaving part of myself behind. It wasn't real. It was a trick, and one I knew. My brain just had to remember.
Concentrate, I told myself. Concentrate on one thing, one small thing. A piece of me. I just needed to picture myself. I was in a ship. I was traveling from point A to point B. I was moving very quickly. It was real. It was happening. I left nothing behind. It was all there, all with me.
Time blurred, as it will at those speeds. Everything blurred, as it will at those speeds. The clicking sounds of the drone bots going about their endless list of flight checks and course corrections and accelerations and decelerations around the known and unknown asteroids sounded slow and hollow. Their movements seemed to be suspended, or sped up according to the accelerations and decelerations the ship made. I looked out the window. Or what they called a window. Of course in a craft this fast it couldn't be a real window made of glass, or plastic, or one of the newer translucent alloys. It was solid, as solid as the rest of the fuselage. What we saw was the live feed of minute cameras on the ship. A movie, only a real one. I focused on that. There was a dot in the center that slowly grew. So slowly. Almost too slowly to notice unless some debris or asteroid or random illuminated dust mote flashed by. Then the very stillness of the dot contrasted and made it seem bigger.
Mars. Utopia. Her.
I willed myself to focus on it. I convinced myself the sounds I was hearing were on the Condor. I told myself I was strapped in my jump seat with Dad at my side and Mother strapped in the labs to make sure her experiments lived. Not that she could have done a thing about them if something went wrong. Even if she could have unstrapped, the g-force alone would keep her riveted in place. But I suppose it made her jumps through the holes and chutes easier. The knowledge of Dad being right beside me, that's what eased mine.
He was there with me on the X3. In my mind, at least. Isn't that all that really matters?
I could even hear his voice. "This one's a baddy, eh kiddo?" He'd joke. He'd laugh. His voice would reach me in distorted waves that were more silly than scary as a kid. "Hang on. I mean, it can't last forever, right? Or maybe it can. Do you suppose we'll be in this flushing toilet for the rest of our lives? Boy, wouldn't that be something!" Dad has a weird sense of humor. It must have rubbed off on me because I always laughed at his odd and usually inappropriate jokes.
I laughed out loud on the X3 and the sound of my own voice was both startling and somehow securing. It didn't sound like me. Of course not, not at those speeds. But it did sound like someone. Anyone. Dad, right with me.
"I miss you Dad," I said out loud. The twisted voice came back to me and the hollowness added to my pain. I couldn't do that. Not there, not then. I couldn't think about Dad, Mother.
Ralph. I thought about Ralph. I thought long and hard about him, the thinking taking more effort than usual because of the amount of concentration required to hold a single clear thought. He was probably going to be livid with me. I didn't have it in me, bare, exposed and raw like I was, to even pretend to be angry at him. I was confused and hurt. I didn't understand how he could pick StarTech over me. I shed tears that were instantly pushed behind me. The feeling of them wrapping around my face, pushing past my ears was fascinating and my tired mind concentrated on that instead.
At some point, my holo warned me about the gases. The suddenness of the noise made me jump and it took me a few seconds to remember what the noise meant. Had it really been that long? Of course, what did time mean? It took all my strength to pick up muscles that thought they were thousands and thousands of miles behind me and get the mask. I somehow got it into place and felt the cold oxygen flood around my face. With the mask on, I felt less vulnerable. More in control. There was something real pressing on me, around me. Something I could see. My anchor. I decided to leave it on the rest of the trip.
Or maybe I just decided not to take it off. I can't be sure. I can't actually be sure of too much after the halfway point. Bert was right. Going that long that fast did things to me. I began to see people in the cabin with me. Looking back, I can call them hallucinations. I can even rest assured that's the only logical explanation. But were they? I still can't say for certain. Lena appeared. I hadn't seen her after my first few weeks on Utopia. I don't think I'd thought of her once in all the months between then and the flight, so I don't know why it was her I conjured. Maybe I wasn't the one that did the conjuring.
"Here now. You'll get in so much trouble when they find out, you know. Can I at least check your vitals?" I answered and thought I held out my hand. "You're going to set yourself back a long way with this little stunt." She gave me that conspiratorial wink I'd seen from her a time or two when I'd whine about the conditioning. I couldn't even walk on my own when she met me. Had it really been only six months since then?
Maybe. Maybe not. Was there time at all?
"So you're running back to save your green people, are you?"
She shrugged. "What do I know? I'm just a nurse on this ward. I don't know what they do on the upper levels. But that's what you're up to, isn't it?"
She did not look like she understood. "You were doing pretty well for yourself on Earth. You know you screwed all that up, don't you?" Didn't she know I wanted to screw it all up? "And getting Marlon involved. That wasn't very fair for a friend to do."
"He's not, hm? So you turned to your worst enemy in your hour of need, did you? That's weird. Must be a Qitani trait, because we humans certainly don't trust our enemies that much."
"Bitterness does not suit you Jake, it really doesn't. Where's the boy who talked about a new race of people with such love and devotion?"
"Of course it did! At first. Everything new is scary at first, Jake. So why the change, kiddo?" She changed to Ralph, just like that. He was there with me then.
"I know you feel like they betrayed you. They didn't. They were always honest. It was us that kept things from you. If it was up to them, you would have known from the get go, too."
"Us? Or them? No, neither. We all do what we think is best. Sometimes it turns out not to be. I don't think that's the case here. You can't hate us. And even if you think you can, I know you better...you can't hate them, either. And you shouldn't."
"I know."
He laughed. "I know."
"Yeah. I know that, too. But we all can't think and act like you'd like, Jakey." It was Mother's voice I heard. "And you'd be foolish to believe life works that way."
"Now why would you ask me such an impossible to answer question? I've spent the last five years working on the fah'ti and Qitani technology. There was simply no time for any type of experiment and a hypothesis is not the same as an answer. Why, at best, I could possibly advance a theory, but what's that? Hm?"
"Exactly! Now, about this mission you are on. I can't say I'm disappointed, because perhaps the data that is collected will be valuable. But there is a reason why the gas exists, Jakey, and as your mother, I'm very disappointed to see that you've bucked a tried and true system."
"Touche. Please, for once in your life, would you listen to what someone who knows a little more than you has to say?" Mother was replaced by Xavier. "You little brat. We risk our asses for you..."
"Don't be mean," said Daniel, taking over. "He's always been a pushy, no good jackass. You hang in there, Jake."
He laughed. "You do not. You miss learning how to butter people up, that's what you miss! No one can stand my cooking. Not my fault I'm working with protein mash. You might want to check yourself." It was Stephan now. "You're vitals are showing bad."
And on and on. Or maybe it all happened in a flash. It felt like everyone I ever knew popped in to check on me. It had to be my subconscious keeping me sane, keeping me sane by making me insane in a way my brain could accept. Who knows? All I'm sure of is that one minute I was talking with Lynette, trying to apologize and explain, and the next the clicking of the bot drones raised in pitch and got faster. My body felt lighter by slow increments. The scene on the screen showed the burning blue and white flames of entry.
We were there. We were landing. I felt my tears of relief falling, rolling straight down my cheeks as they should. I unstrapped the oxygen mask and tried to get the pulling and spinning feeling in me to go away. We landed smoothly. The lack of motion sent my head spinning for a minute and I closed my eyes and drew deep breaths. I unlocked the straps of my seat and immediately pitched forward, my legs and arms failing to understand that the Jake on Mars was the same Jake that had just been on Earth and that we were whole and complete and we all needed to work as one unit and get moving.
The cabin door opened. Marlon was there, groggy, a zombie himself. "Out. Here. Walk." He worked his mouth as if trying to say more but finding it impossible. He held out a hand. I forced my arm to lift. I closed my hand around Marlon's and made myself stand. I nearly pulled us both over with the action, but after a second our wobbling stopped. Marlon let out what could have been a laugh and we stumbled forward to the door.
Christophe was there. I didn't even know he was on Utopia. He wasn't supposed to be. He was supposed to be in Washington at another stupid IOC hearing. I had a fleeting thought that he wasn't really there, that he was like the others who kept me company on the journey. He was just a figment of my overworked imagination.
"Mr. Donnely, I believe if I speak to you right now one of us would end up dead." He made a motion for one of the StarTech guards behind him to take Marlon. "Infirmary seven. Sedate him. I want everything on his person to be confiscated and brought to my office."
"Yes, sir!" they snapped out.
I still thought it was a hallucination, a very complicated one, until I felt Marlon's hand being ripped from mine. "Wait," I managed to make my mouth say.
"S'right, Jakey," Marlon slurred. "I...nap..." He was almost passed out and the guard moved him to a wheelchair. They rolled him away. I stood holding the doorway of the X3 and watched them until they were too far for me to see.
I felt Christophe's hands on me. He was pushing, poking, checking me over. "Dear god, Jake! What in the hell were you thinking?" He grabbed my face and looked into my eyes. "Can you understand me?"
I nodded as best as I could with his hands on me. He looked worried, not angry. He turned and snapped. I was in a wheelchair in seconds. "Leave us," he commanded his guards.
"But sir..."
"Leave!" he bellowed. He
didn't lose his cool. He was Christophe, after all. But he
He pushed me into the next hallway. On one side was a wall of windows, on the other rows of stations and equipment. He wheeled me past the first window and then turned me suddenly to face the next.
"She hasn't woken since we found her. It's impossible to say how long she was...trapped. We know they shut theirs down after she jumped. We just don't know the math we need to determine how long that would have been. We've got her vitals. She's alive. But..." He cleared his throat and tried to sound angry. "I shouldn't let you see her, you know. Reginald demanded that I lock you right up with Marlon, and I can't say I completely disagree with him. After what you pulled..." He stopped speaking. He took a deep, calming breath. "There's time for that later. And I'm here, not Reginald. It's my call. And I'm sure it's the right one. You may go to her, Jacob," he added softly.
I pushed up from my wheelchair and leaned against the glass. Ashnahta. So small in the big bed. So pale. So foreign and out of place and...
She was here.
I lurched forward and fumbled for the doorknob. Christophe reached around and opened it for me, then stepped back. I stumbled, but not as much as I should have. I had a focus. I had her. I pulled a chair and almost fell into it beside her bed. And then I did what I wanted to do for years. I took her hand in mine. Not in a suit. Not covered in protective layers. I took her soft hand in mine. She had a pulse. I could feel it strong, even though she looked so weak. I almost cried. I almost laughed. I was so overwhelmed and relieved and scared and worried and ridiculously happy all at once that all I could do was sit there and stare and hope against hope that it wasn't still part of the delirium, that I wasn't just imagining the moment to get through the trip.
It wasn't until much later, after I had my own IV of fluids and my own stats analyzed, after the floor beneath me started to actually feel like it was beneath me and not miles away that I truly believed it was all happening. It was real. I had her. My friend.
Chapter16
Sometime in the night, I felt someone put a pillow under my head and a blanket over me. I woke just enough to mumble a thanks and tighten my grip on her hand. I assume it was Christophe. The Bradley bot wouldn't even think to be that considerate. I slept soundly until much later, when the fluids did what fluids will do and I woke up having to pee. I stood and stretched out the kinks, then found a bathroom across the hall. I felt worlds better, even though my image in the mirror was shockingly horrid. I ran cold water over my face and that helped.
I went back out and the Bradley bot was in the hallway. "I'm glad you are awake. Christophe said you were not to be disturbed even though it was far past test times. In the future, please see to it that you wake and sleep following the schedule. Otherwise you throw my entire staff off." In the room, they were doing things. Nursing things, perhaps. Testing things, for certain.
"Just wait, Jake. They are helping her." I turned around to see Christophe sitting at one of the stations. He was tapping on a terminal. He looked up after a minute. "You look much better."
I felt suddenly...caught, I suppose. Shy. A kid waiting for punishment. I expected reckoning, just not so soon. It took all I had to take the seat he offered. I sat on the edge. I wasn't going to run, but I suppose some instincts just take over.
Christophe sat back. The lights were dimmed in the room to allow it to feel like night time. I wondered if the other glassed in rooms contained other patients. "I am not going to pretend to need an explanation," he began. "Nor am I going to ask you how you discovered. I will assume you snooped and that way Ralph has not betrayed his loyalties to StarTech."
"I did snoop," I said quickly. "Ralph had nothing at all to do with it."
"I figured as much. There is a certain level of panic you cannot fake. I will also chalk up Mr. Bert Collins' involvement as a desperate act of coercion."
"It was," I insisted again, starting to feel the potential implications of what I did. "I promised he wouldn't lose his job."
"That was a foolish promise you have no wait of keeping."
"But..."
"No. He's fired. However, he can keep the credits he won in the...lottery, was it?" I felt my face turn red. We didn't get away with a single aspect of our plan. Not a one. "It's more than he'd make through retirement with us. I do not believe he'll be too upset with the news." He sat back and tapped his finger on the desk. "Now. About young Mr. Donnely."
"It was completely my fault."
He gave a little laugh. "Oh, now don't think I don't know that. However, he was involved. Knowingly, willingly. Do you know the levels of hacking he had to do to pull this off? No, I don't think you do. He broke just about every law on the books concerning electronic transmissions, not to mention finances, espionage..." I swallowed hard. I hadn't thought about that. Hell, I didn't know anything about these laws. But Marlon did. He had to. And yet, he did it anyway. "He's no longer a child, Jake. We extended his contract to allow him the same indentured status simply because we know how much his sister means to him. It's the only noble thing he's ever done, and frankly, I bet will ever do. To us, he's still a child because we've extended him a certain courtesy. I have no plans to change that status. We will prosecute him as a minor. But if we can't keep this secret, keep it to ourselves somehow, then it very well may be out of our hands."
I tried to swallow again and found it impossible. "Will he go to prison?"
He didn't insult me by lying. "Maybe. Probably, if they ever find out." He let me squirm for another minute before he added, "I said if. I do not want you think you can keep doing things like this, but I also cannot let you continue to think the worst for your friend."
"He's not my friend."
Christophe almost smiled. "Then your conspirator. He'll be punished here then released. The process should take several months."
"And Lynette?"
"Jacob, do I seem the type to punish others for the foolish acts of their family members? Hm? Miss Donnely still has a great future here at StarTech, even if she did behave a little foolishly while on Earth."
They were all safe.
"That takes care of your cohorts. On to your punishment."
It didn't really matter. As long as I could stay here and be with Ashnahta and help her recover, it didn't matter at all. He'd let me stay and I knew it. Still, I needed punishing by their thinking. I knew that, too. "Go ahead."
"You're to be confined to this ward. You will turn in your pass key and forgo your clearance level. You will not set one foot off this floor until we decide you may. If you may."
I tried desperately not to smile I was so relieved. That was a punishment? I'll take it! "I guess it's what I deserve," I said with as much contrition as I could muster.
His eyes sparkled but he kept his firm look. "And that's the punishment from me. Reginald will no doubt have his own. As will Ralph." The twinkle faded a bit, and I could see he was serious now. "You could have killed yourself, Jacob. When we heard you were doing the jump without gas..." He shook his head.
"But I've done it before," I defended.
"When you had a full staff of trained people around you in case something went wrong, at much lower speeds and certainly not for that long of a time period. They may seem like small things to you, but each of those variables had the potential to kill you. What did you have on X3 for support? If your vitals had truly been in jeopardy, who could help you?" He flicked his wrist. "A few drones and a passed out idiot. It was foolish."
I conceded. "I didn't feel like I had a choice."
"I know." That surprised me. "I'm not so unfeeling that I didn't see this happening. Of course you had to come as soon as you knew."
"Then why didn't you tell me?"
He sighed. "Even I have a boss, you know. And a greater responsibility. We needed you on Earth. We're so very close..." He shook his head quickly. "And even if we were not, or even if we had somehow gotten the carte blanc blessing from the IOC that's our impossible dream, we still would not have told you rashly. I understand we are a business, but you need to believe that our business is humanity, is people. That begins with our own. You're so young, Jacob. And you've already had one terrible blow. Could we deliver another so soon? That would have been irresponsible at the very least. We had third hand data, mostly from bots. We had to know for ourselves first. So it was determined that I would come up and monitor the situation for myself, and Reginald would try and speed up the last push for the bill that will grant allowance for deep space human procreation. We're so close. They were supposed to have the final hearing and then vote.
"What I am asking for is not your forgiveness. We've done nothing you need to forgive. I am asking for your acceptance of the facts, and your understanding of the difficult choices we had to make. I understand her importance to you. But you still underestimate your importance to human expansion."
After all the things I'd learned in that week, it wasn't the worst offense. I could grudgingly see his points, and I could live with it. I didn't like it, but if I started making a list of all the things I didn't like...
Christophe said all he had to say. I knew by the way he was holding himself that he did not expect or even want a reply. It was one of the things he just wanted me to hear and then think about. It's a pretty fair way to deal with a kid, I'll give him that. The subject was closed. He had his say, and I would have my thoughts. And between us, all was out in the open and settled.
I glanced at the window across the hall. "She hasn't woken up at all." I wasn't asking. I'd have known that, for certain.
"No." Again, I knew I could trust him for the straight answers. "She's very weak, according to the biostats sent by your mother." He looked uncomfortable for the flash of a second before he schooled his features into the standard, cool, in control Christophe. "The fah'ti has been closed."
He had said something like that already. "On their side?"
"And ours. We got a large bio reading and sent a probe. They found her. She had the fah'ti linked to some sort of holo on her person."
"They don't use holos." They didn't have to.
"It looked a lot like ours. Yours, I should say. Old tech, definitely something that would have been on the Condor, but highly modified. Bradley has been analyzing it."
"And it closed the fah'ti?"
"Yes."
"Good."
He looked at me without speaking. He was waiting for me to explain.
"They'll kill her, Christophe. That's the culture. She can never go back. Like me."
"Bradley theorizes that they sent her through, that they did it to make sure the fah'ti was closed."
Could they have? It would have fit their culture, had it not been the primary to the throne. "Not her. They would have sent a slave."
"I did not know they were a slave society."
I quirked and eyebrow. "What do you think Mother and Dad are?"
It was something he hadn't considered. "So she did this on her own."
That didn't make sense, either. It had to be one or the other, of course. Either or. But neither fit with the culture. "She was supposed to take the throne. Before I left she was in her final stages of preparation."
"Then she must have stepped down."
Why? I looked across the hall. Nurses hovered over her. She looked so damned small. "But that's not her. It's not. She's...she's always been so proud to be the next primary." That was such an understatement that I laughed at myself. "More than proud. It's not just something that was supposed to be her job or her future, it's...everything about her."
"Is that why the adornment of jewels?"
Christophe sounded interested, truly, deeply interested. I turned around. "Partly, though that's really only a symbol of wealth. Many Qitani do that type of decoration. The color blue, that's what indicates royalty. Mostly it's green gems. Some use fake ones of metal, which the real rich people laugh at but I think still look nice because it's all...shiny. Pearly. It swirls and shimmers different colors."
"Yes. She was wearing a suit of that metal."
"It's the only metal I've seen used on Laak'sa."
He quirked an eyebrow. "Is that so? Well, it's a very good one. Bradley has a team..."
Analyzing it. He didn't have to finish. "Right. I think it's nice. Everyone on the Condor did, too. But to them, it's just...metal. Like aluminum. Or tin. Boring, old, useless." I smiled at Christophe. "Too bad we don't have more of it, eh? People would kill to have a house that shines like rainbows."
Christophe gave a small laugh. "Who knows? Perhaps this will be a test for how good..."
The hairs on my neck stood up. Panic filled the voice in my head.
I turned around and jumped out of my chair.
"Jake?"
I ignored Christophe and ran back into the room. Her eyes were closed. I could feel her, though, feel her pulse begin to race, feel her fear. She was waking.
I reached out to calm
her.
Her voice was almost screaming, child like and terrified. I sat and put my hand on hers.
"Jake, what's happening?" Christophe was right behind me.
And then she moved. Her forehead wrinkled in pain, her body twitching in aching spasms.
I tried to sooth
her.
Her eyes suddenly popped open. I ignored Christophe's gasp and stared into them, the eyes I never thought I'd see again. Calm. Cool. Deep violet and clear as ever. Her forehead relaxed. Her muscles eased. And for a second I felt her relief mix with mine in an almost overwhelming flood of calm. And then she narrowed her eyes into the familiar glare.
And then I smiled, in spite of her anger. And when she continued to hurl insults at me, I threw my head back and laughed. It would all be okay. I picked her hand up and kissed it and she gasped out loud.
"Jake," said Christophe patiently behind me. "Is..is everything all right?"
Very regal. I smiled at her again. "Everything is fine, Christophe."
I sighed inside. I urged her to calm down. I pointed out that the machines were beeping louder the more upset she was and that the louder they beeped, the more the grundhi would do to her. She gave me an angry look, but I could feel the fear behind it. I squeezed her hand. It startled her, but she didn't pull away.
"She's scared. Get everyone to leave her alone." I left no room for arguing.
Christophe turned to one of the nurses rushing in. "I want the room cleared of all staff. Immediately." The nurse nodded and cleared out the others and the bots. "And keep that door closed until you have my permission to open it." The nurse agreed and left. "Is it all right if I stay? Or should I leave as well?"
I laughed. "No, Christophe is not a primary," I said out loud. Inside I explained his position.
She was tired. She was scared. She was weak and in pain...and still, always, forever a queen. The absolute relief that flooded through made my smile bigger. "It's okay if you stay," I told Christophe over my shoulder. "But keep in mind she's very weak."
She didn't remove her hand in spite of the words, so I didn't think she minded all that much. "This is Christophe Venderi. He's one of StarTech's leading men. Christophe, this is Ashnahta, Primary to the Throne of the Qitani of Laak'sa." It didn't realize what I'd said until it was out. Her title. It's how she herself trained me to introduce her. As soon as it was out I could feel the flood of pain in her. I looked at her. The sadness in her eyes was almost my undoing.
Christophe did not pick up on the private feelings and welcomed her. He said something to me, but I was too busy trying to figure things out.
She closed off any answer to that question. "I'm sorry, what did you say Christophe?"
He looked at me a long moment before standing. "I said that it must have been a terrible journey and I assume that the Primary to the Throne would like to rest. I will excuse myself and allow you two old friends to catch up." On the way by, he hit the tint button on the window to give us privacy. I could have hugged him.
"My throat burns like cooking embers," she said out loud in Qitani when we were alone. Her voice sounded raspy and very deep, like she sounded the time she was allowed on the Condor. The extra oxygen changed the way her vocal cords worked. I got her a glass of water and she made a face. "It does not smell right."
"It's not marsh water, that's for sure," I answered in English. If she was going to stay on Utopia, she might as well learn what it's really like to be the odd man out. Mean? Nah. Just some friendly table turning. Besides, she might not deign to speak it herself, but she damn well knew what the words meant. "It's clean and cold, though. Drink it."
She pushed herself up. She looked absolutely ridiculous in the human hospital gown. Her eyes narrowed and she dared me to laugh. She took a long drink of the water. "It has no flavor. What is the point?" I put the cup back on a table and then we just sat and looked at each other. "It is heavy here," she said eventually.
"Yes."
"Is that why your arms have gotten large?"
"Yes. Apparently big muscles are an attraction on Earth." I posed, flexing. "What do you think?"
"It is ridiculous. You do not need those lumps."
I laughed. "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind. You'll get used to the different gravity. It'll get easier once you start eating. I know you're hungry."
"Do not pretend to know my every thought just because you...you..."
She was flustered. I didn't know why. Something got her worked up. I smiled. "I don't. I just know that trip and what that jump does to you. Did it myself, you know. A little food, a little time, a few dozen heavy workouts in the conditioning room and you, too, could be this buff and tough!"
"You make jokes."
I grinned. "Yes."
"I did not come here for you to make such jokes!"
It was such a stark command that I obeyed.
She sat back on the bed and tried to arrange her blankets, but the tubing for the IVs was holding her arms back. "What is all of this...this..." She was tugging at the tubes going into her arms.
"Our way of medicine," I explained, following her change of subject. "Don't tug on it. It's giving nutrients to your blood."
She looked shocked. "It is into my core?"
"Yes, but only..."
She was panicking again. "It's okay, it's nothing bad." They did not have intravenous medicine on Laak'sa. It was one of those gaps in knowledge that confused our crew. They had excellent pills and even surgeries. On the whole, though, their medical knowledge was very primitive. Mother believed it was another product of their naturally short lifespans, that they had an attitude of why bother with the effort when natural death was so close anyway, or something like that.
Ashnahta began clawing at the IVs. "Remove them!" she screamed. "Get them out of me! Out!"
I jumped up and put my hands over hers. A few drops of the blood so deeply red it was almost brown trickled out from under the tubing. I felt her fear at the sight as if it was my own. Maybe it was my own. I calmed her, with words inside and my hands outside. I had seen this done thousands of times. I knew how to remove the tubes. "You'll hurt yourself if you do it like that," I said out loud.
I opened a supply drawer in the cabinet near the bed. There were swabs and bandages and I took out a couple. "No one was trying to hurt you," I explained. "You couldn't eat or drink."
"Do not tell lies to me. That is not food."
I had to laugh at her tone. I gently held her arm when she flinched until she relaxed enough for me to slide the IVs out and quickly bandage the holes. "No, not exactly. It's the vitamins and nutrients found in food, all taken out and put in water. It feeds you when you can't feed yourself." I patted the bandages in place and smiled at her. "But you're awake now and can eat for yourself so we don't need this anymore, do we?"
"I do not think I shall want anything put in my self again." The tone was regal, the eyes were scared.
I wondered...is that how I had looked to her all those years on Laak'sa? Eager, but scared. Willing, but scared. Trying my hardest, but scared...
The thought hit me out of the blue. It took me a second to respond, and when I did, it was with laughter. "No, not even close."
I shook my head. "Not even close," I repeated. "Here, I'm still very much considered a child."
She balked. "You walk like a man and talk like a man and think like a man."
"And for a couple more years, that doesn't matter."
She looked right through me then. That's what it felt like. She'd done it since we met all those years ago. It was one of her most annoying habits, to tell you the truth. If I took off all my clothes and stood in the middle of one of the great storms off the Gukki Sea, I could not have felt more naked or exposed. Only this time, it was different. This time, it was a different kind of nakedness, a different kind of assessment, and I felt my face burn with embarrassment. "Do you want me to remove those bioreceptors?" I said quickly to change the subject. It worked. I felt her bold searching pull back into herself.
Ashnahta glanced down at the bioreceptors stuck all over her. She knew what those were. Mother and the other squints talked Morhal into allowing them to take basic bio readouts. She gave a quick nod, then held her arms out in permission. Still the Primary in training, even away from her throne.
I began to remove the pads. "They sure used enough of them, eh?" She gave me the bored look, as if all of this was beneath her. The docs and bots had used a ridiculous amount. The pads were stuck everywhere. I started on the ones at her temples, then moved down her neck. I had her lean forward and unstuck the ones across the top of her back.
"Do not forget my legs. Those itch." She tugged the blanket free and I got the ones off her feet, ankles, and knees.
"Jeez, they must have been recording every single muscle twitch!" I wadded up the sticky pads in my hand and put them on a tray. "There. I think that's all."
"Then you are bad at this job you take on." She moved the blanket and slipped her arms out of her gown and sat naked before me. There were pads stuck to her chest and her belly. She held her arms out and sighed impatiently. "Well?"
On Laak'sa, the clothing all the Qitani wore was token, at best. Their woven metal garments were very protective against the rains. Even the wind driven afternoon raindrops slid right off. The clothing provided the protection they needed, but the metallic fiber strands were so thin they offered no concealment. None. They couldn't. The tropical climate was hot and sultry. They couldn't cover themselves up too much or else the heat would have suffocated them. And on Laak'sa, having been around it when I was still really a child, it never mattered.
I swallowed hard. Here, it matters.
Had I been away that long? Or had I just started to grow up?
I reached over and tugged off the bioreceptors as quickly as I could, then pulled the gown back up her arms. She went to pull it back off, but I told her to keep it on.
"It tickles the skin."
"It's the custom," I said. "Leave it."
She sighed heavily. "I should have my own tun'ti. Bring it."
"I don't know where it is. Besides, this will be much more comfortable..."
I gave an impatient sigh. "Would you just leave that on? Please. It's just what we...what they do around here."
"Is it a danger not to?"
I couldn't lie to her. No, I mean that. I legitimately could not lie. I learned that one early on, even before I knew about inspeaking. She would poke and prod until she felt the truth and then rage with all her royal fury that I would dare even attempt to conceal the truth. I learned that lesson, and learned it well! So, I couldn't lie. But I could choose which part of the truth to tell her. "Your skin can burn from the sun."
"Sun?"
"The star."
"It burns?"
"It can." I pointed to my own face. "I got a little burnt myself the other day."
She squinted. "It hurts?"
I was going to shake my head but then nodded. "Oh, yes. So keep covered."
She wasn't buying it. But her eyes were starting to droop, so she accepted it for the time being. I knew that would not be the last. She would want a real explanation.
I smiled at her and took her hand.
I could feel the question in her. She was uncertain. It was an unusual emotion to feel from someone who was used to ordering around an entire population. "Yes. I keep touching you. Now go to sleep."
I stared at her sleeping form. She was wrapped in cotton, where she should have been dressed in the finest woven metals. She was not wearing the jeweled circlet of her people. I'd never seen her hair unbound by it, free and rather short and all crazy over the pillow. Her ears had never seemed pointy before. Now I could see they were a bit smaller than ours, with a definite peak at the top. Her hand was smaller than mine. Small and very soft. The hands of a princess. And green.
I hated that I was noticing differences that had never mattered before. And I hated that it might matter now, at least on some level.
Green. On Laak'sa, it fit.
The very air seemed to have a green quality to it on the tropical
planet. She did not seem out of place there,
Green skin. Paler than it should be, but definitely green toned skin. Blue hair. In the low light in the room, it almost looked black. Anyone glancing in would think it was, in fact. But I knew as soon as we were in full light, it would almost glow with the deep blue hue. Probably even more striking in the natural sunlight on Utopia, with the pulsing red of the rocks contrasting. And the bright blue gems in her chest would sparkle and shine and announce her place.
My own chest tightened. Her place in another world.
Her nose. I'd never noticed before how flat it is. Not wide, just flat. Almost as if you took my nose and smooshed it in a little. Her cheekbones are high. Her eyes are larger than ours. There's a sprinkling of darker green freckles across her nose and cheeks and her lips are almost a blue they're so deep.
I felt bad for staring. It wasn't fair to do to her, not someone so high, so important, so royal with all the things that means. Fair or not, it didn't stop me. Had she ever looked at me like this? Done this unfair assessment? How many naps had I taken in the rafts while we were out exploring for hours on end...she must have. Did she worry about me with her people then, too?
Sitting there, trying to assess how other people would see her, I suddenly became aware of just how terrified I really was. I knew how they treated me, and at least I shared biology with everyone else. What would they do to her?
I wish she'd talk about why she came. I tried, but even in her sleep she had it all locked away tight in recesses of her mind I couldn't reach. Even in her sleep, she guarded it with her very life. I reached out and moved her hair off her face. At the touch, she fluttered a little, but settled quickly. Was it her choice to come? Either it was or it wasn't. Either she chose to come, or they made her. Either they exiled her completely, or she chose to exile herself.
I meant what I said to Christophe earlier. I just could not imagine that Morhal would sentence her to an exile so complete. While I'm not an expert in the history of the Qitan, I got a pretty good sense of things not only from my HuTA, but my own observances. She was the primary to the throne. No matter what she did or said, that had never changed. I'd seen her defy laws and rules, and get little more than a scolding from Ta'al; offenses that would have gotten others, even her sisters, executed. The very fact that I was never even flogged under her protection spoke of the power she truly had. Often, she even got a look of approval from Morhal, a small nod of pride from one primary to her successor. I can't think of anything she could have possibly done or said to change her status so completely.
The more I thought, the more sure I was. She chose it. Why?
There was no answer. As before, my question simply echoed back to me after it bounced on the firmly closed part of her mind I was never allowed to reach. Was Christophe right, then? Did she really come for me? Did she chose the hell she was about to face?
A weight like no other settled on me. Did she really do this for me?
I never felt so guilty in all my life.
Chapter17
I sat rubbing my aching head and drinking a coffee. Yes. Coffee. It's nasty stuff, but Christophe was right. It does the trick. The Bradley bot had offered me something for the headache, different medicines he assured me would cure whatever caused it. It made me laugh. It made me give a sad, tired laugh.
Ashnahta was three rooms away in the full body scanner. Three rooms away didn't quiet the internal yelling, the constant cursing, and the angered vexation of the entire human race. I begged her to be quiet and just do as they asked. She called me every name in the book, and she had a very big book.
No answer, and I smiled into my mug. Silence. Blissful silence. Oh, I could close her off if I really wanted to. I could make the roar a dull thud, at the very least. I just didn't have it in me to do that to her. Her ranting and raving and silent yelling was only because she was scared. Scared, hurting, alone... I wouldn't close her off. But, I could make her zip it from time to time.
"It's highly unnerving, you know," said Christophe. His voice made me jump. I forgot he was at the table with me.
"What's unnerving?"
"This inspeaking. I can tell when you are doing it. One might call it rude."
"Sorry."
"And now you're lying." He put his holo on the table and sat straighter. "They're getting here today."
They. Them. My people. My team. Ralph and Lynette and even Jillian. Dr. Karl would arrive next week. He was older and even the three day transport took a toll. He insisted on giving me a full physical personally. In all honesty, I think he just wanted to meet Ashnahta. "Oh," was all I could think of to say. I didn't really know how to feel about that. When I ran, I knew they'd follow me back eventually. My goal wasn't to run from them so much as to her. I thought. Now, the idea of seeing all of them again was...confusing. I wanted to. I was eager to introduce Ashnahta to the rest. I wanted them to see her through my eyes, to see such a large part of my life that I missed and...loved. I wanted to share this with them all.
And yet, I didn't.
"It must be hard, the blending of two lives."
At least I had Christophe. He was angry with me. Deeply, truly, and justifiably angry. Even though he would be for a long time to come, at least he understood. "I...yeah."
"I am going to share a little advice with you, as I feel you sorely need it." I looked at him and waited. "Take your lumps, as they say. You've earned them. Don't inspeak."
"I can't..."
He held up a hand to stop me. "I'm just giving you advice. If you choose not to listen, that's your prerogative." I shut up and listened. "I find the concept fascinating. I have sometimes almost felt..." He looked embarrassed. Out of the blue, the great, calm, always composed Christophe looked embarrassed. Interesting. He cleared his throat. "I am open to the concept. That is what I'm trying to say. Others, however, will view it as some secret gift between to intimate friends."
I had to laugh. "I guess that's what it is."
"And other friends do not like being left out of the secret."
Ah.
"Try not to. Or, if you must, try to be as discreet about it as possible." I opened my mouth to object, to tell him that some things couldn't be controlled. "Just try. For yourself."
I could see his point after thinking about it for awhile. "Anything else?"
"Yes. Bradley would appreciate it if you'd stop telling him how to do his job. And I agree."
Now that one was really unfair. "No." Christophe quirked an eyebrow. "If he's going to do things...well...wrong..."
"He's not doing anything 'wrong', Jacob. He is a bot, and with excellent programming."
"For a human. Not for a Qitan. The anatomy is totally different."
He was amused. I could see him fighting a smile. "I am informed that it is actually remarkably similar. At least in ways that matter." Was he picking on me? Joking? I couldn't tell. "I understand what you are saying, but perhaps you should consider a way to approach it more delicately."
I snorted. "He's a bot. By the very definition, I can't offend him."
"He's a dopple-bot, and even if the feelings are synthesized based upon the programmed personality, they are nevertheless an encumbrance to this process. We can't proceed with him in the corner playing out the sulking program commands."
I sighed. "Fine. I'll try not to hurt the bot's artificial feelings. But if he'd listen to me, it would go a lot faster. She's getting more than a little tired of it."
He shrugged his shoulder. "If I had to guess, I'd say she's no more tired of it than your parents are." It felt somehow like a low blow. Honest, maybe. But a low blow anyway. "At least we have an end to our plans."
I sat back. I had intentionally been avoiding that very question the last three days. I wanted to know, and I didn't. I wanted to ask, but childish fear kept me quiet. "What...what's the plan?"
He was honest. I appreciate that at least. "I don't know. We haven't formulated one."
"Then how can you say she won't be as much your prisoner as my parents are theirs?" There. It was out. I said it. My fear, hers.
He took a long time answering. With most people, that's a bad sign. But Christophe is precise, exact. I knew he didn't want to promise anything, but I also knew he wanted to set my mind at ease. Our minds. "Analysis of the data is needed before we can make a plan. How do we even know if she can survive unassisted in our environment? I, for one, would not allow her to go to Earth if it will kill her. And you can take that on every level I mean. I can assure you, though, that I have no intention to allow her to become our prisoner. She may have constraints out of necessity. But we have finally, finally proven that there is life. Not only life, but life so remarkably similar to ours that it...it...well it boggles the mind. And that should be honored, not imprisoned." He was saying exactly what he felt about Mother and Dad's capture without actually saying it. The Christophe way. In a text, the words were nothing but a promise of a fair and open life for a new resident. In actuality, they screamed of his anger and frustration that the other race involved was not at that level.
It surprised me. Christophe is a man of science at heart. He spent as much free time as possible looking over the data Bradley gathered, giving his own opinions, forming complex hypotheses. He is also a man of practicality. I have no doubt he ran through the scenario for himself and decided what would his own call would have been if the tables were turned. Surely he could see the necessity to keep the potential threat from becoming an actual threat. I had more reason to rail against the course the Qitani took than anyone else, and even I could admit their plan was the best for their people. It was odd to me that Christophe saw it differently.
Did that make him more human, or less?
His holo beeped. "They will land within an hour," he said after he glanced at it. He stood. "I must get my team ready to greet them."
I felt a lump of panic rising in my throat. "Christophe?"
He paused at the door. "It will work out fine, Jacob."
He turned and left. I took a deep breath and told myself he was right. It would work out fine. Now, if only I could get myself to actually believe the words...
I swigged down the rest of my coffee and headed out of the station to wait in Ashnahta's room. Her bed was a mess. The nurses were under strict instructions not to do any housekeeping at all. That was part of my punishment. I got the fresh bedding from the cupboard and stripped out the old. Like yesterday, there was a fine, green powder over the used sheets.
"She's shedding," the Bradley bot had told me when I brought it to his attention.
"She's not a dog," I said, getting offended.
"We all do it, Jacob. We lose old cells for new. She has just come through a biologically traumatic ordeal. I would not be surprised to see an extra level of hair loss." He got a blank look, the one any bot gets when they're processing data. "Actually, perhaps it is normal. The mesh clothing she wore would have excellent exfoliatory properties. Perhaps it is necessary for their species." He blanked again for a millisecond. "Yes. I shall examine that hypothesis further and we shall have our answer."
I rolled up the dirty linens and put them in the container that would send them down the chute to the chemical baths that would clean and sanitize them. I sprayed the bed with the disinfectant I was instructed to use, even though Ashnahta hated the smell. I flapped at the bed to get as much of the odor away as possible, then put the clean sheets on. Next were the few dishes on the table. I took them out and across the hall to the little kitchen area all the doctors, scientists, nurses, and guards on this closed ward used and slid them into the racking. I pressed the button and held it while the lid dropped over the whole thing and the high pressured air hissed. The light turned green, and I pressed the next button to spray the disinfectant. When that turned green as well, I released the latch and put the clean dishes back in the cupboard.
I went back in the room with the mop the service bots usually used. Not that there was any dirt. There never was any dirt in this unit. But I mopped for germs. Once that was done, I ran the disinfecting cloths over every surface Ashnahta would touch. Since Bradley hadn't figured out what her immune system was susceptible to yet, it was safest just to protect from everything.
Everyone but me wore a mask. And I didn't only because Ashnahta had thrown an absolute fit and screamed at them in Qitani when they tried to make me. Bradley was furious, because I could have picked up anything on Earth. Christophe pointed out that it was far too late for that to matter. If I carried any germs, I would have already exposed the entire ward.
The bots even wore masks. I thought that was inane, since they can't get sick. "Any germs will die in them in seconds!" Christophe tried to explain that as a dopple, Bradley was still half convinced he was a human and not doing as the other humans did was unheard of. I had sighed and rolled my eyes. It's so stupid. And such a little thing that I guess it doesn't matter. But my god, I have never met such a temperamental bot! It made me hate bots all the more.
I checked the clock. They would land soon. I sat down, then couldn't stand the feeling, so I stood back up. I paced. I checked the clock again.
Ashnahta was rolled in. They insisted on using a chair for her, even though they were also trying to encourage her to walk more. She was glaring at me without a single thought coming through. She was mad at me for asking her to be quiet. I sighed and lifted her up and out of the chair, then placed her gently into her bed. She had already forbade the nurses from doing that themselves.
"See? That didn't hurt a bit." I pulled the fresh blanket up over her legs and she wrinkled her nose and sniffed. I glanced up, but she was still simply glaring at me. "And I think that's all for today, isn't it nurse?"
"Aside from afternoon conditioning, yes." The nurse gave a nod, then turned and left.
I sat next to her in my usual chair. "So how was it?" Narrower eyes was my only answer. "Well, I've had them myself dozens of times and I know for a fact it wasn't that bad. Glare at me if you want. All of this is to help you."
"I do not need help."
"So you can speak!" I grinned at her in spite of the flood of venom I felt when she opened up and let me have it full force. "I thought we'd have a silent afternoon."
"Is that not exactly what you want? You should be happy for all of your days if I did not speak another word."
I sighed. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. But you've got to admit, you've done a lot of complaining."
She made an offended look, but inside I felt the insecurity. I touched her hand. She snatched it away quickly, but in less than a second put it back. The Qitani have very little physical contact. It's a new experience for her and I find it highly amusing that with one touch, I can get her flustered.
"You would complain."
She was seeking reassurance. I laughed. "Oh yes, yes I would. And did. They haven't really done anything to you they didn't do to me, you know. And I bitched and moaned just as much."
I grinned. "Yep."
She scoffed and tugged her hand, just a little. "I am hungry."
Good. Very, very good. She was starting to respond how I hoped. Through trial and error, we were testing the available foods. I chose the ones I liked first, as they tended to be close to the Qitani diet. Lots of green vegetables, or what passed for green vegetables on Utopia after they had been highly processed in order to last for years. Those were okay by her. She enjoyed the protein mash. I remembered that her people did eat meat when they were desperate or broke or sick or old. If she liked it, she needed it. We were starting to formulate for her an acceptable diet. It would take weeks to be sure, but so far we thought we were doing fairly well.
"I'll get you something to try. Today I've got for you...fruit." I went out to the kitchen and opened the little cooler. There was the fruit I had ordered earlier. It had been dehydrated then rehydrated, of course, but it didn't look too bad. I brought it back in and handed her the plate. "Today we're trying pears, peaches, pineapples, and grapes. I think. They look like grapes."
She took the plate and looked the food over. She always did that. Looked at it like she was half certain that it would jump up and bite her instead of the other way around. I sat down and waited in anticipation. There is not much sugar in the plants of Laak'sa. Vegetation like you wouldn't believe. So many vegetables I couldn't possibly remember their names. But hardly any fruit. She took a small square of pear and put it in her mouth. She was trained her whole life to not show emotions. She was trained to almost not have any but anger, in fact. She couldn't hide her reaction from me, not inside. She liked it. A lot. She quickly ate another, then another. She then tried a peach and in an instant, it was spat across the room.
I couldn't help but laugh. "No peaches. I'll remember that."
Another handy thing about inspeaking; you can talk and eat at the same time. "I'm not sure." It was time to tell her. "Um, we're going to have some visitors today." She looked up quickly at me. She knew what that meant, who that meant. I could tell she'd been prying. I sighed. "Seriously? I can't have anything to just myself?"
She pushed her food aside and refused to feel the least bit sorry for prying. "I do not want to meet your strangers."
"You already know Ralph. He's not a stranger.
"I am too tired."
I gave a snort. In truth, she was bouncing back far faster than I had. "They're landing about now."
The quick panic again. "You are presentable. And I'm afraid we have no choice."
My feelings mimicked hers so exactly. Anything I could say would be pointless. She knew I felt just as she did. I was not going to get her to budge. That was clear. "Fine." Coward. Her eyes burned but she said nothing. "But I have to. At least Ralph. I've got to take my lumps like Christophe says."
I shrugged. "I have to take what's coming to me."
Fear again. "Will you be killed then?" Her voice was clear and controlled. It struck me then how much she's like Christophe. No wonder she believed he was the primary here. Actually, from her point of view, he really was.
"No. I won't be killed. It's not legal here, not for me running away at least."
"My mothers would..." her voice trailed off and she looked away. She also slammed her internal door closed. "It is a weak tribe you are in." She said the standard line she had always used when she could not understand one of our ways or customs.
I shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. Guilt is a burden you carry forever. Death is simply final and no more feeling. What's worse, really?"
We sat in silence. I waited to be called to Ralph. She closed me off and pointedly ignored me. After a few minutes she began picking at the fruit again. The pears were the only winner. Everything else got spat out, except the possible grapes, which she wouldn't even try. Pears. I added them to the list in my head. When she was done, I cleaned up what she had spit out and took the plate across the hall to clean. She was sleeping when I got back. I pulled the blanket up over her and in spite of her initial revulsion at the feel of the material, she nestled deeper and looked peaceful.
The only time I had peace. I smiled. I really didn't mind that. Not at all. It was far better than the months of lonely silence. I turned the lights lower and left the room. I got another cup of coffee and then sat and waited.
When they finally arrived, the first thing I noticed was that Ralph looked older. It was silly, since it had only been a few days. But he did. He truly did. He hadn't shaved. Or brushed his hair. Or done anything to take care of himself, by the looks of things. He looked older from fear.
I stood up and wanted to say how sorry I was. I couldn't. I just couldn't get the words out. He looked older, yes. He was tired, yes. He'd been through a lot and it was my fault, absolutely. But I was sad and angry, too. I had been through a lot, too. He let me down just as much. He seemed to know it, too. He stood in the entryway to the stations and just looked at me as unable to get his own words out either.
Christophe cleared his throat. "Well. I'll leave you two alone." He handed Ralph a pass key. "A new key. It will only work on this ward. You'll still need your old one for the rest of Utopia. Your things will be brought to the suite you were in before we left for Earth. And I imagine that Bradley will want a work up done to give to Dr. Dresche when he returns."
"Yeah. I'll check in with him later. This shouldn't take long." He was twisting the StarTech cap in his hands.
"Excellent. I hope to dine with you this evening. We have a few items to discuss." Christophe gave me a pointed look, then turned and left the ward. The door down the hall swished closed behind him.
"That coffee I smell?" As far as breaking the ice goes, it wasn't that bad of a line. I walked to the pot and got him a cup. I put in three sugars and the powdered milk he liked and brought it to him. He sat at the table and raised an eyebrow when I poured another for myself. "Since when do you drink coffee?"
It annoyed me. "Since I'm too busy to keep my eyes open."
"I wasn't saying..." he started, then swore. "God I'm tired."
I sat down and stared at my coffee.
He took a long sip of his own and then stared just as intently at it. We were right back to having too much to say to get any of it out.
"I'm sorry," I said when I couldn't take the silence.
"No you're not."
Blunt and honest. "I'm sorry for how I did it," I said with equal honesty. "I didn't want to worry anyone."
"You could have told me," he said.
I snorted. "Yeah? Really? Because you didn't even bother to tell me she was here. I had to find out from a stupid message that you wouldn't have told me about either!"
"Jake."
"No!" I couldn't help the anger. I tried to check it, I really did. I wasn't a saint in any of this. But I also had to get it out. "Why didn't you tell me, Ralph? Why?" He said nothing. "Do you even know what these months have been like for me? Everything, every single thing I knew was gone. Taken away. I was kicked out of my home."
"It wasn't like that. No one kicked you out..."
"And how would I know that?" I blew up. "Put yourself in my shoes for a minute. All I knew was that out of the blue my folks were throwing me, literally throwing me, out of fricken galaxy. Not just making me grow up and get my own house. They sent me to another galaxy." I felt all the angry tears build up. I was beyond caring how much of a child that made me sound like. "Can you imagine how that feels? It was awful. Horrible." I swiped at the tears. "It was the worst thing I ever felt until I found out why. And then the worst thing I ever felt was that you...you didn't even bother telling me any of it. You just let me think Dad threw me away. And then...if that's not bad enough...then I find out that she's here. You know how much I...I..."
"Love her?"
Did I? Was that what it was? "I don't know. Maybe."
He shook his head and put up a hand. "My turn, kid, so just listen. Yes, I should have told you. But you can't honestly tell me you were mature enough to handle it. Hell, as it was you were ready to get right back up there and sign your whole life away, let them put you in their jail and be their..." Once again he didn't finish the same thought he started before. "I won't continue to apologize for that. We made the right call, Jake, and I've already explained and if you plan on holding it against me my whole life, well...I guess I'll just have to learn to live with it."
I wouldn't hold it against him for his whole life. He knew that. And to be honest, it was a low move of me to once again throw it in his face.
"But as far as she goes..." His voice softened. "That's another story." He leaned back in his chair and all the fight was gone. He just looked old and tired. "Hell Jake. What was I supposed to do? We got word last week. She was barely alive. They were all certain she'd die. They thought we should keep it quiet until we knew something more and I... That's why we got the trip to Montana when we did. You were already so close to snapping and I thought...I thought it would just push you over the edge and...and..." He swore again and sat quietly rolling his cup back and forth in his hands.
I didn't know how to answer, or if I should. He should have told me. "In my shoes, you'd have wanted to know."
He gave a small laugh.
"Hell yes I would. But I'm not in your shoes, kid. I'm in your
father's shoes and I'll be damned if I can figure out how to fill
them." He looked at me and I could feel the sincerity in his gaze.
"If I was your buddy, or even still just your Uncle Ralph, then I
not only woulda told you in a hot second, I'd have the X3 gassed
and ready to go. But I'm not. I can't be. You're a lotta fun, and
you look so much like him it's hard to remember sometimes that
you're not Lance. You're Jake. And the second I swore to your
father I'd look after you, I took over his place. Would he have let
you come running to her? I wrestled with that over and over after I
heard. My buddy Lance would have. Your
I wanted to object, but found that I couldn't. He was being honest with me and I owed that much in return. No. Dad would not have let me know about Ashnahta unless it became necessary. Maybe not even if she lived. It took a lot of thinking and a hefty amount of traitorous guilt to admit, but Dad did not really like how close I was with Ashnahta. He liked that I was accepted. He liked that I interacted with the others. But the closer I got with her in particular, the more he'd try and talk me out of it. "She'll die and you'll still be a young man with nothing left." Dad had said it and he meant it. Ralph was right. As crummy as it felt, he was right. Dad would have given me every distraction he could think of to keep me away.
"And I'm sure you wouldn't go against StarTech orders," I said nastily. Hey, I said I did the deep thinking later. After. When I had time to cool down enough to feel like an ass. In the moment, I was a hurt kid who was lashing out.
"If you think orders had anything to do with it, then you don't know me very well at all. I didn't keep it to myself because of what Reggie said. Hell, there's a reason he doesn't put me in front of the cameras very much, ya know. They feed me, they pay me, sure. But when push came to shove, I helped make sure you were alive, didn't I? And abandoned my lifetime mission to keep you that way. You're mad. I get it. I don't even blame you. I'd be ripped, too." He gave a laugh at my look. "I was young once. I had parents. But don't be mad at the wrong thing, Jake. I made a parenting call you didn't like. It might even have been the wrong one. Who knows? But I'd always put you above anything StarTech says. Always." He took a deep breath and sighed. "Can we just...can we admit that we both screwed up and leave it at that?"
I sat for a few minutes absorbing what he said. "I am sorry I worried you," I said quietly.
He nodded. "I know. You're a good kid, Jacob. I know you didn't mean to take years off my life." He gave a slow smile, and the air suddenly felt lighter. Things were better. "You crazy son of a...if we ever hear from your folks again, let's leave out the part where you did that jump without gas. I can't believe you walked out of there alive."
I felt extremely proud. "It wasn't that bad." Okay, that was a total, flat out lie. But I earned it. I earned a little bragging. "Not much worse than a wormhole."
He snorted knowing I was full of it. "Now don't get a swelled head over it. Dumbest thing you've ever done. Hands down."
I grinned back. "I think you mean bravest thing."
He shook his head and stood. "Fine line, kiddo. It's a fine but important line." He stood for a second and seemed to be considering something. He stuck his hand out, and when I shook hit, he pulled me into a hug. "I suck at this parent thing, but by god am I glad you're safe." It was uncomfortable and yet exactly what I needed at the same time. He pulled away and turned quickly. "She in there?" His voice was tight.
So was mine. "Yep."
He walked across the hall and looked into the room where Ashnahta was sleeping. I stood next to him and we said nothing for a long time. "She looks so small here, doesn't she?" he finally said, breaking the silence. "You know, when we first laid eyes on them, I was scared out of my wits. We all were. Hell, maybe even back then we knew what it could mean."
The thought that they were anything but excitement never occurred to me. As a child watching their star shine between the towers of their castle that first day, the first contact, all of the adults seemed only to share in the thrilling adventure. "I had no idea you guys were scared."
He laughed and tapped me on the arm with his cap. "Then we did something right, anyway." He put the cap on his head. "I'm wiped." He nodded toward the window. "Don't you kill yourself making her better, you hear?" I nodded. "I'll be back down tomorrow. There's a little matter of punishment we didn't talk about."
"I'm already on punishment."
"By the boss. Now you've got mine coming." As a parent. There would be no more question about his role in my life, we'd somehow settled that. And accepted it. He broke out in a grin. "I've never gotten to dish out a punishment before. I'll have to think long and hard about it. I wouldn't want to shirk my duties, you understand." He had a twinkle in his eye and I suddenly felt the huge weight lift.
"Would you believe I already learned my lesson and will never do it again?" I asked hopefully.
"Nope. Not until my shoes are all shiny. And my laundry is done." He started walking down the hallway, calling out the list as it came to him. "And I've got some official reports to file that have been collecting dust. Oh, and there's..." the door closed behind him and the hall was silent. I waited a minute to be sure he wouldn't hear me, then laughed. I couldn't help it. I had a lot to think about. I had a lot to settle for myself. But we were back on familiar footing and the enormous weight on my shoulders was gone.
I wish Lynette's visit went as well. She waited a full day before she came to see me. It was late into the day, during Ashnahta's evening nap after her afternoon conditioning and I was shining Ralph's shoes. I half thought he'd been kidding about that. He wasn't.
The door opened and she walked in, looking around.
"Over here," I said.
She jumped at my voice, then got that angry, determined look and marched over. "Christophe let me know this would be a good time to come see you."
I stopped running the brush over the shoes, glad for the distraction. The brush was designed for use by a housekeeping drone and I couldn't seem to get a solid hold on it. Add the slippery paste, and it was an exercise in frustration. I couldn't believe people used to do that every single day for themselves. I placed them on the table and wiped my hands on a towel. "It's a great time." I tried a smile. No good. I cleared my throat and pointed to a chair. "Can I get you a coffee?"
She crossed her arms over her chest. "This isn't some friendly tea party, Jacob." The bitterness was unmistakable, and for some reason it annoyed me. I knew she'd be mad, but the level of anger was surprising.
"Are you going to sit?"
She snatched the back of the chair and pulled it to her rather than get any closer to me. She sat heavily, her arms still crossed. "I saw Marlon."
"How is he?" I already knew from Ralph, and Christophe. And from Marlon himself on my holo he hacked, but I'd be damned if I'd let anyone know that.
Lynette scoffed. "Like you care at all about that."
"Look, Lynette..."
She jumped back up, knocking her chair over. "How could you do that to him, Jake? How could you drag him into it all? You know how close they are to kicking his ass right out of here."
The insinuation that I somehow forced Marlon to do anything made me laugh. It was a bad move. Her eyes burned with anger. "I didn't make him do anything. You know Marlon."
"You paid him, didn't you?" I said nothing, not knowing how much Marlon would want me to say. She gave a disgusted scoff. "I knew it. I knew it! Money. You dangled a bit of money in front of someone who was so poor his whole life and..."
"That's not how it happened." I jumped up and pointed my finger in my own defense. I wanted to keep my own anger out of my voice but was finding it hard. That she could think that I used money to push him around...
"Then how did it happen, huh? Because I know the both of you pretty well and that's the only thing that makes sense." She began ticking her theory off on her fingers. "First off, he's not your friend, so any lie you're going to tell me about turning to a buddy in your time of need won't get you very far. Second, he's selfish, so selfish that he's not going to volunteer for anything that doesn't have a big, fat payoff just for Marlon. Third..."
This could have gone on all day. I grabbed her hand to get her attention and she quickly pulled it away. I sighed. "I didn't go to him with a job offer or anything like that. I asked him to help me figure things out."
"So you didn't pay him, is that what you're saying? Because that grin he's wearing makes you a flat out liar."
"I did pay him. Actually, he paid himself. Hacked into my account and just took the money."
Her eyes narrowed. "Are you calling my brother a thief?"
What? Where did that come from? "No, I'm fine with him taking it. But I..." Things were not going as I expected. "Look, can we just sit down?" I bent down and picked up her chair, putting it next to the table again. I took my own seat and waited. After a second she sat down, on the edge, straight as a board and still glaring at me. "I did not at all ever call Marlon a thief. He helped me, I...thanked him for it. A gift to a...a...friend, I guess."
She gave a little scoff. "I'm supposed to be your friend, not Marlon."
Ah, the crux. Her eyes weren't angry any longer, they were hurt.
"Why didn't you come to me, Jake?"
Because you spent the last couple months in some party haze and were already doing a good enough job of screwing up your place with StarTech and I wasn't going to make it worse. That's what I wanted to say. Fortunately, I didn't. "Look at Marlon. Look where he is. You think I wanted you in there?"
"They wouldn't have arrested me." She was so sure, but I wasn't and quirked an eyebrow. "Probably wouldn't have. You still should have told me," she said quickly.
"Would you have let me do it?"
"Yes," she lied. I knew it was a lie. I could see it in her eyes. Now, after the fact, she'd go back in time in her mind and play out a scenario where she'd be the hero to me, not Marlon. I knew, though. It was like an icy cold slap in the face. She would have gone to Ralph, or Christophe, or, most likely, Reginald.
I didn't blame her. She worked for StarTech. More than that; they raised her. They rescued her from her horrible home and miserable life and raised her as their own. She would always give her loyalty to them above anyone else, perhaps even Marlon. I admired that on one level. And it put a pit in my stomach whenever I thought about it on another. She would never really be my friend, or anything more. I was a job. I was the mission. I didn't know if she even understood that herself. The hurt in her eyes told me she didn't then. I wonder if she ever figured it out?
Life had gotten complicated. I missed my little tin can in outer space.
"You could have at least told me you were going."
No, Lynnie. I couldn't. "There wasn't time," I said, going along with the version of the truth she wanted.
"Alistair was very worried. We all were."
"I'm sorry I worried you."
"And no gas? Honestly, Jake, when I heard that I was convinced you had a death wish."
I grinned at her. "It'll take a lot more than that to kill me."
"Big words for a runaway."
I kept smiling anyway, a cover from the disappointment I felt. "I wasn't a runaway. I simply took my own ship on an unscheduled cruise." She didn't laugh. She didn't even crack a smile. I sighed, picked up the brush, and resumed my clumsy attempt at shining Ralph's shoes.
"You're not sorry at all, are you?" she asked after a few tense minutes of her glaring.
"I already said I was sorry for worrying you." It wasn't what she was talking about and I knew that full well.
"And are you sorry Marlon's locked up?"
"Yes." But not in the way she wanted me to be sorry. I was sorry he got caught. I was not sorry for what he did, or for asking for his help in the first place.
"You'd do it again." She said it simply, coldly, as if the words carried an awful taste. I'd never heard such condemnation in four little words before.
And you know what? Damned right I would. I'd do it again and again and again if I had to. Maybe that made me a bad person, but that's the truth of it. I didn't answer. I didn't need to.
"For her."
The way she said "her" made my fist tighten on the brush and my face flush with heated anger. "For any friend of mine."
Lynette let out a bitter sounding laugh. "Oh yeah, I'm so sure. You honestly think you'd do the same for me? Please. If that was true you wouldn't have abandoned me on Earth!"
My hand hurt it was clutched so tightly around the scrub brush.
"You don't care about us. To you we're just stupid petty pathetic little humans. None of us matters a bit compared with that...that..."
I glared at her and dared her to say it. Come on, Lynnie. Get it out so that I can rip into you and...
"Girl," she finished. I'm ashamed to say I was sorry she didn't come out with something awful.
"So you're mad that I knew a friend was in trouble and I came to help, is that it? You want me to apologize for that? Nope. Never going to happen."
"No!" she almost shouted. "I want you to look around you and see that you have friends here, friends that are...real and human and..." She was flustered and searching for the right words.
"Hungover."
Oh, don't worry. I was sorry I said it as soon as it was out. I have had plenty of time to remember that conversation, remember the look of hurt on her face...no, more than hurt. Devastation. Utter devastation. If I could take back a single moment in my life, it would be that one. Her eyes went wide and she let out a little "oh" of shock.
It took a few seconds for Lynette to compose herself. When she spoke, her voice contained all the warmth of an asteroid. "I screwed up. I admit it. I was around my idols and they made it all look so..." She shook her head. "No excuses. Maybe I'm just like my mother in spite of everything."
I felt like I'd been kicked between the legs. "Lynette..."
"But maybe I was a friend who needed something, too, Jake." She pushed back and stood up. "And it never even occurred to you to help me, did it?"
I wanted to say so much. I was sorry. I didn't mean to hurt her. I was a dumb kid who lashed out stupidly and I wished I could take it all back. She wasn't like her mother, not at all. And if she had just told me she needed help, I would have...
But I didn't say anything. I don't know why. I was stupid? I was still angry? I was just a selfish bastard who couldn't take two seconds to consider other peoples' feelings? Probably all of the above. I should have said as much and begged her forgiveness. I just...didn't. I watched her walk down the hall and sat there still staring at the door long after it closed.
I felt Ashnahta. She was awake and I knew if I looked across the hall she'd be sitting in her bed looking at me. I picked up the brush and kept my head down.
She reached out to me
tentatively.
I couldn't do it. I
couldn't let her in right then.
I felt first the confusion, then the annoyance. I ignored both and turned my attention to the calming mindlessness of shining shoes.
Chapter18
Reginald was back a solid week before he would see me. In fact, I saw Dr. Karl first. He arrived four days after the others and immediately came to my prison.
That's what it was. It took awhile, but Christophe's punishment eventually felt just like that. I was going stir crazy looking at the same hall, the same couple of rooms, the same little kitchette and bathroom that were highly inadequate. I had Ashnahta, which, as anyone who's been around Qitani royalty for any length of time can tell you has it's own challenges. Every once in awhile, usually late at night, my holo would beep a renegade message from Marlon. Those cheered me more than anything. They were always stupid, some kind of code maybe or just a silly break from his tedium.
Silly things. Never serious. Never about how was doing or anything. But maybe that's what they really said. Maybe they were just intended to needle his captors. He was risking all just to give them a big "screw you". That's what made me laugh, what made me feel better. I don't know why.
And Dr. Karl's hair was real, for the record. I couldn't stop myself from investigating it during my very long-winded chewing out and even longer exam. I didn't complain. I was taking my lumps as Ralph told me to. He first raged with science. The list of possible deaths I could have caused myself with my foolishness seemed endless. Then he raged with common sense. Death aside, the injuries alone should have smartened me up. And then he hit me with the guilt. What would Mother think, all that. What I put them all through. His old heart when he heard. He did spend a long time seeing that I was healthy and well adjusted, after all.
I took it. Then I let him poke and prod and sample and push to his heart's content. It was the most thorough exam I ever had and I shuffled down the hall back to my room feeling naked and empty and exposed.
Christophe was sitting and talking with Ashnahta when I returned. I had convinced her to at least attempt to speak English, but had succeeded only as far as speaking with Christophe went. She firmly believed he was the primary. As such, it was not really beneath her to communicate with him. In fact, I even managed to get her to understand it was her duty, one leader to another. It was a start, anyway.
Our words from her mouth sounded as odd as her words coming out of ours. There's a difference in structure and pronunciation, of course. It's what you'd expect from anyone speaking a language that was not native to them. But with her, there was also a difference in cadence. So much of Qitani language is not actually spoken out loud. It's why direct translation is difficult, why Mother ended up creating phrases for translation instead of grammatical concepts. I had gotten so used to it that I didn't notice until I heard her struggle with Christophe. She could understand what he was meaning. She could read him. He, however, often had to ask me what she meant even though her words were clear enough.
When I walked in, spent from my exam, she was trying to explain the Qitani love of war. It was a concept Christophe simply could not understand. From a human point of view, when lives are so short, it's silly to fight and make them shorter. To the Qitani, that's the best reason for war. Lives are short, there's no room for uprisings, usurpers, or lawbreakers. It was a subject he'd been hung up on since he learned they are a war loving people.
"If you had peace, you could enjoy your lives so much more. You could spend your time devoted to the arts, or to spirituality."
"Goddess war is peace." Those were the words she said. What was meant, and what Christophe could have gotten from it if he could inspeak, was something more along the of: In our culture, goddesses realize that in order to have the time to learn and grow as you are suggesting, the rebels must not be allowed to distract the whole of society. They must be killed to stop their own uprisings, but also to let others know there would be consequences if they tried as well.
I have to give Christophe credit. He did pretty well to follow, even in those early days of his interactions with her when she was still half fighting the use of English and not trying very hard. As I've said before, there seemed to be a level of Christophe that could naturally inspeak. At the very least, he was extremely good at reading people, reading body language or a look or some other subtlety that tells the real meaning behind some words.
He sighed and gave a nod of concession. "How was the examination?"
I sat down tenderly on the couch. Since Ashnahta was progressing with the conditioning, Christophe decided to make the room more comfortable and less like a hospital. He replaced her hospital bed with a real bed, took out the cart of medical supplies, and added a table and chairs to eat meals at and a little living room area in the corner for relaxing. "Thorough," I said miserably.
Christophe laughed. "You brought it on yourself."
"Do not laugh at discomfort." Ashnahta jumped to my defense and raged in her native tongue. She didn't have to, of course. But she did not understand Christophe's sense of humor.
She accepted it. More and more she was allowing me to guide her in dealings with humans. At some point, she made the assessment that I actually knew what I was talking about. Privately I laughed my ass off at that. I, who didn't fit in in either culture, was the liaison to both. It was a great cosmic joke that I was sure no one involved would understand but me and it is still endlessly amusing.
Christophe might not have understood her words, but he did understand that she had felt the need to jump to my defense. He bowed and offered an apology, even though I told him it was unnecessary. Ashnahta sniffed haughtily, her nose in the air with all the regal presence she could muster.
I sighed and pulled her back down. "There. Now everything's fine." I couldn't keep the tired annoyance from my voice. I turned to Christophe. "Did you want to see me?"
He quirked an eyebrow. "Feeling testy, Mr. Cosworth?"
"You'd be testy too if a bot got a firsthand look in your..."
He gave a little chuckle. "Do not blame the doctor for following protocol. I would prefer he be a tad overly cautious than miss latent problems." Christophe shifted in his seat. Time for business. "Now. In three days' time a guard unit will arrive to take you to Reginald for your official debriefing."
I had worried about Ralph's reaction, but only a little since I was angry. I hadn't known what to expect with Lynette, and in turn got nothing but confusion. And I had instinctively known that Christophe would side with me. Reginald, he was another matter. He was StarTech. He was the one that made so many of the calls that pissed me off. I should have been glad for the show down. Maybe I would have been if he called me up to his suite of offices as soon as he returned. Or the next day. Or even the next. Those days in between cooled the anger and increased the fear. I always sensed there was another side to Reginald, that there was more than everyone's buddy and the pal of the press and governments alike. There had to be. No one could run an operation as big and as powerful as StarTech and always be the good guy.
Who would I face?
"Yes, he's angry," Christophe said, reading my expression. "With every single right."
"Did...did the council veto..."
Christophe held up a hand. "I have no results, and frankly, I wouldn't share them with you if I did. That's not my place. It's not my entire lifes' work you put in jeopardy."
I slumped back on the couch and felt the throb in my temple. At least Reginald wouldn't see me that night. I could go to bed early.
I gave a small laugh. "No."
Christophe made an impatient little tsk noise. "I had believed we discussed the rudeness of..."
I waved a hand. "She wants to know if I'll be executed. I've already told her no, but she does not understand our system of punishments.
"The jeopardies are bad," she said slowly and carefully in English. "On Laak'sa, forgiveness for such is..." She searched my mind, tapped my knowledge, for the right word. "Heresy."
Christophe chuckled. "No, he will not be executed. Others may have his head for his heresy," he said, using the word she'd be able to relate. He still hadn't grasped that he could use whatever words he chose and she'd be able to feel the meaning. However, I knew it pleased her that he made such attempts. "There are some who would kill him for what he's done. But not Reginald. Not StarTech."
"Who are these others?" she asked.
I sat up a little. "Yeah, who?"
Christophe placed his cup on the table. "Names would be unimportant to either of you, but I'll lay out the scenarios. There are many ways to do business, but it can be boiled down into two categories. Lawful and unlawful."
"But unlawful could just mean lying or conning. You're talking murder."
Christophe gave a cool shrug. "If you break one law, the next is easy to justify. Tell me, what is the difference between stealing someone's life savings and killing them, really?"
I scoffed. "A big difference!"
"He's not my primary," I snapped at her.
It was just like her to get to the root of it. I felt my face get hot. He had inadvertently hit way too close to home.
"Reginald would be the primary," he assured her. "And that is why we have punishments in the first place, Jacob. Those who are not punished make the next step and the next until they run their entire lives above, around, and through the law. And that does mean killing."
"Why don't people stop them?"
"If we, if StarTech suddenly decided to say to rot with it all," he flung his hand dramatically and made a haughty face. "We don't need anyone! Say we did not decide to get the approval of the governments and the blessing of the IOC. We took all our resources, pulled them, pooled them, and sent ten thousand human pairs out to the corners of the universe. Who would stop us?" I opened my mouth, but he held up his hand. "No, think about it. Really. How did you get here? You bought your way up."
My face got hotter. "Now that's not how it happened."
"In this nutshell of reality, yes, boy, it is."
He has a point.
"You paid people, they broke the law. Not just silly contracts or employment agreements or regulations. The law. The absolute law. You are just a boy. A Cosworth, yes. Your pockets run deep. But ours, they run deeper. You were able to bribe a kid and a conductor. I guarantee that if we had to, we could bribe the majority of the IOC, the international police bureau, innumerable prosecutors, and a hefty chunk of the presidential representatives. Not only would we get away with it, we'd get approval on paper, too. And still have enough to fund whatever we'd like to do.
"StarTech was on the verge of doing just that. The previous leadership of the company was not opposed to crossing whatever lines they deemed...cumbersome." Reginald's father. That was the 'previous leadership'. "By the time Reginald was able to gather enough support to take control, there were offenses committed daily without apparent care. As soon as he took the reins, he cleaned house, as we say. He not only got rid of the top leadership, but any and every employee who had done anything illegal. When that was done, he turned in the names and evidence against those he fired to the governments."
"Even his father?"
"Not 'even', Jake. Especially."
"What happened?"
"He served the rest of his natural life in prison and was denied the right to use doppel technology. He was gone in body and mind."
I whistled. I had no idea Reginald had that kind of anger in him.
The history impressed
Ashnahta.
"The only reason we stay to the letter of the law," Christophe continued, "is because that is what we have decided to do. It is the moral and ethical code Reginald demands for his company, for his life. I know he seems like a man's man, a friendly guy, the life of the party. He is. But I believe his easiness even in the most dire of times is due to the fact that at the end of the day, he can say that everything he did was above board, legal, beyond reproach."
Until I stepped in and mucked it all up.
In the three long, torturous days I had to wait for my meeting with Reginald, I thought about what Christophe had told us. The history of StarTech. The history of Reginald. And by the time I stood at his door waiting to gain entrance, I had worked up a good hatred for myself.
The guards did not join me. I walked like a condemned man, for that's exactly what I was. Reginald was at his desk, sitting stock still, official. I forced my leaden legs to move me to the chair.
"Sit."
I sat.
He had his hands folded before him. They were tented. He was thinking, assessing. He sat back, keeping his hands tented but across his stomach, and assessed me. I felt my face flush and tried my best to look him in the eye.
"I'm not going to yell, Jacob."
"You're not?" I hated the childish hopeful tone of my voice.
"I'm not. I don't believe it would do any good, would it?" He didn't wait for me to answer. He sat forward quickly, and while his voice was still controlled, his fingers tapped on the desk letting me know how angry he really was. "No. It wouldn't do a bit of good because no matter how much we've tried to stress your importance in everything we've worked so hard for, you're never going to see the bigger picture, are you?"
That was an unfair statement. How dare he say that I, of all people, couldn't see the bigger picture? I lived my whole life on a tin can for this bigger picture. I didn't have a childhood like everyone else. Okay, so I didn't miss it. But still. Maybe I would have if I knew it existed when I was still a child. Didn't see the bigger picture? Was Reginald really so stupid? Seriously?
"Oh, I struck a nerve," he said with a cold smile. "Tell me, Jacob." He made a come on motion with his hands. "Lay it on me once again how rough all this is. How horrible Earth is. How evil I am for making you help us out a little. Come on. Let me have it. I can take it. Tell me how horrible the good life is. How you hate money. How you only ever deign to use it when it's for your own selfish purposes. Come on. Tell me. Get it out."
He succeeded in goading me past my silence. "Don't mix up issues, Reginald. If you're mad that I hopped off Earth and came back, that's fine. You should be mad at that. But don't bring my whole life into this. Don't act like I'm some kid who doesn't understand the bigger picture. Of course I understand the bigger picture. While you were here fighting to make people like me legal, I was actually out there living it!"
"Then why,
The insinuation infuriated me. "If it was Christophe you'd do the same thing and you know it." He was too shocked to reply. "I'm sorry I put everything in jeopardy. But what was I supposed to do? Ashnahta's here. How could you possibly think I could know that and not come to help her?"
Reginald recovered from the Christophe comment and slammed a hand on the desk. "Exactly! Exactly why you were not supposed to know until..."
"Until you were done with me."
He had the decency not to lie. "And what's so wrong about that? Hm? What the hell is it you've got against scratching the back that's scratched yours for so long?" He stood and strode to his window and thumbed the tint screen. Martian evening light streamed it's red glow into the room. "Look out there. Look at that. A dead rock, they said for years and years and years. No life can ever make it. No human could ever possibly survive. And then a group of forward thinkers said damn what they say and worked their asses off to build this tribute to the human spirit.
"And then I was born and I was raised and I saw my grandfather's blood and sweat and tears in every corner and you know what it made me do? It made me long to add my own. To take what he created and go the next step, the step he couldn't possibly have lived to see. Beyond. Utopia, the great gateway to more." He whirled around and looked at me.
"We're on the brink. We're standing right on the edge of everything he wanted, everything millions upon millions of thinkers and dreamers craved for untold generations. And right when we have the living, breathing, mostly normal truth, proof of procreation viability, the final piece of the promise puzzle, you blast out and say screw it all!" He kicked a chair and made me jump. "Damn it Jake!" He broke his promise. He was full on yelling by then. After a string of curses, most of which I'd never heard before, he sagged. It looked like all the fight drained out of him and he slumped back to his chair.
That was, perhaps, the most awful I'd ever felt about something I did. I still wasn't sorry I did it. I'd do it in a heartbeat without even having to think, even knowing the fallout. But I was sorry that Reginald thought it was...personal. That somehow it was a huge intentional insult or slight or, worse, sabotage. I made Reginald crumple. I made him look defeated. And I never meant any of that, not at all.
He took a bottle of pills out of his desk and popped one of them in his mouth. After he swallowed it down with water, he wiped his mouth and sat back. He looked old. He looked tired. "Well," he said after a few uncomfortably silent minutes. "Time to decide where we go from here."
Guilt was gnawing at my stomach. "Is the program really on the line?"
"Every second of every damned day." He picked up a little trinket off his desk and rolled it back and forth in his hands. It was a little model of the new line of Condors, the ones that were being sent to concentrate on the corners of his own galaxy instead of wormholes. He rolled it back and forth, staring at me with that look he gets when he's really trying to come up with some answer. In those moments he looked just as much like a scientist as Mother. "I suppose it would serve you right to keep thinking the program is now doomed from your little stunt. I should let you dangle on the hook for weeks. One week for every gray hair you gave me. That would be fair."
I felt hopeful.
He put the little model down and leaned forward. "The IOC has voted. The last rounds of schmoozing seemed to have done it. That, and a few credits to fund the right projects Earthside pretty much secured it. And the chemical formula for synthetically producing the brilliant new Qitanium ore didn't hurt much, either."
There was a twinkling in Reginald's eyes, and a slight smile curling his lips. I forgot Reginald's yelling, his harsh words, and just got swept up in his obvious excitement. "Do you mean..."
"This morning I got the communique. They have granted StarTech permission to embark on a long term study of off world procreation."
I felt a rush of disappointment. "Just a study?"
But Reginald laughed.
"Just?
He put his hands behind his back and walked around while he explained. "It's the steps we talked about months ago, Jake. Baby steps. Only this time, we took a huge, giant leap. They have proof of one. Now, they have approved five hundred births. Five hundred kids like you!" He was behind me and paused to thump my shoulder. "Five hundred! Five hundred families. Can you imagine? The cost will be enormous. And there are so many hoops for all participants that it took up five files on my holo. Five. Completely full with every imaginable, and some unimaginable, rule and regulation governing every little thing. But it's a start."
"So...I didn't screw it all up."
Reginald plopped back in his chair and poured himself a drink from his fancy whiskey bottle. He gave a little laugh as he took a sip. "Ironically it was that very act that pushed it over the edge. Don't look smug, Jake. I wasn't kidding. It easily could have gone the other way and screwed us all." He pointed his finger at me. "I'm legitimately angry about that. I plan on being that way for a long time." He swigged the drink and put the empty cup down. "And what the hell I'm going to do with you now, I'm sure I don't know." He linked his hands behind his head and sat back, rocking gently in his big poofy chair.
"But it worked out," I said in my own defense.
"By sheer dumb luck." Fair point. "I can understand why you did it. You shouldn't have," he reiterated quickly. "The company aside, we are people, Jake, ones who have been given the daunting task of taking over for your parents. They put you in our hands. I've never been a parent myself, and if the hell I went through waiting to know if you would live through that little stunt may have just convinced me I never want the job. But I guess the IOC saw that as proof that you're a normal kid after all."
A quick stab of panic shot through me. "They know why I...about..."
He shook his head firmly. "No. They know that you got overwhelmed by the new life, the people, the parties, the press and the pressures and..." he waved a hand. "I'm very, very convincing."
I didn't know if that was actually better or not. "So they think I just ran away."
"Yep." He grinned, not feeling the least bit bad about making me seem like some scared little kid who couldn't hack it. "And you best thank me for that. Better a coward than a kid in mourning."
I frowned. "Mourning for what?"
"The death of the woman you love."
He had the wrong impression. It was the second time he'd said something like that. I should have taken the time to set him straight on my relationship with Ashnahta. "Which is exactly why I came back. To avoid that."
"You don't understand what I'm saying, Jake. If they found out why you came back, that could have been the cause of her death."
My heart gave a hard lurch in my chest and then seemed to stop beating all together. "What do you mean?" I barely managed to ask.
"Aw hell," he said with a sigh. "I thought we got all that clear? Look, Jake. We've been trying our best to hammer it home to you. I thought you got it when you were so careful in the interviews. You danced away from the talk of other cultures brilliantly. You said enough to make them wonder, and yet just enough to tell them you were calm and relaxed about it. I thought, 'Brilliant! He's got it!' But you don't, do you? Not really." He sat forward again and gave me a look of almost sympathy. "They aren't ready for her, Jake. They aren't ready to even know she exists with untold galaxies as buffer zones, let alone right next door. And if they ever even caught a whiff of the fact that a hostile race abducted Earth's best beloved scientists..."
His words swam in my head, guilt and panic mixing. I latched on to that last point. "They weren't abducted!"
"They were in the eyes of humanity."
I shook my head. "No. That's not what happened."
Reginald shrugged. "They aren't here, are they?"
"No, but..."
"They aren't even allowed to come back."
He was deliberately misunderstanding. "Wait a minute that's not..."
He spread his hands wide. "In fact, now that one of the hostiles jumped through and closed the fah'ti for good, we don't even know how to get back to them at all. The aliens have deliberately stolen almost thirty of our own good people. Turned them into slaves. Why right this very minute, I bet they're torturing those scientists to get humanity's secrets and..."
I snapped. "That's not true!"
"Isn't it, Jake?"
"No! It's not like that at all." How could I explain? "We invaded them. We went to their galaxy, their home. We were the hostiles in that situation."
"And did we try to attack?"
"You know we didn't. But that..."
"Did we harm a single one of them?"
Once when I was throwing stones across the top of the sea with Ashnahta my rock hit a wave wrong and bounced back and hit Ashnahta's guard in the temple. It left a bruise. That's not at all what he meant. "No," I answered honestly. "But..."
"Stop with the buts, Jake, and take a look at the cold hard facts. We happened upon an unexpected race. When we wanted to exchange information and have a mutual learning from each other, the other race acted in an openly hostile manner. Our very best scientists were captured, and when one little child and a washed up Captain got out, meaningless people of no consequence as they very well knew, they sent an assassin through space and time itself to make sure we would have absolutely no way of rescuing them. Tell me how to sell that to the people Earthside in a way that wouldn't have Ashnahta's head on a platter. Go on. I'm all ears."
My stomach dropped. He was saying quite simply that it didn't matter. The truth did not matter. In cold fact, it really did sound bad. "We invaded them," I said again quietly. The truth might not matter to a world who wouldn't listen, but it sure as hell mattered to me.
"We did," he quickly agreed. "We went traipsing through the neighbor's daisy field without permission and got caught. I know that. You know that. And believe it or not, there really are a fair amount of people on Earth who would understand that important detail, too. But it doesn't matter what we know. It matters only what they will believe. The majority would panic and demand her head. And even a fair amount of ones who are happy that she exists would gleefully chop her up to study. The governments would want her dead, the scientists would want her dissected, the people would want her tortured to make up for the perceived wrongs of her people... Hell, I'd bet the only ones who'd accept her carte blanc right now would be the fashionable trend setters looking for the next latest craze." He stopped and pursed his lips. "Actually, that would be the place to start, wouldn't it? The court of public approval." He sighed. "I suppose that'll be a matter for my successor. It'll be a long time yet before the world is ready for the Ashnahtas of the universe."
I hated to admit he was right. No, really. It made me seethe with anger at the close mindedness. Long hours later when I was staring into the bleak Mars night in the south observatory, I had to admit he was right. I wanted to find fault with his argument. I wanted to find an excuse for humanity, like I was so quick to do for the Qitani. But he was right. I saw firsthand how people treated me, and I was a full blooded human.
Even though the meeting went better than I could have expected, I was still in a fine funk when I finally stopped ignoring Ashnahta's mental request for company. Reginald had given me a new pass. I was no longer confined to the small set of rooms deep below the surface. He said it really didn't matter, anyway. "We live in a bubble. It's not like you can escape again."
True. How bitterly true.
I wasn't even to the room yet and already she was questioning me. I was tempted to turn right back around. While she could still poke and prod, it was much easier to ignore if I wasn't right near her. I hesitated for a second, then sighed. I opened the door and found her in bed. "Why are you in bed? We're going to have dinner soon."
Instantly I regretted even thinking about avoiding her. I pulled up a chair. "Is something wrong?"
"Do not avoid my question," she said aloud in Qitani. "Were you disrespectful to your primary?"
"No. I took his yelling like a man. Now, is something wrong with you?"
She sighed heavily. I felt her annoyance. "You were disrespectful. You lie terribly."
"I wasn't disrespectful. I just didn't agree with everything he was saying." I felt her searching for my internal record of the conversation and closed that part off. Her annoyance grew. "Why does the doctor have you resting?"
A bot nurse entered with a pill. She instructed Ashnahta to swallow it down, saying it was preparation for the test.
"What kind of test needs a pill?"
"A mild sedative," the bot nurse assured me with the unchangingly pleasant little bot smile on her little bot face. God, those give me the creeps.
Ashnahta took the pill and
swallowed it down with some water.
Our medical field vastly surpasses that of her native people. At first she panicked at the things that were being done. However, the bot Bradley was actually very good at explaining the principles to Ashnahta in the terms of absolute reasoning she was used to. She rarely put up any kind of fight as long as she understood what the test was, what it was for, and how it could be of benefit to her. I believe the cream he offered for her dry skin went a long way to winning her over, too. He had teamed up with De. Karl to come up with a concoction, and it was working well. It greatly improved her overall mood. It was hard to be amiable when you're itchy.
The Bradley bot was quick to enter after the nurse left. "I have it on authority that you have swallowed the pill," he said in nearly flawless Qitani. Hearing it out of another mouth shocked me.
"When did you teach him that?"
"The machine learns with
great speed."
Bradley sighed. He couldn't hear her, but the insult she spoke out loud was enough. He hated to be reminded he wasn't human. "In less than fifteen minutes you will start to fall asleep. I will return and collect you then."
"What kind of test is this, doc?" I asked.
"It is not a test, so much as a trial of an implanted oxy filter. It will aid in the regulation and assist in her slow adaptation to our natural oxygen content."
I looked at her
quickly.
It was projected in her most regal of tones. What she tried to pull off was the idea that I was common. I was a male. I was beneath knowing the intimate details of someone like her. It was a sign of her fear. I didn't try and fight it. I just took her hand and sat with her until the pill she swallowed made her rigid exterior relax and watched as her eyes softened. Just before she drifted off, she allowed me to understand how scared she was. I held her hand tighter until I felt the thoughts and feeling fade. When I was sure she was out, I went to the hall and called for Bradley.
"How bad is her breathing?"
He gave a sniff, a programmed quirk from the real Bradley. "If this filter works, it will be of no consequence. There has been no measurable damage, and no reason to believe that any will become apparent in the future. But too much oxygen is just as bad for any organism as too little. It's a drug to the body. It's causing her organs to perform above optimum efficiency. In one whose life span is so short, I feel it's pertinent to take this surgical risk." He glanced at his watch. "And we are about to be off schedule, so if you would excuse me." He didn't actually wait to see if I would excuse him. In seconds, he and two bot nurses had Ashnahta on a gurney and wheeled her down the hall. As I did with every scary procedure, I took a seat outside the closed operating room and opened my mind in case some part of her called out for me.
At the very far end of the hall, the door opened and Ralph walked in. I leaned my head back against the wall and waited. In a few seconds, he sat next to me. "What's it tonight?"
"Something to help her breathe."
"Good." He had a bag in his hand and tipped it toward me. "New uniform for ya. Convict yellow."
I groaned. "I hate yellow."
"Jillian knows. I think it's exactly why she had it done up so bright." He gave a laugh. "And before you ask, yes. You have to wear it. It'll let people know you may have your rank, but you're still on restrictions. And there's one in here for Ashnahta, too."
"What's the point? She can't leave the ward. It's me and bots and Christophe. What does she even need to pretend for. Just let her walk around how she wants."
"Bitterness is ugly on you, Jake," he said quietly.
I sighed heavily. "She can't ever leave, Ralph."
"No."
I kind of wished he would have lied to me right then. Just a little. Just a white lie to a kid who really needed to hear it.
"We should have stayed."
I didn't mean on Earth, but Ralph knew that. "Eh, you brought me home. Besides, I can't help but notice that the one who had the choice in the matter didn't stay. Maybe she knows a little more than you on the subject."
I was tapping my foot on the tile and stopped. It was suddenly very important that I get Ralph's take. He was raised on Earth, but had spent just as much time with the Qitani as I had. If anyone else could help me figure out my mixed feelings, it would be him. "Why do you think she came?"
He sighed and sat back. "Hell Jake. I don't know. I take it your talk with Reggie gave room for different ideas. That's not a bad thing, and I'd be a liar if I said I hadn't thought them myself. She's Morhal's puppet, kiddo. Always has been."
"But she's her daughter."
He scoffed. "Like that means anything to them. The only reason she got any respect at all was because she was the smartest which made her easier to train. If any of her sisters had come along with a sharper mind, she would have been tossed aside."
It was shocking to hear such a cold hearted take on it. "But she was next in line."
"And to them that means nothing. It changes on a whim. Think about it, Jake. Just think."
I ran a hand through my hair trying to figure out this new point of view. "So you think they cast her aside?"
Ralph shrugged. "It's one thought. And this was the better option than death."
My pride took a hit with that idea. Me or death. Did it really just come down to that?
Ralph laughed. "Good. Knocked you down a few pegs. Now maybe you'll really listen to what I have to say." Damn him. But it worked. "I don't know why she did what she did. I can think of a dozen reasons and support each one with facts if I had to. If you want to know, you'll just have to buck up and be a man and ask, and be ready for whatever answer you get. Take it from an old man. Knowing might royally suck, but it's far better than guessing and hoping." He put the bag on the bench and stood. "I've got dinner with Jillian and Christophe, so I'm heading. Don't leave the ward without your punishment clothes." He gave me a little wink and left.
The ward was silent. I couldn't even hear any noises coming from the operating room. Ralph's words echoed around in my head, only to be replaced by Reginald's. Over and over the two conversations warred for dominance. And as I sat there and waited, the day felt heavier and heavier, and I felt older and older.
Chapter19
I stepped out of the shower and toweled off. My holo beeped again and I sighed. Yes, yes, I'm coming Christophe. We were already running late, but I had to shower. I just had to. The morning's workout was extra brutal of my own design, my mind needing the distraction of physical pain. It made for a cleansing of the mind, but no way to go to a meeting. I had to take the time for a shower, and Christophe would be grateful for it.
I dressed as quickly as possible and opened the bathroom door. Ashnahta was standing facing the tinted window, looking at her reflection. The front of her uniform was open and she stood fingering the healing mark from the respiratory implant. In order to complete the procedure, one of her gems had been removed. It was that she mourned more than the mark. Though she hadn't spoken of it in the three weeks since, I knew it bothered her deeply. I think the loss of something she considered sacred put a new focus on her situation. She lost her home. She would never get to be Primary. She would never live the life she planned to live. I knew just how that felt and did my very best to give her support, but she had a very difficult time letting me.
When she first woke from
the surgery and realized the gem was gone, her entire being
crumpled.
I stopped in the doorway and watched her. More and more she was closed off. More and more I was closed off. I don't think it was intentional so much as us being products of our environment. Now that the Bradley bot could speak Qitani, and Christophe made a point to discourage inspeaking as much as possible, we naturally used oral communication more and more. She didn't see my reflection in the window, didn't hear me open the door, didn't feel my presence. So I stood there and watched. Her face wasn't sad or angry, just...curious.
Her thought made me jump.
So she did know I was there. I tried to console her.
Ashnahta was not allowed to travel the halls of Utopia as I was. In fact, she had three places she was allowed to go: our ward, Reginald's office suite after business hours, and Reginald's private observatory that was off limits to anyone else. Basically, the only places where it could be assured that no one else would see her. She had been to Reginald's office, but had yet to visit the observatory. Whenever I brought it up, she felt apprehensive for some reason and the subject was dropped.
We got into the elevator only we were allowed to use now and went straight up to Reginald's office suite. The only guard allowed on our ward stepped out and made sure all was clear before ushering us forward. For a fraction of a second, I could feel Ashnahta's fear.
I tried to calm her.
The internal door slammed. Hard. My frustration felt like it would bubble over. That's what it had been like for weeks, a growing distance, a pain from something she wouldn't discuss. "Fine," I said out loud. "Then think of it as a favor to me." I didn't give her time to answer. I yanked open the suite door and waited for her to walk through. I could feel the stab of iciness she shot me, and felt my own anger go back at her. Silly. Ridiculous. Unnecessary and...and I was helpless to stop it.
"You are late," said Christophe from the couch. "We believed you may have chickened out."
"Chicken?" Ashnahta tried the foreign word out.
"A small, flightless bird that...oh, never mind," Reginald said with a wave. "It's an expression that means you're scared. That's all."
He always offended Ashnahta. He didn't mean to. He just did not understand certain things about her culture. I saw Christophe cringe.
"I'm sorry we're late," I said quickly to smooth over the tension. "It's my fault. I had a long work out and needed a shower."
Reginald motioned us in. "No matter. I ran late on a conference myself. Come. The others are already waiting."
Ashnahta shot me an uncertain look.
Christophe frowned at me. More and more he was picking up on our inspeaking. I'm not sure if he knew what we were saying, but he always knew when we were doing it. He said nothing, though, and I think he probably assumed I was smoothing over Reginald's slight at Ashnahta's character.
We went to the pretty dining room filled with crystal. Everyone was already in there, even Marlon. And they were all waiting. I felt their eyes. Of the group in front of us, only Ralph had met Ashnahta. Jillian gasped out loud at the sight, but quickly covered with a pretend cough. Marlon openly stared, but gave her a cocky little wink that set my teeth on edge. Dr. Karl stood and bowed and then looked and then bowed again, unsure of what to do. Lynette just stared.
Reginald clapped his hands in the doorway behind us, making us all jump. "Great! Now that we're all here..." He called for the service to begin and motioned us to sit. He did not have us together. In fact, he placed me in the friendly zone next to himself and Christophe, and to my dismay, Ashnahta was all the way at the other end of the table next to Jillian and across from Lynette. Marlon was at the head of the table. At the time I thought it was odd, but it turns out he had a leg shackled and that was the only place to do it properly. "Reggie was just making a point," Ralph said later.
When I saw the seating plan, I tried to change it. "I think maybe I should trade places with..."
"Sit down, Jake," Reginald said, friendly, but firmly. Anger flared at him. He was trying to make this difficult. He was trying to push us, to push her. I sat down hard on my chair.
"I'm sorry, dear, but I just have to tell you that I think your skin tone is simply amazing," Jillian gushed, breaking the silence.
"Thanks are given." I noticed Ashnahta was trying very hard to pronounce the words correctly. I smiled to myself. So it did matter what these people thought, in spite of what she'd been saying all week.
"It's just the most beautiful shade." Jillian shook her head, frowning. "I'm truly sorry. I had no idea of your coloring when I designed that uniform. I see it will not do, not at all. Yellow? My dear, please forgive that horrible choice."
Ralph snorted into his glass, and I bit my cheek to keep from laughing. Of all the crimes against common sense in the name of uniforms Jillian committed, it was the color yellow of Ashnahta's that she felt warranted an apology? I struggled to keep from laughing.
And then two things happened that did not make me want to laugh at all. Marlon blurted out, "My favorite color is yellow," and then Lynette kicked him under the table. I'm sure of it. And frankly, I wouldn't have minded a bit if her reasoning was the same as mine. I didn't like the way Marlon was looking at Ashnahta. Lynette? I got the distinct impression that she simply did not want anyone liking Ashnahta at all. I clenched my jaw.
"Relax, Jacob," said Christophe so quietly I'm not sure if he actually spoke the words out loud or not.
Marlon glared at Lynette. "What? It's true. You know I like yellow."
Ashnahta was assessing Marlon. I could almost feel her searching his mind. She gets a particular look on her face when she does that. Christophe noticed, and perhaps Ralph. I doubt the others picked it up. Her expression changed, just slightly, and I knew she was amused at something she found. It made my jaw tighten more.
"Blue, I think," said Jillian. "Do you normally dress in blue?"
Ashnahta turned to her and thought of her answer fully before she spoke. "How I dressed on Laak'sa is not to be considered. You have not the materials or the immodesty necessary."
Ralph gave a laugh at the answer. "You got that right! At least the immodesty part."
Jillian frowned. "I don't understand."
"Blue would be fine," I said a little more loudly than I meant. It was already going terribly. I glanced at Ralph's drink. He caught my look and shook his head with a mocking little smile.
"Blue is an acceptable coloring," confirmed Ashnahta. She was assessing Jillian then, but only gave her a cursory check. I knew what that meant. Jillian was written off as no one of importance to her. She turned then to Dr. Karl, but it was my mind she was searching for the right words. "The machine doctor told me of help from you for my itch. Thanks are given."
Dr. Karl beamed. "It was nothing at all. A little old fashioned aloe and a touch of monodisodium..." Ralph's groan cut the doctor off. He cleared his throat. "Yes, well, I won't bore you with the details. You are very welcome. I trust there are no side effects?"
Ashnahta turned to me. "No," I answered for her. "None." I explained to her what he meant. She agreed.
The food was served. I noticed that they took extra care to offer her only the foods I told them she liked. Christophe got my attention and brought up something Reginald wanted to talk about. I was wrapped up in that conversation for awhile, but then slowly began to feel an animosity prickle my senses. It was coming from the other end of the table. I glanced down. Lynette was not eating, and neither was Ashnahta. They were staring at each other.
Glaring, actually.
Marlon was babbling on and on, trying to gain Ashnahta's attentions. Jillian and Dr. Karl kept asking questions, or chatting. Lynette would answer, Ashnahta would answer. But neither would stop glaring at the other and answered in clipped tones with quick answers. I sighed.
My head began to
throb.
I was a little surprised
when she actually answered.
It dawned on me then that Ashnahta actually felt threatened. I couldn't help the stunned amusement I felt.
Her eyes narrowed
slightly.
Lynette turned towards me so suddenly I felt as if she somehow knew what we were saying. "I haven't seen you much since we got back, Jake. We'll have to catch up soon."
She said it as if she hadn't been completely free to come see me any time she chose. I didn't know how to reply. "Uh, yeah. You can stop in anytime."
"I will. I'd love to fill you in on my latest project."
"Oh? What's that?"
"Didn't you hear? I'm getting one of the new Condors."
I heard someone drop a fork.
I ignored her rude comment. "No, I hadn't heard," I said out loud.
"Lynette," came Christophe's warning tone.
But it was Reginald who pressed the subject. "Yep. Our girl here is going to lead one of the first approved family missions."
Marlon was as stunned as I was. "You're what?!"
Lynette sighed. "Calm down, Marlon. You've always known I've planned on leading a mission some day."
Marlon threw his fork down and shoved at his plate. "You're still a child."
She scoffed. "For heaven's sake. First, I reach my majority just next week."
"So? You're still too young."
"And second," she continued, ignoring his outburst. "It won't be for another year yet."
"Oh, right. Because nineteen is so mature," he said in a mocking tone. The news had cut him, hard. I felt bad for him.
"Marlon, it's a position she's earned," said Reginald. "I have every confidence that..."
"Screw your confidence!" he shouted.
"Mr. Donnely, you're here as a guest," said Christophe in a warning tone.
He gave a harsh laugh. "A guest? Please. I'm here because for your little social experiment to put the Qitani in the hot seat."
Ashnahta's eyebrows shot up.
"Yeah, didn't you figure it out? This little dinner is to entertain the bored millionaire."
I could feel Reginald's anger radiate. "Marlon, consider your words carefully."
Marlon was beyond that. He was angry, he was hurt. He was stunned and panicked at the idea of losing Lynette, and he was lashing out. I doubt he could have stopped even if he wanted to. "What's the matter, Reggie? Afraid of the truth? Come on, we're not all chumps ya know. Why else would we be here? Hm? Let's all gather around and see how she handles herself in a den filled with gawking, staring lions."
Ashnahta didn't understand the references, but she did understand the overall idea.
"Come on, don't get yourself in more trouble," I pleaded.
"What more is he going to do to me, Jake? Huh?" He gave a laugh. "He's already got me locked up. He's already made sure I'll never get a decent job outside. Now he's taken away my sister and signed her up to be a whore for science."
"Marlon!" Lynette screamed.
Reginald stood. Christophe moved and gave us the warning to do the same. "Perhaps we should take dessert in the observatory and let the family issues be hashed out in private."
Ashnahta rose quickly. She had enough of dinner with the people and I could feel she did not even want dessert.
"Screw dessert, I'm going to the bar," said Reginald before he stormed out. Christophe followed.
Ralph swore. "Come on Jilly, Karl. Let's go see if we can tie a good enough one on to forget this night." They didn't look like they wanted to "tie one on", but they also didn't want to stay, so they followed suit. I made to leave, but Lynette asked me to stay. Ashnahta ordered me not to. In the mood I was in, it was the wrong thing to do.
I let her know where I
stood.
I could feel her anger, now
at me.
No words were necessary to tell me just what it was I could do as she stormed off. Lynette's eyes flashed with a quick smugness.
"Well?" I asked, disgusted with the lot of them.
"Yeah. Well?" repeated Marlon. Solidarity.
Lynette took a breath. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, Marlon. My name was submitted and we were waiting for approval. I'm to lead Condor X-77, containing five potential parent sets and thirty support staff."
"Potential parent sets," Marlon said flatly.
"Yes."
"Have all the ships been assigned, then?" Marlon could worry about his sister remaining young and innocent forever. I didn't give a crap about that. I hadn't heard anything about the new Condor assignments and in my head, I was promised one. Reginald even shook on it months ago.
"Yes. The preliminary crews have been approved."
And I heard nothing about it. My hand clenched into a fist.
"It's been in the works for a long time, Jake. Reggie was just waiting to be able to pull the trigger."
"So who's the lucky man whore that they 'assigned' to you?" Marlon's words didn't even come close to matching the deep level of bitterness I could see in his eyes.
Lynette looked crushed. "Marlon I really, really want this. I've always wanted this."
"But at what cost? Damnit, Lynette! What about having some time out of your contract to just be you for awhile? Why are you so quick to throw away any other kind of life?"
She scoffed. "Did you see me on Earth, Marlon? Hm? Oh, that's right. You were too busy helping your little friend figure out the very best way to royally screw us over. I forgot. Well, let me fill you in on what you missed. As soon as we got back there, I turned into our mother. Tempt me with the parties and the booze and the drugs and I caved faster than..." her voice choked off in tears.
"Aw, Lynnie," said Marlon with more caring than I thought he had. "It's not your fault. It's his," he said, nodding to me.
"Thanks," I said flatly.
"All the buzz they gave around him and people shoving all the crap at you..."
Lynette wouldn't have it.
"No. It's my own fault. And I've known it forever, Marlon. I always
have. My life isn't there. It never was. My life is to go out
there, to find new places and new people and teach them everything
about us. That's my
He sighed, knowing he wouldn't win that old familiar argument. "Fine. But does that mean you have to do it by popping out space babies to whoever they hook you up with?"
She made a noise and wrinkled her nose. "Don't make it something crass. Don't turn it into something wrong. If I was on Earth I'd be starting to look for a partner, starting to set up my adult life, wouldn't I? This isn't any different."
"Don't fool yourself. It's a contract, Lynnie. It's not you flitting around, dating, sampling until you find someone that you choose. It's hopping into bed with whoever they choose."
She turned to me for support. "Jake, can you please explain to Marlon?"
She was looking for support from the wrong quarter. I was too angry with her. Maybe unreasonably, I'll admit that now. It wasn't her fault I didn't get my own Condor assignment. She was simply the one in front of me. I would have loved to get my hands on Reginald right then. I would have loved to beat the tar out of him for promising me a ship when he knew damn well I'd never get one...for designing a system that could rope immature innocents like Lynette into it...for throwing a dinner where he hoped it would come out and put everyone on the spot for his own entertainment.
I would have loved to get to Ralph right then. Yes, my closest friend Ralph who must have known, who once again said nothing. He was supposed to look out for me, to push for my interests. And where was here? Since we hit Earth, he was right under Reginald's thumb, that's where. And he stayed there.
I would have loved to get my hands on Christophe. I thought we had some connection. Right from the start, I honestly thought we did. Where was he? He gave me no warning, and he allowed them to put Ashnahta through an awful dinner.
Jillian? Don't even get me started! How could anyone be so offensive and not know it? I think the doddering old lady act might just be an excuse to say whatever she likes whenever she wants to.
Not that Ashnahta didn't deserve a good argument herself. It had been far too long since we had one and it had built for weeks.
It was that thought that made me push back my chair and stand. "Sorry, Lynette. You made the decision without asking for the opinions of your friends, you can go ahead and defend it by yourself, too."
She was shocked. "Jake! I thought you of all people would understand!"
I had to give her that. "Oh, I understand, all right. And good for you. Really. Getting your own ship at your age is a big accomplishment. You should be very glad they turn a blind eye where their pets are concerned."
It was an awful thing to say. I was angry all the way around, angry with how she treated Ashnahta, and I lashed out at her. The words hit their mark. Her eyes filled with angry tears and she turned away. Marlon gave me a little nod. I wasn't trying to team up with him. I wasn't even trying to prove his point. I was just...being an angry ass, that's what. I had to get out of there. I turned and left, slamming the door behind me.
I took a breath in the hall and heard Lynette's voice yelling behind the door, and Marlon's right back in response. I didn't want to hear any more. I had my own trouble inside to settle. She said she was going to the observatory. I pushed off the wall and stormed down the hallway.
I swiped my card and stormed in. She was standing at the very edge of the room, right against the thick glass of the dome. The lights were out and the dome was untinted, letting us fully see the dull red of the last rays of sunlight highlighting the bleak landscape.
"It's not my world."
She was sad. I could feel the depths of her sadness. It was the first time in weeks she let me really feel it, and my heart broke for her. My anger was gone, just like that. I walked up and stood with her, looking over the terrain. She was right. It was ugly. Ugly and stark and dry and cold and lonely and...and perhaps the exact opposite of everything she had ever known.
"I am not sorry," she said out loud in Qitani. "I am not sorry I did what I did."
"I was just a little child
when you entered our system. I was barely old enough for
memories."
"One day the feeling was
panic. Just like that. All of a sudden, a ripple through the
Ehkin."
"Morhal and Ta'al planned
your destruction."
I vaguely remembered that. Some kind of antibiotic ointment that one of our crew rubbed on the sensitive skin of one of the Ehkin elders. I was young myself, but I remembered the welcome we got after that. And how thrilled they were when we discovered some native plant life that could be used for a similar purpose.
"Not even Morhal is free
from the Main Goal."
"So the plan was altered.
The protocol itself changed. Capture, imprisonment. A trade, your
lives for the information you could provide."
I didn't take offense. I had spent years hearing it.
"On face, Eunice
accepted."
"Years of space travel does that," I said in defense.
She gave a quick little
smile, then continued her explanation. "You were the one
trouble."
She stopped then and just kept staring at the Martian expanse in front of us. I could hardly breathe. I wanted her to continue, desperately. I had to hear it all. I was afraid she was going to keep quiet, when she finally started speaking again.
"And you were not
unintelligent after all, to my surprise."
It was getting difficult for her to speak. I could feel her hesitation, how careful she was trying to be. She knew it would hurt me. And that bothered her. The knowledge felt like a bombshell. She'd never tried to spare my feelings on anything before. "Just tell me," I said quietly.
"I knew there was a reason I always hated that bastard!"
"I believe Eunice
knew."
It was a heartfelt and surprising compliment, and oddly, it made me choke up.
"Eunice had her own
plans."
"Even me," I said quietly.
I gasped. On Laak'sa, it was a punishment worse than death. It meant that a person must allow themselves to be fully open, to allow a group of elders to search everything inside them, every memory, every secret, the deep, dark corners of personality that was their true self. It was a process so humiliating that most Qitani opted for death directly after. "Ashnahta..."
She had to get it out and rushed ahead, blocking my words and my sympathy.
"I was hiding nothing. They
soon figured it out."
"After several weeks, a
decision was finally made."
I made some noise of shock, and Ashnahta gave a small laugh.
"It is not
unprecedented."
An odd law on Laak'sa was that every seventh primary had to take a male match as their partner. It stemmed from a male Qitani uprising many generations before, and was the concession the royalty made to keep the peace. One of the few concessions they ever made, as far as I could see. I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that Ashnahta was that seventh, but as a kid and a human, the details hadn't mattered to me all that much.
"Ta'al was...angry."
The Qitani all-or-nothing code of obedience never failed to shock me on a deep level. Morhal executed the secondary, her match, her life partner, her lover. Just like that. The drop of a hat. I've said before that they are an unforgiving people. I cannot think of a better example of that. "Poor Ta'al," I said, genuinely sad by the news. She had always treated me...well, not kindly. The only Qitani who ever showed kindness was Ashnahta. But she tolerated me and even sheltered me from Morhal. It was sad to hear she had met such a brutally unjust fate.
"As soon as she was dead,
the tribunal assembled and I took my coronation."
"Morhal had not thought
things through."
"Tell me how you did it, I
ordered."
"There was still danger to
you."
"You were not weak," I said firmly.
The bitterness in the statements cut through me. I took her hand. She let me.
"She knew she had me. She
knew she won."
"The fah'ti was the key to
her quest for greatness."
"I took what I learned to
Eunice, and she was horrified."
"Morhal laughed. She said
she expected more from the one she birthed to be primary."
I took it as the compliment I think she meant it to be. She did not feel upset that her thinking had been changed.
"I took Morhal's title
away. I placed her in prison. I placed the elders with her."
"I did not know this, then.
I believed your primary was not smart enough to figure it was a
trap."
"He's not our primary, though."
I could feel the her guilt, her pain, and I knew what had happened. My stomach felt like an icy fist was squeezing it. I knew what had happened.
"It worked. I smuggled it
in to Eunice and she kissed my cheek and told me to run."
She believed I'd hate her for it. I almost did. God knows in that moment I wanted to. My hand went limp in hers and I slumped to the floor. "All of them?" I squeaked.
"Yes."
Mother and Dad. I closed my eyes against the pain. I didn't want to hear any more. I wanted to close my eyes and forget she said it at all. But once she started, she had to finish. I sat in numb silence and listened to every word.
"Before Morhal's supporters
could gather their thoughts, I ordered the release of the
Condor."
It felt like a final bitter twist in an awful fairy tale. I couldn't feel happy for any of them then, even though they were my family, too. If Dad had just stayed on the Condor... If Mother hadn't... If we didn't...
Ashnahta slid to the floor
next to me. "I assembled a new elder tribe. Younger than the last,
stronger. Just old enough to be respected."
It was an honor. It was a sacrifice perhaps greater than that of my parents. Much later, when it didn't hurt so badly to think about it, I realized just what they had all given back. They were doing what Mother and Dad couldn't. An honor? It was the highest they could give to my parents' memories.
"And I jumped. And I closed
the fah'ti. And I closed my eyes to die."
Her words dissolved. Words could not capture the feelings, and she no longer tried to use them. She opened up and let me feel it all, and I, in turn, did the same until tears rolled down her cheek. Seeing her tears was my breaking point. I gently pulled her to me and let her cry. For probably the first time in her life, I could feel that she was not embarrassed, not ashamed at the weakness we shared.
Hours later, I sat with my back against the glass of the dome, looking up at the stars and planets above. Ashnahta had cried herself out and slept, her head on my lap. My own tears had long since stopped and I was left with an odd mix of feelings.
The anger was gone. That was the first thing I realized. I didn't feel wound up as I had for the last few months. I knew the truth. I hadn't understood just how frustrating not knowing something could be. The unknown had slowly been driving me crazy.
I didn't like what I knew. Not a bit. It occurred to me when I noticed that I was stroking her hair unconsciously that if anyone else discovered the truth, they would censure me for not hating her. But I understood. It may have been Ashnahta's hands that delivered the bomb, but I knew my mother planned it, and had my father's wholehearted approval. As soon as I heard the truth, I knew without a doubt that's what happened. I watched the scene in Ashnahta's memory. I hurt all the more because it was a side of Mother I didn't know existed. I got the cold scientist. I never knew such a pure mother was inside, was leading the charge. It made the dull ache worse. All the angry thoughts about her...even worse, the distant ones. Why didn't I see it before? Why had it taken something so horrible?
And Dad. Dad would have gone along with it. I knew he would have. He probably counted down, probably held Mother and pretended he was the strong one right to death. He would have been proud. He would have begged the Condor crew to run, to escape, to hide...to live.
Why didn't they come home? Why didn't they jump and share? I'd have given anything to see them, to hug them, to mourn with them. My heart ached. I was alone.
My hand resumed stroking Ashnahta's hair. No, I was not alone, was I? What's worse than losing your parents? Having to be the one to save the world from them. God, what she had been through, the choices she had to make. No, I wasn't mad at her. How could I be? She was only a pawn, just like me. She shivered and I pulled her closer. She was so light. As tall as me, but so very light. I could pick her up and hold her without any effort at all.
And for some reason, that's exactly what I did. I picked her up and settled her on my lap, pulling her head to my shoulder. She shifted in her sleep, but didn't wake. I held her. I wasn't alone. And finally, I could sleep.
Chapter20
The bright sun stabbed my eyes. Disoriented for a minute, I shifted and tried to cover them. Something was on my arm. I blinked away the sleep and was actually shocked to see Ashnahta on my lap. It took a minute for the memory of the night to come to me. We were in the dome, in the bright morning sun. I pulled a numbed hand out from under her and reached above me to fumble with the tint switch. The dome darkened and my eyes were no longer throbbing.
"That could make you blind," said Lynette's voice.
It made me jump. She was sitting in the bar of observation seats in the middle of the room, wearing a thick pair of sunglasses. I wondered how long she was had been there and felt my face get hot. I shifted to try and sit, trying not to wake Ashnahta. I shouldn't have worried. It would take an army to wake her when she is deep in sleep. I carefully rolled her into a better position that allowed me to scoot up against the wall. "It's not nice to spy on people when they are sleeping."
She sniffed and stood, then took the seat nearest us. "You did not check into your ward last night. Christophe was in a funk trying to find you. I remembered she said she was coming here." She didn't sound angry. She just sounded tired. I guessed it had been a long night with Marlon. I didn't know what I was supposed to say. I sure as hell wasn't going to try and make any excuses to her of all people.
"I was going to tell you about the ship when we got back," she blurted out. "That was always the plan. Get approval first, then go from there. It's not like...it's not like I was trying to keep a secret or anything."
"But you did."
She sighed heavily. "No. I followed the plan. I followed my orders. Hell, if we didn't get that approval it wouldn't have happened at all."
"But you knew about it. You knew, they knew. I was the only one that didn't."
"Would it have changed anything?"
I still don't know. "Yeah, maybe. Maybe it would. You aren't supposed to keep secrets like that."
She gave a laugh, but there was no humor in it. "Seriously? You're taking that line with me? I'm sorry, but who was it you went to for help? Hm?"
Here we went again. "I've already explained."
"Yeah, and that's the problem, isn't it? I didn't like your explanation the first time!" She ran a hand through her hair. "I'm not going to argue," she said with more calm. "If you hadn't rushed back here, if things followed the course they were supposed to follow, we'd be on our way back here right now and starting your training for the mission with me. You can't blame me because you threw it all out of whack."
Her words were slow to sink in, but as she sat and stared at me, they finally hit home. I felt completely blindsided. I'm afraid I didn't do a good job of hiding my horror.
"Gee, thanks, Jake," she said flatly. "I'm so glad to see I make your skin crawl."
"No!" I said quickly. "No, it's just...I mean..." I would have given anything to be able to pause the conversation long enough to get some advice from Ralph. "Look, Lynette. You're great. Really..."
She gave a wry smile at my discomfort and held up her hand to stop me. "It's okay. I get it. I'm a friend, and only a friend. I get it now."
I hurt her. I felt like an ass. But it was the truth and I wouldn't say anything to make her feel otherwise. "I'm sorry," I said lamely.
"No, you're not. And you shouldn't be. I told them from the start it was a bad idea." She stood quickly. "Anyway, I just wanted to find you and make sure you were okay. I'll let Christophe know he can call off the dogs." She was speaking very quickly and not looking at me. I had the feeling she was going to cry. She stopped at the door and stood for a minute. "If she hadn't come, would you have said yes?" She asked it so quietly I almost didn't hear her.
Now how could I possibly answer something like that? Hm? The answer was a flat out no. I didn't have to look very deep to know that. Yes, I had held her hand a few times. I felt closer to her than the others I'd met since arriving in Utopia. Maybe if we only stayed on Utopia, if I hadn't gone to Earth and been with her and around her there it would be different. The plain truth was that early on in that trip, it became clear that she and I were not a match.
But how could I say that and not be offensive? How could I say that while I'd never considered the possibility before, I knew without a doubt I would have rejected her in any scenario? I freely admit that I am an ass sometimes, but usually not when I can help it. I suppose in some ways my silence was worse than the answers I could have given.
"I didn't think so," she said sadly. Then she left.
"Aw hell," I said out loud. I sighed heavily and rolled Ashnahta off my lap. I stood and stretched out the stiff muscles, then bent and tried to wake her. After a few attempts, I said, "Screw it." I picked her up. I was right. She was so very light that even tired muscles easily carried the weight. It was day. The path from the observatory to our private ward would be filled with curious onlookers.
"Screw that, too," I said. I waved my pass over the lock and the door opened. Screw it all. What did it really matter anyway? So Utopia knew their goal was a success. There are far worse things that could have happened. Let them know about her. Let them know someone so brave existed, that she turned her back on her entire people to protect them. Let them know she is real.
I ignored those I passed. Because it was Reginald's suite, there were only a few of them, and most of them were bots that would not notice the difference in race anyway. But one or two seemed real, and seemed very surprised indeed. I couldn't help the smile. I got onto the elevator and hit the button for my floor, happily wondering about the tongues that would wag.
Christophe was already waiting for me in my ward. I walked right past him and tucked Ashnahta into her bed. I passed him again and went for the coffee, closing Ashnahta's door so we didn't bother her. I got a coffee and sat. I took a sip and then finally addressed Christophe. "We were in the private observatory."
"Did anyone see you on your way back."
"Probably."
He sighed and then sat. "Jacob, one of these days you will think about your actions."
"I always think about my actions."
"So you know the potential consequences, yet you plow ahead anyway? Is it any wonder you have no ship of your own?"
Point taken. I fiddled with my coffee cup. Christophe looked at me for awhile longer before he spoke.
"I believe you had a long overdue discussion with Ashnahta." It occurred to me then that he was the only other human to pronounce her name correctly. I don't know why I thought of it just then, why it mattered. Not even Mother had pronounced it properly. It stuck out then, and even now when I think about it. It's silly how sometimes the very small details mean the most.
"I did."
"Are you angry?"
With her. He didn't have to say that. That's what he meant. "No."
He sat back. "I don't understand you, Jacob."
I gave a snort of laughter. "Get in line."
"You were Reginald's selection for Lynette, you know." I felt my face get hot. "He believed it was a brilliant plan. I did not agree with him." That surprised me. "Neither did Ralph. Neither of us believed the match to be a good one. For different reasons, of course."
Curiosity got the better of me. "Different reasons?"
"Yes. Ralph believed you were too serious minded for someone like Lynette." It was a fair assessment. "And I knew you never really belonged to us to give away in the first place."
What can you say to a statement like that? I sat and watched the coffee slosh in the cup as I moved it in little circles. I don't know if it was the statement that got me, or who said it. "I'm not getting a ship, am I?" I said after a long silence.
"Not a Condor X. No. They have been assigned to people more...hm. Shall we just say more suited the mission goals and leave it at that?" People who would do exactly what StarTech wanted, and nothing more. People who wouldn't mind being breeders for science. People who would look for life elsewhere for the sole purpose of teaching it about humanity, about Earth, about the wonders of our people. I was not one of those people.
"Have you heard of the Cogen project?" I looked up. There was a twinkle in his eye.
"No."
"Cogen is a planet on one of the outer arms of the Milky Way galaxy."
Something clicked. "Is that the one Reginald was talking about?"
"Yes." He took his holo off his belt and tapped the keys, then my own beeped. "I've got a busy schedule today. And I imagine some damage control on top of it all." He raised his eyebrow at me.
"It was just one or two people that saw us," I said guiltily.
"And a friend tells two friends, and they tell two friends..." He saw my confusion. "Oh, never mind." He pointed to my holo. "School for you today, young man. I am sending a HuTA to you promptly. Upload that program and then you and Ashnahta both will study that information. I will meet with you this evening to give you a test."
It was the oddest conversation I'd had with Christophe. He left and I got up shaking my head. I took a shower and changed, then decided lazy bones needed to be up. I woke her and for a fraction of a second I could feel her humiliation at last night. I took her hand and kissed it, shocking the embarrassment right out of her.
I just smiled. "It seems that we have school today. Time to get up and have breakfast."
She did not mean that at all. I could feel it, and that made my stomach do a little flop. I gave her hand another squeeze and let it go. I didn't miss the small smile as she turned to go get washed up and dressed.
We were just finishing breakfast when the HuTA entered. He was even more life-like than the ones at the school on Earth had been. He smiled. He blinked. He gave the appearance of breathing. He was even warm when we shook hands and if I didn't have to dock my holo in the port built into his back, I could have been fooled. It creeped me out even more than the Bradley bot.
"Excellent, young master Cosworth and young mistress Ashnahta."
"Call me Jake."
"Jake! Excellent! I am sure we will be great friends!"
No. No we would not.
"Please sit while I instruct. There is much to learn on this lesson of Cogen. Shall we begin?"
Like Reginald had said, Cogen is a small earth-like planet on the outer arm of the galaxy. Though the lesson went on all day, with only a brief pause for lunch, the basics were very simple. StarTech had spent a couple decades in deep communications. The planet was lush and blue, with more water than Earth and Laak'sa. The relative humidity was slightly higher, the temperature also slightly higher, but the oxygen content and gravity were a close match. Basically, all environmental information proved the viability of human inhabitation.
The problem of the expansion of the local population was still a mystery to those who had been studying it. The dominant people, who called themselves Cognates, were centuries behind us in technology across the board, including the field of medicine. While they were to the point of understanding germs and other microscopic threats, they were not yet knowledgeable on treating and preventing infections from the various diseases that seemed to thrive.
A team of scientists, much like the ones I held so dear to my life, was dispatched. They arrived just the year before and already their information lead to many possible improvements humanity could offer the Cognates. The main problem with that, it seemed, was a moral one. Our HuTA put a lot of emphasis on the morality of interfering with another civilization, as the members of Condor One had. It was a familiar argument, and I could already argue either side. I almost told him to skip it, but Ashnahta was completely rapt.
"Is it not prudent to provide the most possible help?" The HuTA answered in her native Qitani and she was happy. "I like this teaching machine very much."
"Why thank you, mistress Ashnahta! And please, call me Jack."
She didn't listen to me. "Tell me why humans view this as a problem then, Jack."
I sighed. He launched into a very lengthy discussion with her about it. If she wasn't so excited, it would have been very boring. But she was, and it felt good to see her like that.
Christophe arrived in the evening. I was surprised to see that it was already dinner time. He had Ralph and Reginald with him, and a service bot pushing a big cart of food brought up the rear. He pulled the HuTA aside and spoke with him in the hall while the rest of us filled our plates and sat to eat.
Ralph gave me a quick nod towards Ashnahta when her back was turned, then a wink and a grin. I felt the heat of embarrassment burn up my cheeks. Ashnahta turned back around and looked at me, then to Ralph. She gave him an icy cold stare meant to put him in his place and I had to bite back a laugh. Then she came and sat right next to me, a clear message to anyone who understood the Qitani. He looked at her and he, too, was holding back a smile.
Reginald looked like he was waiting to talk. When Christophe finally came in the room, he gave a little nod and Reginald began. "This is a meeting. Eat while we talk, certainly. I find you are much easier to deal with over food." He was giving me a smile, so he meant it teasingly.
"What do you think of the interference of one race in the natural course of another?"
Christophe certainly wasted no time getting to the point of things, did he? I had my mouth full, but Ashnahta did not. She did not hesitate to jump in.
"On Laak'sa, such would be no question. It would be done. It is..." she searched my head. "Strange," she said. "The idea of caring when it should be simple to make things best."
"That's an unexpected answer," Christophe said. "I would not have thought there would be a desire to contribute to the betterment of another race in the Qitani way of life."
She had to search for his meaning quickly. "You understand little. Of course it would be done. How would the Qitani gain the knowledge of a dead tribe?"
"Ah," said Reginald grandly. "I get it. So all for the better of your own race, then. It's not really about the other people, is it?"
"It should not be."
"You're a people that have short life spans. I suppose that might be the natural way of thinking," said Christophe after mulling it over for a second. "And you, Ralph?" I was surprised he went to Ralph. Ralph was surprised, too, and hastily gulped the mouthful of food.
"I say we can't interfere. It's not our place."
"Let nature take it's course, then," said Reginald, nodding. "Granddad thought that way, too. Old school."
"That's right, and nothing wrong with it," Ralph said a little defensively. "I won't mind admitting I was opposed to certain aspects of our mission. So?"
Reginald put his hands up. "Whoa, Captain. Just a friendly philosophy discussion." I didn't buy that for a minute.
"And you, Jake? Which side are you on?"
"Both."
"What kind of answer is that?" Reginald asked. "Can't play the politician on this one, kid. It's one of those black and white kind of questions."
I'd run up against that before, too. All the scientists used that same reasoning for whichever side of the debate they were on. "Why? Why does it have to be cut and dried?"
"Because that's the way it is. Either you interfere, or you don't. One or the other."
"But the reasoning behind that is flawed," I insisted. "The reasoning assumes that altering the course of a civilization is either a fault or a responsibility. It's not. It's just part of the process."
Ralph scoffed, but Christophe hushed him. "I want to hear this."
I suddenly felt put on the spot and a little hesitant. I'd never discussed it on the Condor because there...well there, it didn't matter. We'd already committed either horrific crimes, or acts of great heroism, depending on who you asked. I never got a chance to tell all of them they were wrong. It was neither. "It's evolution. Each species learns something from another. It's not some big, bad byproduct of technology. It's not even acts of kindness. It's just boring old evolution.
"Evolution made us smart enough in the right ways to make deep space travel possible. Great! But evolution made the Qitani smart enough to figure out how to do that without the bulk and cost of mile wide ships, didn't they? Evolution made them smart enough to communicate at lightning speed without the hassle of having to actually speak and struggle to hear.
"So we went there and saw theirs, and showed them ours. How is that any different from a bird that watches a monkey use a stick to get ants and starts doing it for themselves? Should we tell the monkey he should not have eaten ants near the bird because it changed the course of the bird's life? Or give him a medal for just doing what a monkey will do?
"There is no guilt in being human. You tell me that over and over. Well, that means going out and exploring, doesn't it? That means taking humanity around. Not just some hidden part of humanity. All of it. And if that means we teach a population how to heal themselves in order to be allowed to learn the secrets they have figured out in exchange, then that is just evolution. Not good, not bad. Just evolution." I finished and looked around, waiting for someone to argue. I was ready. I'd been sitting on my view point for a lot of years in a small cabin filled with people who wouldn't listen to a kid. I was more than ready for their counter arguments.
But there were none. "Very good, Jacob," Christophe said with a nod. "An enlightening take on an old problem."
"Maybe you have a future in politics after all," Reginald said.
I looked to Ralph and almost dared him to say anything. "Hey, everyone's entitled to their opinion he said." He picked up his plate and began eating again, but he couldn't hide the smile in his eyes. He was proud of me.
"I'm very glad to hear you have given some thought to these problems that we face going forward," said Christophe. "Perhaps you paid closer attention to your education than you let on."
I had to give a smile back at him. "You can't grow up around nightly philosophical discussions between bitterly devout scientists and not see the need for compromise."
Ralph laughed out loud. "He's right. Some of them were pretty hell bent on their own ideas and wouldn't listen to anyone else." I gave him a look. "What?" he asked with mock innocence. "I have always looked at all sides of the issue." Yeah. Keep telling yourself that, Ralph.
"What did you think about Cogen?" Reginald was sitting back, his leg crossed over the other, and giving me that thinking look of his.
I shrugged. "Looks nice."
"Do you agree that the population problem is due to illness?"
"No. Maybe. I mean, I don't know. I can't agree. There's not enough information."
"We've sampled viruses..."
"Yes, that would maybe be harmful to us," I said cutting him off. "Us, not necessarily them. If there's been any full scale biomapping of the Congate population, the HuTA didn't cover that."
"What's your best guess on it, though? Surely you've formed an opinion."
"My opinion is that disease is just one possibility, but that doesn't mean there aren't others. What is their culture like? Are they really inhibited by their environmental woes, or is it some choice we haven't deduced? The HuTA said they mostly live on one continent, though the stats indicate all eleven should be inhabitable. Why do they avoid the others? Are they for outcasts? Forbidden? Or maybe they don't want to populate everywhere. Maybe they are happy with their society how and where it is. They are just hitting their beginnings with true technology. Maybe they don't even know how much of their planet there is." Ralph was looking at me funny. "What?"
"Your folks would be very proud right now, kid."
It stopped me and I felt a pang of pain. And then, Ashnahta's hand on my own. "Well. It's true," I said, trying to cover my emotions.
"Yes, it is at that, Jacob." Christophe looked to Reginald, who gave a small nod. Christophe nodded back. Something was about to happen. All of this had been a lead in. I gripped Ashnahta's hand, feeling her agreement.
"You have created quite a problem for us, Jake." It was not the time to interrupt, even to defend myself. Reginald obviously had one of his speeches prepared and I was wise enough to just sit and listen. "Just when we thought we had one problem around you solved, along comes another. And it's been mostly of your own design. Now we have the problem of what to do with you once again. I had honestly believed you would make an excellent counter for Lynette. She's very dear to us, you know." He sighed. "But I understand. If there's no spark, there's no spark."
I had to laugh. "You do know we are just kids, right?"
He shrugged. "Have you taken a look at yourself recently, Jacob? After all you've been through, can you really say that you are still a child?" I couldn't. If I was being honest, I absolutely could not. "Besides, in a deep space mission, does any of that matter? Relatively, even if you two traveled only a year by your calendar, how many years would it be to us? You'd have to be very young to embark on something like that with a reasonable expectation that by the time you're truly part of the unknown, you'd still be young enough to have children. I can't think in terms of now. I can't plan in terms of now." He glanced to Ashnahta. "And you can stop glaring at me like that, young lady. Facts are facts. You've won. Save your daggers for real enemies."
She was simultaneously outraged at his insolence and amused at his daring. I could feel it in her. She gave him a small nod of concession. He went up a notch in her book.
"Anyway, like I was saying, while I'm glad we figured it out before we locked the two of you in a tin can a billion miles away, it once again presents us with the problem of what to do with you. I can't send you back to Earth." He held a hand up when I opened my mouth. "You were miserable. I get it. I've had it beaten into my thick skull by a dozen people for months." He gave a rueful smile. "I'm thick, but I pick up eventually. I don't want you to be miserable. Honestly I don't, Jake. I can't pretend to understand you, or your life, or how you think." He laughed. "Hell, I'd be hard pressed to guess what color you even like."
"Anything but yellow," I said, glancing to the horrible Jillian suit I was still supposed to wear.
He laughed loudly at that. "You see? My very point! I have tried and tried and I cannot understand you. It's a fantastic talent you have. It always has people on edge and always guessing wrong. So, I have decided that we are done guessing. You have few options, I must admit. But the choice of action will be completely yours."
I shot a look to Ralph who nodded his consent.
"The first option is for you to stay here, on Utopia. There are any number of positions you could step into today. You'd have top clearance, of course, and access to whatever you'd like. You'd be an employee and pull a salary, but your free time would be that. Free. Well, as much freedom as life inside an eleven square mile bubble can offer. You could even go to Earth if you so chose, as long as you followed the employment contract rules and regulations."
It was a very fair offer. More than fair, actually. Probably more than I really deserved. And it wouldn't be a bad life, would it? I could come and go as I pleased. I would be doing a job that truly contributed to the advancements. I'd have a nice place to live and good food and... "What's another option?"
Reginald gave a laugh. "You were right again, Chris." He sighed. "Too bad. I believe you would make an excellent team member. The second option is probably even worse to you. You could remain on Utopia as a guest. You'd have a large suite, a staff, freedom to go to most places. You'd be allowed to book passage to Earth or Luna, of course, and you would be under no contractual obligations."
"If I act out it's only on me, eh?"
"And StarTech will not even acknowledge that you exist should you get busted," Reginald confirmed. "We can't risk ourselves on a loose cannon. If you are our guest, and you break the basic onus of common hospitality, we'll wash our hands of you and deposit you on Earth or Luna, your choice. If you plan on acting up."
I had to bite back a smile on that. They knew I would. They knew I'd shoot my mouth off or do the wrong thing at the wrong time. I bet that employment contract they talked about was filled with rules and clauses for every situation. It would be worse to be merely a guest, to have it hanging over my head that any number of things could happen and I'd unknowingly break a trust I don't understand. "Is that my only choice, then?"
"No. The third option is to break free from StarTech. To use our network and your own money to obtain a ship and crew and strike out on your own."
I studied him carefully for any signs of a joke. There were none. He was dead serious. "But the governments..."
"The rules apply to StarTech, Jake. If you are a rogue entity..." he spread his hands apart and shrugged, letting the rest hang in the air.
I was gripped with a sudden excitement.
"You have to think long and hard, kiddo," said Ralph. "You do this, there probably really is no coming back."
I turned to him. "Would you come with me?"
"No."
It wasn't a betrayal. There was no anger, no sadness in his voice. He wouldn't hold it against me if I left, and he knew I wouldn't hold it against him if he stayed. "I'd be going to Cogen, wouldn't I?"
Reginald shrugged. "That's up to you. If it was my money, I'd take the beautiful sure bet. Worst case is that you resupply and move on. Or maybe, since we're sending out a hundred or so of the new Condor X series explorers, maybe you'll just happen upon some info from them and change course. Who knows what the future would bring?"
"But I wouldn't be working for StarTech."
"Not
I sat back. It was almost overwhelming. I turned to Ralph...my friend, my uncle, my...almost my father. "I thought you wanted to go back up there. I thought you wanted to explore Cogen."
He laughed. "I though so too, kid. I really did. But goddamned if it didn't feel good to be back home. There's something about having a home world. Being on a home world." He nodded to Ashnahta. "Ask her. Feel it in her. There's a longing that you can't explain. Maybe you go to Cogen. Maybe you step foot on it and breathe the air and it speaks to you. And maybe it doesn't, so you go on. You have a home world, Jake. In a universe as wide and vast as this one is, you've got a place out there somewhere. You'll never find it sitting around here gathering dust."
I felt like crying and laughing all at once.
"I take it by your reaction that the third option is to your liking," Christophe said.
"What about everyone? What about...how would I..." I ran a shaking hand through my hair. "I don't even know where to start!"
Christophe gave a chuckle. "Then it's a good thing indeed that you happen to be surrounded by people who do."
"Are you sure, Jake?" asked Reginald. "It's a huge responsibility. You'll be responsible for lives."
Just like Mother. Just like
Dad. "I think...no...I
"You'll be stuck in a can again. You missed your family, and that makes you gloss over some things. Remember how bad it got sometimes when the jumps had everyone on edge and ready to tear each others' throats out?" Ralph was trying to make sure I really remembered what it was really like.
I had to smile. "Yes. And I remember how awful it is to clean the filters and what a chore it is to constantly reprogram the life support and how terrifying it feels when a main thruster goes on the fritz and sends us into circles. I remember it all. It's the only place I am comfortable. It's my life. It's what I know."
"And are you sure it's what you both want?" He tipped his head toward Ashnahta.
I turned to her. She was looking at me with those huge blue eyes and waiting for my answer.
"Jacob?" asked Christophe. "Is that what you want?"
I squeezed her hand quickly and had to smile. "Yes," I said firmly.
So just like that, my life changed once again. And I when Ashnahta and I entered our own ship three months later to embark on our new, grand adventure, I knew exactly how I felt about it.
It was fantastic.
About the author:
Beth Reason was lucky enough to be born into a weird household. Now that she's a mother, she does her best to teach that life to the next generation. She has lots of hobbies because she's horribly annoying to be around when she's bored, and her goal in life is to know everything.
Seriously.
Everything.
When not writing or making something or wrangling kids or her husband, she can usually be found online, trolling the internet for insight to all the wonderfully odd personalities in the world. She can be found on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/authorbeth.reason
She also welcomes emails at: authorBethReason@yahoo.com